Last year, I sat on my couch wearing an ass groove into the cushions and going through the motions of the holidays while counting down the moments until it was all done. The only reason that I didn’t stay in bed entirely was because I had small children to care for and, well, they don’t give a shit how miserable and depressed you are, which is kind of the beauty of kids.

It was really out of the norm for me, someone who normally celebrates the magic of the season like a small annoying child, but I was very, very pregnant and on the tail end of a shit year. My friend had died in February, I’d suffered two miscarriages in April and May and while I’d gotten pregnant again in June, it seemed sort of uncertain for awhile.

August through October brought about The Daver’s Nervous Breakdown where he could barely get out of bed, which left me wondering how the hell I was going to support our family without selling pictures of my pregnant self for cash. By December, I was just done. I felt like a heaping pile of dog ass that peed herself when she moved, and really, there was no Christmas spirit to be had by me. I’d weep onto the top of Alex’s head as I rocked him to sleep at night, while my daughter kicked him from within and I’d wonder what I was going to do.

Obviously, January didn’t bring much better news. My daughter was born so sick and even after her surgery, things were so scary for so long. It took me so long to recover from all of that.

What’s shocking to me as I read back through the archives is that there’s not a whole lot of mention of this. Likely, I didn’t know quite what TO say, so I simply said nothing. Because I had no real concrete reasons to focus on and work through to be able to say “Hey Internet RIGHT THERE is why I’m so miserable” I just said nothing.

The skies didn’t really start to clear up for me until a couple of months ago when the PPD and the PTSD and all of those other fancy acronyms began to fade somewhat and in their place I realized what I had to do.

In all of these years, I’ve raised my crotch parasites and pushed them from my nether regions and paced and rocked and bounced and swaddled. And I’ve Wifed, by pushing Dave to succeed at a job that really, he does love and encouraged and listened and pretended to understand when he spoke in what may have been ancient Finnish and keeping the house running and organized and somewhat clean.

But what I’ve neglected all of this time was me.

Your Aunt Becky has been missing from this equation and this life. In all of the time that I’ve been Becky, Wifey of The Daver and Moooooommmmmyyyy of Benner, Alex (not Alexander–his declaration, not mine) and Mimi, Your Aunt Becky has been sorely neglected.

When I realized what I was going to do with the rest of my life–freelance, for those of you not playing along at home–or at least until I decide to actually inhabit my new house and become Lady of the House (Princess Grace Of Monaco) it was like I was finally seeing things as they are for the first time in years. I can be all of those things to my family and Your Aunt Becky too.

So this year, while my house is only haphazardly decorated for the holidays, it’s for a very different reason. I’m busily throwing myself into doing something for myself. Like my homie Pashmina has suggested, 2010 is going to be the year of ME (although, I think she means that it’s going to be the year of HER, because if she was taking a whole year to celebrate ME, well, I think that would be so awesome that I don’t even know how I would handle that. HEY PASHMINA, CELEBRATE ME! And, uh, BUY ME STUFF.).

2010 is going to be the year Aunt Becky Gets Her Groove Back. And hopefully, her fucking figure too.

I’m not sure how I’m going to keep you guys informed of what other projects I’m doing without ramming it down your throats, so any suggestions are appreciated. Maybe links at the bottom of posts like I do with my Toy With Me columns?

In that vein, I’ve started this: my boring professional website. It’s not done. OBVIOUSLY. It’s lopsided, but the picture plug-in is busted and I need The Daver to fix it. I’ve got some other things that I’m getting started on, but so far, nothing that I’m actually able to be all LOOKIT INTERNET, SEE WHAT I DID?

And come January, I’m going to incorporate and form a small company that will likely generate about $1 in income all year long. But because I need to keep my dollar separate from DAVE’S dollars, I need a company. Which means that I need a name. For a company. I’ll probably GO BY “Mommy Wants Vodka” but on the paperwork, I need something more professional.

All I’ve got so far is “Vodka Bandits.”

Halp me.

Also, how do YOU keep your groove, The Internet?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

96 Responses to I’m Bringing (Aunt) Becky Back

  • Ivory says:

    Wow, I could have written this. Obviously not the exact details, but 2008 was our crap year. It started Feb 3rd and although it got better, I never really healed. In 2009 I kind of just went with the flow and bottled my emotions up and now I know that I need to take care of me. Unfortunately even though I know I need to, I haven’t figured out how to do that.
    And damn do I wish I had blogged about everything and was HONEST about what I was going through instead of glossing over it to try and appear happy :(

  • Angie says:

    Hey can I jump on along that bandwagon with you and Pashmina. I am declaring the next year the year FIND me again too. I am hoping to get back into old interests, find new ones and find the leaner version of me that the fat version of me seems to have eaten. I am on board to help out any way I can although web site production ius not yet my forte.

