First a bit of housekeeping: If you’ve left me a comment and it hasn’t gone through, please don’t worry, don’t fret! I have installed a handy new (and highly aggressive) new filter, to sift through the 600+ spam messages I get daily. I can search by name, so if it’s blocked you, send me an email and I’ll fix it.

For the first time since those nasty, worrisome first trimester appointments, where I waited to confirm whether or not I was having yet another miscarriage, I dragged The Daver to an OB appointment. Honestly, it was more for the camaraderie than the Support Of My Husband. Because these appointments? Fucking boring.

Yes, Internet, o Internet, it’s true: I’ve finally reached the point in my pregnancy wherein I have to go to the OB each and every week. And while I’m blissfully thrilled that I am a) almost done gestating my last crotch-parasite and b) almost done gestating my last crotch-parasite who appears to be HEALTHY, going weekly to the OB has gotten a bit dull. But that doesn’t stop me from finding and embracing the asinine.

Like this nugget ‘o’ weirdness.

I noticed today, after two entire pregnancies with this particular OB practice, that the disposable wax-covered Dixie Cup where I am to place my urine (side note: how are hugely pregnant women supposed to put their pee in said cup WITHOUT pissing on their hand? If you can do this, please don’t tell me. I might die FOR SHAME that I am THE ONLY pregnant woman on the planet who regularly pees on herself), has a label on it.

On that label is not only my full name, patient ID number, two things I’d expect to see there, but my address and phone number. I mean, in case it’s lost or something and they want to return the pee to it’s creator? Because I assure you that although I might bear a striking resemblance to Howard Hughes I do not want it back.

I related this story to The Daver, who was bored to near tears waiting for my appointment, and in that time I was able to kill about 10 minutes of waiting time, while my doctor presumably more interesting things with his other patients.

Because despite my accident-proneness these days (did I tell you that I fell the other day? Yeah, totally did. On my knee. Which I did NOT tell you, likely because I am ashamed at each and every new injury that I get. There’s only so many times you can talk about various ailments before you turn seemingly into a crotchety old woman complaining about her hemorrhoids and indigestion), I apparently qualify as a Boring Pregnant Woman. Beautiful words to hear, right?

Until you wait half an hour for a 30 second appointment wherein you ask the doctor if “it’s time to have the baby, yet?” And he laughed merrily at me, reminding me that I had several more weeks of this to go.

Which is probably a good thing, because I have fuck-nothing done for this wee one’s arrival. No clothes are washed in my fancy new washer, no car seat is installed in my car, no nothing. Eh, we can wing it, right?

Right.

And here, o Internet, is my question for you: what is your policy on blog trolls? Do you get them? Do you delete the comments rather than publish them? Does a troll have the right to have his or her voice heard if it’s nothing but inflammatory remarks that they make? Inquiring minds want to know!

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

63 Responses to It’s Uter-US, Becky, Not Uter-YOU

  • kalakly says:

    First, the pee, you are not alone. I think we can invent and patent a new pee catching cup, just for the preggos and we could make a million. I know, for certain, the type in use now, at OB’s offices all over this planet, were made by MEN. Assholes.

    Now, trolls, delete em I say. They can make their own blogs and spew over there. Freedom of speech doesn’t apply to trolls…

  • I’m not a ” hugely pregnant woman” and I have still managed to pee on my hand, so I wouldn’t feel to bad if I were you!

    Hang in there!

  • Lola says:

    Oh, the weekly appointments were killer. I’d beg to be induced every stinking week, only to have the bitch laugh in my face. Dude, I HURT myself today, and I’m not pregnant, just apparently old.

    So far, I’ve only had one troll, who started a battle. I left it all in, mainly because it was so easy to kick her ass! She left as quickly as she came.

    I think if it’s one of those trolls that leaves hundreds of comments that that would be annoying, but it’s probably best to just ignore them. They’ll eventually get tired.

  • Rachel says:

    You know, I deleted a rather hurtful comment a few weeks ago. Now, looking back, I kind of wish I’d have left it there. That way, other people could link back to her blog and let her know what a bitch she is, saving me the trouble, and strengthening the argument.

