Come out! Come out! Wherever you are!

I know you’re out there, my wonderful lurkers, I can seeeeee you.

Okay, I can’t REALLY see you, altho convincing my son that I am psychic is a stroke of pure genius. Honestly, you should do it.

So here’s where I beg of you, my lurkers and lovingest of the loving followers, to help a sister out. My Home Girl Emily (who has probably never been addressed as a Home Girl or Home Slice by anyone but me) nominated me awhile back for some awards.

I checked today after forgetting about it for ages, and I see that I’ve got about 28 votes. 28 is a lovely number. I am 28 years old right now. Soon to be 29. But I know for a fact that I have more readers than that.

So I propose a tit(s) for a tat (hehe TITS): If you go over to this site and vote for me:

(I was nominated twice, because THAT is how cool Em is)

Registering takes about 20 seconds and is not at all annoying.

Come back and leave me a comment telling me that you did. Then ask me a question you want me to answer–no topic off limit–or a special request of something you’d like me to do for YOU. (I cannot cook) I’ll vote for you if you want me to, I’ll write a post about a topic of your choosing, I’ll even do something embarrassing and humiliating and tell the internet all about it if that is what you want.

Thank you, Internet, for being there for me when I needed you to be. Have you lost weight? You’re wasting away in front of me. But your ass looks fantastic in those jeans.

I puffy heart ALL of you.


Alex asks, “Please vote for my mother. She’ll love you forever and somehow make you Rice Krispy Treat Cuppy-Cakes.”

51 thoughts on “Imagine Me Down On My Knees and Groveling

  1. Done! Voted for you in both categories.

    And I am *so* unselfish that I ask nothing in return…

    … except that you keep posting and making us all laugh.

    Happy blogging!

  2. Voted! Can’t think of a question right now. I actually don’t think I’ve commented on here before. I love you blog though! You crack me up

  3. I wasn’t going to vote for you, but I couldn’t resist that sweet little krispy eating face! No really, I hope you win – you deserve it – this is one of my favorite places on the Web. I left ya some comments over at the voting site, but I’m your #35 vote in each category. I don’t need you to do anything for me, just keep doing what you do best – making me laugh at loud at inappropriate moments, like during a work teleconference or when my kids are trying to sleep. Thanks.

  4. I voted.

    Just be advised that they don’t reset the nominations every year, so next year if you don’t campaign, you’re still entered and maybe you get like 0 votes for your blog under “best parenting blog” and feel really sad when you realize this.

    Or maybe not.

  5. I’ll vote for you , but I need nothing in return. Unless, of course, you win the lotto. Then I expect to be duly compensated for my time.

  6. I voted! I ask for nothing in return. Hope you win!
    ps – the internet is pretty amazing, you’ve gone from 28 to 37 (that last one was my vote) in a morning (wait, its still morning, wonder how many you’ll have by lunch)!

  7. Is it a mere coincidence that when i registered, one of my two word verification words was:
    I think not.

  8. Well, that’s craptacular. I put in my home email because I didn’t want to add to the spamminess of my work email and now it won’t let me log in until I confirm from that email which I can’t check from here…I promise to vote tonight.

  9. I signed up and voted for you. Just because you are fucking hi-larious and yet manage to say shit that I identify with. Hope you win, sister!

  10. Ok, my fellow 28 going on 29er. I voted for you in both categories! Now…for what I want:

    Someday down the road, once my blog gets as good as yours (yeah right), you vote for me. That is, IF I get nominated, lol.

  11. Voted! (and not just because I want something, but b/c you really are freaking funny) I also wish I was wonderfully unselfish like your other readers, but….I’m not. So here is my request: Just read my blog, and tell me if it sucks ass. I’m new to this whole thing, and not sure if I’ve got what it takes. Not to mention no one but one of my closest friends is reading it, and if you are the only other person for the rest of my life that reads it, at least I can die saying that two people read my blog. Thanks!

