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Just Ask My Oven – It’s Been Doubling As A Secret Agent.


Designing a site is about as easy as teaching my washing machine to sing “Whoomp! There It Is!” Actually, now that I think about it, teaching my washing machine might be easier. Just ask my coffee maker, who’s been singing “It’s My Party” since last summer sometime.

The minute computers are turned into anything but email machines, I get flustered. Or, I should say, I start tonguing my Xanax bottle and hallucinating random animals singing an A Capella version of the ABC’s. That’s more like it.

And yet I get tasked (read: task myself) with this shit. It’s the REAL Bad News Bears.

For the past eleventy-five-niner months, I’ve been working on redesigning Band Back Together. It turns out that WordPress kinda balks at having more than 2,000 registered users, 2,000 posts and 300 pages.

(to answer your question: GO WITH WORDPRESS FOR A PERSONAL BLOG. Blogspot is the SuperCuts of the blogging world)

But we’ve been redesigning Band Back Together since I can remember. Which means I’ve been constantly bombarded questions like, “BUT WHAT ARE THE OBJECT PERMISSIONS? WHAT SHOULD WE DO?” Questions like that make me go all, “lalala, pumpkin pie is NOT delicious, lalala,” because I’m just not equipped to answer them.

The new site launched this weekend, which, I was all RAD, NO MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT PERMISSIONS, but then, I got MORE questions about permissions. And objects. And objects WITH permissions.

I spent the weekend fantasizing about photoshopping Avril Lavigne’s neck, severed, and spurting a veritable blood fountain. Don’t ask me what she did to evoke my ire, but I think it’s a song about skaters or complicated, or complicated skaters. Either way, it hurt my vagina to listen to.

But we did it.

And this week, I’m battening down the hatches and preparing for more objects and permissions and answering questions I know nothing about with “um…C?” because that’s what you do when you don’t know. You SOUND like you know the answer. It works out well. (lies)

So now, I am off to tongue my empty Xanax bottle and pray that no one asks me about permissions for at LEAST an hour. Or Avril Lavigne’s head is comin’ OFF.

Go see my purdy work on Band Back Together. Then? Tell Your Aunt Becky how YOUR weekend was.

18 Comments to

“Just Ask My Oven – It’s Been Doubling As A Secret Agent.”

  1. On December 5th, 2011 at 10:27 am thepsychobabble Says:

    Well…it looks like y’all know what’s going on. And I’m pretty sure that’s all that matters in the end.

  2. On December 5th, 2011 at 10:28 am marie Says:

    I was in your little town for some major Christmas shopping with my mother in law and sisters-in-law. We had an amazing time πŸ™‚ We wish Detroit could be even a little like Chicago!

  3. On December 5th, 2011 at 10:52 am c8h10n4o2 Says:

    Migraine, vomiting, and knitting while watching French horror films because I can’t read and everything else was too bright and flashy. Also, finding out that I might have a hereditary benign tumor causing some of my problems, which is actually kind of interesting and much better than the alternatives that my brain was going to, honestly. My brain is a frightening place.

    And I can write my own programs for work, but web design makes me twitch.

  4. On December 5th, 2011 at 11:32 am nikkiana Says:

    My nerdliness has to ask… What’s it built on now?

  5. On December 5th, 2011 at 12:33 pm Ewokmama Says:


  6. On December 5th, 2011 at 11:39 am Pete In Az Says:

    Cold and snowy here this past weekend.

    So, I rode my bike all over town.

    Can I go watch TV now?

  7. On December 5th, 2011 at 12:13 pm Cindy Says:

    My weekend was dilled with sore throat. Please cut off Avril Lavigne’s head so my throat will feel better!

  8. On December 5th, 2011 at 12:17 pm TheBeerLady Says:

    Oooooh…..purty. I’m impressed, because BBT looks absolutely amazeballs whether or not you had any idea what you were doing.

    My weekend? Hmm, does it give a hint when I say that the furnace deciding to quit (it’s 23 degrees out there) might be the least bad thing that’s happened in the last few days? Because the rest of the weekened, well…. low pain tolerance+dentist phobic+panic disorder+gotta pull molar & replace with fake tooth with no nerve to die = thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that not only is the xanax bottle full but that they make an even stronger happy pill.

    BTW, did you know that after a certain level, Halcion will make you amnesiac ever if you still appear conscious and can follow instructions? Apparently while it’s scary choice as a sleeping pill it works pretty well as a dental sedative….

  9. On December 5th, 2011 at 1:39 pm Tracie Says:

    Can I have your permission to pop a couple of Xanax? Because that could be the answer to this Monday.

    ps-you are awesome! and I’m pretty sure Avril has it coming.

  10. On December 5th, 2011 at 1:54 pm CycleNinja Says:

    I spent my weekend buying parts for a new PC that I completely don’t need, but every so often, I find myself obeying the shiny objects’ commands to purchase them.

  11. On December 5th, 2011 at 5:02 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    Band Back Together looks great! The whole “blogger is like supercuts” is totally true, but I’m poor, so I feel like it’d be inconsistent to use anything else.

  12. On December 5th, 2011 at 8:25 pm Maura Says:

    Perhaps its just me, but I’m mildly dissatisfied with this post. I saw you posted in my reading list, and with a title like “Just Ask My Oven – It’s Been Doubling As A Secret Agent.” I vaguely expected 750-1,000 words pertaining to your female parts. So I clicked the link.

    There’s no snatch in this post.

    *shrug* I guess I’m just in one of those moods.

  13. On December 5th, 2011 at 11:12 pm BU Says:

    Pumpkin pie is NOT delicious, you are RIGHT!

  14. On December 6th, 2011 at 9:26 pm Grace Says:

    That was exactly my thought when I read that.

  15. On December 5th, 2011 at 11:17 pm Kristin Says:

    The Band’s new site looks super snazzy. This weekend was fab but exhausting (a double elementary school party with about 18 kids in attendance) but today sucked balls…big hairy ones….already wrote about it so not doing it again.

  16. On December 5th, 2011 at 11:58 pm Varda (SquashedMom) Says:

    My weekend was the usual – surviving the non-stop talking assault that is my autistic 9 year old son & the equally constantly conversating (but in a different way) twin brother with ADD who hates him these days. So lots of yelling and fighting (them) and lots of pillow over head and pleas to get along (me) and lots of basketball and Wii which bore the shit out of me but are the two things they both like & get along reasonably well doing. Thanks for asking.

    P.S. The new BBT site is awesomely awesome and I promise I will write something for it again soon. Probably about being dragged under by Special Needs kids whom I love completely but would sell to gypsies some weekends. OK, loan to them, maybe.

  17. On December 6th, 2011 at 9:10 pm Grace Says:

    Bad weekend for all apparently! I spent my weekend dealing with crazy stressful family drama. But I did get some fun snuggly time with my hubby – reminded me of when we first fell in love.

    I love the new Band website look!

  18. On December 6th, 2011 at 10:05 pm Bleu @ The Bleu Pills Says:

    BBT is extremely… perfect πŸ™‚ Good job!

    My weekend = pneumonia. Don’t get it. It sucks.

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