Comments on: Go Ask Aunt Becky http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/ Purple Should Be A Flavor, Dammit! Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:15:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kendra http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114356 Kendra Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:46:17 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114356 Dear Planner: I hope you and your fiance can come up with some really happy compromises. My husband and I were married in a State Park (the Mississippi headwaters--so beautiful) right after Labor Day, when many rental rates went down. We used a rural photographer and a rural florist and had the park cater our dinner. We decided what was most important to us (the location was extremely important in our case) and what wasn't (we didn't have any music or dancing; it's just not our thing, so we didn't have to worry about that cost). And the thing is, almost 8 years later, every time we see a wedding, we both talk about how much fun ours was. Not that our flowers were the prettiest or we had the best music, but we really remember having the most wonderful time. I understand not wanting to go into debt just for a wedding, and I understand wanting to live out some longstanding dreams of what it will be like. But if you can compromise (Aunt Becky's advice was great), it can be something you will remember with great joy, and I think that's what you both really want. And Birthday Girl, I hope you had a marvelous time! The thing about being pregnant (or a new parent or any parent at all) is that people think they now get to judge everything you do. You sound like you understand what is wise and what isn't wise when you're pregnant, and you just want to celebrate your birthday. I hope you did and that you had a terrific time. Be wise, be safe, and congratulations--on the birthday and on the baby! Dear Planner: I hope you and your fiance can come up with some really happy compromises. My husband and I were married in a State Park (the Mississippi headwaters–so beautiful) right after Labor Day, when many rental rates went down. We used a rural photographer and a rural florist and had the park cater our dinner. We decided what was most important to us (the location was extremely important in our case) and what wasn’t (we didn’t have any music or dancing; it’s just not our thing, so we didn’t have to worry about that cost). And the thing is, almost 8 years later, every time we see a wedding, we both talk about how much fun ours was. Not that our flowers were the prettiest or we had the best music, but we really remember having the most wonderful time. I understand not wanting to go into debt just for a wedding, and I understand wanting to live out some longstanding dreams of what it will be like. But if you can compromise (Aunt Becky’s advice was great), it can be something you will remember with great joy, and I think that’s what you both really want.

And Birthday Girl, I hope you had a marvelous time! The thing about being pregnant (or a new parent or any parent at all) is that people think they now get to judge everything you do. You sound like you understand what is wise and what isn’t wise when you’re pregnant, and you just want to celebrate your birthday. I hope you did and that you had a terrific time. Be wise, be safe, and congratulations–on the birthday and on the baby!

]]> By: Nic http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114293 Nic Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:18:31 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114293 I think all women need to learn to shoot. Like i've said in a recent post, it's your right to have a gun should you need to protect yourself. I think all women need to learn to shoot. Like i’ve said in a recent post, it’s your right to have a gun should you need to protect yourself.

]]> By: ScienceGeek http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114237 ScienceGeek Tue, 27 Jul 2010 21:56:38 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114237 Unhappy Planner> Go to a bridal show, get the price lists before writing your 'ideal wedding' list. I wrote a 'rough budget' when I started planning my wedding, and very quickly discovered I'd had no idea how expensive everything is. It may be that your fiance has an idea of what your wedding day should be, but no concept of how much it costs. It's really not uncommon, especially amongst people who got married thirty years ago. For instance, both our mothers had no idea that an average photographer costs over a thousand dollars, and one who'll be there the entire night will be three times that. They thought $50 a head was more than enough for the meal/drinks at a reception venues and were incredibly shocked to learn that it's twice that now. Either way, I think you're going to have to have The Conversation. You know, the one about how you both treat money, and what you expect when you get married. Work out a system now, before you get married and combine bank accounts, so you're already in the habit of compromise and working towards your goals together. (By the way, I cannot recommend enough the concept of 'guilt-free spending money', that is, each of you gets a set amount of money each paycheque that can be used for whatever the hell you like that isn't the shared expenses of bills or food. It's 'my' money, instead of 'ours', and it makes such a difference. I use mine to buy lunch, the ITGeek uses his to fund his expensive hobbies and there is never an arguement). Unhappy Planner> Go to a bridal show, get the price lists before writing your ‘ideal wedding’ list. I wrote a ‘rough budget’ when I started planning my wedding, and very quickly discovered I’d had no idea how expensive everything is.
It may be that your fiance has an idea of what your wedding day should be, but no concept of how much it costs. It’s really not uncommon, especially amongst people who got married thirty years ago. For instance, both our mothers had no idea that an average photographer costs over a thousand dollars, and one who’ll be there the entire night will be three times that. They thought $50 a head was more than enough for the meal/drinks at a reception venues and were incredibly shocked to learn that it’s twice that now.
Either way, I think you’re going to have to have The Conversation. You know, the one about how you both treat money, and what you expect when you get married. Work out a system now, before you get married and combine bank accounts, so you’re already in the habit of compromise and working towards your goals together. (By the way, I cannot recommend enough the concept of ‘guilt-free spending money’, that is, each of you gets a set amount of money each paycheque that can be used for whatever the hell you like that isn’t the shared expenses of bills or food. It’s ‘my’ money, instead of ‘ours’, and it makes such a difference. I use mine to buy lunch, the ITGeek uses his to fund his expensive hobbies and there is never an arguement).