  • Sandy says:

    Being new to the blog world and having a largley unpopular blog thus far, I have yet to experience a troll. However, knowing my self esteem level, or lack there of, I would probably delete their comment – because I’m too insecure to let it sit there without me reading it over and over again several times daily.

  • Heather P. says:

    (side note: how are hugely pregnant women supposed to put their pee in said cup WITHOUT pissing on their hand? If you can do this, please don’t tell me. I might die FOR SHAME that I am THE ONLY pregnant woman on the planet who regularly pees on herself),

    I am so thrilled to know that I am not the only one who does this!!!!!
    I felt like such a dumbass that I couldn’t hit the cup.

  • Meg says:

    I say pee on the trolls instead of your hand.

    It’s your blog and you decide what stays and what goes. I never understand folks who feel lthe need to create drama in someone’s comments. If you don’t like what you’re reading then stop reading.

  • swirl girl says:

    What always really frustrated me about the weekly appts. aside from the pee in a cup part, is that they triple book time slots so that you have a bunch of preggos sitting around the office waiting room watching all the cute little pharmaceutical reps wheel lunch and snacks into the back offices. We are starving and have to pee, and your getting your free burritos and getting in to see the Drs.

    And, who is trolling you – I’ll kick their ass!

  • Sarah says:

    I would totally stalk back to a blog troll’s site and give them shit, so if you want to leave the comments, feel free. Bastards.

  • Mama Bee says:

    Hi! I have only experience horribly clown f-ing trolls once on my blog so far and I decided to not only leave the comments, but also to follow up blog about it because the situation was just so damned ridiculous! (http://momtobee.blogspot.com/2008/08/misunderstood.html)

  • Ms. Moon says:

    I must have the nicest readers in the world. No trolls so far. But hell- delete them if you want! Why not? This is YOUR house.
    And as you know, as a nurse, urine is sterile so no big deal, peeing on your hand. Wash up and continue on with life.

  • I am not, alas, hugely pregnant; however, when I was at the doctor’s office a few weeks ago with The Back That Will Never Heal, I had to pee in a cup, and the lab tech opened the pee cubby door and scared me and I spilled half my cup! Not pretty!

    I’m shocked to say that after a couple years of this, I’ve not yet had any trolls. I’m sure I’ll never understand the need to create drama where there’s no need in someone else’s blog.

  • Kristen says:

    These last weeks are just lessons in torture, hey?

    And I say delete the trolls, it is your blog, your space.

  • Collette says:

    I peed on my hand every week from about 20 weeks on. I had trouble with home pregnancy tests and that was sans belly. Don’t be ashamed, consider it a wonderful pee covered club. Please don’t shake anyone’s hand though.

    As for the trolls, I have yet to have a troll and I am not sure how I would handle it. I guess it depends how hurtful the comments are.

  • Betts says:

    I pee on my hand everytime I try to pee in a cup… pregnant or not. Women peeing are like lightening … we never strike in the same place twice… so you’re left wondering, will it be here or a little further back or maybe a little to the right.

    I have had a troll, but I say all we sexy bitches gang up on her and beat the cyber crap out of her. But I am kind of tired, so maybe just delete her shit and call it a day.

  • The Mommy says:

    I’m at the half-way point in this pregnancy and I am sooo not looking forward to peeing on my hand every week. At least this time I won’t have ALL of the kids with me!

    Trolls. Hmmm. I’ve never had any, but I have totally linked back to some on other sites and tried to figure out a way to let them know I’ve got their number. So, your call. If you delete, I can’t cyber-stalk for ya!

  • Alas, I am not pregnant and I still can’t manage to pee in a cup without pissing all over my hand. My hand-eye coordination needs some work. Just so ya know.

    Heh.

    As for trolls, well, I have always had the policy to leave the comment as is. If it’s something I can defend I will. If it’s just asshatery at it’s finest, I let my readers feed off of them.

    But this year I’ve been the target to some god awful trolls and it’s hurt my heart and the love I feel for the blogosphere. I am considering reevaluating my stand on my policy.

