I’m planning to make some new shirt designs, but since I cannot eat a sandwich without first consulting The Internet, I am asking for your opinion. In nifty poll form!
Would you order any of these shirts? Check all that apply. And, of course, you can write any other suggestions in the comments.
Dear Aunt Becky,
I’ve been at this craptastical job for 5 years, during which they ass raped me with a spiked concrete dildo during both my maternity leave and the more recent incident with my husband’s stroke. During that, not only did they choose to string out the Medical Leave paperwork and make it more stressful than my HUSBAND BEING IN THE ICU, but also kept me on a line about whether or not they would be laying me off.
I’ve just been offered a job at Apple Retail (which I will be accepting) and be able to do my photography (holla!) and virtual assistance on the side (if you are a photographer or small business owner, check me out! http://thephotogshelper.com *cough* ) and will be starting training this weekend.
Now, my question is this! What is the most epic way to quit? I don’t care about burning bridges, as they have already screwed me here to there and I would rather whore myself out than try to come back here to work, but I want something good.
Pissed in Portland
Dear Pissed in Portland,
My suggestion is something that someone I knew once did. Not, of course, myself, because I’m a VERY classy person. Or maybe it was a dream I had. I don’t remember.
He went in on the day he was going to quit and took a gigantic piss on his bosses keyboard. He then left his resignation letter floating in the piss puddle on the desk.
You would probably have to put your pee in a jar, but you know, same sentiments.
Do let us know what you decide to do. And Pranksters? Any suggestions?
Dear Aunt Becky
I have 3 kids with autism. What this means is that I am always too sleep deprived to be quick on my feet when people say stupid shit to me. Usually I can think of a snarktastic reply to stupid shit later, and use it on the next idiot.
Them: That child just needs some discipline! (i.e. Why don’t you beat him?! I would totally beat him!)
Me: OMG! Why didn’t I think of that! Of course, I’ve just been letting him do whatever he wants whenever he wants without the first thought of trying to discipline him. WOW. Thank you for curing his Autism with a single ignorant remark!
However, I have run into one I don’t know what to do with. And since you seem to be thoroughly awesome at snark…
How in hell do you reply to, “Is your kid a retard?”
I refuse to reply, “No, but I have my doubts about you” simply because that would be using that horrible slur back on someone else. It’s not okay to use the r-word, regardless of how stupid someone is. So… do you have an idea?
Jesus Christ, people can be such ignorant fuckbags, can’t they?
Honestly, I’d shoot them the death glare for a couple of loooooooonnnngggg moments before replying with, “Hey, FUCK YOU.” Baring that, “you shut your whore mouth,” always works.
Pranksters? Any thoughts?
As always, your sage advice is appreciated in the comments below. What would you tell these Pranksters to do?
And submit your questions to the Go Ask Aunt Becky section at the top of the blogs, if you dare.