  • igster101 says:

    Congrats on the new site and bidness you’re starting. That site looks full of teh awesome.
    I too am going to be starting a new project, and hopefully not kill my spouse in the process :-)

  • Titanium says:

    Keep my groove? I’ve lost and started so many grooves I have lines all over the place *looks around* wait, those are stretch marks.

    I climb. Mountains, actually. Little ones, big ones, it doesn’t matter. And I kayak white water, ride my bike through three and a half Alaskan seasons and try to figure out why I live in a place where it’s Narnian winter 9 months out of the year.

    As far as I can tell, the key to keeping your groove is keeping your sense of humor well-fed and watered. Preferably with a single malt scotch, though vodka works too.

    Hat’s off to you- in all seriousness- for taking time out to put something back IN to the box. Aunt Becky gives time and attention to everyone else… time to replenish the stock.

  • Patman says:

    Aunt Becky,

    I’ve always felt a little weird about reading your blog when I know I fall way out of the demographics of your audience. This post allowed me to figure out why I read it. You are mentally tough as nails–you’ve been through things that would have caused me to throw in the towel on life, and you’ve kept your sense of humor. I wish you all the best in 2010.
    BTW, I realize you are a Superwoman, but still I wonder if you spread yourself a little thin by trying to accomplish too much at once?

    Okay, I’m going back to lurk mode. Have a fab weekend.

    Pat

  • Jessica says:

    Aunt Becky’s Bitches?

    MWV Inc. ?

    Hell, I don’t even have MY groove…so I probably shouldn’t be giving any advice.

  • kind of feel a little of the same about this year…

  • The other day, I was thinking about you and how much things have changed for you in the past two years ago since I discovered your page. You amaze me! Just thought you should know that.

    When I need to get my groove back, I usually crank up some rockin’ music and shake my ass for a bit. That usually works for small funks.

  • kbrients says:

    Good for you! I was seriously serious when I posted about stay at home moms… I could not be one… ansmaybe it is because IO iam a bit selfish and need to have ‘Me’ time.

    Horray for 2010 being about ‘Me’ errr ‘You’ :)

  • MFA Mama says:

    Dude me TOO! I thought 2005 was the Year of The Suck but then came 2006 and well shit but OHHH 2007 sucked except 2008 was way worse but 2009? Is fired. 2010 is going to be The Year That Does Not Suck, so help me Godiva. Um…now what?

  • Miss Spoken says:

    Groove vs Funk. It’s a constant battle. No advise here except remember to breath deep.

  • Jessica says:

    Aunt Becky,
    1. I am so glad you are celebrating YOU again! Doing so has such an all around positive benefit, yet is all too easy to skip, especially during hard times.

    2. What a year you have had… While I cannot relate to many things you wrote, I’ve been trying to get my grove back for awhile as well. Once upon a time I graduated
    valedictorian, and it all went downhill from there. And I’m only 24… Life is simultaneously breathtakingly beautiful and heart wrenching.

    3. I DO think you are very blessed to have found “The Daver.” Where did you buy him? I want one!

    4. This is tangential, but let me know if I can “halp” you at all with the company! As in, organizing, or something… (Whatever you are doing, I know it will be wonderful.) I have no idea what to name it.

    5. Lastly, Aunt Becky, real women are EATERS. Gyms are wonderful for stress relief, but I have to say, am sure you are beautiful just the way you are!

    Take care, rock on, and all best,
    Jessica

  • SciFi Dad says:

    Random word sampling: crotch, fucking, ramming it down your throats

    Sounds like Becky’s already got her groove.

  • mepsipax says:

    I am sure you have read my blog (love your comments) so I will say that I just don’t care. I love being able to say whatever I want and that keeps my groove. Plus, commenting on others blog helps me pass the groove. Now it sounds like some STD. Damnit.

  • Lavender Luz says:

    I love this. ME gets a bad rap, but really, it’s what allows us to take care of THEM.

    Off to check you out!

  • Lavender Luz says:

    “Mommy Still Wants Vodka, But Only After 5 o’clock.”

  • Weekly Bite says:

    I love this post!

    As for staying in the groove…. I guess I’m still trying to find my groove. Who knows.
    I’ll let you know when I find it ;)

  • Melanie says:

    I keep my groove by eating chocolate, not comparing myself to anyone else, and by blogging. It works, I think :)

  • tysdaddy says:

    Grooves are interesting things. They can guide us, or they can become . . . well . . . grooves, that keep us from exploring.

