Today, Pranksters, I’m bringing you a guest post from my homie, The Girl Next Door Grows Up. It’s pretty much word-for-word what goes on in my house, so you could sub out the names “Tyler” with “The Daver” and have the same story. Because it’s full of the AWESOME, naturally.

Also, I have a giveaway going on here at We Know Awesome. AND Imma write something for Mushroom Printing today.

—————-

When Aunt Becky sent me an email asking me if I would do a guest post for her, I actually looked behind me as if the email was meant for someone else. I am deeply honored and dumbfounded that she thought to ask me since she was the very first blog I ever read and that was before I even created my own blog.

Her post was about the Wonder Pets and why Ming-Ming can’t pronounce words correctly. I laughed so hard and I was tickled to think that there was another person in this world who thought the same way I did.

Now… some of you know me, a lot of you don’t. I usually write about the “funny” in my life.

How I am continually yelling “Jack! Off!” everywhere I go with my dog, Jack.

Or, how we have a pair of scissors named George.

My parents, who are my neighbors by choice, provide a plethora of blog fodder. My 67 year old mother colors her bangs fire-engine red, or purple, or pink depending on which mood she is in. Need I say more?

My husband could not be more supportive of my writing and on the days that I write about him, he takes me through each sentence line-by-line to discuss, what he says, are inaccuracies. This, it seems, is going to be one of those days:

I Might Live to Regret This…

“I don’t care what I have to do, as long as I never have to do yard work.”
-Tyler 2005, Our Engagement

I mowed the grass and weed whipped up until I was super-pregnant with Sarah. Then when I had her, Tyler took over. And he kept on doing it.

Last summer, we completely re-landscaped our yard to include a new deck, pool, shed and we even leveled out the hill that we once had. We laid sod, planted stuff… you get the idea. Ever since the snow melted this Spring, Tyler has become slightly obsessed with the yard.

Almost every day I hear him tell me how he either has to mow soon, needs to mow now, or is thinking about mowing. He mows on Sunday and on Monday he is back to talking about when he is going to mow again because the grass grew overnight.

He texts me to tell me that he might come home early… to mow.

It’s going to rain so he must mow before. The sun is shining and making the grass grow – OH NO! He needs to MOW! However, there is no joy in his voice when telling us about his mowing plans. In fact, he dreads it. He will openly tell anyone who will listen how he does not like yard work. So I said something.

I am taking over my duties as the “official” lawnmower of this family. I have had it with all of this grass talk. Grass grows. It gets mowed. End of conversation. I actually am looking forward to it. I really like to mow. I get to be outside. I get to be alone with my thoughts.

Tyler can spend 2 hours entertaining the girls with paint, playdoh or chalk while dealing with tantrums, dinner prep, and potty accidents. I am going to go and be by myself.

Did I mention for 2 hours?

By myself?

You know what? It is going to rain tomorrow. I know I mowed yesterday, but I think I might need to mow again today. But you won’t hear me complaining about it.

——————

How do you feel about yard work?

Do you like it, or would you rather have a tooth pulled?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

65 Responses to Not Without My…Mower?

  • Kate says:

    This is why I love to do the yardwork. Because I AM ALONE. Although now it’s because my husband is deployed…And I kind of hired a guy because I have enough to worry about…but when he’s here? MINE!

  • AmyBlam says:

    Will have to check out your blog!
    Um no, I don’t do yard work. The last time I tried to mow I also decided I was not going to pick up our 100 pound dog’s giant mountains of poo. I would simply go over or around. Well, one was rather mushy and those lawnmower blades? Flung it all over my bare legs.

  • a says:

    Oh how I hate the yardwork! I like to putter – which means, I like to go and inspect the flowers, pull a couple weeds here and there, pick the ripe tomatoes, and then retreat to the perfection of the air conditioning. And then my husband takes off for work out of state, and I have to mow the fucking yard. I used to hate mowing because I had to bag the clippings (let’s do the math: 5′ woman pouring grass from 3′ grass catcher into 4′ yard waste bag – Nope. It does not add up). We have a mulching mower, so now I know it’s really just that I hate pushing large machinery around the yard for 1.5 hours (or 2, if my daughter is around). Also, I’m allergic to pretty much everything outside in spring, summer, and fall (winter is reserved for the inside allergies). Strangely, though, it is the ONLY household chore in which I gain a sense of satisfaction when it is done.

