I Was Almost A Fake Celebrity Once
Even after I publicly claimed that “I was unable to say no to most pranks,” no one in NYC actually dared me to do anything. That’s bullshit.
So while I was at this big fancy party thrown by Schick, I came up with a hybrid prank that I was dying to do.
Pranking, you see, runs in my family. My older brother, Uncle Aunt Becky, is a Master Prankster (I know, some of you are shocked that I share my near-perfect genetics with someone else. Let me reassure you that the moment that I was born, my mother decided to get spayed. She knew she’d looked in the face of perfection and could do no better. Actually, she looked at me and said, “Now THAT is a face only a mother will love! “
Yeah, that’s why I’m like this).
He was the sort that had a propane tank and Bunsen burner in his high school locker to make coffee and was well known both by the STC PD and his dean for getting into mischief.
So when I realized that the place that this party was being thrown was in the same fancy complex as Masa, one of the most expensive and exclusive restaurants in the world, I decided that what I wanted more than anything was to enact my Master Prank. It’s a hybrid on the Ferris Bueller Prank, but, well, better.
The Con:
Get a normal person to fake a celebrity to get a table in a fancy, exclusive restaurant on a busy night without a reservation.
The Players:
The Celebrity: A woman, dressed as eccentrically as possible, possibly her hair wet and disheveled (on a dry day), large sunglasses covering her face and acting like a total weirdo. Occasionally wander around lobby eating flowers, talking to paintings, and screaming incoherently into off cell phone. Also has a weirdly familiar three word name.
Security: A dude. Not necessarily a LARGE man, but someone who can act formidable. Sunglasses with wire rims a must. Full black suit. Facial hair for anyone younger than 30.
This is Hockey Man Dad, who is Angie’s husband.
The Handler/Assistant: Smartly dressed woman in one of those weird women’s suits with the skirts. Coordinated gold jewelry a must. Sensible heels and a well executed up-do. Choices were:
Both were also candidates for Celebrity Role as well.
Extras: Stock lobby with people who “know” the celebrity who can ask for autographs and gasp and say, “OHMYGOD, IT’S BECKY SHERRICK HARKS.”
The Prank
Show up to an exclusive restaurant without a reservation, “celebrity” acting like a total freak (which, in my case, isn’t hard to pull off) and demand a table. When the host/ess claims that there are no tables available, pull the “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS?”
Clearly, they will not, because, well, the “celebrity” is a nobody.
Security will stand around, looking menacing while the Handler tries to convince the hostess that “Becky Sherrick Harks” really is not someone that this restaurant can afford the “bad publicity” to turn away. The three-name name is always a good one to pull out because it makes you sound like you are probably more important than you are.
Hope like hell no one has read your stupid blog or bothers to Google you to FIND your blog.
The “celebrity” should wander around the lobby acting like a total fool, eating the flowers, talking to inanimate objects and scaring the other patrons while security attempts to wrangle her.
Have lobby extras ask for autographs and pose for pictures with “celebrity” while handler talks with host/ess about getting the table. Have her go up management chain to secure table for “client.”
Make sure some of the extras gasp loudly and make a scene about “celebrity” and how awesome “celebrity” is.
Keep at the hostess for twenty or so minutes to see if you can actually manage a table out of them. If it does not work, leave in a threatening huff, promising that their restaurant will be on the next day’s paper. And on Twitter. Etc.
The Reason I Wasn’t Able To Pull It Off:
First, I was dressed normally that day, and was too tired to go back to the hotel to put on something zany and weird. Had I had even an ounce more energy, I would have gone back and found myself half of a fat suit to wear or something. And then gotten drenched. Getting wet is always a good cover.
Then, there was this, my security detail (who ALSO wasn’t dressed properly):
That’s me, attempting to look like I’m taking a picture with some REAL celebrity that was at the party I was attending. I’m from Chicago, and people from Chicago aren’t overly impressed by celebrity, unless it’s Britney Spears and OMFG, I LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS.
But, my SECURITY detail, he was all FanBoy on the dude. So, I wasn’t able to wrangle him away.
We were down two essential players.
Plus, Heather was throwing the party and Angie was as tired as I was, so it just seemed like our hearts weren’t going to be into pranking.
Next year, though, I’m going to do something with THIS:
—————-
P.S. Are you impressed by celebrity? What celebrities have you met? Will you do this prank with me?
Dude, next year it is ON.
I’d be your slightly menacing security detail anytime, Aunt Becky.
