After careful deliberation upon Monday’s Cake song fiasco, I have been thinking a lot about love songs. Sometimes, a girl likes to listen to a song that makes her want to eat a delicious Uncrustable and rub the food baby while thinking about love songs.

Aunt Becky’s List of Love Songs That Do Not Make Her Vagina Hurt (that may or may not ACTUALLY be love songs):

1) Bob Dylan When The Deal Goes Down I grew up teething on Blonde on Blonde, and was intensely wary of any of his new stuff (especially after he went Christian in the 80’s) but Modern Times is one of the most amazing albums you will ever listen to. It’s also the perfect album to have The Sex to, if you’re into that sort of thing. This song in particular, though, isn’t about humping, it’s about love. And, despite my wariness of such things, this is a beautiful love song.

2) Christina Aguilera Save Me From Myself. Now, okay, those of you without vaginas are going to be all ZOMG Aunt Becky this song has to suck, but it’s actually a stripped down acoustic song. Just her and a guitar. It couldn’t be a sweeter, simple love song. Plus, for those of you wedding people out there, if you click the link, it’s the official video and you get to see some of her wedding.

3) Carlos Santana and Dave Matthews Band Love of my Life. I’ll be honest that half of the reason I love this song is because the guitar is like fucking melted butter because it is. Also it makes me sort of want to drink Coronas in the Caribbean with my Cabana boy Carlos, but, you know, what doesn’t?

4) Queen Somebody To Love. Recently this song was covered marvelously by the cast of GLEE and it was tasty as well, but this song? Ah-Maz-ING. I mean, who can’t relate to this song? It’s infectious and upbeat and it’s motherfucking QUEEN. That’s pretty much all you need to hear to know that it’s an awesome love song.

5) Prince Pussy Control. This song probably makes more people think of me than any other in the world. Is that a good thing? I DON’T KNOW. Anyway, this song is VERY not safe for work, like at all and it’s pretty much full of The Awesome and should probably be YOUR theme song too. He also wrote it for his wife which is probably the most romantic thing EVER. No, I am swooning, actually. LISTEN TO THIS AWESOME LOVE SONG.

6) The Darkness I Believe In A Thing Called Love. Okay, so this is the 2000’s first revival of glam rock and seriously people, it’s fantastic. Maybe you wouldn’t dance yourself down the aisle to it (although I threatened to dance myself down the aisle to it), but the song is a golden love song. And the video is amazing. Also, when it came out, I got 78 voicemails saying “ZOMG BECKY YOU NEED THIS ALBUM.” Apparently my friends know me.

Because I did need it. Just…watch it. You can thank me later. And if you DO happen to use it as your wedding song, I AM COMING TO YOUR WEDDING.

7) Beyonce Halo. Okay, this song proves that underneath it all I am a sap because it makes me tear up. Like a lot. I might even be crying as I type this. Shut the fuck up. And it isn’t just because Beyonce and I both go by “B,” it’s because the song is all about falling in love. Which, I think, is supposed to make you tearful. Or gassy. I don’t know. All I know is that I firmly throw this into the “love song” category.

8 ) Ray Charles/Van Morrison Crazy Love. You take two of my favorite voices, mash them together, and you have this song. Words can’t describe it. This is probably one of the best love songs I’ve ever heard.

9) The Village People YMCA. This was supposed to be my wedding song until a certain PARTY POOPER decided that it wasn’t a good first dance number. First, the church nixed dancing myself down the aisle to “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” and then Daver nixed the YMCA. I should have eloped with a pillow after all. I bet IT would let me listen to this love song (that’s totally NOT a love song).

And I am not kidding. This was an ACTUAL fight we had. A BIG one too. The ONLY thing I won about the wedding was the cake.

Thank God the cake was awesome.

10) Faith no More Just A Man. This is probably not a traditional love song, especially since it’s included on an album with a song like “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies” (a great song), but shit, this is one of the best albums I’ve ever heard and this song is fucking fantastic. Actually, I’m not sure that Mike Patton even likes women. He might like to have sex with food, but really, who am I to judge? I wanted to dance to the fucking YMCA.

