Dear Aunty Becky,
So I finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up, and how I want to get there. I’ve found the perfect college to go back to, enrolled, and am now trying to figure out how to pay for it.
This is where I need help. I have anxiety issues and money is a HUGE trigger for me. I’m at the point where I dream that I can’t fall asleep because I’m too busy thinking about how I can pay for my dream to come true.
I’m 33, I have 4 kids, I’m married, I’m recently laid off…. I don’t know how to make this work! It’s what I want to do more than anything (except maybe live) but I don’t even know how to pay for it? What can I do, besides drink more before I go to bed?
The Neurotic One
Oh Neurotic Prankster, you are SO not alone in this one, and for good reason. The cost of college is damn daunting especially if you look at it from a beginning-to-end perspective (which I was smart enough NOT to d0)(or stupid enough)(whatever)(let’s not nitpick, Pranksters, I have the FLU).
Here’s where I’m going to veer away from the smart financial people who will no doubt rail on me in the comments and suggest that you will FIND a way to pay for your dream. If this IS what you want to do, Prankster, then you MUST do it. You’ll know in your bones if this is It, and if It is, then you simply must find a way.
There are always college loans, work-on-campus programs and ways to pay for the tuition. You can buy text books used from Amazon.com rather than take it up the butt from the bookstore. Take some of the prerequisites from a junior college (MAKE SURE THEY TRANSFER INTO YOUR FUTURE COLLEGE, FIRST. THIS IS MY WARNING TO YOU)
Go in and make an appointment with the admissions counselor and have them walk you through how you can pay for it. I assure you that most people don’t have hundreds of thousands just laying around to throw at college.
So, DO IT, Prankster. You only go around this crazy planet once. Might as well be doing something that fulfills you.
I’m considering going back to school to become a RN. Only because I want to be a lactation consultant.
Would I kill myself? Is it horrible? Do I have to learn stuff with needles?
Any advice is appreciated, yo.
Aw, ZAK, this brings a tear of joy to my eye! I’m so proud of you for wanting to go to school to fondle boobies! Also: I will send you my scrubs so you have some to start with because, obviously.
Anyway. No, you totally won’t kill yourself, because you’re going to nursing school because you want to, not as a Long Suffering Aunt Becky who hated every moment of it because I really wanted to be somewhere (anywhere) else.
The things I have to say about nursing school are this:
It’s exhausting. The pace they put you at was a new class load about every 8 weeks, which meant that we were on the quarter system. It was a semester’s worth of material in half the time, but that’s pretty indicative of how the medical field works (sink or swim) so you do get used to it. I swear.
No one will coddle you. But I know you and I think you’d punch someone in the cock if they tried to, so this is good. Just keep it in mind that you’re on your own and you’re going to be doing a lot of work. Again, you get used to it. I’m pretty sure if I tried to go back and take a normal college class I’d be disgusted by how easy it was.
It’s satisfying. I never wanted to be a nurse, but a lot of what I did learn was highly satisfying even if I only use that knowledge to gleefully correct televised medical dramas and/or solve the mystery on House, MD before his team does. I bat a pretty good average on that one, actually.
Actually, you probably won’t have to do much with needles in school (which, ROCK ON). Not only is a hugemongeous liability for the school because y’all could be throwing around blood-borne pathogens thanks to poor needle practices, but every hospital uses different needles AND has a different set of standards for the way that their staff handles needles.
Needle work comes once you get hired somewhere or work somewhere as a patient care tech.
Other than that, I have a huge amount of respect for nurses and anyone who wants to become one. So to you, I take my hat off. Or I would if I were wearing one. Actually, I might be wearing one, but the flu has made me hallucinate.
Was my mother right: Does the white stuff around oranges have nutrients like iron? Is it good for you? I’ve gone my whole life choking on the stuff and/or painstakingly peeling it off. I have to know!
The white stuff around the oranges is called “pith” which sounds very properly English, doesn’t it? I can only picture English people saying it dressed in fancy 18th century garb (like those gigantic headdresses) while sipping tea, but THAT, Pranksters, is the drugs talking.
Anyway, my parents were always saying the same things to me, although they never quoted iron specifically. But it was always “nutritious things” in that pith. And when I went to look it up, the only word among the many, many I found, that made any sense whatsoever was “fiber.”
The rest sounded like New Age made-up words. Which, maybe they were. Because I’d never heard of them before. And clearly, if *I* hadn’t heard of them, they were fake words.
Either way, the pith of an orange tastes like butthole, that we can all agree on. And generally, the things on this planet that aren’t lethal that taste like butthole are really good for you. So my guess is that the pith is probably really good for you.
(I still peel it off. I like bitter things–like my heart–but that shit is WAAAAY too bitter for me)
As always, Pranksters, please feel free to fill in where I left off in the comments.
P.S. This probably makes no sense because I’m still hallucinating.
P.P.S. I am going to punch the flu in the cock.
P.P.P.S. I wish the flu had a cock so I could punch it there. Hard.