    Here’s to grooves. May yours wind where you will it . . .

  • Mama Cas says:

    If you happen to find your figure this year, could you come by and help me find mine? After the 4th child, my body gave up hope of ever being svelte again. (Not that I ever really WAS svelte to begin with. But, *ahem*, I could stand to rid myself of these pesky 40 pounds. And I’d like for my boobs to NOT TOUCH MY BELLY when I sit down. Too much info? Sorry ’bout that.)

  • BugginWord says:

    I once changed everything up to figure out what I wanted to be. Be careful. That shit causes cancer. I think you just have to find happiness in everything you do. When life sucks, change it. And don’t underestimate the value of a good stiff drink.

    How about drunken logic for your professional name.

  • a says:

    Yeah, I’m not very good at whining about the big stresses going on, which is odd, since I’m very good at whining! But 2009 has not been fantastic in my little world. 2010 must be better (although it’s not looking good so far).

    Anyway, go kick some ass next year and become a successful businesswoman/freelance writer! As for your company name…hmmm…BAM Enterprises? (For Ben, Alex, and Mimi), or I Win At Life, Inc.?, or Think of The Children Ltd.?

  • Kelly says:

    Way to bring Aunt Becky back! It’s so easy as a mother and wife to lose yourself. Add in random crap that life hands you, and it screws things up all the more.

    I don’t have a suggestion for you as far as the corporation name, but I would suggest that whatever you choose is generic enough that if you end up doing multiple things within the business that the name will still work, (sometimes you never know where your business savvy will lead you!). You can always add a DBA (doing business as) to the corporation, but you don’t want to be stuck with Aunt Becky’s Nails, Inc., when you are now a used car lot (real story), besides that, then you don’t have to pay someone to reincorporate you or change your name, you’d be one and done.

  • Mrs Soup says:

    I am so fricken happy for you. For serious.

  • I heart you, Becky.

    MWV Inc. was the first thing that came to my mind, too.

    2009 has been, without compare, the single worst year of my 37 years. I lost custody of my oldest 2 kids (after a totally unfair and insane court battle), nearly lost my stepdad, and went bankrupt. Yep. One for the record books.

    2010 will be better. I WILL get my kids back, I WILL not be alone, and I WILL get my fucking finances right once and for all.

    I am making an official declaration. You have inspired me. What to call it? The Year of Me? The Year I Get My Shit Together? The Year of the Turnaround?

    What say you?

  • Badass Geek says:

    Good for you for taking your life back. You deserve it.

  • Belle says:

    Ask Stella.

  • In my own narcissistic mind, I am the the sole reason you have come out of the darkness.

    Your welcome.

  • Molly says:

    Maybe just a simple Aunt Becky, Inc. for the name of your company? It’s not nearly as fun as Vodka Bandits, though.

    I have no idea how I keep my groove. Probably because I don’t. Agreed, something I need to work on for 2010. Balance, motherf-ers, that’s what I need!

  • Laura says:

    I swear to God we could be twins. I went over to your other site and did some reading and I am divorced too My ex called and threatened to burn my house down. It took 2 years for him to calm the fuck down; one day it was a call that he loved me, the next I was a bitch.

    It has been almost 8 years since and I am glad that time is over.

    As for your post today – I HEAR YOU! I am 36 years old with a 10 year old and a 2 year old. I have mastered same day service on laundry and a neat and tidy house, but sometimes I just want it to be about me. I LOVE being a mommy, but I just want to shine too. This year I discovered I had a knack for graphic design and actually did some work for people, then the guilt set in because I felt I wasn’t “here” even though I never left the computer.

    Then I started to blog and, man, I love it, but again there is some guilt that my 2 hours during Sarah’s nap I should be doing other stuff.

    It is hard to find a balance and do it all, but you definitely have to focus on you, for sure. I bet this post will resonate with a ton of people.

    On a funnier note, if you ever watched Seinfeld, your post reminds me of the “Summer of George!”

    The best part about life is that you can always start over and reinvent yourself! Good luck with your groove. I know you will do it AND become Queen of the Castle…

  • Lisa says:

    I suggest this with total love and respect -I would NOT use VODKA or MOMMY in your company name. I would use AUNT BECKY, if you want to keep that as your “literary persona”. But using Mommy Wants Vodka pigeonholes you as a certain kind of writer.

    You write a sex column, but are not limited to being funny in that vein only. You write a “mommy blog” that refers to alcohol and drug use in a sarcastic, funny way – but you are not limited to being funny in that vein only. But when the fallout with that drunk driving mother occurred, your blog took a natural “hit” because of your name – even though they were totally wrong to assume you imbibed while parenting.