    Plus, it makes me get all sweaty and red in the face, and that is soooo not attractive.

  • Ms Dreamer says:

    I loves the mowing. I mulch it up so I don’t gotta bag it or have those lovely clipping lines (which then I have to rake, and I don’t rake. Mowing relaxes me whether I’m on the rider, using the pusher, or trimming. I’m now looking forward to tomorrow afternoon!

    Landscaping I’m pretty meh (I kill most plants unless they’re cacti), but I’ve got a good rock garden going.

  • I do most of our yardwork too, for the same reason. I also lurve to go get the oil changed in the car. You don’t need to know anything about cars. You just go and sit there and drink free coffee. By yourself. It’s bliss.

  • Motpg says:

    I do not do yard work-ever. But I think you just answered my question of why my 17 year old daughter volunteers to mow and leaves the inside chores for her sister to help me with.

  • joann Mannix says:

    Look at this! 2 of my blog girls at the same place. Time to break open the wine! My husband has a Dixie Chopper. It’s like a Rolls Royce of mowers. It goes super fast on it and he loves it. When the dude came out to give him his lesson, that’s right, lesson, the man asked me if I was going to learn too. Over my husband’s hysterical laughing, I told him no, that I was not a yard girl. He said his mamma always loved her Dixie Chopper. It was her time to be with the Lord.

    I love the Lord. But I like to spend time with him when I’m in the bubble bath or while in bed surrounded by fat pillows.

    So, no, no yard work for me.

    Good luck with your mowing time!

  • Emily says:

    I
    Love
    This Post.

    I too love yard work. I’m by myself. OUTSIDE. ITS QUIET. And not to mention the satisfaction of looking at a freshly cut yard.

    Until I broke my ankle falling down while mowing.

    And did I mention IT WAS ON MOTHERS DAY. Check it: http://bartlettfamily3.blogspot.com/2010/05/motherhood.html

    The grass grows, you mow it. We don’t have to keep talking about it. Since I now have a plate and five screws holding my bones together, I no longer mow. I’m *considering* picking it back up….or at least, replacing it with something else equally as ALONE as mowing!!!!

    Will check your blog and I love Aunt Becky!! She has inspired me to be more honest on my blog We’re not the fucking Cleavers and my blog makes it look that way!!

    • Erika says:

      WOW! Thank you SO much!

      That is absolutely horrible that you broke your ankle mowing. OH what a nightmare. I got stung by a fuck ton of bees while doing yardwork a few years ago and after that, I barely left the house, so I understand.

      I totally will check out your blog! Thank you for reading my post today :)

  • virginia says:

    Ha. I hate it. I would rather drink bleach or gouge my eyes out than mow. But I have to do it not unless I can sucker Captain Gadget to mow the lawn this weekend. I would rather shovel 3 driveways of snow that mow the lawn.

  • leanne says:

    I do most of the mowing around here. And I enjoy it for the same reasons. Sometimes I do my best thinking while mowing. Also some days it’s my main form of exercise.

  • The Sweetest says:

    If we had even a patch of grass I’d be out there mowing every day , just to, you know, dust the ends. I LOVE working outside like that and miss it terribly. Since having a little boy I cannot do anything outside related, especially if it involves dirt or tools or anything potentially hazardous because he wants to be all up in my business.

    • Erika says:

      That is something I definitely know about. Just pulling weeds over here takes forever with my 3 year old. Thankfully they grow up.

  • Stephanie says:

    just purchased a home by myself since ‘the divorce’ and have been channelling my inner 90 year old retired man with regards to my yard. I walk barefoot three to four times a week over every square inch looking for weeds & other things that shouldnt be there. I know all my retired neighbors think I am nuts, only because they are jealous that this kick ass chick has the best grass, flowerbed etc. in the neighborhood.

    • Erika says:

      No way!

      I got divorced 8 years ago and bought this house. I cross-cut my yard and had to have the most beautiful lawn. It was my mission. I was so proud!

      Keep on putting the retirees to shame. Our neighborhood consists mostly of the retired too :-)

  • CycleNinja says:

    Yard work is the reason I own a condominium. I pay others to do dirty work for me. Kinda like how Becky pays others to be her friends.

