I was watching some Law and Order: These Kids Have It Worse Than You, So Man The Fuck Up, Aunt Becky when the holiday commercial with the Hershey’s Kisses came on. I’m sure you know it. It’s been on since I was a kid and I haven’t been a kid in a long time.

You have to know the one I’m talking about: the red and green and silver kisses play, We Wish You A Merry Christmas. It’s really sweet and festive and it always makes me happy in the pants and not because I’m all that fond of chocolate. Because while I do have a vagina, I’m not someone who orgasms at the thought of chocolate. Dexter, however…but alas, I digress.

But I sat and watched the commercial and realized how UN-happy the holidays were making me this year. I’m the last person under twelve who loves the holidays and I was sitting there on the couch moping about Christmas. The happiest time of the motherfucking year.

I couldn’t even tell you why I was moping. Certainly I had no REAL reasons to be feeling acutely sorry for myself. Of course there are things that have gone wrong for me in the past couple of weeks, but there are more things that have gone right.

So I did what I always do: I promptly bitch-slapped myself. It was time to trim my fucking tree, deck the halls and be merry and bright. If I had to use toothpicks and elaborate putty makeup to do it, I was going to slap a smile on my face and fake it ’til I made it.

I love the holidays. It’s time to start acting like it.

So here’s what I’m going to do.

FIRST, I’m going to give you a video of my daughter. Laughing. I captured the Elusive Frat Boy Amelia cracking her own ass up. It’ll make you laugh. In under two minutes, she’ll make you laugh. (ignore the crap on her face. We weren’t planning to shoot a video)

She’s my clone. I swear, I was doing the same thing a couple of weeks ago.

NOW, I’m going to add a Mr. Linky at the bottom where YOU can add a link to your own post about something that made you laugh or smile. You don’t have a post like that? WRITE IT. In fact? Why not write a new one? Write about something that makes you happy. If you don’t have a blog? Leave a comment. Write it on Band Back Together or Mushroom Printing. They’re both user-submitted blogs.


Let’s FLING GLITTER and be MERRY! Tomorrow, we’ll continue our blog carnival. Why? WHY NOT.

Don’t make me send Amelia over to fart on you. She totally will, you know.

P.S. All of my shirts (including the Shut Your Whore Mouth Shirts and everything else on the site) are 20% off with the code holiday2010.

68 thoughts on “I’m Going To Make Christmas Merry If It Kills Me. And You.

  1. I was sitting here, enjoying a black, bad mood with my coffee… and then you go and make me watch a video of your awesome girl, which made me laugh out loud.

    Damn you, Aunt Becky. What’s a stalwart Grinch like me supposed to do in the face of THAT?

  2. As you (and all of the world) knows, Coke Zero makes me happy. Now though, I drink it at the very peril of my angry bladder. It gets all mad and pretends I have a UTI when I don’t – which is sort of bullshit really. But it still tastes SO GOOD. Even better when I know I’m sacrificing a happy bladder to do it!

    Oh yeah, and my kids and the magical joy in their eyes. That too.

    But the bubbles in Coke Zero….really man.

  3. Of course you were right. My 1 year old even had to come over and join the fun. She tried to have a conversation with Amelia, but it didn’t work out well and now she’s angry the baby is bye bye. Ah well.

  4. A lot of people don’t enjoy the holidays. This year I have been trying really hard because I know that January is actually the worst month for me out of the year, and I’m dreading it. So I’ve been forcing myself to be jolly this December. Working retail makes being jolly insanely difficult during this time but damnit, I’ve been doing a good job so far! Also? How doesn’t love fart noises??

  5. Yes, I see why Amelia makes you happy. She is a doll! Dude, great sex ALWAYS makes me happy. Can’t the Daver hook you up? WTF?!? DAVER!!! HOOK Aunt Becky up with a good old fashioned “Schtuping”!! Okay, I know I spelled that wrong but it is a family blog and I didn’t want to write “orgasm”.

    I hope you feel better soon AB <3

  6. So your blog has inspired me to go write my happy face Christmas blog. Last week I wrote a whats wrong with you people during the holidays blog. So I shall now try to pull out the happy!!