  12. The groveling worked – votes have been cast.

    Now can you teach my 17 month old to sleep through the night without any crying (him or me) and in his own bed (aka the crib and not the king sized bed that has seen little to no action in the past 24 months)? Thanks, you’re a peach.

  13. Done. BTW, I’m “Skanky0286,” just so you don’t think some lurker that stole my avatar came out of the closet to vote. I hope you knock that bitch Dooce right out of the running!

    Ahh, I kid the Dooce. I actually like her even though she was not at all funny on Oprah 😉

  14. Tried to vote, but won’t let me because “user name already taken” and then highlights my first name – over and over again no matter what I put in even gibberish! What am I doing wrong?? I WANT to vote for you. I usually just lurk – I have an midly autistic first born so love your take on things. And I found her a school where she can do her passion (She passes as “normal” here) and wanted you to vote for her school at so that the school can get money to fix their dairy barn (Vote for Norfolk County Agricultural High School Dairy Barn – even tho there are lots of other cool things!) Another “easy” sign in. So help me vote for you and them please vote for her school! (And anybody else who wants to can vote too!!)

  15. I voted for you, and you didn’t even need to beg, would have voted for you anyway, because I big puffy heart you too!

    I want to see a pic of Auggie 🙂

  16. Done and done. I’m #63 both times, and I’m sorry to say that I was oddly disappointed not to be #69.

    Now, for my wish, I would like you to re-post your commentary on that 50’s housewife manual where you talked about buying a truckload of twinkies and the biggest FryDaddy you and Daver could find. Because I can’t find it anymore and it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

  17. Voted!

    And I don’t need anything from you.

    Except maybe a photo/video of you groveling. And a rice krispie treat. And some chocolate. Ooooh, and a pony!

    Okay, I’m done.

    No! Wait! More cowbell! Must have some more cowbell. *nods*

  18. I de-lurked to try and vote, but the stupid site wouldn’t let me – does that count for anything? You have my ‘in spirit’ vote, ok?

  19. Ha! I love the shameless dairy barn school plug! That’s hilarious!

    Of course I voted for you! I was also reminded that I voted back in December. When do the results come in?

    Don’t need anything. Just love reading your blog. Seriously you make me laugh everyday. Keep writing:)

  20. oooo am I a lurker? I’ve never been one of those before….

    I voted after swearing at my computer a bit…Yeah..I’ll think of some thing for you to answer some long lost question I haven’t thought of yet that I always wanted answered;)

    Have a great day.

  21. You got my vote! (For both)

    How could I resist those big beautiful Alex eyes!!!
    (and by the way…………you’re shameless using your kids!!!!)

  22. Unless I totally effed it up, I was one of the original 28. That’s how much I heart you, girl. And I don’t need your tit or your tat. You’ve already paid me in laughs.

  23. Voted. Those cuppycakes look damned good-send me one please! Haha. Srsly though, it amazes me that people still nominate Dooce after she’s probably won every award imaginable, and been on tv and stuff. I hope you win, girl…you have like 78 now!

  24. Dude…you’re being beat by a coupon blog. That’s NOT right! I totally voted for you and it cracks me up reading the intro to your post because when I read it, I went, “OMG! She sees me!”…b/c it was within minutes of seeing your comment on my blog and I wondered how you found me.

    I’ve been a shameless lurky loo. I apologize. But, I find you highly entertaining, and I don’t need anything in return for my vote! You get my love for free!!!

  25. Oh damn! Missed the part where we tell you what we want from you!! I guess we all know what Uncle Pervy that’s obsessed with your breastfeeding asked for… no need to ask that you flash your tits for us.

    Uh… crap. As I’m about to mention, I shamelessly love musicals. Perhaps you can wax poetic – or profane, I don’t care – about your least favorite movie. That’s nice and shallow. 😀 Or … Not! I’ll read you either way.

  26. I have voted!!! and currently you are being beat by “” isnt “dooce” another term for POOP according to the urban dictionary???

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