Dear Aunt Becky,
Why are people, relatives at that, so damned mean? My sister-in-law has thrown me aside like a dirty dishtowel time and again and never apologizes or explains what came over her. As she is such a mercurial person, people tend to accept her back into their life in some fashion rather than not have her at all. This is the third time I’ve been burned and I’ve HAD IT!!!!
She’s my husband’s sister, but I don’t ever want to see or hear from her again. I wish, in fact, that I’d never met her. The hurt and agony I suffer every time she does this is more than I or my family want to deal with. So Sage Aunt Becky, what do you recommend, should I kick her to the curb, or should I just call myself a sucker and sign myself up for more hurt and misery?
Ah, Prankster, how I wish we could choose our family members like we choose our friends and just be able to cut people off when they treat us like dogshit. Sadly, it doesn’t work that easily without causing major drama with people choosing sides and split up holidays and all of that boo-yang.
What I would do, Prankster, in this situation, is to accept her back into your life and trust her as far as you can throw her (and with YOUR BUM KNEE, Ed, you shouldn’t be throwing anyone)(Ferris Bueller, man, HILARIOUS). I mean that in a “put up with her when you have to and ONLY THAT MUCH” sort of way.
There’s no reason you have to be the sucker in this situation or deal with her bullshit or get suckered back into it over and over. You can smile politely, nod, grit your teeth and think to yourself “yeah, whatever, bitch” and then move on when she’s out of earshot. You do yourself no favors by being sucked back into it time and time again.
Good luck, Prankster.
Dear Aunt Becky,
This is a weird question, be warned.
I am in minimal contact with *any* of my family outside of my brother. I used to talk to my mother, 2 years ago. Before that, we’d see our extended family maybe…once every 2-3 years, if that. Pretty distant.
I got married last spring. My husband is from a *very* tight-knit family. His mom and dad are divorced, so that just means TWICE the amount of in-laws: they get together as often as possible.
I love that my husband is close to his family, but DAMN, I can’t handle spending our (rare) 3-day weekends with HIS family. It’s all we ever do when we have more than 2 days off together.
I’m just not used to such frequent trips spent gawking at cows or dominoes, when we could be at home watching movies or playing video games, or enjoying the nooks and crannies of our current town.
Also, his mother doesn’t like me and tells me in subtle comments, but that’s another question for our dear Aunt.
I’m on the verge of punching myself in the proverbial dick. I’ve tried explaining my weird family situation to the hubs, but he gets all butthurt and makes me feel weird for “not getting it.” I already feel weird about it, you know?
Halp me, Aunt Becky!
Oh Prankster, this situation just makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork except that it would do ME no good except make me blind in one eye and that wouldn’t exactly help me track down Mick Jagger and make him impregnate me. But it’s DELICATE and I’m about as good at being delicate as I am at refraining from saying “motherfucker.” SEE? It just SLIPS OUT.
So you clearly have to approach this one with DANGER WILL ROBINSON blinking all over the place because you can’t hurt your husband’s feelings about this and you’re not going to make him understand your childhood any more than you understand his (dominoes? REALLY? WEIRD!).
I’d probably tell a wee white lie if I were you. A “you know what, honey, I’d really like to spend some time with YOU this weekend because I’m so tirreeedd because work has been SO stressful.” Or maybe plan something for just the two of you at home to show him that maybe it’s time for you two to have a life together alone, too.
Clearly, it’s not going to work if it’s all his way all of the time or all your way all of the time and because marriage should actually be called “you’ll never get exactly what you want again,” maybe it’s time he learn that lesson, too. Not in a MEAN way, just a, you know, “my wife has needs too, that don’t include dominoes and my parents.”
Marriage = compromise. Marriage also = biting your tongue about your in-laws.
P.S. I don’t think ANY mother-in-laws like their daughter-in-laws. Awesome, isn’t it?
Dear Aunt Becky,
I got drunk. I made out with my best friend’s husband, whom I might add is my husband’s best friend. So, in one stupid night, I damaged a whole slew of relationships that have all lasted over a decade.
I told my husband right away and he has forgiven me. I have cut off all contact between myself and his best friend. I opted to let my friend’s husband tell her in his own time and way because (as if I’m not enough of a bitch already) she’s pregnant and no one wants to upset the pregnant lady.
She eventually found out via an e-mail between my husband and hers and called to get the story from me. I told her all and accepted all of her anger and hurt because, well, that’s how it goes.
I have no idea how things are for her and her husband right now because I’m not speaking to him and she’s not speaking to me and my husband avoids drama like the plague.
My marriage is doing just fine and I know I should be happy for that, but here’s the thing.
Even though it’s all my fault, I still miss my best friend. I can’t call her. I can’t reach out to her. And I can’t complain to my husband that I’m hurt and lonely because, well, duh.
So, Aunt Becky, will you just tell me it’s going to be okay and that you’re sorry that I lost my best friend, even if I did it to myself?
Oh Prankster, I AM sorry that you lost your best friend. It always hurts to lose someone you love, no matter what happened to cause the loss. I can tell that you feel guilty and awful about what happened–as you should–and I know you want to make it right. I wish I had any words of wisdom for you other than that you have to forgive yourself and accept that she may never forgive you and move on.
Easier said than done, I know.
As always Pranksters, please pick up where I left off in the comments.