Aunt Becky: “I know you’re trying to dress up more for work and all.”

The Daver (warily): “Yes.”

Aunt Becky: “So I did some shopping with Pashmina.”

The Daver: “Oh NO.”

Aunt Becky (continues on obliviously): “And we came up with the perfect solution. I know you were going to go to Brooks Brothers after work to buy some of those SOMBER suits, but I took the liberty of going downtown and buying you a new suit myself!!”

The Daver: “You didn’t.”

Aunt Becky: “Oh, I did.”

The Daver (puts his head in his hands): “Oh no”

Aunt Becky: “See, now here’s the bright red one, with a matching red shirt and a red jacket and red shoes!!”

The Daver: (groans)

Aunt Becky (whips out from behind her): “And look baby! I got you A MATCHING HAT!”

(puts it on his head)

Aunt Becky: “Don’t you look so nice in red!”

The Daver: “I hate you.”

Aunt Becky: “There, there. You won’t hate me when you see that I got a belt with your name on it! JUST LIKE MINE!”

(proudly points to her BECKY* belt)

The Daver: “…”

Aunt Becky: “You’re going to look FANCY.”

The Daver: “It’s bright red, Becky.”

Aunt Becky (eyes sparkling): “You’re going to look like a rainbow. Like me! Plus, the suit from Brooks Brothers is like 4 zillion dollars and this was $30. I saved you approximately, well, okay, math is hard, but it was A LOT of money. Pashmina even said so. And ENGLISH majors are VERY smart. She has like 8 degrees.”

(smiles happily)

The Daver: (looks doubtfully at the suit) “I’ll try it on.”

Aunt Becky: “PLUS. I got you socks. Some guy was selling them out of a garbage bag for $6. HOW COULD I REFUSE THAT? That is PRACTICALLY giving it away. I SAVED you money.”

The Daver: “Becky, these are pink WOMEN’S socks and they have HOLES in the toes. Plus, they smell like cheese.”

Aunt Becky: “Those are AIR holes, Dave. I am sure the MANUFACTURER intended them to be there. And you love cheese!”

The Daver: “Dude, I look kinda sweet.”

Aunt Becky: “See, I don’t steer you wrong, baby. Now let’s go get some shamrock shakes to celebrate. Just don’t, uh, stand too close to me. You’re giving me a headache.”

*Yes, I really do have a belt with my name on it. You should too.

OH! And delicious secret is revealed…



67 Responses to Light And Airy, Like My Head

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


About Twitter Band Back Together Facebook Subscribe
Helping students solve academic writing problems through guides and manuals. - college newspaper devoted to essay writing.