    But I probably will just let them stand because it’s a reminder to myself that life isn’t all sugar plums and roses. People are asses sometimes and it’s good to be reminded of this every so often.

    Keeps my head from puffing up like a helium balloon and my ego well grounded.

    That said, I will never, have never, trolled anyone and I never will.

  • heather says:

    I had a freak who bothered me for a few days. I used to have my comments set to be published only after I checked them first. I changed it while I was on vakay, and like it that way for the time being. But yeah, I would delete the shit. They get some sick satisfaction by doing it, why allow them to at your expense? It’s your blog, why let some small minded asshole upset you? Delete delete delete.

  • melanie says:

    weekly appts are rough (and expensive if you are like me and have to pay a sitter to watch the other kiddo(s) during all these appts) and I totally peed on my hand more times than not……… dumb ass tiny little cups (and I had to write my own name on my cup with a sharpie, so no fancy smancy lable on there)…….

    as for trolls, I dont have a blog, so I am really sure what defines a troll? Someone who doesnt necessarily agree with you, or someone who is deliberately mean and cruel? I dont know what I would do…..I suppose it depended on the offense.

  • giggleblue says:

    i bet they have a sheet of those labels printed up and they just pop them on everything you need to touch at the office. it is sick that it has your address on it though… but no doubt, when your piss gets lost, i’m sure they will return it to you in a timely fashion!

    at my office, we have a sharpie too. i often worry how many pissy hands have touched the sharpie before myself… i would rather have a label.

    as for the blog trolls, i let wordpress do the dirty work. no one wants to read that shit.

  • Kate says:

    I think it’s a universal “girl thing” to pee on your hands/clothes/the floor every time you try to pee on anything other than a toilet. Home pregnancy tests, check, cups in the hospital or doctor’s office, check, peeing outdoors while camping, check. If I am already SO GOOD at peeing on myself, I just cannot WAIT to be huge and pregnant and get even better. It’s probably worth it, though. :-)

  • excavator says:

    The last 4 weeks are longer than the other 36 put together.

    I hope you don’t have trolls.

    I fly pretty much under the radar and so haven’t had the pleasure of a troll (in speak-of-the-devil fashion I’m a little hesitant to say that). So I don’t have much insight. I guess there’s something to be said about letting them have enough rope to hang themselves with. Or let them douse themselves with enough fuel so they make a really big fire when your friends flame them.

  • Leave the comments from trolls so we can all mock them for fucking with our Aunt Becky.

  • heather... says:

    dude, I peed all over my hand EVERY TIME I had to pee in the cup. Even when I was only 7 weeks along. I’m not very bendy.

  • skye says:

    I always had about a 50-50 chance of peeing on my hand.

    I’ve never had a troll on my blog cuz nobody reads it, I usually only get comments in livejournal.

  • Karen says:

    We are all entitled to our own opinion. I don’t delete troll comments. But honestly, these people are freaks, right? If you don’t like what you read, just keep moving.

  • Badass Geek says:

    You could get one of those claw-grabber things that short people use to reach things on high shelves. You know, to hold the cup down yonder.

    And with how many times the word “pregnant” and “pee” came up in this post/comments, you’ll be sure to get some weird search hits.

    Oh, and about the trolls. Fuck ‘em all, I say. You don’t go leaving nasty comments on their blog, why should you let them do that on yours?

  • Madame Yu See says:

    The only blog trolls I get want to sell Xanax to me. If they read my blog, they must think I need it. Sometimes, I’m tempted to order some.
    I think the address and phone # on the pee cup are to protect your privacy (HIPPA? which does not stand for “resembling a female hippo while in your last month of pregnancy.”) I do not see how this protects your privacy. If I found a pee cup with bright purple pee in it, in a doctor’s bathroom, with someone’s address and phone number on it, I would totally stalk that person to find out who pisses purple urine. I may even bring a photographer from the National Enquirer with me.

  • Eva says:

    I’ve never had too much in the way of trolls, but I guess I wouldn’t like it on my own blog, but honestly they ARE entertaining sometimes on OTHERS’ blogs. I haven’t deleted the few comments I’ve gotten that made me less than happy.

