My love of encased meats is the stuff that legends, dreams and the occasional nightmare are made of. Hot dogs (and diamonds) are probably the quickest way to my heart. They’re probably part of my heart by now, if you want to be technical about LDL’s and triglycerides and stuff, which I’d rather gloss over, thankyouverymuch, because that would prevent me from thoroughly enjoying my encased tube of lips and buttholes.
In my spam folder, nestled firmly between several notifications of “I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE” and “You won 750,000 in Premiere Oil Lottery,” I got a gem of a PR pitch.
I don’t, as you can imagine, get a whole lot of PR pitches. I swear and even though I’m pretty sure the *hums* Winds of Change are blowing through the advertising world and I’d bet we’re going to see a lot of changes in the world of marketing and advertising on actual blogs (not just the ones that are saccharine sweet), we’re not there yet.
(I’d asked on The Twitter a couple weeks back if I should write about “Crappy Ex-Boyfriends” or “Making Money Blogging” and people responded, of course, to “crappy ex-boyfriend” not seeing the obvious joke I was making)(speaking of that, I need to choose a winner in the Shut Your Whore Mouth Shirt contest)(tomorrow, I’ll announce it)
So I don’t get a lot of PR pitches which is just as well. I’d rather not subject you guys to what amounts to an ad because, well, there’s plenty of blogs out there that do that already. And I chafe at the idea of doing some ad agencies job for them without getting paid their salary. A $4 coupon isn’t a salary. My readers, my blog, and my space is worth a hell of a lot more than some crappy coupon.
Okay, I may need to lay down a second before I stroke out.
But this gem of a PR pitch was superb.
It was for corn dogs.
I love corn dogs, Pranksters. I could write a thousand posts about corn dogs and still not get close to how deeply I feel about corn dogs. They are sublime. Hot dogs, on a stick, covered in, uh, corn something, then deep-fried. Often found at the Fair, along with mullets, monster truck rallies, and cotton candy, I consider corn dogs to be one of Nature’s Perfect Foods.
(let’s disregard how unnatural corn dogs are, okay? Okay.)
But this pitch, oh, it had me rolling. I was dying. DYING. Let me give you a taste. I changed a bit of it around, but not the insulting (to you) bits:
Blah, blah blah. Here’s a video we want you to put on your blog. Your readers will like it, they will choose their own adventure and pick the outcome of the video.
If they choose the correct path, there’s a coupon at the end for them!
Please share this funny video on your fabulous and amazing blog. Your mom readers, who juggle the demands of everyday life and need quick and easy snacks, will truly appreciate this video and coupon.
Now, Pranksters, I like to think that I know most of you. I read your blogs (even if I haven’t been commenting – which, blame Google, who messed it all up for me) and I keep your comments pinned up on my wall.
I’d like to say this: I don’t think ANY of you would appreciate a video about corn dogs. Or, rather, a video about corn dogs sent to me by a PR firm.
I know I wouldn’t. But, I think there are some videos about corn dogs that I would watch.
I would totally watch a movie about killer corn dogs.
Those are movies about corn dogs I’d happily watch. Just, you know, saying.
While we’re on the subject of truly superb spam, here’s the best thing I’ve gotten in years, possibly ever:
I’ll let you think on that. Because it’s spam. And I heart it so hard that I might cry.
Now, let’s talk about awesome PR pitches YOU get. Or spam. Or videos about corn dogs that should be made.
Really, the possibilities here are endless.