K
I would do this prank with you in a heartbeat. And it will work.
That’s hilarious! You must try it again when everyone is well rested and better dressed.
That picture of Heather MADE MY DAY. I want her to make that her Twitter avatar.
Also, what the hell is that thing in the bottom picture? I saw it at the BlogHer Expo, and… I just don’t know.
I’m impressed by SOME celebrity. Celebrities that have earned it.
As far as celebrities I’ve met:
Tom Hanks
Patrick Stewart
Ernie Hudson
Linda Hamilton (she was just where I was, I didn’t go out of my way).
and probably the one I was most excited about…
James Tolken – he played Mr. Stricklan in Back to the Future and the guy who said “Your ego’s writing checks your body can’t cash” in Top Gun.
Oh and the guy who played Buck Rogers!! I met him, too.
And yes, I’d totally do the prank with you.
HM
Laughed so hard… I would totally do something like this with you. I wish you were able to pull it off because it sounds hysterical. I live in Los Angeles and this would totally go over here since these nutjobs are crazy for any kind of celebrities.
So who have I seen? Taylor Lautner (lives near me), Amber Riley (Glee), Madonna, Mel Brooks, Alan Alda, Tracey Gold, Brooke Shields, Alicia Silverstone, Jay Leno … to name a few off the top of my head.
No, I’m not usually star struck, but it’s fun seeing celebrities.
Aunt Becky,
I am so in … and I play the bitchy snippy assistant to the hilt! Here’s to a great table and comped bottles of bubbles for all of those who want to play!
i would be an excellent wrangler. i do indignation so well.
When I was about 13, some friends and I were going up the escalators at Water Tower Place, and Danny DeVito was going down the escalators. We all stared and pointed and said “Look! It’s Danny Devito!” He smiled and kinda waved at us. I think he was happy that it was early and there was no one there yet except a small group of fairly quiet teenagers.
Also, one day, I was walking down Michigan Avenue and ended up walking by Luc Longley (former Bulls player) – I was not impressed that he was a celebrity, but I was mildly surprised to find that I only came up to his waist. (I’m 5’1″. On a good day)
I’m not impressed by celebrity, but my encounters are infrequent and generally positive.
Also, you should wear that last outfit to your next parent/teacher conference.
I have never really met a celebrity, with the exception of Simon Estes. Who was awesome to meet. But my bf has met my celebrity boyfriend NERGAL and I am still jealous….
I’ve never seen a celebrity. Mostly they don’t come to east bumfuck & I rarely get to leave east bumfuck, not even to visit fashionable west bumfuck.
Though they did once shoot part of movie on main st while I was working on one of the cross streets but my boss was one of the few who wouldn’t let us go down to that corner & see what was happening.
Does that sound like I used to be a street hooker?
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky and Kevin Boulas, Carolyn West. Carolyn West said: RT @mommywantsvodka: Only the best almost-prank ever: http://mommywantsvodka.com/i-was-almost-a-fake-celebrity-once […]
Feeling a little down because I will never be mistaken for a celebrity. I hope to meet you someday, Aunt Becky, since I have given up hope of meeting a real celebrity and I’m sure that you will be one someday. I can visualize a day when I will see you on a billboard with your picture endorsing the latest bacon product. Or something equally as delicious.
That prank sounds awesome — I’m totally in.
I once saw Robert Downey, Jr. (notice the 3 names…) but he was acting like a celebrity a couple of tables over.
Celebrity does NOT impress me. Actually MOST things don’t impress me. Or shock me. At all. I’m a tough cookie 🙂
When Christmas shopping one year, my aunt and I decided to have some fun and try on the most expensive dresses we could find. The clerks (is that still a politically correct term?) asked who we were (as in, Are you famous?) My aunt said, “Do you know the Judds?” Their eyes got really big and she said, “Well, that’s not us…” and we walked away. I could TOTALLY help you pull this off. I can be very aggressive when I put on my girlie suit!
I met Tom Hanks once when I worked at a theme park. He was amazing. I don’t think any other celeb would live up to him (and I couldn’t go all fan-girl crazy on him, or I would have been fired from my cozy $10/hour gig!)
If you lived in Atlanta, we could make baby Jesus cry. I LOVE to act like an ass in public!
All the celebrities I would go absolutely crazy over are dead… so I guess no luck with that, huh? Elvis, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, River Phoenix… I have issues, I know.
