Aunt Becky: “I know you’re trying to dress up more for work and all.”

The Daver (warily): “Yes.”

Aunt Becky: “So I did some shopping with Pashmina.”

The Daver: “Oh NO.”

Aunt Becky (continues on obliviously): “And we came up with the perfect solution. I know you were going to go to Brooks Brothers after work to buy some of those SOMBER suits, but I took the liberty of going downtown and buying you a new suit myself!!”

The Daver: “You didn’t.”

Aunt Becky: “Oh, I did.”

The Daver (puts his head in his hands): “Oh no”

Aunt Becky: “See, now here’s the bright red one, with a matching red shirt and a red jacket and red shoes!!”

The Daver: (groans)

Aunt Becky (whips out from behind her): “And look baby! I got you A MATCHING HAT!”

(puts it on his head)

Aunt Becky: “Don’t you look so nice in red!”

The Daver: “I hate you.”

Aunt Becky: “There, there. You won’t hate me when you see that I got a belt with your name on it! JUST LIKE MINE!”

(proudly points to her BECKY* belt)

The Daver: “…”

Aunt Becky: “You’re going to look FANCY.”

The Daver: “It’s bright red, Becky.”

Aunt Becky (eyes sparkling): “You’re going to look like a rainbow. Like me! Plus, the suit from Brooks Brothers is like 4 zillion dollars and this was $30. I saved you approximately, well, okay, math is hard, but it was A LOT of money. Pashmina even said so. And ENGLISH majors are VERY smart. She has like 8 degrees.”

(smiles happily)

The Daver: (looks doubtfully at the suit) “I’ll try it on.”

Aunt Becky: “PLUS. I got you socks. Some guy was selling them out of a garbage bag for $6. HOW COULD I REFUSE THAT? That is PRACTICALLY giving it away. I SAVED you money.”

The Daver: “Becky, these are pink WOMEN’S socks and they have HOLES in the toes. Plus, they smell like cheese.”

Aunt Becky: “Those are AIR holes, Dave. I am sure the MANUFACTURER intended them to be there. And you love cheese!”

The Daver: “Dude, I look kinda sweet.”

Aunt Becky: “See, I don’t steer you wrong, baby. Now let’s go get some shamrock shakes to celebrate. Just don’t, uh, stand too close to me. You’re giving me a headache.”

*Yes, I really do have a belt with my name on it. You should too.

OH! And delicious secret is revealed…

67 thoughts on “Light And Airy, Like My Head

  1. SWEET! Where can I get my husband and son one? We have family pics coming up next weekend and a suit like that would be purrfect. Assuming it doesn’t blind our photographer.

  2. Police Officer: Why exactly did you strangle your wife sir?
    Daver: She spent real money on that! (points to scarlet fashion nightmare)
    Police Officer: I completely understand, we’ll find someone to discreetly dispose of the body.

  3. The Daver gets credit for trying it on. I too was thinking the pimp thing. Maybe we can find him a great cane to go with that suit.

    What’s this about a blog stalker? What the hell is that?

    1. If you’re going to get a cane, make sure you get a feather for that hat as well. Got to accessorize to be a pimp!

  4. Bwahahaha – That suit is fabulous. Love the boots, poor Daver wont be able to keep the women off of him.

    Oh, and your stalker picked THAT picture of all of them. One of the comments…. “Looks like Mommy HAD vodka”. I totally snorted my Dr. Pepper.

  5. You are very devious with your alter egos and whatnot. I am seeing a new side of you and I like it!
    The Daver is quite the good sport, isn’t he? He looks kinda like the devil on the runway at one of those ridiculous Paris fashion shows. Yeah. Just uber cool. πŸ˜‰

  6. Actually, I think I already own a pair of boots like that.

    The suit really sets them off, though. I love the expression on The Daver’s (totally non-Photoshopped!) face – it’s kind of a cross between “Suck it, bitches.” and “My feet smell like Doritos, thank God for these boots.”

  7. What to say? The post hysterical, which anything where you refer to Dave as The Daver would have to rock.

    The ensemble (take note of fancy shmancy word) – hey, it rocks. I am gay, and I work in fashion, and I think that is just a little too far… where can I get one?????

  8. Pingback: 24 hours of fun | Sex and the Single Dad
  9. Make him wear a red suit to the office. Just once. And be there to take pictures. That would be pure awesomeness. Tell him it would be good for morale (it would. peons like to laugh at their higher ups).

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