    I recall peeing on my hand for those tests. I wasn’t even that pregnant then.

  • Jenn says:

    I say leave the comments to be eaten by the others. The bloggers that generate trolls (and I am *not* speaking for myself here…I have yet to be popular enough for a troll) also have a legion of others who have the love. Such as the case here.

    We would have a troll for brunch. And then order another drink.

  • Susan says:

    I pee everytime I cough or laugh so I just try to keep my hands out of the general area. And I haven’t been pregnant in 13 years! As for aiming for a cup…fuhgetaboudit.

    I had my first troll this month and while I felt like I had finally arrived in Blogdom, she was so out of it and uninformed it wasn’t much fun to try to explain things to her. Finally The Spouse wrote a long guest post that put her back under her rock. I usually like to leave them up because it pretty well defines who they are and how idiotic they are. If they say something ultra personal or refer to my kids, their ass is GONE.

  • Amy says:

    I don’t know, sometimes the trolls give me a laugh at their stupidity! Sometimes they anger me. Either way it’s your call but heck if you want a blog war you can leave them on! Otherwise you can delete away and say good riddens!

    Now, go pee pee in the potty and try to miss your hand next time would ya?!!

  • Sara says:

    Nobody cares about what I write, so I have no trolls. I have all of, like, 5 readers. I’d love to have a troll. Even for a day. I’m not the kind of person who really cares if people like me or not, so I would probably leave their stupid comments, and then make fun of them. But I say do what you want to do.

    I can’t pee in a cup even when I’m not pregnant, so don’t even feel stupid. Women are not designed for proper aiming of piss.

  • g says:

    You probably get a bigger share of the trolls than most of us, just cuz you are so hawt and people get jealous. So what I say is, email them to me for my enjoyment and delete them.

    :)

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  • guilty noodles says:

    I have yet to be graced by a blog troll, so no advice from me.

    As for the peeing in the cup, honey, I’m not pregnant and had to pee in a dixie cup last week. I STILL peed all over myself.

    I swear to you, your baby stuff is coming. Tomorrow.

  • Stacey says:

    I did manage to pee in a cup and not on myself even when 40 weeks pregnant.

    But wiping was another matter. Or maybe I mean ‘butt wiping’

    I don’t get trolls much & mostly I delete unless I think they have a point. But really the point of trolls is they have no point so there is no point in keeping their posts.

  • Betty M says:

    As I have only about 6 posts on my blog I have no policy on trolls myself. I think I might leave troll like comments there partly because I would hope that I could counter whatever they had to say and partly cos these types usually hang themselves without any help. The only thing is though on some of the mega blogs troll appears to equal anyone who does not agree 100% with the author, even when said author has asked for views, and the loyal readership then gang up in a totally disproportionate Lord of the Flies type way against the person who dares to say differently.

    I have had so much practice peeing in a cup cos of my lupus that I reckon even when pregnant I did it sans pee on me.

  • Danielle says:

    I delete the troll comments. I had one as a “follower” on my blog and I blocked him. He left a comment about how beautiful my words were, or some crap like that. I write like a teenage, nothing beautiful about my words. If we were in a bad, I’d say he was trying to get a piece of ass.
    Peeing on your self while trying to pee in a cup, I believe is a right of passage. No appointment is complete unless you DO pee on yourself. If you don’t, they will ask for another sample JUST to make sure…
    The end is near….

  • ewe_are_here says:

    At least they give you cups… they give us these little tubes here, which usually makes me go off in search of a cup so I can then transfer the stuff a bit more cleanly.

    sigh

  • jerseygirl89 says:

    I think the whole peeing act is secretly videotaped and shown at OB conferences. But I may be paranoid.

    I haven’t had very many trolls. Usually they leave a comment, I respond and they never come back. When the comment is completely insane I don’t publish it but otherwise I do.

  • birdpress says:

    First, I hope you feel better after the falling thing. Second, I’ve also peed on my hand without being pregnant. And trolls? Nobody seems to care about my blog enough to troll there, but I say delete ‘em!