I had a cool comment but the computer ate it and now it won’t post anything good.
Dude. . .I OWN the ridiculous skirt suit to pull off your assistant.
(Uhm, to clarify, by “pull off” I mean “be,” not that I want to undress any assistant you have. Unless she’s hot. Then, I mean, obviously.)
I’m all in. . .BLOGHER ’11, bitches!
I nominate myself for the role of Random Fangirl #5. I am excellent at flailing and not above flinging cups full of assorted beverages when excited.
Or I will carry your pursedog. If you manage to find one. I think celebrities have people that do that.
i met all sorts of b list celebrities when I was in LA, and not one of them had a security detail or a handler.
I might almost brave a conference to do this with you. I will totally scream, start crying, and beg you to take a pciture with me.
I would go to the ends of the earth to eat flowers in a hotel lobby and wander aimlessly. Oh wait, that wasn’t the question was it? I would do all that to do a prank with you, that’s what I meant.
My only near brush with fame was running into Pauly Shore about 20 years ago in a candle shop here in Myrtle Beach. And I do mean LITERALLY running into him. I think I left a bruise of two.
OMG! I am so with you next year! I am definetly going to BlogHer 2011 I am so upset I missed this year. I love me some Britney too. I don’t think I have met a celebrity, well I do get all super excited and nerdy and call everyone I know when you talk to me..You are my favorite celebrity Aunt Becky!
So, how the fuck did we not meet at all during the conference? Or did we and I was inebriated enough that I forgot?
We did NOT meet and that’s fucking BULLSHIT. I demand a recount.
My brother was mistaken for either Tom Green or the skinny dude from Avatar (don’t know who, haven’t seen the movie) by crazy fangirls in Palm Desert. Either that or they were totally pranking us. It might have been his 90’s reject silk shirt he was sporting that night, which I totally dared him to wear…but this gives me an idea…he should really impersonate a celb when I go up there for Labor day w/my girls. He could have an all chick security crew…hmm…
I don’t really sweat celebrities. I think New Yorkers are jaded because famous folk are all over the place and the protocol is not to bother them.. So while I have seen many, I have talked to almost none of them (because that just wouldn’t be cool. And I know I’d dork out. Hell, I can’t meet the parents of my kid’s friends without dorking out)
I’ll be one of your crazed fans. I’ll wear dorky tourist clothes, snap lots of pics (because popping flashbulbs reek celebrity)and have the benefit of being annoying enough where the staff will escort me out but not you. I’ll shriek “OMG!!!!!” and create lots of noise. Maybe they’ll pity you and fear for your safety so they’ll seat you.
As far as meeting celebrities, umm…I met Bruce Jenner this weekend at the Tropicana breakfast at Blogher. I can’t say I was impressed really, but told him I admired his patience because I surely would have lost mine in short order. Standing there, smiling, posing for all those pictures and selling stuff isn’t my thing. I’d have to TOTALLY ADORE a product for that.
I met a Michael Jackson impersonator once, when I was in the fourth grade. Jealous?
I met Lance Armstrong once. He does some of his training at my alma mater. Nice guy.
You know, this almost could work. I really want you to put your heart and soul into this project for next year ’cause I think it would be the coolest thing ever.
The only celebs I have met have been like F list. I don’t think tv hosts really count as celebrities. But anyway, I met Jeff Corwin at a lecture once. He was very firm, dude works out a lot.
Living in NYC, I’ve seen/met many celebrities. Even slept with a famous rocker when I was 22. (Don’t tell my daughter! She’s not allowed!) The one that took my breath away was when I walked past Keanu in Chinatown. He was filming The Devil’s Advocate, and was looking so sharp in a designer suit. So hawt!
I think with some fine tuning we could get this going..
Having grown up with someone that was on TV I know a little about the ins and outs of getting primary seating at exclusive restaurants.
So, a little tweaking and BAM! We have ourselves a delicious little prank 🙂
-Ella
ah- I don’t prank well, unless it’s a little giggle on people I know, and that’s very very rare. I hate prank shows like (wtheck is that one?)- that really make people think they hit a car or whatnot. But I love prankgroups like Improv everywhere. Urbanprankster has videos of them.
If you are ever even remotely in the vicinity of DC, look me up and we will proceed to do this to the fullest. Around here, you dont have to be the kind of celebrity that anyone would recognize, you could be Senator so and so who just cast the key vote in securing funding for the study of underwater basketweaving, thereby breaking with the ruling majority and possibly indicating the collapse of the free market as we know it. The truest thing ever uttered on a reality show is that in this town, it is all about proximity to power. We would have a blast.