  • Mrslala says:

    Um, yeah. I do not do yard work. Period. *shiver*

  • James says:

    i agre
    e I hate yard work especially since i use to do landscaping for a living and that’s why im glad i live in apartment

    • Erika says:

      Now that is funny.

      We have a friend who is also a landscaper and he has the worst yard because he makes everyone else’s beautiful! He has no energy for his own.

  • Melissa says:

    I love “the girl” and read her blog EVERY DAY. She said she was featured over here today so I had to check it out. As to her post, I have never done yard work. I suppose that is lame, but it’s true. My husband takes care of the yard and I am fine with that. I have no intention of taking over that job. Ever.

  • I don’t like yardwork but I love mowing. We have a big Kubota tractor to mow with & it’s nice to get on it and shutout everything & mow.

  • Jack! Off! – Love that!

    We babysat a dog named Max and I spent the whole weekend calling him Maxi-Pad. I found it rather amusing.

    • Erika says:

      Thank you! You can imagine how funny it is to hear a 3 year old yell it at the dog park in front of 50 people! Yikes!

      We have a friend who named his dog Stella, now that is a great name to yell!

  • Neeroc says:

    I garden, I weed the lawn. I do not mow. My husband has this weird relationship with his mower whereby he is the only one that can get it to run. And seriously? While he’s not like the ‘lawm must be perfect’ guy (his idea of a perfect lawn is actually asphalt) he would still critique the shit out of my technique, so he can have it. You think you’ve found the quickest way to cut our ‘irregular’ lot? Have at it sucker. I get my ‘me’ time mulching and deadheading and weeding.

    • Erika says:

      OK. Soooo my husband wants an asphault yard too. He actually is 1/2 way there. He put in a putting green with fake grass and then put fake grass under our kids’ swingset. It is his favorite part of the yard!!

  • Erika says:

    OK. Soooo my husband wants an asphault yard too. He actually is 1/2 way there. He put in a putting green with fake grass and then put fake grass under our kids’ swingset. It is his favorite part of the yard!!

  • Vinomom says:

    I went through a yard obsession phase. I spent THOUSANDS on plants and flowers. This past summer I did not plant one thing. I am so over it. So now my yard looks like shit.

    Thanks for reminding me to never get a dog and name him Jack :)

  • Erika says:

    Ha!!! You are welcome!

    Stella is a good and fun name!

  • andygirl says:

    I don’t have a lawn, so mowing is out of the question. but after that episode of Mad Men, even if I had a lawn, I wouldn’t get one of those rider mower things. terrifying.

    but I do love to garden. it makes me feel like an old lady, out with my hands in the dirt. tending to my plants. I love it.

    • Erika says:

      I love Mad Men! What a great memory you have. That episode was bloddy – ha!

      I do love to garden except I do hate bees and my 100 plant perennial garden suffers because of it :-(

  • JenniferB says:

    This is how I feel about grocery shopping, or any shopping for that matter. It is easier to ask my husband to do it, and he mostly does a fine job, but to get alone time? Priceless!!!

  • Erika, mowing and weed eating and hedge trimming used to all three be a joy for me… Now only mowing is something that I can still do, and of course using the leaf blower to clean the debris off all the sidewalk and driveway areas at our home.. I have a pinched nerve in my lower back so part of my “fun” yard work was taken away from me and given back to my husband…
    I love being outside walking behind my mower in the alone time of just enjoying doing a chore that is mindless and also gets me up and moving!

    jackie ^_^

  • That’s pretty funny. My husband USED to tend to the yard. Now I think he has completely given up. He blames the fact that we haven’t had rain and claims the grass is “dormant” which in my opinion means DEAD.

  • Carol says:

    I absolutely LOVE yard work! I have a 17 year old daughter and it gives me a legitimate excuse to escape the girl drama for a few hours. Plus when you do yard work you are expected to drink beer. I’m really good at drinking beer.

  • Kelly says:

    I have mowed, and I secretly enjoyed it. I cannot mow, because if I did, it would become another one of “my” chores. As it is, I work 40+, do all the laundry, clean the whole house, chase the 4 year old, and now since my slave, um, I mean darling teenage daughter is in college, I have to do the dishes and every other fucking thing.

    If I mowed even because I liked it, I’d HAVE to do it, then it wouldn’t be fun anymore. I need to zap my husbands ass or something.

