Mail! Bag! Fun! Time!
Dear Aunt Becky,
are smokers better tippers than non-smokers?
Waiting Tables and Making Stereotypes
Little Miss Prejudice,
You’ll learn quickly, oh sweetest of the peas, that there are all types of stereotypes for people when you’re serving. Some of them are very, very PC–as in “try and NOT wait on a table of middle aged women if you a) want to turn the table, well, ever, b) are female and c) want a tip”–and many of them are not. Since your beloved Auntie Becky writes on a pretty PC blog, she’s not about to start waving fingers.
Just believe me when I say that stereotypes often exist for a reason.
But, fair Googler, you searched here with a question. A question I can actually answer, unlike many of the horrifying search terms that bring people here to my doorstep.
And my answer to you across the board is that yes, smokers are much better tippers. They’re also kinder, more laid back, and overall the most pleasant sort of patron to wait on. I don’t know if it’s the nicotine or the fact that they have something to do with their hands to distract them from being a fucking dick, but servers will tend to vie to serve a table of smokers.
You, fair reader, will learn in time the other stereotypes.
All my best,
Deer Ant Becky,
I have a mispelled name on florida drivers license. Hellp.
da DMV sux
Dear Kind Soul Who Blames The DMV For A Misspelled Name (when he, in fact, cannot spell misspell),
Perhaps, dear sir or madam, the problem is not with the DMV, it is with you.
Perhaps you, like so many of my friends in high school, were determined to get a fake ID at any cost. So perhaps you, in a fit of alcohol deprivation and against all good judgement, went down to the city to meet with a man who could get you an ID for a couple hundred dollars.
Maybe you, like them, didn’t bother to actually LOOK at the ID before forking over loads of cash to a dude standing in an abandoned warehouse in a really shitty neighborhood. So then, if you were as brilliant as my friends, you possibly want to go out and celebrate your newfound 21-ness with a dinner and a beer or perhaps a cocktail, if it suits you better.
But then, it’s conceivable that the waitress, upon closer inspection of your California Driver’s License (even though you are from Illinois), notices something. Something that, in your haste, it’s likely you overlooked.
Because your new license, the one you payed oodles of dollars for to some skeezy guy says this on it:
California Driver’s Liscence.
Did you catch that? The misspelling of the word license? Because she sure did. And that landed you a nice visit from the police, in the middle of the restaurant.
Smoove move, Ex-Lax.
Or maybe you just don’t know how to spell your own name. Could be.
With love and a dictionary,
How do I use vinegor (sic) and bleach for house cleaning?
Cleanliness Is Godliness
Dear Never Took Chemistry Class. Ever,
I’m sitting here thinking that it’s likely that you skipped school a lot, probably to smoke up with your stoner friends and then walk around Target laughing at stuff and things. Then, in my mind’s eye, I see you eating your weight in both Funyons and Twizzlers before nodding off into a nice, deep nap.
I’m also thinking that you should probably have gone to school instead.
Because then, you dumbass, you wouldn’t have searched for cleaning with vinegar and bleach.
Okay, so that probably went over your head.
See, here, there are these things called acids. Examples include: citric acid (lemon juice), tannic acid (wine), carbonic acid (gives your delicious Mountain Dew carbonation), uric acid (in pee). And here is the kicker: VINGER is also an acid (acetic acid).
Then, brilliant internet searcher, there are these things called bases. Examples include: antacids (Tums), human blood, and baking soda. Also, and most relevant here: BLEACH.
Mixing acids and bases should only be done if you know what the byproduct is (also Add Acids to bases). And the byproduct here: TOXIC CHLORINE GAS.
Sure, it might make a better cleaner (the vinegar is said to lower the pH of the bleach), but it also might kill you dead. Which won’t make anything cleaner.
Aunt Becky, Amateur Chemist