Another from the vaults, this one is from January 2006. I figured that rather than fluff up the archive on this blog with my old stuff, I’ll just repost the good ones here.

I’ll be back later with something more substantial.


*ring, ring*

B: (excitedly) ‘œHey Daver, I had a great idea!’

D: (distractedly) ‘œYeah?’ (typing sounds resume earnestly in background)

B: ‘œWell, you know how we’re buying a new house?’

D: (warily) ‘œYeah’¦.?’

B: ‘œI think we should rescind our offer on the house on Adams. I found a better one!’

D: ‘œWhat?’

B: (talking faster now) ‘œI mean, I know we’re going to lose some of our earnest money, and that totally sucks but I just realized my dream house!’

D: ‘œWhere is this place?’

B: ‘œWell, you know that forest preserve that I love that we always pass on the way home that I always say ‘God, I love that forest preserve?’ and ‘Cantigny is so pretty!”

D: (warily and wearily) ‘œYes’¦’

B: ‘œI’ve decided that we’re going to buy the Cantigny Mansion. You know, the old McCormick house? I toured it once as a kid with my parents, and I LOVED it!’

D: (feels the dull thump of a migraine coming on) ‘œBecky, it’s not for sale. It’s property of the county.’

B: (triumphantly) ‘œWell, THAT’S why we have to go in with guns blazing; give them an offer they can’t refuse!’

D: (head resting on desk) ‘œOhno.’

B: (dreamily) ‘œThink about it, Dave. We can be Lord and Lady of THAT house. I mean, I already changed my name to Princess Grace of Monaco in my mind! It has a nicer ring to it.’

D: (banging head on desk) ‘œYou know she’s dead, right?’

B: ‘œSo she won’t mind that I’ve taken her name. Plus, I won’t have to explain to people, ‘I’m the OTHER Princess Grace of Monaco.”

D: (now irritated) ‘œYou got me out of a meeting for THIS?’

B: (sheepishly) ‘œWell, yeah.’

D: (tiredly) ‘œWHEN do you go back to work?’

B: ‘œJanuary 30th’

D: (under his breath) ‘œNot soon enough.’

B: ‘œOh well, I’ll call our real estate lady and tell her the news.’

D: ‘œYou do that.’

*both parties hang up*

9 thoughts on “I Just Called To Say I Love You

  1. haha- love it! When we lived in Florida my parents would drive visitors to the Rigling Bros. Mansion ans start to get out like it was our place– oh good times.

  2. You are hysterical. My ex used to torture me with the most insane phone calls when I was working and he was “working”. Like it was huge emergency that he had to know immediately if I’d rather see Dr. Phil or Santa naked. Things like that.

    Funny Stuff.

  3. It’s not like you were asking for both the moon AND the stars too, just a castle. Geez.

    Hope you are doing okay with everything. I’m thinking of you, in a purely friendly internet way…nothing tawdry, unless that makes you feel better in which case, mmm no still can’t, but I could send cookies instead:)

  4. You crack me up! Only you would want a house that’s not for sale and want to put an offer on it!

    I will gladly call you Princess Grace if it makes you happy!

    Thinking of you and hoping you are doing alright!

  5. Love it! I wish I would have written down all of the hair-brained reasons that I have called The Silent Husband and pulled him out of meetings.

    There are so many!!

    I’m sure he could go on and on about it!

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