I could be the assistant. – plus I love San Diego. I am not overly impressed with “celebrity” but I have met a lot of them. I worked in radio and it came with the job. My FAVORITE celebrity was Dick Clark. I got to interview him on New Year’s Eve Eve – it was kick ASS. He was super nice to me.
For some reason I was also once allowed in the VIP Tent for a celebrity softball tournament. It was a bunch of soap opera stars and was put together by some laundry detergent company. 😛 My best friend and I just got drunk and talked to the local media mostly.
I’d totally do it with you!
That sounds so wrong.
I’m so envious of the BlogHer peeps but if I’m there next year, and you’re there, I’d love to be a squealing fan girl getting your autograph.
I’m not impressed by celebrities and have never seen one. One of my friends saw Carrot Top once and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and screamed “Oh my Gawd, its Carrot Top” and a million people turned to stare and he just sort of made a heh noise and ducked into a store. She wasn’t a fan or anything, just surprised to see him.
The sad truth is, both you and I know that this was all just an excuse for you to eat flowers.
HAHA! I was going to say the same thing.
This is brillz.
Also, I’m in. See you in San Diego, FOR REALZ.
P.S. You look really good, I mean it.
Next year, I’ll look even better. I promise.
My most memorable celebrity encounter was the time my college roomie and I were walking from the car to Venice Beach and Dudley Moore pulled up in front of us in a gold Rolls Royce and tried to pick us up in full Arthur mode. Yes, it was a long time ago, and of course we said no.
Apparently I might have freaked Ben Affleck out during his freshman orientation while I was *ahem* chemically altered with some friends and carrying a field hockey stick. That day’s a pretty big blur, though.
I am too scared to go to jail but get yer (your spelling) and I’ll take my vicious (not)) pitt bull and go into public and do shit. Just give me the Daver’s phone number so we can get bailed out of jail.
Awww I’m so sorry you didn’t pull it off but you def. will next year in that outfit. I used to walk around dressed as a feaux celeb all the time. I never tried to get in anywhere. I just wore mismatched crazy clothes, wet hair and big glasses out of laziness!
I once waited on Crispin Glover’s table, and his handler kept asking me if I knew who he was. I kept saying yes, but does he want hummus or baba ghanouj? I sort of thought he wanted to punch his handler but I was too busy serving everyone else to find out any more.
My father built a plane and ended up selling it to…wait for it…John Denver. He came to get the plane when he was doing a concert in my city and I got to meet him. I was 12. He gave me an autograph and even said “far out”.
And no, the plane my dad built was NOT the one John crashed in! Sheesh, people.
I once met Christie Brinkley.
And by ‘met’ I mean “screamed at during a Billy Joel concert while she was walking past me to the stage prompting her to freak so bad that she dropped her drink and grabbed her heart.”
Shining moment for me, really.
Ummm, helloooo??? I was running security on that crazy lady talking to the celebrity. She was all like, oh mr celebrity, I am looking for that aunt becky whore so I can kick her in her taco. I was then all, not so fast crazy wench, I am security, and you must be gettin a move on or I will sick that dude with the fanny pack and boy shorts on to remove you.
One of the best pictures taken of me all weekend. I shit you not.
Okay, you have so many damn comments it took me forever just to get to the bottom of this post. But I had to do it. I had to stand out. I AM a celebrity gawker. I did get excited to meet Gavin De-whatshisname. And I want to impress you with my D list of celebrity meetings:
Carrot Top
Tom Green
Kelly Osborne
The other dudes from Linkin Park (not Chester)
Christie Brinkley (I ran into her in London, literally)
Jeremy London
Bruce Jenner (no free breakfast is complete without him)
Marmaduke (I’m serious. BlogHer was awesome for celebrities)
Bob Dylan
Ralph Nader
I’m sure I could keep digging but I like to keep an air of mystery about myself.
Keeping an air of mystery is VERY important. VERY. Also: my name is Becky Sherrick Harks and I live at…
WAIT. I’m not being mysterious!
I try to be cool around celebrity because I feel like that is more unique to them than being all FanGirl. Of course, I have never really met a celebrity so…
This would have been awesome! I am so totally jealous!
I am so with you on pranks next year! Not sure what you will be doing with that scary costume guy– but Im in.. just cause its you.
I once met Aunt Becky.