    As a successful freelance writer, you need to be able to employable by a huge variety of editors. If you are known only as the Mommy Wants Vodka girl, you are SO LIMITED. Would they think to have you write a serious piece about neonatal experiences? No – you will be only who they think of for snark, sex and hilarity. But you had me crying my eyes out with the beautiful words you wrote about that precious MiMi (love that cutiepie).

    You have huge potential. This blog has just caught “on fire” first because it is your first foray into the literary world. Don’t define yourself by it. It is just a launchpad.

    You are a writer who can handle any assignment. Don’t let your name limit your possibilities.

    Hooray for you, by the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kate says:

    You make me sniffle way too often, girly.

    I’m so proud of you. Really, I am. You are the embodiment of the Timex motto: takes a lickin’ & keeps on tickin’. I say that about my Joshua, too. You two are incredible people.

    I don’t have a groove. I am so caught up in being everything to everyone else that there isn’t time for me to be me. I honestly have no idea who I am apart from my identities as “mom of chronically-ill child”, “wife”, “homeschooler”, “mom of many kids”, etc. I desperately would like to take time to figure out who I am, but there never seems to be the time and there’s a voice in my head that scream how selfish I am to even consider doing something for JUST ME. I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m doing what God called me to do (be a wife & mom) and that is enough. I’ve also started telling myself that I’m just having a mid-life crisis since I’ll be 40 soon & I look around and realize that, apart from birthing 7 children & raising them, I’ve done nothing with my life.

    So..um..yeah, don’t ask me for advice, ‘cuz I’ve got none.

    I’m just really proud of YOU for bringing Becky back. Get your groove on, girly. I can’t wait to cheer you on as you do!

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream
    says:

    Ooooh, how about MWV Inc with a fancy schmancy MWV scrolled logo?

    I’ve gotten my groove back by starting my cross stitch design company. I’ve also recently joined two local stitch-n-bitch groups…one quilting and one knitting/crochet. I also read like a madwoman.

  • Mwa says:

    Hurray hurray for you! I think 2010 should be Becky’s Year. Officially. Screw Climate Change. Let’s do you.

    And how do I (try to) keep my mojo? Mainly by trying to remember EVERY day what I need as well. The kids seem to be taken care of fine, so then I get some.

    Yay for you!

  • boobarella says:

    oy, yeah this was a rough year, but one where I made some decisions and started working on a path I would like to follow and see to fruition.

    That being said, If you are looking for help at Mommy Wants Vodka, INC. I’m all yours.

  • Ed says:

    You know what you wrote just there? The part where you shared pain that you probably thought you felt alone, but now realize is shared by a lot of folks? THAT’s your gift — to and from.
    I think your company should be named “Beck On Call” since you’re the virtual equivalent of a really good therapist. And those of us on the down-slope will cling to and be normalized by whatever you share. Hope you make some serious dough.

  • So inspiring. So happy for you.

  • I suck at coming up with names. Sorry.

    I’ve managed to hang onto at least a tiny bit of my groove all this time as MOOOMMMMYYYYY because I am a tab bit selfish and selfish people don’t let it not be about them for any longer than absolutely necessary. Sure I had to have a series of gall bladder attacks, gall bladder surgery & then fight 8 solid months of chronic bronchitis & occasional pneumonia for those around me to establish the habit of giving me at least an hour a day to myself. But! 5 years later it is a still a habit. I do need to sort out what to do with my life next though because now I have from 8-3 every day to myself & really want some money. I

  • MamaSkates says:

    i’ll b no help with the names…i really blow at that!

    but i just wanted to say – U GO GURL!!! i’m so glad u’re getting ur groove back – that u’re making 2010 the year of Aunt Becky! i feel ya on the losing urself thing…y do we feel so selfish 4 concentrating on some ME sometimes?!

  • LaFlacaD says:

    I believe nobody every loses their groove. It’s there, it just needs to hibernate from time to time because the reality is that life just doesn’t revolve around you (hard for me to admit because I’m a self proclaimed narcissist and damn proud.) But in all honestly, the groove is there. Its what keeps us coming back, it’s what keeps the Daver snickering in happiness and its the reason you have so many people around you.

    You don’t need to get your groove back. You need to realize that you have a damn groove as is! You need to look yourself in the mirror and see it for yourself

  • LaFlacaD says:

    I believe nobody every loses their groove. It’s there, it just needs to hibernate from time to time because the reality is that life just doesn’t revolve around you (hard for me to admit because I’m a self proclaimed narcissist and damn proud.) But in all honestly, the groove is there. Its what keeps us coming back, it’s what keeps the Daver snickering in happiness and its the reason you have so many people around you.

