1: time the words “put your ding-dong away” came out of my mouth yesterday.
92,284: times I’ve reminded Alex that his penis is PRIVATE.
92,284: times Ben has laughed uproariously when I said this.
67: times I wondered how on Earth I was supposed to survive living in the Sausage Factory for the next 18 years.
98,273: times that my daughter has insisted that both she and I have penises too.
82: times The Twitter has asked me if I’m really a dude.
1: person who had to tell me she was unfollowing me on The Twitter because I called Blogspot “the Supercuts of blogging platforms.”
1: blogspot blog I myself own.
2: bunnies scampering in my backyard whom I have named “Thor The Impaler” and “Professor Mittens.”
Too Ashamed To Admit: hours I’ve spent playing Angry Birds.
3: the fewest number of pieces one can break a stick of dry spagetti into.
0: boomsticks I currently own.
Too Many To Count: boomsticks I WANT to own.
2: rose plants didn’t survive the winter.
3: days I moped about the loss of my roses.
4: camera apps I have on my iPhone.
0: camera apps used in the picture
0: pictures (I’ve taken) that are better than this.