I was in a long relationship that ended last September. When it ended, I had a lot of support from one of my best male friends (someone I’ve known for six years from university, who has always been someone I talk to a lot and share very honest things with).
Naturally, as these things do happen, I started having more-than-just-friends feelings for him. He is a wonderful person (I’ve always thought so), we have TONS in common, we talk daily (sometimes for hours, and we’ve done this for awhile). Last week he and I sort of admitted that we have feelings for each other.
It’s good, and I’m happy. If we were to be together, I think it would be one of the easiest relationships ever (we already have the same social group, like the same things, have families that already like each of us, go to the same major social events, etc). There’s one thing though, that makes me feel slightly bad and guilty.
Three years ago, he was in a relationship with my childhood best friend (who is not in our university group of friends). They had met at a party that I had invited her to, they dated for a few months and then called it off.. and then seven or eight months after that they were back together, and lasted for a whole year. It’s now been another full year since they’ve broken up for good. She and I used to be very close, but we have gone in slightly different directions so I don’t see her that often, and only talk to her occasionally these days. We have a long history together, though.
I didn’t want to lie, so I sent her an email explaining that… “as much as I know it’s awkward, I’m having feelings for her ex-boyfriend.” Her reply was that “she knows she can’t stop me, but that she finds it hurtful and weird.”
I like him… A LOT. I’m just feeling bad that he has a history with her.
Do you have thoughts or advice for situations like this? Right now I’m leaning towards moving the relationship forward, despite her, because I really believe he and I can be good together… does that make me a horrible person?
Worst Best Friend Ever
Well, Prankster, I don’t think this makes you a horrible person. I can see both sides of the situation and I’m willing that the other Pranksters will be polarized in their advice to you.
The bottom line is this: are you willing to write off her friendship? Because that’s the worst case scenario: you lose her and you lose any mutual friends who may choose to side with her.
You can’t help what your heart wants and she can’t help how she feels about what your heart wants. Which can you live with?
I wish you luck, Prankster. That is certainly a tricky situation.
Greetings Aunt Becky!
I’m looking for your sage advice or at the least a smart ass remark.
Recently, I was in Dominican Republic on holiday. Met a kind man from Amsterdam. We had many drinks. I facetiously said I would come to Amsterdam over Christmas to hang out. For the sake of having fun in another country and having a cool tour guide. He agreed we would have fun.
Not wanting to be alone over the holiday, I booked a ticket and room. I mean, only live once and I was planning on a trip anyways, just hadn’t figured where. I informed him and he said his heart is filled with joy. He is now ending emails with the L Bomb.
Should I be freaked out?
Oh Prankster, I’m so sorry that your email was stuffed unceremoniously into the wrong folder, blocking it from my sight and rendering me incapable of answering you in a timely manner. HOW DARE MY EMAIL KEEP US APART!
I’m not, perhaps, the most romantic person, but I have been known to end emails with “Much Love,” or, “Love Always,” or “xoxo,” because I hate the way “Sincerely,” looks. “Sincerely,” looks, well, kinda insincere, doesn’t it?
That said, I’ve got a story of a good creepers that I dated to regale you with tomorrow.
Guys who drop the L-Bomb right away creep me the fuck out. But I’m as romantic as a booger, so there’s that. If I were you (be glad – very glad – I am not you), I’d probably be a little squiggly and all PROCEED WITH CAUTION from here on out.
Dear Aunt Becky,
Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I feel like it was the right thing to do since we were constantly fighting and growing unhappier with each other every day.
If it was the right thing to do, then why the hell does it have to hurt so much? I feel so lost and alone without him and can’t help thinking about the good times we’d had in the beginning before everything went downhill. I would give anything to have us back at the point when we were happy. But I know that that’s not probable or likely at all.
Is it going to suck this hard forever? And if it was the right thing to do, why do I feel like a huge pile of shit?
Love is an asshole. I’d punch it in the throat if I could.
The short story is that it does get better…eventually. The long story is, of course, that it takes a long fucking time and while you’re getting better, it hurts like hell.
The worse the breakup (for me), the better the relationship had once been. That doesn’t help much, though, does it? Platitudes are fucking bullshit. (so are pants)
I’m sorry as hell you’re hurting and I wish that I could make it better. If you were closer, I’d invite you over for some slasher flicks and popcorn (I hate girly flicks) and maybe even some chocolate ice cream.
Sending you a big, fat, awkward-lasts-too-long-kind of hug right now.
Lots of love.
All right Pranksters, time to answer with smarter things, the kind I have egregiously overlooked because I was too busy thinking about how much I needed a real, live dancing cactus. Because I really, really do.