  • Mimi says:

    It’s sunny, I need to go mow. That’s actually true. =) I love mowing too. Put on my iPod and I don’t hear the boys until I’m done. Gotta love it.

    ~Mimi

  • Both of you here atvthe same time?! This IS a Feel Good Friday!

    I hate yard work. I so badly want to love it and gardening, but, alas, I don’t. I keep thinking when I’m not busy nurturing kids . . .

  • mepsipax says:

    Mowing sucks. My landlord mows my yard….it is fucking huge. I feel a little bad because she is old….hey, I said I feel bad.

  • Heather says:

    I LOVE MOWING. An entire hour by myself, zen thoughts and stupid songs repeating themself over and over and over in my brain while my hands buzz on the handle.

    It’s a work of beauty.

    And I like making stripe designs with the grass, alternating cut patterns each week.

    Did I mention it’s an hour by myself, and the kids can’t be around because it’s VERY DANGEROUS?

    Yes, it’s my favorite household chore, hands down. My husband mowed the other day without asking permission, so no sex for him this week! Kidding!

    Sort of…

  • Judie says:

    I have a garden tool whose name is Arthur. I don’t use him much anymore because my lawn is rocks. We moved to the desert.

    Vodka is my drug of choice.

  • LOL! We fight over mowing every chance we get.

    I didn’t mean to run over him that last time …

  • LOL! We fight over mowing every chance we get.

    I didn’t mean to run over him that last time …

  • rys says:

    If we could afford it I’d have a lawn service. They mow, weed whack, edge and blow all the clippings away. Without bitching about it.

  • Judie says:

    Hey! Give me something I can reply to! So far I have nothing but “noreply.” As I said, vodka is my drug of choice! Doesn’t that mean anything to you???

  • Mama Zen says:

    Yard work? I enjoy watching young, shirtless men do it . . .

  • Ami says:

    This is so sad, but I’m now contemplating the need to go plant grass in our back yard (we live in a desert so right now its rocks out there), b/c that two hours of alone time is sounding seriously attractive….

  • Yard work, in Houston, in the summertime? I’d rather turn tricks in prison. I think it’d be more pleasant. BTW- Your mom sounds great. I’ve decided that decades in the future when I finally let my hair go gray/white I’m going to change the color all the time. I mean who are we fooling anyway, You might as well have fun with it.

  • Tracie says:

    Neither one of us likes to do yardwork. You can imagine what our yard looks like.

  • Holly Bowne says:

    Okay, I despise mowing. When I was a kid, my brother and I had to mow our acre-plus yard every week. I vowed, like your hubby, that I would never mow as an adult. But I did. Sigh. Hubs took a job where he travelled for two or three weeks at a time and my kids were too short to take over the job. So it fell to me.

    I knew I wasn’t terribly out of shape but for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why I was always so physically drained by mowing our little yard. I finally discovered, after three years of this, that we don’t have a self-propelled mower. But I’ve got some impressive biceps now.

  • I hate yard work. In fact I have never mowed the yard. Ever. In my life. But the way you describe it makes me think I should start.

  • I have never ever mowed. Not in my entire life. But now I’m rethinking it. Time along is too rare around here.

  • How funny — there’s a lot of talk about mowing the yard around here but, hubs prefers to ignore the yard. I think he’s hoping the grass will get angry enough and mow itself. So far his plan isn’t working.

  • I have never, ever, ever mowed the lawn. But now I’m rethinking my no-mow policy. Anything for some extra alone time.

  • Andra says:

    I USED to love to mow the lawn (we have a freaking acre of grass). Then, I discovered we have slugs. In Idaho. Who knew? Anyway, nothing grosses me out worse that fucking slugs! If you have ever stepped on one, in bare feet, you will know why. *Shiver* Fucking slugs. Now, I sit on the patio, and refill drinks for the Man as he spins around on his riding mower, while trying to figure out how to weld a drink holder on to it. I used to love spending time in the garden, pulling a weed here and there, thinking about how awesome I am for attempting to grow my own vegis. Until, fucking slugs. I go out in the garden for only the first month. I cannot STAND slugs. *shiver*

  • Lori says:

    My husband is a landscaper. I have NEVER mowed the lawn. EVER.

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