After careful deliberation upon Monday’s Cake song fiasco, I have been thinking a lot about love songs. Sometimes, a girl likes to listen to a song that makes her want to eat a delicious Uncrustable and rub the food baby.
Aunt Becky’s List of Love Songs That Do Not Make Her Vagina Hurt (that may or may not ACTUALLY be love songs):
1) Bob Dylan When The Deal Goes Down I grew up teething on Blonde on Blonde, and was intensely wary of any of his new stuff (especially after he went Christian in the 80′s) but Modern Times is one of the most amazing albums you will ever listen to. It’s also the perfect album to have The Sex to, if you’re into that sort of thing. This song in particular, though, isn’t about humping, it’s about love.
2) Christina Aguilera Save Me From Myself. Now, okay, those of you without vaginas are going to be all ZOMG Aunt Becky this song has to suck, but it’s actually a stripped down acoustic song. Just her and a guitar. It couldn’t be a sweeter, simple love song. Plus, for those of you wedding people out there, if you click the link, it’s the official video and you get to see some of her wedding.
3) Carlos Santana and Dave Matthews Band Love of my Life. I’ll be honest that half of the reason I love this song is because the guitar is like fucking melted butter because it is. Also it makes me sort of want to drink Coronas in the Caribbean with my Cabana boy Carlos, but, you know, what doesn’t?
4) Queen Somebody To Love. Recently this song was covered marvelously by the cast of GLEE and it was tasty as well, but this song? Ah-Maz-ING. I mean, who can’t relate to this song? It’s infectious and upbeat and it’s motherfucking QUEEN. That’s pretty much all you need to hear to know that it’s awesome.
5) Prince Pussy Control. This song probably makes more people think of me than any other in the world. Is that a good thing? I DON’T KNOW. Anyway, this song is VERY not safe for work, like at all and it’s pretty much full of The Awesome and should probably be YOUR theme song too. He also wrote it for his wife which is probably the most romantic thing EVER. No, I am swooning, actually. LISTEN TO IT.
6) The Darkness I Believe In A Thing Called Love. Okay, so this is the 2000′s first revival of glam rock and seriously people, it’s fantastic. Maybe you wouldn’t dance yourself down the aisle to it (although I threatened to dance myself down the aisle to it), but the song is gold. And the video is amazing. Also, when it came out, I got 78 voicemails saying “ZOMG BECKY YOU NEED THIS ALBUM.” Apparently my friends know me.
Because I did need it. Just…watch it. You can thank me later. And if you DO happen to use it as your wedding song, I AM COMING TO YOUR WEDDING.
7) Beyonce Halo. Okay, this song proves that underneath it all I am a sap because it makes me tear up. Like a lot. I might even be crying as I type this. Shut the fuck up. And it isn’t just because Beyonce and I both go by “B,” it’s because the song is all about falling in love. Which, I think, is supposed to make you tearful. Or gassy. I don’t know.
8 ) Ray Charles/Van Morrison Crazy Love. You take two of my favorite voices, mash them together, and you have this song. Words can’t describe it.
9) The Village People YMCA. This was supposed to be my wedding song until a certain PARTY POOPER decided that it wasn’t a good first dance number. First, the church nixed dancing myself down the aisle to “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” and then Daver nixed the YMCA. I should have eloped with a pillow after all.
And I am not kidding. This was an ACTUAL fight we had. A BIG one too. The ONLY thing I won about the wedding was the cake.
Thank God the cake was awesome.
10) Faith no More Just A Man. This is probably not a traditional love song, especially since it’s included on an album with a song like “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies” (a great song), but shit, this is one of the best albums I’ve ever heard and this song is fucking fantastic. Actually, I’m not sure that Mike Patton even likes women. He might like to have sex with food, but really, who am I to judge? I wanted to dance to the fucking YMCA.
Your turn, Pranksters. What are your favorite love songs?