Your turn, Pranksters. What are your favorite love songs?

86 thoughts on “I’m Just A Notch In Your Bedpost, But You’re Just A Line In My Blog

  1. -“One Thing” – Finger Eleven
    -“Can I Walk With You” – India Arie
    -“When You Come Back Down” – Nickel Creek
    -“I Know” – Meaghan Smith
    and lastly, I don’t know if I’d call this a love song, but it is currently MY LIFE:
    -“Sweet Disposition” – The Temper Trap

  2. Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. Because that’s the only emo boy song I will admit I like.

    Satellite by Oceanlab because it’s slightly stalker-ish and that’s awesome. Plus it appeals to the geek in me that likes vocal trance.

    Possession because it has this very dark, kinky undertone to it. For me anyway, but that might just because I have a dark kinky undertone. Or something.

    I love your whore mouth, Aunt Becky.

  3. “One Thing” – Finger Eleven
    “Can I Walk With You” – India Arie
    “I Know” – Meaghan Smith
    “Colors” – April Smith & the Great Picture Show
    “When You Come Back Down” – Nickel Creek
    And, I don’t know if I’d call it a love song, but it is currently MY LIFE:
    “Sweet Disposition” – The Temper Trap


  4. In no particular order
    – Somebody by Depeche Mode
    – Crazy Bitch by Buchcherry
    – Two out of Three ain’t Bad by Meatloaf


    (Sorry. I can’ think of anything else now…)

    (Ok. I can think of this: it would have been so so so awesome if you could have danced down the aisle! But the cake is still the awesomest!)

  6. Gimme by It’s Britney Bitch
    3 by It’s Britney Bitch
    If You Seek Amy by It’s Britney Bitch

    Oh wait, love songs? Ok then, probably I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You, buy duh! Elvis.

  7. Oh, I love Prince’s Pussy Control!! Some other faves: You Were Always on my Mind (Elvis), Crush (Dave Matthew’sBand), Grace Kelly (Mika), Lucky (Jason Mraz), Hallelujah (Jeff Buckley)

  8. Shake the Disease by Depeche Mode – totally my husband and my song (although I doubt he knows it)

    100 years by Five For Fighting

  9. Wow. That’s a seriously awesome wedding cake. What flavor was it??

    Fave love songs: Bob Dylan’s I Want You, also Buckets of Rain and Meet Me in the Morning. What can I say, he fucking rocks. Also, Billie Holiday’s Them There Eyes, and Nina Simone’s Sugar in My Bowl, which is such a badass song, although it’s more of a love-me song than a love song, really. And JGB’s version of The Way You Do the Things You Do, because I am a cheesy sap. There are more, but I’ll stop now…

  10. I have 2, my most favorite is a cover of the song “I Just Wanna Make Love To You” by Louise Hoffsten, she sings is all breathy and sexy and I totally want to hump something when it comes on. And my close runner up is “Shackin’ Up” by Barbara Mason an old blues tune with some great screw you bitches type of lyrics…my favorite being “If true love is dirty, then throw some water on me!”

  11. Angel by Aerosmith (yes, I know its about Steven Tyler’s heroin addiction but I choose to ignore that).

    And your cake is totally rad. It did make me laugh though despite that.

  12. Wow. You have great taste in music. Minus the Dave Matthews crap.

    I don’t think I have a favorite love song. I think I stopped listening to love songs when I got out of middle school.

  13. Obviously I am not a love song kind of woman, can’t think of any.
    And sorry Aunt Becky, Halo is a horrible song, whiney and repetitious, I dive for the radio to turn it off.

    Does Sex Gorilla by National Velvet count as a love song, probably not.
    I Want Your Sex by George Michael . . .

    Syrup & Honey by Duffy, closest I can get to love songs.

