Hey Aunt Becky,

My husband hates my pets. I have 5 smelly guinea pigs and he is always reminding me of how smelly and worthless they are. I love them, of course, so I am not sure how to find that perfect marital compromise with this situation. What is a lowly hog-keeper to do?

And yes, I know they are delicious food animals but we are not yet in *NEED* of eating them.

Yet.

Okay, so I added the “yet” in there myself because it felt good, but I should tell you, my Internet friends, that my delicate reader is not in any danger of eating her darling guinea pigs. Which, I would say, are probably not edible. I mean, *shudder, shudder* I can’t eat meat that looks anything like what it did when it was alive, so there’s that, but moving away from MY neuroses.

This, Gentle Reader, is a tricky situation indeed.

Obviously, your husband knew about your pets when he married you in the same way that I knew that The Daver had a roaming colony of socks that follow him wherever he goes (Oh LOOK! They had TWINS!!), but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it or cherish it or worship it and the socks, one would hope, aren’t alive. So, he knew, but it annoys him, that’s fair.

What’s also fair is that your husband is also not, I presume, perfect either.

Something that I would probably remind him of when he is harping about your annoying guinea pigs. Providing that you are not making him take care of them, which is NOT fair, and that you ARE taking steps to reduce their…annoyingness (I truthfully find guinea pigs adorable, but I know nothing about their odor or what living with one is like. I asked Dave and he informed me that they are “cool pets.”).

I might, if I were you, keep a detailed list of things that you can refer back to when he prattles on about your precious pigs, not to be HURLED HORRIBLY at him, just as a gentle nudge like a soft puff of air to remind him that we all have annoying hobbies.

If you need proof of this, ask The Daver to do a guest post about Tate, the world’s SHITTIEST hedgehog.

Marriage and compromise, she says with gritted teeth, go hand in motherfucking hand.

————–

Dear Aunt Becky:

I am a nursing student. But, hey, I actually want to be there. I could tell you long stories about mishaps as an office manager and my tearful story of being laid off, but…I’ll refrain. For now.

My question (even though you aren’t a fan of nursing any longer) is: LPN or RN? Should I stop in 10 months with my LPN, or go straight through and finish with my RN diploma?

I’m tired of teachers and professors and nursing school deans (aka salesmen) who, natch, want that rest of my poor poor wallet and student loans and would rather get the opinion of the ‘been there, done that’ crowd.

This would probably depend on where you’re living, but if you’re in the US, get thee your RN degree and DO NOT STOP WITH YOUR ASSOCIATES DEGREE IN NURSING (the associates degree, for those of you playing along at home, is the 2 year degree offered at many community colleges) if you can swing it. If at all possible, get your Bachelor’s degree (RN-BSN).

I know when I left the field, there was a lot of buzz about hospitals in my area hiring ONLY Bachelor’s prepared nurses. It will open up far more doors for you, although, to be fair, the associates prepared nurses I met had much better clinical experience that we did coming out of the bachelor’s programs. Many hospitals do offer programs for employees now, though, to turn their RN’s into RN-BSN’s, so keep that in mind as well.

Where I live, LPN’s mainly work in nursing homes and assisted living facilities, so if that’s what you want to do, then, that’s what you should get, but if you have the wherewithal to get through nursing school, DO IT.

And I happen to know a Super Overachieving Retired Nurse who used to TA for Organic, Inorganic, Biochemistry, Anatomy AND Physiology AND Pathophysiology* who lives in the computer and now goes by Aunt Becky, RN, BSN who’d be happy to help you out.

*Told you I was Super Becky, Overachiever

————————

What, exactly, is dark matter?

How the fuck should I know?

—————————

Why does the rabbit have a mirror on a chain coming out it’s arse?

Wait, don’t you store your watch in your colon? Because I totally do.

