Band Back Together is doing a wall of remembrance as well. Please visit if you can. We’re also calling for submissions from our pregnancy, baby, child  loss mama and daddies this month. Any issues logging in email bandbacktogether@gmail.com.

When I first started blogging, I found myself fitting in, not with the other mom bloggers, but with the fringe groups. The infertility bloggers, the baby loss bloggers, the special needs bloggers – those were people I could identify with much more so than the people I was supposed to fit in with. Maybe I hadn’t lost a child, maybe I hadn’t struggled in that very same way, but I had struggled in my own way.

We were the outsiders. The misfits. We had stories that no one wanted to hear about. Elephants sat at our tables, in corners and we were forever on the outside of normal, looking in. It’s the natural progression, I suppose, that I would create a space for us to gather. I’m proud of that. There are many of us outsiders. So many more than I’d thought.

When my daughter was born sick, it was no surprise that it was these people that came to my side with swords to help me slay my dragon, fluffy tissues to wipe the tears, and a barf bucket for when it all came to be too much.

I have an email folder that I’ve carefully saved every email I’ve gotten from that time that someday, I will print out to show my daughter. Most of the emails are from the people like me. Like most of you. The outsiders. The people who have been through hell but know how to make the ride a little…easier.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss day. Every year, I do a Wall of Remembrance for the people who have picked me up, dusted me off and wiped the barf off my face when I needed it most.

For that, I owe them everything.

According to the Center’s For The Disease Control’s Website, about 1 in every 100-200 births in the United States results in a stillbirth. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 4 million stillbirths occur yearly worldwide. One in every four diagnosed pregnancies ends in miscarriage. The numbers for neonatal and postnatal deaths run into the tens of thousands.

Those numbers seem large to me, but even after having to take a statistics class to get through nursing school I can’t say that I’m much of a numbers person. My son, he likes numbers, which is why he’ll be off saving the world, one string of code at a time, while Your Aunt Becky sits here, mouth breathing and occasionally wondering aloud, “Is the INTERNET working?”

Numbers aren’t my thing. People are my thing. 1 in 100-200 sounds like a hell of a lot bigger number when you attach faces to those numbers. Faces, stories and names. People. My friends. My nieces, my nephews, their parents. Tables forever missing one. Lives cut short. Unlived.

Still born. Born still.

My friends. Their children.

Today, we remember.

Shale

Matthew

Charlie

Cora

Thalon

Maddie

Peyton Elizabeth

Hannah

Sarah Kay

Paige

Ashley

Hannah

Baby Morgan

Baby Twin lost at 8 wks

Kiara Jolie

Jellybean

Baby C miscarried at 12 weeks on 1/7/07

Robin

Brian

<3 speck, Peanut, and Bean <3

Mindy’s three angels

Baby Jersey Girl Gets Real

Caleb

Gabriel

Anne & Jed’s babies

Sydney

Athena Rose Moore – 24 weeks Gestation (2nd loss, only one named)

Baby 1 – 9 weeks

Baby B – Twin to my 13yo, 12 weeks

Baby 2 – 9 weeks

Baby JP

Kathlyn

Baby Cherry

Nicholas

Ellis

Tevin, Taylor & Tristen

Elijah Michael

Brenna

Kherrington Faith

Baby H and Baby Boy H

Kalila

Baby J A and Baby J B

Anna

William

Robert Alan

Isabel Grace

Maddy

William Henry

Lilee

James and Jake

Aodin

Selena- lost pregnancy at 9 weeks

Callum

Sarah

Connor

Liam

Samuel

Jacob Lane

Caden

Masyn

Olive Lucy

Seth Milton

Abigail Hlee

JoeJoe Sherman

Baby Nick

Gabriel Anton

Ryan

Jonathan

Devin Alin

Jacob and Joshua

Baby K, Gabriel Connor, Christian Elliot and Andrew

Emmerson

Baby Kuyper

Mara S.

Nathan Michael

Eva and seven additional losses

Timothy, Taea, and Thomas

Kyle S.

John Addison

Raime, Elora & Connor

Ava and Nathaniel

Rose

Micaela, Angelica, and Frankie

Donald Angus

ETW’s seven losses

Becca’s twin siblings

Piper Isabelle

Libby’s Baby

Baby Cline

Addison Hope

Ryne Moyer

Marcus Reeves

Julian Ulysses

Becky

Caleb

Sean Isaac

Clayton and Skylar

Jessica Anne

Paul James

Ashlynn Brooks

David Lee

Babies Boone

David

Olcott-Lueke angels

Baby A and Baby B twin girls

Baby Girl B and Baby Boy A

Becca’s Twin Siblings

Jackson

Kaitlyn Grace

Brennan

Ellery

Robert Daniel

Quinn

Josie Ree Smith

Isabel

Issac

Samuel and Amelia

Draven Fredrick

Baby George – stillbirth

Eva and 7 other losses

In memory of my baby girl, Kaela Alexandria, 7 months and 4 days old when she passed.