    1. I went down the aisle to Tori Amos’s cover of “Thank You”; it was a good compromise between my husband (the classic rock guy) and me πŸ™‚

  14. Oh yeah, from the far off in the dark ages file, wedding song was
    Leather & Lace . . . isn’t that by Stevie Nicks?

  15. The entire NIN Pretty Hate Machine is pretty much full of the awesome for this purpose….I also love Nina Simone, Black is the Color of my True Love’s Hair, so moony and swooney.

    I just love Nina Simone period. Ask me what my Mea’s middle name is? Symone.

  16. Anything by John Legend. Perhaps it’s his voice, but I just love him.

    “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds. I am that sappy.

    “Hallelujah” as sung by Justin Timberlake. If you haven’t heard it, you must. Not a love song as such… But wow.

    I am seriously considering having “The Darkness” at my (completely hypothetical and imaginary at this point. GET ON THAT ARMY BOY JEEEEEZ)wedding, btw. That is a fabulous idea. And funny as hell.

  17. naive melody – talking heads
    she belongs to me – bob dylan
    just like a woman – bob dylan
    ode to joy – beethoven
    crash into me – dave matthews

    this was fun! thanks aunt becky.

  18. Keep in mind I’m a wee bit jaded.

    Bright Eyes- Lover I don’t have to love
    Maroon 5- She Will be Loved
    Toby Keith- I love this bar
    Death Cab for Cutie- Cath

  19. Too much to say about this.

    First, your cake looks like my wedding cake took acid:

    Second, when you said “Faith No More” I assumed you’d have gone to “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies” (One of my personal favorites). It’s very Aunt Becky. “Happy Birthday….Fucker”

    Lastly, if you like Mike Patton’s voice and are looking for music to make The Sex to, you have to listen to Lovage. The album is called “Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By”

    (That’s the whole album minus some of the skits in the album. Slightly NSFW)

  20. You know I <3 your blogs about music, and if you didn't, well you do NOW.

    Um, love songs. Let's seeeee….. there's the classic Wild Horses, by the Stones. Always a crowd pleaser. But actually it makes me think of a felon I knew because that was HIS first wedding dance song, and then years later I saw him on the NEWS – as a wanted felon. True story. (Why am I not taking notes when I inspire myself?)

    For me? I'm going Three Days Grace "I Hate Everything about You" (with the amended lyric Why Do I LOVE you?) because I'm totally bipolar like that.

    And proving I am a true sap (secretly of course) – I had some classic Sade as our wedding dance song. Sigh. I might weep, really….

  21. Ok, my brain is complete mush since I went back to work 3 days ago and have to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn… but this is what comes to the top of my head:
    – Cross my Heart by George Strait (my wedding song)
    – Thank you by Led Zeppelin, one of my all time favs
    – Come away with me by Norah Jones
    – almost everything Andrea Bocelli sings
    – Crush by Dave Matthews Band
    – Your song, Blue eyes, and Don’t let the sun go down on me by Elton John
    – She’s got a way, and Shameless by Billy Joel
    – Wild horses by the Stones
    There are too many, and my brain is mush. I’m a big fan of love songs. I’m looking forward to going home, so I can watch those videos.

  22. I wanna grow old with you- Adam Sandler…. yes… shut up..

    Would have TOTALLY been my “first dance” song too if my DJ had actually shown up and/or I remembered the disk of songs I wanted played at my wedding (you know, like a backup disk in case the DJ doesn’t have the songs you want) except that my wedding was a fucking trainwreck (albeit a very beautiful one) and so I forgot the goddamn CD and so I don’t even know WHAT song I danced my “first dance” with my husband at our wedding. And not because I was drunk, but just because I don’t have any goddamn clue what the song was- I’m pretty sure it was the same song my in-laws first dance was to- and they’ve been married for almost 31 years and very happily so I’m hoping that the song gives me good luck and that my trainwreck wedding was not an omen…

  23. Queen is my happy music.
    You didn’t have YMCA at all? I thought that was, you know, a requirement for all formal dance occasions. At least toward the middle of the reception when everyone is drunk enough to join in willingly but not so drunk that they fall over while doing so.