    You don’t need to get your groove back. You need to realize that you have a damn groove as is! You need to look yourself in the mirror and see it for yourself. Once you see that glimmer, it’s easier to find the light.

    Let go of the need to be superwoman. You’ve done fabulously so far, your life is an example of that. The last ‘horrible fuckfest of time’ is an example of that. You’ve gotten through it and here you stand. So just jump into the pool my dear. It’s not about it being YOUR year it’s about being YOUR LIFE.

    I sound like a goddamn self help book. But I’m totally anti resolutions and all that bullshit.

  • I love this because seriously. You only live once. Do it right while your still young, so you have fewer regrets later.

  • Rebecca says:

    You mean people actually have grooves? I lost mine so long ago I don’t even remember if I ever had one in the first place. Oh well…..

    Company name………..Can’t you do something like an colon, or comma or something ……maybe an ampersand?

  • jules says:

    I was not at all in the holiday mood last year either – got thrown on modified bedrest the beginning of December so also stuck on the couch doing nothing but feeling really bummed out, worrying about the pregnancy. Then more months of couch boredom turning into two newborns to care for. I honestly barely remember March – July.

    Besides “getting by” the early months with the girls now as they sleep through the night and have little personalities, I’m getting better at being “me” and getting back into the things I did for fun / stress relief pre-preggo/kids. Have to have some time for yourself. Ha, part of my Christmas present is a day off from everything.

    Cynicism / good sense of humor always helps too.

  • Mrs. Spit says:

    Sherrick-Harks Consulting Ltd.

    Also, come runnign with me.

  • amy d says:

    How ’bout…”Aunt Becky gets a Career?”

    I’ve never been good at naming things. You’re talking to a girl who named her cat Mr. Kitty. Nice.

    I’m excited for your new ventures Bex!!! 2010 is going to be full of the awesome for you:)

  • Michaela says:

    Why not just use your initials? BSH Inc. It sounds professional but we’ll all secretly know it’s not just your name, it’s also B(i)SH. Like, Aunt Becky is one tough B(i)SH!

  • Cara says:

    You are awesome Aunt Becky and you have taken the most important step in realizing you have to focus on yourself! (No I’m not a shrink, but I want to play one on TV! LOL)

    I plan on taking some time for myself in the mornings to start to workout again and get my head on straight to start my days (and to fit back in my jeans)!

  • bashtree says:

    You go, girl! Vodka Bandits rule!!! I bet you could even sell tshirts.

    Self care is important. I think I told The Daver something along those lines the other day. One time I had to do some serious rebuilding-of-me (life really sucked) and what I did was kinda fun. I made a list of all the things I would like to do in the following 90 days – see an opera, knit a blanket, check out a gig by that local band I’d kept hearing about, see these four movies on my must-see list, random stuff that I thought sounded fun or worthwhile. Every day I looked at my list (I made it my computer desktop) and though, do I want to do anything on this list today? And if I wanted to, I did one of the things, and if nothing seemed that interesting, whatever, maybe tomorrow. I didn’t end up doing everything, but having it there to see and following my whims was awesome. It was all about me and what I wanted to do, and I decided not to care if nobody wanted to go with me to the opera, and none of it was too time consuming or requiring much more investment than a couple of hours (run away to Dublin for the weekend was not on there, for example).

    Most people think my list was weird, but whatever! I still would recommend it. It helped me get some SERIOUS mojo back when I had conceded that perhaps I would be better off 6 feet under.

  • Jenn says:

    You get so much shit advice when you have kids. Buy hats! Sleep when the baby sleeps! Breastfeed! Bottle feed! Don’t let it eat rocks! You know, that shit. What no one tells you is that you can do all the right things for your kid/s but you still won’t be the best mom you can be – not until you make time for yourself too.

    I like the new site so far. Are you planning on moving your blog over there eventually?

  • Mom Wald says:

    Actually, keeping a my sense of humor has helped immensely. I say this tongue in cheek as we seriously start winter here in the arctic (WI), with SAD (not even close to describing it – should be called “bottomless despair”), a broken thumb, and an out of commission shoulder.

    Sometimes this day-to-day winter crud seems harder than when our own baby girl was on deaths doorstep.

    I’m seriously looking forward to what you may come up with, and what others will suggest. Thanks for not giving up on us. -the Internet

  • We love you, Becky. Peace.

  • Chibi Jeebs says:

    Oh, Aunt Becky. :( It makes my heart hurt to hear you didn’t/couldn’t “blog it out” (think “hug it out” and humour me, mmkay?). My virtual/real door/telephone are always open for you.

