I need your help. But before I go into details I must warn you that my husband is extremely stubborn. Very stubborn. Like a mule.
When we were dating and considering marriage and parenthood, I made it clear that I wanted three children by the time I was 30. This was very important to me as I am an only child and I didn’t want my children to be lonely like I was. Early on, we had two children in less than two years. He also has a son from his first marriage, but rarely get to see him.
Because I was pretty busy with two little ones and working full time, 30 slipped past. At 32, I was diagnosed with cancer. The treatments were likely to cause menopause and the doctor suggested harvesting eggs to use at a different time. I was too shell-shocked to consider that, but my husband did. We opted not too as that would be time-consuming and my cancer was aggressive needing treatment quickly.
Fast forward a few years, I’m in remission and not in menopause. I’m past the obligatory waiting period to have children safely. I also no longer work and am a stay at home mom full-time. I have a raging case of baby fever! My husband does not. I have begged and bargained with him and he’s not budging. I told him how I was clear that I wanted three children. I would like one more and even volunteered to have a tubal done after a healthy baby is born.
Still not budging. He says that he has three kids and that’s enough. He’s counting the years til they are all 18!
I brought his interest in harvesting eggs, that I thought he wanted more children as well. He has stated that he does not want to stop my desires and would gladly let me divorce him to find a husband who would like to have children. What the heck!? I don’t want to have children with anyone but my husband. But the stubborn as a mule gig is getting old and his comments about divorce are really ticking me off. Mule is quickly turning into jack ass!
Any ideas how I can bring him around and get my way? I’m at that geriatric age when it comes to having babies, 35. So I’d like to do this sooner rather than later. Thanks!
Oh Prankster, my heart goes out to you. Genuinely it does. I wish I had a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am answer for yo, but I’m afraid that I do not.
I can easily see both sides of the equation and why you each feel the way that you do, believe me, I do, and you each have valid points. You each have blinders on to what the other wants and are refusing to compromise and it’s making you desperately unhappy.
Prankster, I think that you need to see a marriage counselor to resolve this situation. I say this not to pass the buck, but because I want you both to come to a solution that makes you both happy and fulfilled. And in this case, neither of you are happy. That is clearly not okay.
I wish you luck, Prankster.
Dear Aunt Becky:
My houseguest and I were in East Hampton, NY this weekend and as we were walking to our local fish store to buy some fish for dinner we found $121.00 on the ground in the parking lot. Inside the fish store we thought we might have seen or heard a customer realizing their loss and if so would have returned them their money. Instead all was calm and no one there seemed at a loss. There was one gentleman there with a wad of cash that appeared to be in the hundreds (he was carrying it in a plastic baggie – how weird is that?) but upon leaving the store he did not walk in the direction of where the money was lying on the ground. At this point we used the found money to purchase two lobsters as well as some sushi quality tuna and splurged on a nice bottle of wine.
Should we have done more to locate the owner? Should we donate an equal amount to charity or should we just assume that whoever lost the money probably did not even notice it and enjoy our found luck?
Ethically Challenged Prankster.
In the past four months, I have found two sets of diamond earrings and a bag of loose diamonds.
All were in my own closet, of course, but still. I consider that karmic payback for all of the stuff I donate to charity rather than haggling with some toothless yokel on eBay over fifty cents on my old Kate Spade wallet. In places where I should probably at least attempt to make money (read: my incredibly pointless blog)(also read: my old Kate Spade wallet), I never do, so when I find something like my own diamonds, I consider that repayment.
If I were to find $121 in East Hampton, I would absolutely consider that karmic payback for some prior good deed. Especially since it’s the Hamptons, where I think money actually might grow on trees.
So, Prankster, what I’m saying is this: I hope you enjoyed the hell out of that dinner and know that you’d somehow earned it.
Now go do something good for the Universe. It’ll pay you back somehow. I promise.
So I met a guy about three months ago who I care about a lot. However, he is 33 and lives far away from me so we have only seen each other twice. I recently spent a week with him that was amazing but in which he confessed that he has herpes. Now, we have always used a condom and have only had sex about a handful of times yet I don’t know if I should forgive him. I understand why he didn’t tell me when he first met me (he thought i would not be interested and it’s a difficult disease to deal with) but still i feel angry and hurt.
I still want to be with him though, is that crazy?
Oh Prankster, of course it’s okay to want to be with someone because you have deep feelings for him. The heart wants what the heart wants (isn’t that a line in a song? It should be. If you write songs, plz be putting it in one) or something, and your feelings are fair.
As Your Aunt Becky and as someone who is closer to his age than yours, I am horrified that he didn’t tell you that he had an STD before you had The Sex.
Yes, I get that having “The Talk” is awkward and might have turned you away from wanting to be with him, but The Herp is a serious disease and it should have been your informed decision to walk into The Sex knowing that he had it. I don’t care how afraid he was of being rejected, he’s an adult and he should have owned up to it. You’re clearly a mature person and you can handle it, but by not telling you, he’s violated you AND your trust.
You should be angry and you should be hurt. What he did was incredibly selfish.
Whether you can forgive him is up to you. If you do, that’s absolutely fine. If you can’t, that’s fine too.
Much love, Prankster.
As always, Pranksters, please fill in where I left off in the comments.