  24. Love song by The Cure, Drive (originally by the cars) remade by the Deftones, I’m yours by Jason Mraz and Trouble Sleeping By Corrine Bailey Rae.

    1. Celina nails it. The Cure’s Love Song. I lost my fiancee to cancer a few months ago, and this was our song.

  25. I wanna grow old with you- Adam Sandler…. yes… shut up..

    Would have TOTALLY been my “first dance” song too if my DJ had actually shown up and/or I remembered the disk of songs I wanted played at my wedding (you know, like a backup disk in case the DJ doesn’t have the songs you want) except that my wedding was a fucking trainwreck (albeit a very beautiful one) and so I forgot the goddamn CD and so I don’t even know WHAT song I danced my “first dance” with my husband at our wedding. And not because I was drunk, but just because I don’t have any goddamn clue what the song was- I’m pretty sure it was the same song my in-laws first dance was to- and they’ve been married for almost 31 years and very happily so I’m hoping that the song gives me good luck and that my trainwreck wedding was not an omen…

  26. Love song by The Cure, Drive (originally by the cars) remade by the Deftones, I’m yours by Jason Mraz and Trouble Sleeping By Corrine Bailey Rae, These Arms of Mine by Otis Redding

  27. I think that Joey needs a birthday cake like that (Done up boy style, though, the kid is all about cars and trains and stuff). For his first birthday he had surgery, for his second birthday he had surgery, and low and behold, he’s on his way to surgery for his third birthday (not to mention the other surgeries the kid has had between birthdays and probably half birthdays too!)

    I so wish I could have eaten that cake!

  28. I LOVE Queen and Somebody to Love is in my top 10 of all-time faves. (Can’t Always Get Whay You want by the Rolling Stones is #1.) Yep, Queen is awesome.

    Know what else is awesome???? Your wedding cake! Too cool!

  29. Nice post (as usual)! I like the subject line–
    you’re just a line in my blog. In my world it would be, “you’re just a whole blog post”. I can’t say that I agree or disagree with your list of love songs that don’t make your vagina hurt. Mainly because I don’t have a vagina…

  30. I cannot think right now about a love song as my head is spinning, but I just wanted to drop a line and say that YOU WEDDING CAKE ROCKED!!!!

  31. I have several, but will limit it to my top 3 awesomesauce songs. In no particular order…

    1) Into the Night — Benny Mardones — because who can’t enjoy a good ol’ fashioned ’80s wedding favorite?

    2) Everything — Michael Buble — because as much as I love my husband, were Michael Buble to show up at my doorstep, my tater tot would have a new stepdaddy.

    3) Always — Erasure — because I loved the song, then I watched the video (do yourself a favor — please:

  32. 500 Miles by The Proclaimers
    Thank You by Dido
    Hey Soul Sister by Train
    Last, but perhaps my very favorite: Poprocks and Coke by Green Day. Makes me cry every goddamned time I hear it.

    Also? I know the SONG isn’t romantic, but in the song Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind, there’s the line “When I’m with you I feel like I could die and that would be alright.” Gets me every time.

  33. Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung is the song we’ll be doing our first dance to in one month from today (SQUEE!!)

    Someone Like You by Van Morrison (pretty sure)

  34. My top 10:
    1-9 = Jeff Buckley, “Everybody Here Wants You”
    10 = October Project, “Deep As You Go”

    And that is one badass cake, yo! I half expect Johnny Depp to pop out of it, under Tim Burton’s direction, of course.

  35. Ok, so I DID walk down the isle to this one….. The Darkness – I Believe In A Thing Called Love.

  36. I wanna grow old with you- Adam Sandler… I LOVE that song!

    By the Way That They Dance – Jump Little Children… one of my favorite songs period. I’d bet very few people have heard of it; they were for the most part a regional group that threw in the towel a few years ago and this particular song was only ever recorded as a demo and on a live album. But it’s a waltz (done by a rock/alternative group) that was written for one of their band mates’ wedding, and it’s basically talking about the happy couple and how everyone can tell they are in love By The Way That They Dance… swoon!