    As for this “groove” you speak of, I am not familiar. Sorry, dude. Oh! As to your figure: I found it! Aaaaand then my figure ate it. ;)

  • You’re an inspiration, girl. Seriously. You deserve a “ME” decade after what you’ve been through.

    I think the best and only way to keep your groove going is to make sure you’re consistently taking time for yourself. I hate it when weeks go by and I’m not making time for myself. That’s when I get into a rut. Take time each day (even if it’s just a matter of minutes) or a few hours a week and take care of yourself. Do yoga. Go for a walk or a run. Be with friends. And work on your new business idea! That sounds exciting. Oh, and *Vodka Bandits* rules. I don’t know what you’re selling, but I want it.

  • sky says:

    I’ve lost my groove too. It’s buried so deep, I don’t know if I’ll ever find it again.

    I’ll be looking to you for pointers on how to find it.

  • Dual Mom says:

    I like Ed’s idea…Beck on Call.

    As for the groove, the only way to rediscover the you that isn’t a mommy, maid or wife is to remove yourself from those things for small periods of time. When you’re not required (read forced kicking and screaming) to fulfill those roles, the “real” person tends to come out. Hang with friends, send Daver on vacation with the kids, gym for an hour a day? It’s tough to juggle it all.

  • DG at Diaryofamadbathroom says:

    Such a great question. How do you keep a groove? I did find that the first year after the birth of each of my kids, I felt grooveless. The return of the groove was kind of gradual. Once I was back at work and had proven to myself that I could be effective as an employee and a mother, I got a little swagger back. Truth be told, I didn’t fell like a giant whopping bucket of the awesome until after I turned 40 (which does you no good, I know). But it is something to look forward to.

  • Aunt Becky, I have no groove and therefore cannot offer any advice on how to keep one.

    However, I fully applaud and support your Year of Me.

    So much so that I think I’ll launch one of my own. While I have no fancy acronyms nor crotch parasites that required my attention (damn girl, mad props to you – I would not have survived it), twenty-ought-nine was given over to the Almighty Dissertation and Appeasement of the Trolls that Decide My Destiny. Very unfun, as you might imagine. What little resources were left over made insufficient offerings (in my estimation) to maintaining a relationship with the best guy evah! and occasionally walking the dog and even less frequently picking up his poop.

    January is a new start. New job. New expectations. Probably some new Trolls but at least they won’t be the old ones.

    I will join you in an effort to regain self, sanity, yeah and figure too.

    Go Aunt Becky!

  • Nicole says:

    I relate to this post so much – I knew I liked you! Seriously, I was a overachieving-Ivy League headed kid-who got pregnant at 18,and instantly made my daughter my priority. Sure, I finished college, married and had 2 more kids…sometimes I feel like I have no idea who I am, or what I really want to do with my life, because I’ve never had much time to think about it…maybe I should make this the YEAR OF ME, too!!

  • Becky…what do I say…I am just so completely there with you.

    2008 was the year of the suck for me…obviously starting with caden’s death and then the crippling fear that went along with another pregnancy. Follwed this year by the crippling fear that went along with having a baby at home, waiting for the other shoe to drop (combined with the grossness of living in a partly renovated house and dealing with setback after setback along the way…) And if you looked at anything I wrote online (aside obviously from my caden blog) there is little mention of the internal hurricane in my heart and my mind.

    In just the last week I have been making steps just like you towards 2010 being the year where I do the things I have wanted to do for so long. Women NEED to be more than wife of — and —’s mother. I’ve always believed that…good on you for getting your becky back :) Cant wait to see what you come out with next.

  • L.L. says:

    Something I learned a long time ago – the less you say, the less you say wrong.

  • Sandy says:

    I need to get a groove. I don’t think I’ve ever had one. I keep waking up and giving Oscar some cheerios, realizing that the day has gone by without getting out of my pajamas, fighting with Darin, and getting yelled at by my boss for not doing my job, etc. Sigh.

    I can’t think of a good name for your company. All that comes to me is: I’m a fucking superhero, who the hell are you? But that’s too long for a company name.

  • Nicole says:

    I love you. I really do. And I am really, really excited to see what the coming year brings for you – I will be cheering you on!

  • Emily Arse says:

    Welcome Back Aunt Becky!

  • Dawn says:

    What’s a groove? I believe mine is out searching for my mojo.

    :\

    Will have to sleep on a suggestion for a company name. My brain works better when I’m unconscious.

  • Toni says:

    I just read an article in Real Simple about how to keep motivated. One of the suggestions is to plan out all the ‘what can go wrongs’. So if you want to work out and it’s cold outside – what do you do?