]]> By: Kristin http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114142 Kristin Tue, 27 Jul 2010 07:14:52 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114142 @unhappy planner - in addition to this bit: [quote]I suggest you each make a list of what it is that you want in your ideal wedding without input from the other person. Then, add an approximate cost associated with each item. After that, rank each item from order from most to least important.[/quote] Do this for what you want from your MARRIAGE & your LIFE. Not just the wedding. Car? Kids? Private school? House? Vacation? Savings? Retirement fund? Furniture? New computer? Dinners out once a week? I see so many spend huge on the wedding itself giving no thought to all the real life, day to day and future expenses they will have. And it sucks to have more debt on your back, and no tangible asset to show for it, than you really need. Good luck and congratulations! @unhappy planner – in addition to this bit:
[quote]I suggest you each make a list of what it is that you want in your ideal wedding without input from the other person. Then, add an approximate cost associated with each item. After that, rank each item from order from most to least important.[/quote]
Do this for what you want from your MARRIAGE & your LIFE. Not just the wedding.

Car?
Kids? Private school?
House?
Vacation?
Savings?
Retirement fund?
Furniture?
New computer?
Dinners out once a week?

I see so many spend huge on the wedding itself giving no thought to all the real life, day to day and future expenses they will have. And it sucks to have more debt on your back, and no tangible asset to show for it, than you really need.

Good luck and congratulations!

]]> By: Kate http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114101 Kate Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:40:06 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114101 Unhappy Planner: we skipped ANY wedding, went to eh Justice of the Peace, husband wore khakis (refused to wear dress blues) and I wore a strapless white sundress. Best man? Was in his flight suit. It was about ME and HIM. We saved a TON of money and bought a house and now we have a very special day that was abut us, stress free...it was wonderful, personal....and not about anyone else. I am NOT a fluffy dress kind of girl, and I am thinking you aren't either. Stand up for yourself if it bugs you that much and be practical!! I would NOT trade my house for ONE DAY where EVERYONE ELSE gets to get drunk and be obnoxious. Pregnant Girl: I turned 21 and was 7 months pregnant. I totally understand how you feel. I went and bought all my friends drinks for them, bought beer for my husband, and bought non alcoholic champagne for me. BECAUSE I COULD!!! Having been that pregnant on such a momentous birthday, I can also tell you you may not want to be out that late. People probably will look at you like a horrible person if you go to a nightclub...Not going to lie, I would, but that's mostly because if the secondhand smoke and DAMN when I was that pregnant I didn't even want to move, I was so tired. So you need to do what you want to do because you're an adult, and you are having a baby which means you are going to have to make a LOT of adult decisions very soon. Go or don't go, but don't get mad at other people who look at you like you're a mother of the year candidate if you go out. Annie, he's an odd duck. My husband keeps his side arm in a safe when he is at home (we have a toddler) but when he is deployed? It's right there with him on his pillow. It freaks me out. I would definitely discuss your concerns with him because...it would freak me out. If you have cats or something, what if one knocks your gun over?? Or...uses cat ninja reflexes to hold you hostage (not knowing it is unloaded?). Cats are known to plan stuff like that, you know! Unhappy Planner: we skipped ANY wedding, went to eh Justice of the Peace, husband wore khakis (refused to wear dress blues) and I wore a strapless white sundress. Best man? Was in his flight suit. It was about ME and HIM. We saved a TON of money and bought a house and now we have a very special day that was abut us, stress free…it was wonderful, personal….and not about anyone else. I am NOT a fluffy dress kind of girl, and I am thinking you aren’t either. Stand up for yourself if it bugs you that much and be practical!! I would NOT trade my house for ONE DAY where EVERYONE ELSE gets to get drunk and be obnoxious.

Pregnant Girl: I turned 21 and was 7 months pregnant. I totally understand how you feel. I went and bought all my friends drinks for them, bought beer for my husband, and bought non alcoholic champagne for me. BECAUSE I COULD!!! Having been that pregnant on such a momentous birthday, I can also tell you you may not want to be out that late. People probably will look at you like a horrible person if you go to a nightclub…Not going to lie, I would, but that’s mostly because if the secondhand smoke and DAMN when I was that pregnant I didn’t even want to move, I was so tired. So you need to do what you want to do because you’re an adult, and you are having a baby which means you are going to have to make a LOT of adult decisions very soon. Go or don’t go, but don’t get mad at other people who look at you like you’re a mother of the year candidate if you go out.

Annie, he’s an odd duck. My husband keeps his side arm in a safe when he is at home (we have a toddler) but when he is deployed? It’s right there with him on his pillow. It freaks me out. I would definitely discuss your concerns with him because…it would freak me out. If you have cats or something, what if one knocks your gun over?? Or…uses cat ninja reflexes to hold you hostage (not knowing it is unloaded?). Cats are known to plan stuff like that, you know!

