Dear Aunt Becky & her Awesome Pranksters:
My most pressing question, only because it’s not something that can be answered by looking up local legal codes or consulting the legal counsel I can’t afford anyway, is how to tell my 3 year old, brilliant, observant, sensitive, & already adapting to the role of caretaker at age fucking THREE, Mama & Daddy won’t be loving together anymore.
See, I’ve been so busy trying to survive, take care of my daughter, & deal with the chest-tightening, ever-present, want-to-shoot-myself-anxiety, & not fall into a severe depression, that I didn’t have time to read the Guide on How to Get Out of a Bad Marriage Without Completely Destroying Your Child in the Process.
I know, right? You’d think I’d have carved out some time for that one. But thank god I haven’t lost my snark & sarcasm or my will to clean? Make my reservation in the asylum.
So, my dear Aunt Becky. What you got for me?
Well, first things first, if you’re actively suicidal, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). I’m serious, here. That’s not like a joke phone number.
Your daughter sounds to be very intuitive and has probably already realized something was wrong. I would recommend talking to her in very concrete terms. Children don’t understand euphemisms and are prone to interpret things differently than adults.
That said, these are the key things you should try and touch on when you tell your daughter that you’re getting a divorce.
a) The divorce has nothing to do with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is not your fault.
b) Mom and Dad both love you dearly no matter what happens. We will always be your parents, even if we live in different houses.
c) Everything will be fine. Even if it seems scary and different now, everything will be just fine.
d) It’s okay to feel sad.
I hope that helps, dear Prankster.
Is there a book on the way? I am unable to submit my request to your publishers or my e-mail for the chapter.
So I’ll do it here: hell yes, I’d buy Aunt Becky’s bookssss.
That seems to be the question plaguing me.
I’ve recently parted ways with my agents and realized the publishing industry is in the crapper, so I’m not entirely certain if I SHOULD write a book. I certainly can (although I’d need to ascertain what, exactly, I’d write about) and would be happy to, but I’m not sure if I should simply chuck the idear of finding new agents, praying for a publisher, then writing the thing. Certainly, I could try.
The logical step would be, of course, to simply write the damn thing and sell it as an e-book.
The question remains: should I? I’m asking you, Pranksters, because I trust your opinion. Should I bother trying to self-publish an e-book or is that as useless as the time I tried to cook dinner?
I’m having a mini-crisis over here about it and would genuinely love your input (not about dinner, of course. We all know I live on Uncrustables and cereal).
Should Your Favorite Aunt Becky bother writing and self-publishing a book? Do you know any publishers that would heart me? What type of book would you like to read? You can answer in the comments or send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
If you guys really think I can do this, then I will. MY FATE IS IN YOUR HANDS, PRANKSTERS.
Your Aunt Becky who may or may not be gulping Xanax while she writes this.
(P.S. if you are a publisher, please publish my book, no questions asked)