    I keep thinking about that article. 2010 is definitely going to be different. I’m going to start saying No to projects – or at least stop volunteering for all the stuff I imagine other people are hinting that I do.

    I’m also going to figure out a way to lose some of this baby weight. Any suggestions that you may have (MWV Biggest Loser blog???) will definitely be useful.

    And I want to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s definitely not cleaning the crap off my counter every day….

  • Mad Woman says:

    You know, I had the same kind of epiphany not so long ago…I had been giving my all to everyone around me and not doing anything for myself. So I’ll join you in your journey to find yourself…as well as in that house (if I can be Princess Caroline).

    Oh..and company name? Sanity By Vodka.

  • Ms. Moon says:

    Becky-my-love, I love this post because you gave us some of yourself. And yourself is truly worth sharing.
    And because you are really and truly thinking of yourself. As a nurse you know that when the lungs take in oxygenated air, they take it first to the heart because without the heart, the O2 can’t get anywhere.
    The mama is the heart. You have to get whatever it takes to keep YOU healthy and alive because without you, the rest of the family-body won’t survive.
    So breathe, honey, and use that good air to feed yourself because eventually, it’s gonna feed your family too.
    I send love and encouragement your way.
    Ms. Moon

  • I vote you stick with “Vodka Bandits”. This, of course, comes from a girl who’s company is named Bitchen Stitchen, LOL.

    It seems to be a running theme with women, particularly women with children (that could be, because all the women I know *have* children, however), that we seem to forget that we actually live in our lives too.

    Now, go drink some chocolate eggnog.

  • Cat says:

    2008 was my crap year too- pregnancy and divorce aren’t compatible as it turns out, and a crazy violent psycho ex certainly complicates the equation.

    I keep my groove by blogging, reading, and taking a drive by myself every now and again.

  • Caron says:

    2008 was a lousy year for me and very few people know about it. Oh, I suppose several more people know that life sucked than I think, but not the reason or details. I got through it by going for walk and ending up doing a marathon. I kid you not. I had to get out and it turned into something that had a life of its own. So just take that first step: go for a walk, answer the phone, open that email.

    You never know where Aunt Becky will be hiding.

  • The Daver says:

    I fixed yer site and stuff. Or something.

  • statia says:

    I like your positivity, dude. Maybe you could send a little my way. Because I’m feeling the same thing right now.

  • steph says:

    Found you on 20SB- you’re great.

  • Miss Grace says:

    You rock crazy hard.

  • Sunny says:

    I’m still a year or two behind you on the whole procreation thing, so I haven’t even realized I’ve lost myself, much less figured out how to get myself back. But when it happens, I’ll let you know. Even though you’ll be on to the next crisis and won’t care anymore. You’re welcome anyways.

  • linzm0 says:

    Damn, woman, you are kicking life in the nuts and making it your bitch! That’s pretty inspiring. Like. Srsly. You’re my hero! Heroine? I always feel dirty typing that. :D

    I’m convinced that my post-baby ass is never going to snap back to it’s pre-baby wonderment. I kind of loathe those bitches who can have 800 kids and look like they are still a supple 16 year old. Bah.

  • Jen says:

    Wow, it sounds like last year was pretty terrible. And funny (that’s funny interesting, not funny ha-ha) that it didn’t come out much in the blog, but I understand your rationale. 2010 is yours, baby! Take it by both hands and don’t let go until it gives you a massage, chocolate, AND vodka.

  • GingerB says:

    I don’t tell my actual people stuff, I only tell the internet. There will be no Christmas letter in the 75 cards I mail out this year, because I don’t want to say “and Hannah has cerebral palsy” in the midst of the yearly recap. Bleah. So many of my friends and out of town family still don’t know.

    Me time? What is that?

    Let’s discuss what you want from a business name. Do you want to tell the world what it is? Will write for vodka/vicodin?

  • Deanna says:

    You are not whiny at all, nor do you possess unfortunate facial hair (that I know of), but I got a flash of Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites: “You’ve reached the winter of Aunt Becky’s discontent.”

    And go buy that candy cane g-string. Surely you can get some sort of photo post out of that.

    Obscene puppet show?

    I have faith in you.

  • dammit, seems every one is having a year of me…

    OK I am going for the ‘year where I won the lottery on the first day and spent the whole time flipping the bird at anyone that pisses me off.’

    That should work. Awesome.

  • Jay says:

    Wow. I had no idea you had been through so much over this past year, I feel like I have neglected you, even though I had no idea you existed out there until very recently.

    Your question, how do I get my groove back, is a good one. I have struggled on and off with depression for several years and have been through various medications and therapists and less healthy coping strategies, and it remains a constant fight.

