Wow! I never expected my search terms to turn up so many new people! Hi Lurkers! Thanks for showing your face! Stick around, I’m just getting started here.
(Having Lurkers de-Lurk is thus far the highlight of my day. Stupid snow making life annoyingly annoying.)
I did notice, however, that none of my fabulously sexy Lurkers confessed to finding me through searching for cheeseburger crotch, which makes me believe that there must be more of you out there.
My dear friend Stef tagged me for a meme, the only one I usually do, but anyone who has read me for any length of time knows that I’ve done this one before. Thankfully, being freak of the week, I have a seemingly endless supply of Odd Crap About Me.
Without further adieu, I present to you the Six Odd-er-er things about me (what I should call this is Why Becky Is A Freak):
1. When I was 14, my dreams of becoming an opera singer were promptly dashed by the removal of my tonsils (to be clear, I couldn’t sing before I had them out either. Well, I could sing, but it was and still is a frightening experience) and adenoids. While not having my tonsils has proven to be a Very Good Thing for the state of my health (they were necrotic), it has left me with a most irritating side effect.
I cannot drink from a water fountain without the water coming straight out of my nose. This means that when I blow chunks, it always comes out my nose as well. AND lastly (and sadly for my poor The Daver), it makes the gentle art of a blow job nearly impossible. I promise that having The Spooge come out of your nose is at least as unpleasant as it sounds.
Maybe more so.
2. After years of handling scalding hot plates as a waitress, I have very little sensation for warmth on my hands. Overall, this isn’t that bad until it comes time to give one of the kids a bath, and I have to use different parts of my body (like my elbee-bone) to test the temperature. Because to me, it can be nearly boiling and I would not be able to tell. And I don’t wish to cook my kids in their bathwater (they wouldn’t be very tasty).
3. I have only been tasked with mowed a lawn once in my life, and even then, I bribed my Metal Heads to do it for me. It’s not like I’m phobic about it or anything, and it isn’t even that we don’t have a lawn to mow (we do, oh laws yes, we do), it’s just never been my job. Hell, it’s not really The Daver’s job either (don’t let him fool you) as I pay the neighbor kid to do it.
$20 is so worth it (although I might get a service this year IF IT EVER FREAKING STOPS SNOWING LONG ENOUGH).
4. Despite calling myself “Aunt Becky” on the Internet, I absolutely hate people who assume familiarity (although, possibly even weirder, this doesn’t apply to my blog. Shit, tell me about your fetish for breast milk, it’s cool. And heeeyyy, want to buy some?) in real life. Friendliness is one thing (and I like it), but I if I don’t know you, don’t act like I want to stand in the aisle at Target and listen to your boring life story because I assure you that I want nothing more than to bean you in the head with cleaning products and run away shrieking.
5. Although I do have an abiding love for tomato-based products (mmmm…ketchup…mmm), the very act of looking at a raw tomato makes my stomach heave and threaten to blow. And getting me to touch one would have to be under strict bribery with a brand new purse or something. Damn, even writing about this made me a little queasy.
Sounds like *I* need some Occupational Therapy, eh?
6. When I was about three, I decided that I no longer wanted to be “Becky” but was going to change my name to “Smurfette.” And even when I tried, no one would call me by that name which inflamed me to no end. I guess my schitzophrenic tendencies showed up early, huh?
Little did I know that when I got older, I *would* be a lone female among a sea of males, just like my idol.
As per usual, I am refusing to tag people for this meme because if I’ve done this one three times, the rest of the Internet has done it approximately 5,478 times, and I believe that not every one is as full of weird traits as I am.
So, I tag YOU, Lovely Internet, Oh Light of my Life, to leave me a comment with an odd fact about you. What’s that you say? You’re trying to tell me that you’ve already DONE THAT BEFORE THE LAST TIME I DID THIS MEME?
Well, Sweetheart, me too.