I also store my car keys (well, one set of my car keys), one of my children (this varies), my iPhone, a wallet, my AmEx, a 12 pack of soda I picked up on sale for The Daver now that I can’t drink it any more *sobs*, a pack of mint gum to soothe my stomach, a pen I stole from a waitress at the Thai place down the street last week (the Pad Thai is phenomenal, you should try it!), a pack of salami just for kicks and some soap.

Because you never know when you’ll need soap. DO YOU?

——————

As always, please submit your questions to my dwindling stack (I’m making a neat stack of questions to be answered in kind of order!!!)(note the added exclamation points for added emphasis) of questions through the link on the sidebar because I’m not clever to comb through the comments.

If you feel kindly enough and you heart me, I have some awards I’m up for on my side bar that I would be ever-so-honored if you voted for me. I feel like a douche asking, but you know, I’d feel like more of a douche NOT asking, so, you know, obviously I do NOT win at life any more.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

25 Responses to Go Ask Aunt Becky

  • Pingback: Go Ask Aunt Becky | Technology News and Gadgets

  • Brianna says:

    Dark matter is (hypothetical) matter that cannot be detected with current technology, but which scientists posit is there because of otherwise unexplained gravitational effects on matter we can, in fact, detect. (Because I’m THAT MUCH of a geek. Booyah!)

    Also, to the first question: Tell your whiny husband there are about three hundred products in your local mega-mart that smell better than your guinea pigs. If the smell bothers him, he can buy whichever scent pleases his little nose in whatever form he chooses, and you will happily keep your trap shut about it. The end.

  • Sara says:

    I ate a guinea pig once, when I was down in Peru (had to “fully experience” the local culture). Tell your husband they’re a pain to cook, a pain to eat, and you get an ounce or less of meat off of one. Tell him to fix himself a chicken breast instead and just pretend because guinea pigs are totally not worth the effort :-)

  • Mama Cas says:

    We recently got a guinea pig and she does not smell (plus, she’s adorable, cuddly, and MUCH MUCH less work than a dog). Perhaps if there are 5 of them, the smell accumulates? Maybe the Mrs. in the first question should revisit her cleaning procedures to see if she can cut down on the smell. Personally, if my hubs had 5 smelly little animals in the house, I might be offended, too. So my thought was, if you can decrease the smell, he might not notice them so much.

    No, I’m not saying that she’s a lazy housekeeper with a love of smelly rodents. I’m saying there might be a middle ground.

  • dubiousMa says:

    Why couldn’t the lazy bitch just google “dark matter”??

  • Badass Geek says:

    Dark matter? I think it’s just matter that isn’t… illuminated.

  • Hmmm…eating pets. I remember a story about a friend of our family that had to move to a new apartment and couldn’t bring his large cockatoo. He loved it so much he couldn’t bear to sell it. So he killed it, cooked it, ate it! He always SEEMED like a normal, nice guy. Do you think it is safe to be around him knowing this new bit of news about him? Thanks for your advice….
    Feeling Nervous Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com

  • melissa_413 says:

    About your neuroses of not eating meat that looks like it did when it was alive – I’m the same way! I won’t eat chicken if it’s still on the bone, or ribs of any kind, or anything that resembles something living. I won’t even eat eggs unless they came in a carton from the grocery store. (I live in bumfuck, NY and people around here have chickens and say that fresh eggs are the best – I’ll just take their word for it, thanks.)

  • Visiting from Mrs.Spits’ blog, Thanks for the nice birthday tribute to our mutual friend.
    We loved our little Guinea pig, Pitch Black, may he RIP.
    I’m a RN x 27 years w/a great telecommuting case management job and you are Spot On about the BSN, best thing I ever did after I got the RN Diploma. (yes, I am that old.)
    Best to you and yours always, Thanks again, Martha

  • That you to whomever asked the nursing question. Since I’m at the VERY beginning of school, I have no idea WTF I’m doing. All I know is I start Monday *EEK* and I have to reapply for financial aid every year. Now I k now howl ong I’m going to be in school for. And how long you’re going to be answering my question via email and phone. HA! I win!
    *HUGS*

  • Pete in Az says:

    Hey…

    You answered my question!

