Pranksters, the time has come. Oh yes, it is time. Time to come to InterventionCon in DC and hang out with Your Favorite Aunt Becky. September 16-18, I will be hanging at the Con, selling my shirts and talking about how to be cool on the Internets. Or why Mommy Needs Vodka.
Which means, of course, I need to figure out HOW to be cool in the first place.
P.S. I’m driving from IL to DC, so maybe we can meet up along the way?
Dear Aunt Becky,
Saw these, thought of you, started rolling on the floor laughing, may have peed a bit, took a picture and attracted the attention of security. Not necessarily in that order. I mean, I cannot believe someone would have given up their entire collection with only ‘Mystic Throat Ripper’ and ‘Mystic Mark My Territory’ left to find.
Prankster, I’m only bitter that I wasn’t there.
You have no idea.
Dearest Aunt Becky,
A few months ago my sweet baby niece was diagnosed with a particularly bullshit form of cancer.
Long story short, I want to auction off some of her bad ass drawings online. Where should I get started? Suggestions please? Thank you.
I’m so sorry about your niece and her bullshit cancer. Cancer is a fucking hot steaming pile of bullshit and I hate it hard. I think auctioning off her drawings is a lovely idear.
However, I am not entirely certain how online auctions go. If I did, I might, you know, SELL my nice DSL-R rather than simply let it gather dust.
So instead of telling you where to do it, I’m going to tell you where NOT to. My Pranksters will certainly know more about this stuff. (my only shitballs suggestion is to do it from your blog).
- ebay. Why? ebay is creepy. I am afraid of it. Like, deeply afraid of it.
- Craigslist. Why? Because Craigslist = Uncle Pervy. You don’t want her adorable drawings up next to someone’s penis picture. Because ew.
I don’t know about Etsy or anything, but I’d wait and see what the Pranksters come up with. They’re clever AND sexy.
Hey Aunt Becky,
You’re a pretty awesome woman-of-the -world or even just woman-in-general so I was wondering if you could give me some boy advice.
See, I started University this year coming from a school where I’d known all the boys from their grubby kindergarten days and now I see boys who I don’t know EVERYWHERE! And I have no idea how to talk to them.
Then 6 weeks ago (if you need the days and minutes as well I’d be happy to provide them)I saw this boy…sigh. I finally managed to speak to him one day on the bus (despite my nearly overwhelming urge to throw up) and at the time I thought it went well, but now what? How do I speak to him again without being weird? and what do I say? And how do I stop my voice from going really deep? (not cute husky deep, like weird deep).
Even if you could somehow teach me husky-deep that would be fine. Help me Aunt Becky!
your loving neice
Oh my sweet niece, how could I let you down? I cannot.
So here is Aunt Becky’s Advice for How To Deal With Boys:
1) Smack them across the head with something.
2) Bat your eyelashes at them.
3) Say, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to whack you with a 2×4″
4) Then they fall in love with you.
Or, you can always just do what my daughter does when she’s feeling shy. Cover your eyes and say, “Hi.”
Either way, the end result is TOTALLY the same.
Pranksters? Any thoughts?
As always, please submit your questions to Go Ask Aunt Becky and I will lackadaisically answer them with advice you should never take.
Also, if you want another side of me, you should read this: Meet Becky Harks. It’s a decent interview with probably non-hateful comments. P.S. Now you know my name.
Also, also: I hate to ask you about the whole “liking” me thing, but it would mean SO MUCH to me if you did. I hate myself for even asking.