  • rachel, too. says:

    fortunately, since no one reads my blog, i have never had the troll issue. but, i would have to say i would probably delete. it’s your blog, let them spew filth on their own. as for the peeing on yourself thing, you are certainly not the only one. at my last appointment i managed to pee all over my hand, and while trying to remove the pee covered cup from my crotch without getting pee all over myself, i did just that! and not just on me, but on me, the toilet, and the floor. and then my huge ass had to clean it up. fun times, fun times. :)

  • I ALWAYS ALWAYS pee on my hand giving a urine sample…pregnant or NOT…lol…they only put a little label on it after I have left my deposit..lol.so I have no idea what is on it…

    and as far as the trolls go..THIS is YOUR universe…kick em out :)

  • kate says:

    i don’t have a troll. kind of want one though.

    happy gestating and peeing on hands!

  • michelle says:

    Not only do I manage to pee on my non-pregnant self, but my 5 year old told me she did ht esmae thing just last week! I think it is a “girl” thing, not a pregnant thing? You deserve chocolate for the pain and suffering :o)

    As for trolls…. they are just jealous they are not nearly as cool as you and don’t have anyone to read their blog.

  • I’ve NEVER had a troll!!!! What’s my problem??? :)

  • Sarah says:

    I’ve never had a troll… but perhaps if deleting them seems boring you could highlight who they are for the rest of us and we could all go pay them a visit on your behalf? The Sexxxy Bitch Mafia? Idk.

    As for peeing on my hands while pg… this is way tmi, but wtf. My hubby is a trucker. I lived with him in the truck for the first six months of my first pregnancy. When trucking, stopping every time a pg woman needs to pee = going nowhere and making no money. I had to adapt. On MORE THAN ONE EFFED UP OCCASION, I found myself with a frantic need to pee and nothing more than an empty standard gallon water jug to pee into, (you know, the kind with a roughly quarter-sized hole on top) and really, I’ve come to the conclusion NO WOMAN should be SO familiar with her own intimate anatomy that she is able to pee into a gallon jug while 20-30 weeks pregnant, AND going 70 mph down an interstate in a semi and NOT PEE ON HER HANDS. Sadly, I am able to do this. So – I know, I saw what you typed, but seriously – missing a dixie cup for me would’ve been like missing the Pacific.

    The real question is WHY did I put up with that BS?! I should’ve started and ended every day in that truck with a roundhouse kick (something else I probably could’ve still pulled off, had I really allowed myself to get in touch with inner psycho bitch) to the jaw of my dear honey for putting me through that crap. He knows now what a bunch of mickey mouse hooey he will *freaking owe me* for, for the duration of our time on this planet.

  • Marsha says:

    I think I’d be tempted to sneak my own label in for the next pee test, and put “return to sender” or “do not forward” on it just for kicks. Maybe that would help the medical staff comprehend the innaneness of their labeling process.

    And no, I don’t think a woman can help peeing on her hand. It’s tough to hit what you can’t see, you know?

  • pamajama says:

    The pee thing is tricky, so let me give you my secret, as I am a talented piss miss. You hold the cup lid tight to the spot where the flow normally begins. Creates a vacuum. I am so talented I can even pee into a 7-11 cup in the front seat of my car without spilling a drop. But what does it matter anyway, pee is sterile.

    As for the trolls, the problem with pure deletion is that it’s already in YOUR head, it doesn’t necessarily just go away. The bad feelings remain. So it must be left on a case by case basis. With this crew I think letting the piranhas attack might be a great choice, until said troll appeared to be enjoying the attention, then delete & ban. However, if posting the nasty statement would cause you any embarrassment whatsoever, then delete immediately and ban.

    Can’t wait for baby’s arrival . . .

  • Edward says:

    Ahh as you know peeing on your hand is just the begining of the embarassement. Just wait till it’s time to have the baby…then you get to do all kinds of gross things on yourself and in front of others. I never missed peeing in the cup but I still do pee just a wee bit when I sneeze or cough after birthing 6 children one of them actually weighing in at 11 lbs 7 oz. So I got to say that it is more embarassing as a “man” to be peeing myself post babies than to miss the cup. At least I’m alone with the cup.

