Every year, right around March, I’m all, “IMMA MAKE AWESOME CHRISTMAS CARDS NEXT YEAR!” I get these really grand ideas like, exploding firecracker Christmas Cards and Christmas Cards that sing “Rock Me Amadeus” and maybe just cards that feature my family dressed up in totally weird outfits. Either way, my ideas are FULL of the awesome.

Then I forget about it.

Or, I don’t really forget about it, I just don’t remember that it takes some level of PLANNING to execute holiday cards and I’m not known for my fine attention to details. Like, for instance, I never own stamps. Because, OBVIOUSLY, stamps are bullshit.

So I haven’t sent Christmas cards in like 7 years. But every year I’m all THIS IS GONNA BE MY YEAR. JUST LIKE THE KIDS ON AMERICAN IDOL.

(it never is)

This year, I was considering sending Valentine’s Day cards. It’s kind of awesomely different and really, wouldn’t you like to see MY smiling mug on YOUR Day To Shell Out Lots Of Money To Take Your Loved One Out For A Cheesy Overpriced Dinner?

(don’t answer that) (really, I don’t think my ego can take it)

Then, I found the most perfectest solution. Better than a Valentine’s Day Card, I’m going to commission one of these. With a friend that you all know, too. If you’re lucky, you’ll get one.

From the amazing, awe-inspiring Celestial Soul Portraits.

I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am. I’m going to frame it and put it in EVERY ROOM OF MY HOUSE. And over my bed. And in my car. And on the side of my car. I might even buy a van and have it spray-painted on there.

I’m weeping with possibilities.



31 Responses to Have A Holly, Jolly, Soul Portrait Christmas

  • I sent St. Patrick’s day letters last year. Only they said Christmas letter at the top so I had to cross that out and write Valentine’s Day. Then cross out again when I didn’t make that deadline. Only I ended up sending out only a few of the St. Patrick’s Day letters.

    I might have a laziness problem.

  • Nancy P says:

    Oh Aunt Becky I can not wait to see the results. I saw that site a few weeks ago and good lord but I can not get the images out of my head. Wow. Just wow.

  • Mel says:

    This completely solves my problem of getting the children to all look at the same place, at the SAME TIME, and have decent looks on their faces, free of food, blood and anything else that boys can do.

    Because OH MY GOD, it makes me crazy every year.

  • Kate says:

    Fwiw you can order stamps online from the post office. It’s $1 for shipping/handling but totally worth it to avoid a trip to the post office.

  • Andie
    Twitter: lilmscreant

    Holy crap, can I have a lazerbeam coming out of MY FOREHEAD TOO? That’s be like, so wicked cool.

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream

    Absolutely, unbelievably perfect!

  • Eva says:

    Awesome! I also think you should have a pic done on either the side of your house or garage door. What better way to welcome guests? haha

  • Jenn says:

    I have toyed with the idea of telling anyone who expects a card from me, that they will get one when they send a SASE my way. We’ll see.

  • gaylin says:

    I did make cards this year . . . but I don’t have kids, live alone and am off work on sick leave. Serious time on my hands to make cookies as well and eat them. Um, and I buy stamps in a roll of 100!

  • Tracie
    Twitter: fromtracie

    I think I love this idea.

    My husband is Christmas Card obsessed. He buys so many of them every year…and then it is up to me to fill out and address them. After spending two or so weeks doing that I give him the cards to mail. Then he puts them in the backseat of the car and forgets about them until February. It is a vicious cycle.

  • Can I get on the card list? Because I WANTS ONE.

  • Jumble Mash says:


    Can’t wait to see the results!

  • I try for a photo card every year but since I can’t get even inanimate objects to stand still & look at the camera, it just never works out

  • pattypunker says:

    i work in corporate america, if erial can find my soul, i’ll pay handsomely.

  • Tori says:

    Ew girl, last year we sent out Christmas Cards that looked like Final Notices from a bill collector. It’s a lovely way to say “HOLY SHIT! YER GONNA LOSE YER HOUSE! Just kidding, Merry Crimmas, y’all.”

  • KaraB says:

    I think I need to get these as well. It’s pretty much how I imagine that I look all the time (it’s my imagination, and I love it!). Sign me up for a card, I totally want an Aunt Becky one!

  • katrina says:

    That is so fuckin cool!! It most definitely needs to go on your garage door!….and i want one!

  • OMG, I have always wanted rainbows painted on my eyelids!

  • I’m going to get one of these done for me, if only because it does such nice things for the bewbs.

  • MrsLaLa says:

    That is AWESOME! Bahahaha.

  • Tershbango says:

    I strongly recommend you have it silkscreened on a velvet wall hanging.

  • KC (The Resident Bitch) says:

    O … M … G …

    First of all I am SOOOOOOOOO glad that you also think stamps are bullshit because I NEVER have them since I completely agree that they are. Bullshit that is.

    Also, I always think I’ll do Christmas cards too and I never do … but this year? THIS YEAR I even bought the cards … I just didn’t think ahead and get anyone’s addresses. Oh well.

    Also? Those portraits are awesome. I want to drape myself in velvet and lie nude with them. I mean … I uh … no, I want to lie nude in velvet with them…

  • Tiffany says:

    YES! You need a celestial portrait Aunt Becky. And you need to frame it and place it in your guest bathroom directly facing the toilet so that your terrifying astral-self visage (complete with dolphins and laser beams)can stare down anyone who is using it.

  • McGilli says:

    Oh my… not sure I could pull this off. I prefer to find christmas cards in my office that someone else left behind many years ago, set them on my desk and then not send them… tsk tsk at myself a number of times and then tell my friends and family that I don’t do cards on account of not wanting to leave anyone out by accident… they’re all left out and then no one can bitch at me.
    Did any of that make sense??????

  • Liz says:

    I love it. I want one of you, of me, and I’d actually go buy stamps to mail them. But I’d make my husband put on all the addresses. Wait, that’s what I do now. Every year we order 100 photo cards and have half of them left because he only sends them to his friends and family and whatever portions of my family he likes to keep unoffended. (I think I made up a word there) This year he only bought 50. I don’t know if they’re the kind that come with envelopes. They were awfully cheap for photo cards, so I wonder… I want to have lizards and dragons and fire and flames coming from my chesticles.

  • This reminds me of those “aura” photographs they always take at psychic conventions. Mine was red, not all sweet and purty like this, though…

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