    And they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics, even when they’re as dry as my lips for years, even when they;re stranded on a small desert island with no place in 2,000 miles to buy beer

    That’s how it feels, between the depression and the self harm. But I’ve found late in this stage of the game that behaviour influences how I feel rather than how I feel (which is a tremendous responsibility and in its own way a bit depressing). So I guess the key to getting a groove back is to do the things you would if you already had…

    Here’s to the new year, Aunt Becky, and finding where you put that groove.

  • Mina says:

    I cried reading your daughter’s story.
    And thank you, thank you, thank you for your encouragements. I need it so…

    Now, as far as your post is concerned, I have one question: “I’m sorry, are you the gal who slayed the dragon but had to disguise herself as a guy, otherwise people would have known she had 5 minutes to spare between raising 3 children, caring for her husband AND the house that held them all?” Are you really sure your groove is missing? Because from what I read, you are far from being a grooveless chick.

    I think you just got overwhelmed by the responsibilities and worries – and yes, I am aware that I am being euphemistic here, but I truly want to make a good first impression with my comment, so I avoid four-letter words and flip through the dictionary to find longer ones. But your groove is there, you just need to let it shine. It’s like misplacing your phone in the laundry basket. You do not know it is there, until you call yourself from the land line and you realise there is no such thing as singing dirty pajamas, knickers and tees, and by the time you have dug half way through, you can even see your phone lit.

    Just find the groove whistle, blow on it, and you’ll see it’s there. Even if the cell is under a ton of laundry that needs washing, it does not mean that it doesn’t work. You pick it up and see the missed calls and the texts you haven’t read… It’s there alright, your groove. Just let it breath. Put a shine on it. Take it places where you can be just the two of you.

    And don’t get blaming yourself now, the ton of laundry is normal, there are five of you wearing them clothes. And cells and grooves are sleek and can easily get to the bottom of that basket. No one is at fault.

    Best to you, Aunt Becky.

  • moonspun says:

    You know, the thing I have found about groove is that it ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s there and it is SO There that groove is all you have (isn’t there a song about that??) and other times, it slips through your fingers. The key, though, is realizing that you haven’t lost it completely, you’ve just got to remember the tune and start dancing again. Just like you are doing now…you go Aunt Becky!

  • Bex says:

    You’ve done well, you really have. But I understand what it’s like to look at your past self and wonder what happened to her. May you find her again, and may 2010 be your best year yet.

  • Vinomom says:

    It’s weird I never really think about this sort of thing, or ask myself about taking time for me. I figure I’m already pretty selfish as it is, and I constantly have a lot of guilt for just, I dunno, being me.

    So once you fine YOU, Aunt Becky, don’t feel guilty about it. No wringing of hands, no thinking about children with no legs. Just fit YOU into the myraid of everyday life, Wifing, Mothering, Writing etc.

    Also I love coming up with names. How about “Aunt Becky Writes” (kinda like Vinomom Blogs)

  • Coco says:

    While “Vodka Bandits” is a kick-ass name, I kinda think you HAVE to go with “Groove, Inc.” now.

  • Amanda says:

    “I’ve raised my crotch parasite.” This is what I have replaced my daughter’s name with, officially. Hmm… how do I keep my groove? Shit, I lost it!

  • birdpress says:

    Sorry you had such a crap year, but I’m glad you are back in your groove!

  • Julia says:

    Company name ideas:

    Sherrick Harks and Sons and Daughter
    BSHWhacker
    Crotch Parasites Unlimited
    Grooves R Us
    I’ll Do Anything For Money Ltd.
    HarCo

    May your 2010 rock!

  • Quiet Dreams says:

    Two things: First, I think that learning to take care of ourselves is the true work of becoming an adult. It’s hard, hard, hard though, especially if (like me) you don’t really have good role models for it.

    Second, I love how on your site you have the photos for your posts. Really good idea.

  • lola says:

    Oh, hell, I’m just trying to survive the holidays and a cancer scare for me that turned out to be nothing and a much scarier cancer scare for my sister that is still up in the air and a friend’s funeral this week, so my groove has fallen and it can’t get up.

    I’ll get back to you when the world stops fucking up my groove…

  • Grace says:

    Harks Media Inc
    Sherrik Media Inc
    Ant Media Inc
    Ant Bee Media Inc
    Aunt Bea Media Inc
    A. B. Media Inc

    Just getting the juices flowing (the brain kind, silly!!)

  • mumma boo says:

    Here’s to 2010, Auntie! Start shakin’ that groove thang now – it’s never too early to start.

    Company name? MWV Grooves, Inc.

  • coffeegrl says:

    Good for you! I’m hoping to bring my own groove back this year too. Where does it go???

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