Hey Aunt Beckster. I have a 3 year old, a one year old and just found out I’m pregnant again. So I’ll have a newborn, a 2yo and a 4yo this December. Now this pregnancy is something we tried for. I was all eye of the mother fucking tiger Imma gonna get pregnant now! Now that I am though, I’m a little freaked out.
Am I fucking nuts? How the hell am I going to do this? Having two kids drives me nucking futs some days. How crazy is having 3 kids really?
Do you have a minivan?
*looks around shiftily*
*crosses fingers behind back*
Having three kids is EASY as PIE. Heh. Heh. Heh. Disregard every other time I’ve said, “three is a fucking LOT of kids” because, um, it’s not.
Think about it like this: you’ll have a couple of ridiculously hard years, then? The kids will play together and leave you ALONE.
And yes, I do own a minivan (SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH) that may win an award for the UGLIEST thing ever. I hate minivans. But they’re really fucking useful. So there’s that.
So three? *flips hair back* Three kids are GREAT. They’re the magic number.
Hi Aunt Becky,
Without going into tooooo many details, my ex-husband decided going into the divorce that I was going to be psycho. He has told everyone we know (including teachers, OT, PT, daycare, etc.) that I am psycho.
When we split up, he had the upper hand and I was essentially left with the one u-haul (one day early, along with with my baby).
How do I deal with this? I FEEL psycho, because he makes me feel psycho because he treats me like it, in order to make the divorce work out in his favor.
In other words, he decides I am crazy, so anything I do fits into that mold, no matter what. What should I do? Sometimes I want to just leave the m’f'ng country but that would mean leaving my baby behind.
Seriously, AB, I am at my wits end here. I am a mom, and the dad is obviously smarter than me. What do I do? I just want to curl up and die. Really. Or go back in time, except that then I wouldn’t have my baby, except…maybe that would be for the best?
Hurting and lost here.
Aw, Prankster, that’s what ex’s are good for: making you feel nuts. What you need is a good therapist or someone who can remind you that you’re not fucking psycho. In a couple years, with some distance, you’ll manage to see that it was never, ever you, and hopefully, feel less alone.
My heart breaks for you because I remember the insidious way that my ex made me feel all those years ago. You DO end up feeling like it’s you. I know that.
But I also know that it’s not me. Nor is it you.
So I suggest you find yourself a good therapist and a good defense attorney, scream EYE OF THE TIGER whenever you’re feeling low, and fight this motherfucker. Or you can give him MY phone number and I’ll tell him precisely what I think of him.
Ain’t NOBODY messing with MAH Pranksters.
Much love to you. Let us know what happens.
Dear Aunt Becky,
I have two not-so-related body image questions, and if you don’t mind I’m going to ask both now before they fly out of my memory.
First, I have a few acquaintances (FB friends, moms from school, etc.) who think nothing of publicly slamming other people’s bodies all the time. You know, things like, “God, does she own a mirror?” or “To the lady in front of me at Target – you can’t pull off skinny jeans.”
This REALLY annoys me – and not just because I am a plus sized woman, which I only mention in the interest of full disclosure. I have three daughters, and I don’t like the idea that their bodies could be seen as public property open to commentary from total strangers. Life is tough enough for girls and women, and I hate the catty, competitive vibe that accompanies these comments. Basically, I think a person’s body, style, etc. is no one’s business but their own.
Do I say something to these people? Do I ignore it, or is that compromising my integrity? I kind of wish I could cut some of them off, but I don’t want to create awkwardness that might trickle down to my kids.
My second question is about MY body. Before having kids, I used to sleep naked all the time, especially in summer. It was comfortable and cool, and it certainly made less laundry. I find myself missing that, but I feel like good mommies should wear nightgowns and giant bloomers. I have all girls, and I’d keep a nightshirt next to the bed to pop on in case of a middle of the night call (which, thank goodness, is not a regular event in my house anymore). Obviously, I’d put something on before leaving my room in the morning.
Would I be a skanky, nasty mommy if I went back to the buff?
A) I find no reason why, if these people are commenting on the size, weight, or look, of others, that you can’t say something like, “I’m not sure that bitching about how other people look is the appropriate message to send our daughters.”
That, I’d think, would shut them right the fuck up.
2) Sleep naked. Period. If you like to sleep in the buff, go right the fuck ahead.
Pranksters? What other advice can you give these people?
Oh, and I’ll be picking a winner for the shirt contest on Monday.
And my column from Cafe Mom is UP, yo!