  7. A conversation between me and my 8 year old son:

    Aidan: Mom, what’s mistletoe?
    Me: It’s a plant.
    Aidan: Oh, I thought it was a missile mounted on a toe.

    Ahh, the joy of 8 year old boys!

  8. There’s a lady that is out walking every day of the year, no matter what the weather, that I drive by on my way to work. She waves at every car that passes her, whether the driver waves back or not. One of the things that makes me smile is watching her face light up when I stick my arm out through the sun roof and wave back at her. It’s such a small gesture and it brings her such joy. It’s impossible not to smile back when you see the grin on her face. Happy Holidays Aunt Becky!

    1. You know, I remember a guy who used to sit on his porch when I was a kid. He was in a wheelchair and every day, he’d sit outside and wave to the cars. I’ve never forgotten that. It made me so happy.

  9. Mimi is so cute.

    I got a new computer at work last week, and it has no sound! I could only see her laughing, I couldn’t hear her. This will never do! I’ll have to check her out at home!

  10. Awww, she is just ADORABLE!

    I have had a hard time getting into the spirit this year too. Last week is a bad week for me. Make that a fucking AWFUL week. 2 years ago I lost a baby at 15 weeks. Just about a year later, I lost one of my beloved kitties and then less then a year after that (not this past Saturday, the one before) that kitty’s brother passed away very suddenly. I swear I wanted to just crawl into bed for that entire fucking week and not wake up until it was over.

    Anyway, since I JUST started my Mommy blog and it has barely anything in it, I’ll post here what snapped my out of my funk…my girls. They were both getting SO excited fror Chtistmas and my little on turned 3 today so she was beyond excited about that. I finally got the tree upo and decorated which made me smile. I went in and helped with my 6 year old’s class last week and had a blast…all the kids had me laughing. Then we went to the Spirit of Aloha luau at Disney this past weekend and that was a blast too. And today, my baby…my LAST baby turns 3 and she is just an absolutely BEAUTIFUL little girl, I can’t help but smile when I see her.

    So, I am FINALLY getting into the spirit!

  11. THAT? Was awesome, and made me all happy. Even though I am really not a Christmas person. I get all weepy and shit. Thank you for making me smile.

  12. You totally made my night.. and what made me laugh… youngest told oldest that she just did a silent fart… oldest made the observation that it was silent but violent… “like a ninja”… totally cracked me up..
    Merry Effin’ Christmas Y’all…. cos I said so!!!!!

  13. Loved it! Tommy makes himself laugh doing that and it cracks us up. He makes himself laugh when he makes that noise and then we all laugh. What was really funny the other day is when Liam farted when I was changing his diaper and the real fart made him laugh. That was a first in his year and a half old life, LOL. I will always remember the first time he laughed when he farted.

  14. Pingback: Happiness is… | the spinster aunt
  15. Thank you, Aunt Becky!

    I haven’t been feeling the Christmas spirit, either. Money is tight, and I’m afraid that what should be a 9 hour car ride will turn into a 12+ hour scream fest (my 6 month old won’t sleep anywhere but my arms during daylight hours).

  16. Mimi is priceless! Her “I love you” just about made my ovaries burst.
    And Cenzo is now in love with both of you. To wit:

    Cenzo: “She said ‘You’re weird.’ Is she talking to me?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    and then we played it twelve more times. Give those beautiful cheeks a smooch from all of us, please!

  17. Awesome Video 1. It did indeed make me laugh and happy. And my motto this Christmas I borrowed from national Lampoons Christmas Vacation We’re Gonna Have the Hap Hap Happiest Christmas Since Bing Crosby Tap Danced with Danny Fucking Kaye cause yeah I should have the holiday spirit but it’s lacking and I don’t know why. I have some reasons but like you the good out weight the bad. So here goes nothing.

  18. Your daughter is so cute! I’ve also not been in much of a “merry” holiday mood either but your video definitely cheered me up.

    I decided not to do a Christmas tree or decorations this year. Our little girl is 1 1/2 and is into everything and I just didn’t want to deal with keeping her away from the tree and such. I feel like such a scrooge this year.

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