I’m not a very creative person. Really, I’m not.

Yes, I post to my blog pretty religiously, but it’s really like I’m talking to you all, telling you a story. Honestly, I write just how I speak. And I tell the truth for the most part, so it doesn’t involve much creativity on my end.

Usually I just tell you something, reread it quickly for obvious typos (and have my sweet Manny to remind me when I misspell something) and throw it up. Voila! Instant feedback. And since my blog readers are some of the nicest on the planet (seriously, what did I do to deserve all of you?), what you tell me is always pretty nice.

A couple of weeks ago, I made the decision to start writing some essays. Again, because I have no real creativity they’re true stories about me and my life, so it’s not like I’m stretching too far with them. It’s a subject matter I’m comfortable with, I enjoy nothing more than telling a good story and they’re pretty good.

The essays are still pretty embryonic and rough and still need a lot more work (have I mentioned my comma addiction?) because they’re slightly more formal than my blog posts. I like ‘em, I really do, and I’m proud of them.

But sometimes, like yesterday, I get pretty insecure about them. I like stuff that has real answers, a real right and wrong way to do things, and obviously creative stuff doesn’t have much of that. It’s whatever you think it should be.

That terrifies me.

It terrifies me, it makes me nervous and shy, and it makes me insecure. That is what you saw yesterday, and I wanted to thank each of you who reminded me that I’m not a failure at this stuff.

If I were someone totally crappy to read here on Mommy Wants Vodka, you wouldn’t come over, and I wouldn’t blame you. Since most of you don’t know me from a hole in the ground, I can’t even say that you’re just reading me because you feel sorry for me or because I pay you to. So, believe me when I tell you all how much it means to me to hear from you. Weird or not, you guys are my friends too, and you prop me up, dust me off, and get me back on my feet again. That’s what friends do for each other, right?

I don’t know what I’m going to do with these essays yet, I’m just not sure. Maybe they’ll just be saved merrily into my fancy hard drive on my new computer, where they will sit and rot. Who knows? Really, who cares?

Since I’m determined AND OCD they will be completed to the best of my ability, they will be edited by my good friend Pashmina–or whatever her blog name is– (she’s an actual real editor, can you believe I know such cool people? AND she introduced me to The Daver AND saved me from my hideous roommate in college. She’s a peach.) and The Daver, and then, who knows?

Giving up is not an option for me, because even if I try to not post to my blog or write part of an essay each day, I get really crabby and irritable–I think I’m addicted to writing– until I am able to. It’s really damn weird. I’m hoping that venturing outside the box will be a good thing for me, even if it’s for a small while.

Shit.

Is it always gonna be so scary? What should I do with them?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

12 Responses to I’ll Give YOU A Dangling Participle!

  • Chris says:

    I’ll be honored to read them…Get this, I teach writing even though it doesn’t really show on my posts.

  • antoinette says:

    i say keep them and force other people to read them. random people. perhaps post them up somewhere, like on the “for sale” board at the bookstore, or the information board at starbucks. leave them places. add an email address on the bottom, and see who responds.

    this could be exciting!

  • paisana says:

    Don’t forget that you have very real and very serious issues with parenthetical remarks in addition to your comma addiction. The two usually go hand-in-hand. It’s OK. I know a good 12-step program.

  • paisana says:

    But as long as you brought up the subject, could you re-tell me some of the stories about your horrible college roommate–we’ll call her Vanessa. It means Butterfly–again? Like, the one about how she was so fat that she nearly crushed her skinny boyfriend having sex with him? Or how you ran into her on your wedding day?

  • Rachel says:

    I second Antoinette. Leave copies of them in random places. Folded up in a book at the bookstore, on a table in a waiting room, taped to the wall of a bathroom stall. I do that on a smaller scale (I write things on dollar bills and napkins) just to put something out there. It gets interesting. I cannot resist found literature. One time a friend of mine found in a rental car a letter someone had written to his uncle in prison. It was fantastic.

  • Meg says:

    Oh, good on you Becky. There are plenty of literary journls that will take essays or “Creative Non-Fiction”.

  • You could HIDE them under my bed… all my stuff will keep all your stuff company and they can have sleep overs and giggle about us and all that fun stuff :P

    Of course you could always self publish and make a fortune- or at least have the books to prove to anyone out there that you rock. But we all know you rawk! and rock hard, sista! I want a signed copy btw~!!!

  • tash says:

    eh, I say put ‘em up. Maybe in installments! With snazzy graphics!

    This title is hilarious — I was just having a conversation this morning with someone about how I’m prone to dangling participles and split infinitives. And even though I know what they both are, and know I’m bound to fall right into them, I STILL do them. All the time. It’s part of why I don’t want my mom reading my blog. She’d make me take everything down and proofread it some more. I’m more of the spellcheck and regurgitate variety.

  • honeywine says:

    I miss creative writing. I should do something about that. Maybe it’s time to dust off the novel and actually do something with it. Thanks for the kick in the pants toots! ;)

  • birdpress says:

    As paisana mentioned, I also noticed your addiction to parenthetical remarks, mainly because I do it too. (I need some way to highlight the way my brain can’t keep on track.) I even think in parenthetical remarks (I think I do, anyway.) I don’t know why I do that. (Maybe I have ADD?)

    Anyway, I love your blog. I haven’t commented before, but I have enjoyed reading and I’m sure I would enjoy those essays too!

  • Ames says:

    I took a creative writing class a long time ago and I still to this day have not shared ANYTHING that I’ve written. I have faith in you though, and I’m sure that your essays are wonderful!

  • Carlynn says:

    Hi Becky, I’ve missed all of this because I’ve been absent from the internet for a week or two but I’m here to offer my 2 penny’s worth. I think, hang on to the essays. I know that I am a little bit more open with the stuff I produce each year and there is a vague possibility that one day I might get organised and brave enough to actually submit something. Your writing is fabulous and I think it should definitely be offered to a wider audience so hang on to it until you become comfortable with the idea of doing something with your essays.

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