  37. Love, exciting and new
    Come aboard, we’re expecting you
    Love, life’s sweetest reward
    Let it flow, it floats back to you

    Love Boat soon will be making another run
    The Love Boat promises something for everyone
    Set a course for adventure
    Your mind on a new romance

    And love won’t hurt anymore
    It’s an open smile on a friendly shore
    It’s love
    Welcome aboard
    It’s love!

  38. Gurrl!! You hit the nail through my heart on this post. My judgmental love for music is so vast and deep. And I must say EXCELLENT on those picks. And I am a judger.

    For me, being an oldster, I danced at my wedding to “Europa” by Santana. It’s an instrumental but Carlos’s guitar is more romantic than any words could ever say.

    And to go even beyond my age, “Moon River” makes this punk rock girl’s heart weep. Such a lovely song. Timeless, I think.

    And that cake, that freakin’ cake! I’m a Chicago girl, even though I’m down in The Tropics all my sisters are up there, and I have a strong feeling I know where that masterpiece came from. It rocks the wedding cakes of all wedding cakes.

    1. See my picks. Well maybe Aerosmith isnt METAL as in HEAVY. But Closer by NIN would def apply. Unless that is punk, in which case never mind. It makes my horny in any case. Something about fucking like an animal and feeling you from the inside seems hard core.

      1. I know this is your fav… I heard it from The Boss. (not Springsteen)

        I’m lying alone with my head on the phone
        Thinking of you till it hurts
        I know you hurt too but what else can we do
        Tormented and torn apart
        I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
        For times when my life feels so low
        It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
        When today doesn’t really know, doesn’t really know

        I ‘m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
        I know you were right believing for so long
        I ‘m all out of love, what am I without you
        I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

        I want you to come back and carry me home
        Away from this long lonely nights
        I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too
        Does the feeling seem oh so right
        And what would you say if I called on you now
        And said that I can’t hold on
        There’s no easy way, it gets harder each day
        Please love me or I’ll be gone, I’ll be gone

  39. I adore your list of love songs. πŸ˜€ It immediately made me think of Come Rain or Come Shine by Billie Holiday.

    Oh hell. Here’s a list.

    A Thing Called Love by The Darkness (I mean, come ON.)

    Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens (more “funeral” than “wedding”, I’ll admit)

    Taste by Ingrid Michaelson (“I never thought I could love anyone but myself, now I know I can love anyone- but you make me think that maybe I won’t die alone”)

    Hm. This list is getting a little twisted.

    And to end this list of the lonliest damned love songs in the world…

    All is Full of Love covered by Death Cab for Cutie

    “You’ll be given love
    You have to trust it,

    Maybe not from the sources
    you have poured yours
    maybe not from the directions
    you are staring at…”

    My guy friend burned me a CD to let me know he’d been secretly in love with my for years.

    I only “got it” about 3 years too late.

    Ohhhhh…. the songs were directed at ME? Is THAT how mixed CDs work??

  40. Crash by Dave Matthews –
    Come get Higher by Matt Nathanson – just beautiful.
    I’m so corny. Ill listen to love songs all day long. Make me feel like I’m actually loved and I do admit I totally imagine Dave Matthews watching me undress every time I hear that song lol..

  41. 1st… Pretty Girl by Eric Clapton
    2nd… How lucky we are by Meiko
    3rd … The way I am…Ingrid Michaelson
    4th…I’m yours…Jason Mraz

    Play me Pretty Girl and I will gladly make a baby with you

  42. Crap thanks a lot people- now between the post and all the comments I am spending my kids college fund on itunes- oh well- she’s only 2, how far could she get with a savings bond and unopened star wars action figures.

  43. Queen is awesome. My husband went down the aisle to the Queen’s version of “The Wedding March” from the Flash Gordon soundtrack. Our first dance was “You’re My Best Friend” – short and to the point. I went down the aisle to Tori Amos’s version of Led Zeppelin’s “Thank You”, which was a good compromise.