]]> By: Extragrunty http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114098 Extragrunty Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:49:59 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114098 I've been reading a website for a few years now that really resonates with me, and would perhaps resonate with "Unhappy Planner" and other Aunt Becky readers. http://apracticalwedding.com/ One of Meg's recent posts about the media saying “In this economy people are waiting to get married.” : http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/07/ask-meg-fck-the-economy-get-married-now/ I have nothing to do with that website other than I really love the sane advice. I’ve been reading a website for a few years now that really resonates with me, and would perhaps resonate with “Unhappy Planner” and other Aunt Becky readers.

http://apracticalwedding.com/

One of Meg’s recent posts about the media saying “In this economy people are waiting to get married.” : http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/07/ask-meg-fck-the-economy-get-married-now/

I have nothing to do with that website other than I really love the sane advice.

]]> By: Your Aunt Becky http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114075 Your Aunt Becky Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:44:45 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114075 I happen to love cops, too. So yes count me in on the GO COPS crowd. Because I've met some awesome cops in my day. I happen to love cops, too. So yes count me in on the GO COPS crowd. Because I’ve met some awesome cops in my day.

]]> By: Gunfighter http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114074 Gunfighter Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:43:54 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114074 Women aren't naturally good shooters. Women, however are usually much better students than men, because they don't equate firearms with their sexuality, as many men do. When I am training a woman the has no previous experience with firearms, she tends to listen and has a healthy amount of fear/respect for what guns cabn do when used improperly. Women aren’t naturally good shooters.

Women, however are usually much better students than men, because they don’t equate firearms with their sexuality, as many men do. When I am training a woman the has no previous experience with firearms, she tends to listen and has a healthy amount of fear/respect for what guns cabn do when used improperly.

]]> By: ToyLady http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114068 ToyLady Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:17:30 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114068 We had virtually no budget for a wedding - besides, it was my second wedding, and my husband, well, he was over 40 and didn't much care about the tux-cake-flowers-fairy princess thing either. So I have a college buddy who now lives WAY out in the boonies, and she's a local judge - we spent the night at Susan's house, then, the next morning, we were married at sunrise, with her husband and my son as witnesses. Celebratory champagne at 6AM - not a bad way to start married life! As to the gun thing - my husband has a small gun safe he keeps under his side of the bed - it's handy, but inaccessible to anyone other than us. We had virtually no budget for a wedding – besides, it was my second wedding, and my husband, well, he was over 40 and didn’t much care about the tux-cake-flowers-fairy princess thing either. So I have a college buddy who now lives WAY out in the boonies, and she’s a local judge – we spent the night at Susan’s house, then, the next morning, we were married at sunrise, with her husband and my son as witnesses. Celebratory champagne at 6AM – not a bad way to start married life!

As to the gun thing – my husband has a small gun safe he keeps under his side of the bed – it’s handy, but inaccessible to anyone other than us.

]]> By: JamieH http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/go-ask-aunt-becky-35/#comment-114067 JamieH Mon, 26 Jul 2010 11:23:44 +0000 http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=5093#comment-114067 I have to stick up for some cops here! My hubby is a cop and while a lot of them do suck NOT ALL of them do! He is one of the top shooters in the state (that we live in) and has been recognized for it... He is incredibly safe with guns and has taught me how to defend myself (I have also taken classes), he has also trained with different methods of self-defense and doesn't rely on his gun as the ONLY means of stopping someone... A lot of the people he works with though, do suck at shooting and as his wife when he needs back-up in a situation where they might have to be used, that does scare the crap out of me because THEY rely on the gun or the taser too much... We do keep a couple of guns (his off-duty carry and his on duty) loaded in the house... We keep them out of reach of children but where I can get to it. At any given time there are at least 5 more UNloaded in our house, they are a combination of rifles and hand guns. I do not feel that because I have a gun I am safe, but at least I'm not defenseless either. Melissa I am sorry that your ex was a douche, but not all cops are unsafe assholes! It's officers like him that give cops a bad name and that makes me sad. Annie, I think if you took some classes and had your boyfriend teach you, you would feel more comfortable with it. I have to stick up for some cops here! My hubby is a cop and while a lot of them do suck NOT ALL of them do! He is one of the top shooters in the state (that we live in) and has been recognized for it… He is incredibly safe with guns and has taught me how to defend myself (I have also taken classes), he has also trained with different methods of self-defense and doesn’t rely on his gun as the ONLY means of stopping someone… A lot of the people he works with though, do suck at shooting and as his wife when he needs back-up in a situation where they might have to be used, that does scare the crap out of me because THEY rely on the gun or the taser too much… We do keep a couple of guns (his off-duty carry and his on duty) loaded in the house… We keep them out of reach of children but where I can get to it. At any given time there are at least 5 more UNloaded in our house, they are a combination of rifles and hand guns. I do not feel that because I have a gun I am safe, but at least I’m not defenseless either.
Melissa I am sorry that your ex was a douche, but not all cops are unsafe assholes! It’s officers like him that give cops a bad name and that makes me sad.
Annie, I think if you took some classes and had your boyfriend teach you, you would feel more comfortable with it.

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