Life lessons are all around us.

Why, just look at this advent calendar that I bought for my 3-year old son, Alex. When I saw it, I got in front of the mirror (doesn’t everyone talk to themselves in front of the mirror?) and said, “Aunt Becky, you must teach this boy how to properly become a thug. Since the whole “Becky From The Block” thing didn’t work, maybe it’s time to let someone else take over. LIKE THIS ADVENT CALENDAR.”

Mostly, I want him to make millions of dollars so that I can have a Scrooge McDuck-like vault so that I can swim around in coins and colorful gemstones. It’s a goal of mine to have this vault in my house and clearly this whole “writing” thing isn’t going to work out for me so I have to exploit what I have.

MY KIDS.

Ben is too straight and narrow, so Alex it is.

I’m starting slowly. He’s only three, but still, it’s never too early to start him on a life of crime.

Why, just look at those fancy coins featured front and center on the advent calendar box! Who WOULDN’T want to own fancy, shiny, beautiful coins? And screw working for it! Let’s ROB BANKS! It’s an invaluable lesson.

But wait. Um.

Dude is on a BIKE. Who robs banks on a BIKE? That seems a little…dumb. Come ON, Robber. Get it TOGETHER.

Also, you’ve taught my son another valuable lesson: ALWAYS wear a disguise while robbing a bank. Those Wanted Posters are EVERYWHERE. If you look like your Wanted Poster and rob banks on bikes, you’ll get caught.

My son and I went over this in excruciating detail. Why? We can learn from the mistakes of others.

The Robber in action. Also: the Playmobil figure.

You’ve taught him well, Playmobil. Thank you. When he is a world famous bank robber, I hope that he can look back on this Advent Calendar as the pivotal moment in his life.

I will just look back at it as an excellent investment as I do the backstroke in my vault of coins.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

71 Responses to Merry Christmas! Let’s Rob Banks!

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