    We went to a wedding in the fall where they played Vitamin String Quartet during the cocktail hour. AMAZING – a string quartet that covers rock songs. I wish I had known about it for my wedding. They have Bohemian Rhapsody, Stairway to Heaven, Carry On Wayward Son, Viva La Vida, I Sell Sins Not Tragedies (you get the idea) though, sadly no “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” – total oversight. However, still a good way to get a song you like into a “classy” wedding πŸ™‚

  44. “Fall at Your Feet” – Crowded House
    “Throw Your Arms Around Me” – Neil Finn

    But those are the property of the future mr ellenoy and me…my wedding was all Catholicky and the song were not memorable.

  45. Clarification – my wedding to the ex-husband, who is in no way connected to the future mr ellenoy. Who is the opposite of all that the future mr ellnoy happens to be.

  46. Whoever just wrote that you loved Aunt Becky’s whore mouth, I totally stole that shit, personalized it and used it as my Facebook status.

    “Swan” by Unkle Bob is a terrific love song. I also adore “Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division and “Untouchable Face” by Ani DiFranco.

    God, my love songs are depressing. No wonder I’m still single. πŸ˜›

  47. Love song…hmmm…”This One Goes Out To The One I Love” by REM – it may be bitingly sarcastic, but isn’t that what love’s about? Maybe “No Children” by the Mountain Goats? Okay, actual love songs, let me think… I’m still in divorce mode, so let me think beyond the piss and vinegar – okay, I’ve got one – “Wedding Ring” by Cowboy Junkies.

  48. Dear Aunt Becky: I hate you. I hate you because Love Songs are my favorite type of songs, and you have now had a zillion commenters posting their favorite songs, which me being a total sap will have to then seek out and listen to every single one of these songs. Every. Single. One.

    My personal favs:

    Here, There, Everywhere — Beatles
    I Only Have Eyes For You — Art Garfunkle
    The Luckiest — Ben Folds
    Somebody — Depeche Mode

    Ok I lied.. maybe I don’t hate you.

  49. Somebody to love, and Crazy Love are two of my all time favorites.

    Love songs don’t do much for me… but I love MAriah Carey’s We BelongTogether.

  50. ** first time comment** okay you nailed it, prince, queen, the darkness, this just made me fall in love with you (blog wise, and you’re competing with temerity-jane, cuz i love her too) okay yes, excellent, love song, good, adam sandler, YES, and adding to the list

    Anniversary – Tony Toni TonΓ©
    I can’t take you anywhere – Scotty Emerick (sad)

    p.s. i have been known to karaoke i believe in a thing called love, and sometimes the bartenders MAKE me sing it

  51. I love your list, I’ve had I believe in a thing called love in my head for days now. That one, plus Somebody to Love, plus the original Stand by Me are my favorites.

    I am in love with your cake. Totally in love. That’s what I wanted for my cake, but apparently when the guy said ‘yes, I know what you mean,’ he meant ‘I have no idea what is coming out of your fool head.’ It was supposed to be a topsy-turvy, covered in fondant, and using a nice light blue and gold. Like, metallic/pearlized. And oh yeah, topsy-turvy. Fondant. I ended up with this eyesore:

    The ducks were on purpose.

  52. Weeeeell, I just happen to be getting married in a month or so, so this has been on my mind.

    Allow me to dork out with you.

    Our song is going to be Dave Matthews, You and Me.
    Go ahead and laugh, but the first time I heard the song, I knew.

    It was a close race between that and Jonathan Coulton’s Skullcrusher Mountain:

    INXS’s I Need You Tonight – kinda hot.

    And there’s this song by Sam Roberts that a friend turned me onto called Taj Mahal, which I really dig. .

    And no need to link to it, ’cause you’ve heard it a million times I’m sure, but our first All-Dance song will be Weezer’s I Want You To. Which is effin’ awesome. Don’t try to dissuade me!

Comments are now closed.