Go Ask Aunt Becky is a purely useless advice column I’ve been running for years (although I’ve been on a recent hiatus). You ask me a question – I try to find you a better answer than “pants are bullshit.” You may always submit your questions through the link at the top. Be warned, I am not a professional – I don’t even play one on TV.

(insert more disclaimers)

Driver does not carry cash.

Dear Aunt Becky,

How is a person supposed to live the rest of her life and maintain her Tiny Tower? Balance is… Hang on, gotta stock the shoe store… Where was I? Oh. Right. How can I keep this game from consuming my soul?




Dear Prankster,

In order to best explain how one can go about living a life while playing Tiny Tower, I have made you a Venn Diagram. It took me an embarrassingly long time to make it, but let’s pretend I just “whipped it up for you,” like those creepy Pinterest people who are all LOOK AT MY HOMEMADE GOODNESS, YOU LAME ASS SLACKERS! HOW DARE YOU NOT CHURN BUTTER WHILE I GROW MY FANCY ORGANIC SHIT (can you pick up a pizza on the way home, honey? I was too busy pinning healthy shit on Pinterest).

So I “whipped up” (lie) this Venn Diagram for you in order to best explain how one balances life and Tiny Tower:

I hope that explains it, Prankster. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to stock my Balls On Ur Face Racquet Ball Court before I fly my Pocket Plane to such exotic destinations as “Detroit” and “Seattle.”


I know that my site is still janked up – you can blame the WordPress update for that (all together now: “THANKS WORDPRESS!”) and I’m hoping to fix it on up soon.

I have some other stuffs to write about this week – I’m nowhere back to normal yet, but I wanted to thank you – each of you – who has bothered to leave me some love. You don’t know how your words have buoyed my soul and shone a light in the darkness.

So, thank you. Thank you, Pranksters.

12 thoughts on “Go Ask Aunt Becky

  1. Glad you are getting stronger each day. Minute by minute; hour by hour; day by day. Then you dance!

  2. is it wrong that i have to google tiny tower? *googles* ZOMFG I NEED THIS APP. thanks for destroying my life. that venn diagram will be helpful in explaining the lack of dinner, cleaning, food in the house, etc. since i’ll be spending all my time playing tiny tower now.

  3. I know what other people think doesn’t amount to squat when you are looking at “The Abyss”. Really how people feel about you has little to do with anything. It’s just all that we could do (care). Every time you crawl out AB, it’s because YOU matter to you. Nurture That Becks. Stop taking care of the world long enough to take care of yourself. Heart ya AB.

  4. Who is this “Venn” person, and what are they doing with a diaphragm?


    I’ll have what Caro is having.

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