    As for trolls fuck them. Not literally.. just do whatever you feel like you need to do on a case by case baisis. Trolls are just ugly people with nothing better to do. They are miserable little people wanting to make others miserable to. Those Damn know it all’s can just go to hell with their perfect little ideas about life and everything else for that matter.

  • LilSass says:

    Ugh you get 10x the comments I get and I don’t have any trolls. You have trolls. Maybe you should call your doctor about that!

    ;-)

  • shelli says:

    i delete the buggers. it’s my blog, my space.

  • Candid Engineer says:

    I delete if they are over-the-top offensive; I keep them otherwise. I try not to give a shit about lame-ass people who have nothing better to do than ruffle feathers over the internets. Do what you want with them. You don’t have to have any rules.

  • Jen says:

    Blog Troll Policy: If they attack me on a personal level, outside the scope of the post on which they are commenting, I delete the bastard.

    If they disagree with me, or don’t like me, but their comment in relevant to what I was saying and they are stating their opinion, I roll my eyes and publish the bastard.

  • SCY says:

    Hmmm trolls, gotta love to hate them bitches right? Much like Jen above me if their comment attacks me or a loved one personally I delete their heinous comment however if it is a disagreement to something I have posted or gives another perspective on a post I’ve made I’ll publish it… with a strong urge to backhand them ;)

  • Kristine says:

    I’ve never had what I would call a blog troll. But I suspect I would ignore them for the most part. Although I draw the line at personal insults. I can handle a good debate.

  • Coco says:

    Hey, when I was pg with Bean I was “elderly” (35) so I got to hit the Perinatologist AND the OB every week for the last month! I’d peed in so many cups you’d think I’d be an expert…but no. I would pee all over myself, the cup, the floor, you name it. Everyone does.

    I do not tolerate trolls, though I’ve only had one or two. I used to e-mail the trolls, but I doubt I’d even do that anymore. Delete immediately, I say. Trolls are like public masturbators; they get off on squicking the rest of us out, so why provide them with any of that attention?

  • mumma boo says:

    Sadly, peeing on one’s hand or underwear or anything else within a 50 foot radius is a given when female, unless you’ve developed serious skills like some of your readers above. (Sarah, you are some woman!)

    As for trolls, it’s your blog. If their comments amuse you, and you’d like to witness the shark attack that your readers would gladly heap upon the chum, then publish the trolls. If not, delete ‘em. I’m sure most of us would love a tasty troll snack. They smell like bacon when you cook’em. :)

  • ainebegonia says:

    I don’t get why they give us those tiny useless cups. I hate them. I haven’t been pregnant for 6 years and I still get pee on my hand & on the cup. Then I have to wash the outside of the cup & then I worry that the nurses will be laughing at my inability to simply pee in a cup.

  • Jenn says:

    I always peed on my hand too, haha. Really weird that your address was on there…. Maybe they are stealing your urine and using it in highly secretive (no pun intended) government tests with other unsuspecting pregnant women’s pee. You just never know.

    Blog trolls… I’ve had one before awhile ago. I generally just leave the comments or whatever, I don’t give a fuck. Maybe I should but I have enough other (real) crap to worry about. You know? :)

  • Fancy says:

    Hi, Sweetie! I pee on my hands on a regular basis,and I’m not even pregnant! So, I don’t know what you are talking about with the cup and blah, blah, blah. Okay, just kidding. But, honestly, I don’t have enough of a readership for trolls. And I would just delete the hell out of them, if they would even find me remotely interesting enough to read. So, I guess you should be grateful as you are deleting their comments.?!?!

  • quietgirl says:

    This is your goddamn blog. Fuck trolls.

  • trish says:

    I don’t mind the blog trolls, so long as they know I have the right to rip their comment apart in a completely separate post. Which my uber-sensitive fellow book bloggers seem to cringe at. But I think it’s funny.

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