    Congradulations… You know as much as most rocked scientists do on the subject. And most physicists also. :)

  • Stone Fox says:

    my CANADIAN 2 cents on the nursing question: go for your RN!!! in canada, LPNs have almost the exact skill sets of RN’s (with some exceptions) and work in every setting that an RN works in, BUT ARE WORKED LIKE DOGS AND PAID ABOUT HALF the wage of an RN. SHOCKING, YES. I KNOW.

    no, i am not slamming RN’s. i understand the whole ‘2 more years of theory and knowledge’ argument.

    if you think you might like nursing but don’t want to invest 4 years of school, get your LPN certificate. in canada, you can bridge over to the BSc-RN program after you work as an LPN for a year, and you will get credit for the first year of BSc-RN (which is kind of a bunch of bullshit, because i’ve seen what first year RN’s learn and it’s jack shit. it should be at least a full credit for Year 1 and a partial for Year 2 *rant* *rant* *rant*).

  • Stone Fox says:

    oh and btw? nursing is one of the most stressy, challenging, physically hard jobs ever. it’s also the best fucking job, ever.

  • Pete in Az says:

    Hey…

    I just noticed that I’m a “lazy bitch”…

    ah… the free-wheeling internets..

  • GingerB says:

    The dude that ate his own cockatoo? That is so, so wrong. I am aghast. Have to go have coffee and and contemplate my standard poodle’s role in my life.

  • Thomas Houseman says:

    Oh everyone… the Rabbit/Watch question above relates to Aunt Becky’s new webpage design if you have no idea what she’s on about….

    Oh and Daver… please do a guest post about Tate, the world’s SHITTIEST hedgehog.

  • honeywine says:

    Ok, now all I can picture is honey roasted guinea pig. I remember them going on about getting rid of the associates degree RN when I first started college and no, I won’t say how many decades ago that was. I wish I’d ignored my situation and stuck with the RN program.

  • Lisa says:

    It’s an advice column – how can Pete be a “lazy bitch”? Ohh, sorry Pete, I guess you would prefer “lazy bastard”. Which by the way, you are not. Because, obviously.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Yeah, pretty sure Pete was looking for a humorous response here because as anyone who has read my blog for longer than 3.2 seconds knows, I am many things, but I am not a physicist. I found it funny to stick it near a place where I was talking about what an over-achieving nerd I was.

      Because, obviously.

  • Kate says:

    Dark matter is matter that doesn’t interact via the elecromagnetic force. This means that it doesn’t interact with light (because light is electromagnetic radiation), so we can’t actually see it directly. There are multiple theories as to what it is, exactly, but we don’t know yet. :)

  • Kristin says:

    Dayum, here I was going to explain about dark matter and Brianna beat me to the punch. Oh well, I also weigh in on the LPN/RN/BSN debate and say RN definitely, BSN if you can.

  • Krissa says:

    OHMIGAWD! You so weren’t kidding about the “overachiever” bit, were you? Color me impressed! It would have been faster to just list the things you didn’t accomplish academically. ;-)
    I am going to try my hardest to think up a really good question for you…

  • Mrs Soup says:

    Wow, major overachiever. Totally not surprising though.

    <3 Oh, and voted again.

  • Did you see that episode of No Reservations where Anthony Bourdain (oh, I think he is soooooooo sexy) went to Peru and visited the guinea pigs who were all running around and squeaking in that cute guinea pig way and then BAM! next scene he is eating roasted guinea pig? I dunno . . .

    I had two guinea pigs for a while. Well, first I had one and he did not smell at all. Then I had two, and I had to be a bit more vigilant on the Guinea Pig Cage Cleaning Patrol.

  • Brianna says:

    I’m a total geek and I have zero life. I was bound to beat somebody to something eventually. ROFL

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