Luke – stillbirth

Baby Ari, August 21, 2000.

Baby 1, August 2004, miscarriage. Baby 2, September 2009, and little baby girl Addison, accidental suffocation, 2008.

Ethan

Iris Rose, respiratory problems, three years old, April, 2012.

MTGracie – Her two little forget-me-nots.

Baby Roessler, miscarriage, 7 weeks gestation

Noah Issac (9/1999) and Angel Faith (6/2005)

Lidia Faith and Ronnie Jo aged 7 and 3 at time of death on 12/2/2010. They passed away in a house fire.

Our sweet baby Ava Rose, miscarried at 13 weeks on Oct 3, 2007. I will never forget. <3

Mackenzie. She’d have been 19 this year.

Patrick and Anthony, born at 22 weeks gestation. They would be 19 1/2, if they had lived.

Isabella Joy (miscarried in April 2003).

Thaddeus and Clara

Zephyrus Atiyyah

———–

I’ll add any names to this list so if you’d like me to add a name, please don’t hesitate to email me at becky.harks@gmail.com or leave a comment.

At Band Back Together, we have a Wall of Remembrance as well. Remembering, loving these lost souls is so very important to me.

At 7 pm tonight, October 15th, A Day To Remember, I will burn a candle in memorium.

Dona nobis pacem.

(give us peace) Lord, give us peace.

Comments

comments

49 thoughts on “National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day: Tables Missing One

  1. Thank you for doing this every year. Sometimes I like to pretend this day doesn’t exist– that my miscarriages never happened. But I need to remember. We all do.

    Love to you.

  2. Iris Rose. We lost her to her respiritory problems at 3 years old in April.
    Thank you for what you do. It makes a difference not just to those who have lost, but to those who live daily haunted by the knowledge of what could be coming. Some live on despite the odds, but some, for some that haunting fear will come to pass, and knowing we aren't living in fear alone makes it better, in a tiny way.

  3. Becky…would you add Ethan to this list. One of my besties had a stillborn several years ago. She doesn’t wallow. Doesn’t linger. Doesn’t question why. But it still hurts her heart and I’d like him to be remembered.

    Thanks…you rock the Internets (and the Twitter…but I don’t twat…I mean tweet. Freudian slip.)

    Sherry

  4. You are such a blessing, Becky. If it weren’t for you then I would not know about this holiday~so thank you SO much for bringing attention to this day each year. Today I am remembering my miscarriage in August, 2004, another in September, 2009 and my little girl Addison who died due to accidental suffocation while she had her last nighttime feeding with her daddy in 2008.

  5. Noah Issac (9/1999) and Angel Faith (6/2005)

    also add these two very special children:

    Lidia Faith and Ronnie Jo aged 7 and 3 at time of death on 12/2/2010. They passed away in a house fire.

  6. Isabella Joy (miscarried in April 2003).

    Thank you, Becky. Because my pregnancy happened as a result of rape, I don’t talk about it in my personal life- but almost ten years later I still mourn the loss. Thank you for giving me a safe place to say that I miss my baby.

  7. My family has a horrible track record for baby loss. My mother lost two before me (a boy and a girl) and my father had two boys with his first wife that didn’t make it. I should have 4 older siblings that I never got a chance to know. I also have 6 of my own little ones that will be waiting for me. Bailey Alexis lost Jan 23, 2007 and her 5 brothers or sisters (2 before her and 3 since). Their brother and sister will be told about them when they are old enough to understand, they will always be loved and always remembered.

  8. I’m so sorry I’m late to this, but want to thank you profusely and from the bottom of my cynical and foul-mouthed heart for always remembering, always being there, and never shying away.

    Just saying, speaking, writing my daughter’s name means so, so much. Much love to you Becky.

  9. thank you, Becky. at this time when you ave a lot of things going on in your life, you take the time to remember our children. I thank you, interweb friend. <3

  10. Nicholas and Christopher were my parents’ first twins who lived for minutes (Nicholas) and two days (Christopher) just under two years before my brother and i were born.

  11. Please remember Jamie Born August 29th 1987 At 30 weeks and passed away on August 29th 1987 due to respitory failure thank you

  12. I would like to add Aurora – just a gut feeling it was a girl – who passed at 12 weeks gestation. Her baby brother was born a year later at 37 weeks.

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