But bigger picture, I decided that I wasn’t going to be put in the middle, I wasn’t going to answer for anyone else, and I wasn’t going to go along with things for fear of making someone mad. It made a lot of people mad when I decided that, but it’s improved since. I’m learning to say “I don’t know if I want to do that. Let me get back to you,” instead of “yes,” and then “dammit! I didn’t want to do that!” And it’s so great to hear that other families like ours (with kids, and family, often in many pieces, all nearby) are deciding to stay home on Christmas. I like going to my brother-in-law’s on Christmas Eve, and I like staying home on Christmas Day. I really got the sense that we were being selfish and insensitive and “choosing” his family instead of mine. But it’s what makes us happy. I’m so glad to hear that others have made the same decision!

Also, you’re amazing. Seriously, if more people were like you, the holidays would be easy!

I had to put my foot down early and so did he. He told his dad that first Christmas that “We’ll get to Mama’s when we get there. Don’t wait for us.” We eventually came to an uneasy truce, always breakfast with my parents and dinner with his (they lived less than 3 miles apart and less than 5 from us) and for years managed Christmas at both houses. The kids suffered through it for years.

I’m the mother-in-law / gramma now. I decreed that Christmas is for FAMILIES – not the gramma-grampa family but the mom-dad-kids family. Once they got married and had families of their own, I have insisted that they make their own Christmas tradition. I want my grandchildren to experience Christmas MAGIC on Christmas morning, not running around, irritable, mom and dad grouchy, trying to make relatives that they never see otherwise happy. I want them to be able to spend the day in their jammies if they want, uninterrupted by “family” hoopla and drama. (It’s the South, there’s always sine soap opera drama at one in-law’s or another.) They are welcome to come to Lovey’s house if they want, and they are still “expected” at MIL’s house (can’t change her), but it’s not required. I refuse to be the bad guy.

We all get together between Christmas and New Year, preferably on a weekend, and it’s soooo much calmer and quieter and my kids can enjoy being with their siblings, I can enjoy the family together and nobody feels like they are on a schedule.

This has worked well for all of us, especially now that one of my children is married and 6 hours away. When she and her hubby come home the weekend after Christmas, they can visit with whom they want in a liesurely fashion (kills my MIL, she wants to show them off on Christmas day when the house is so packed you can’t move). They all love it.

As for the receptionist, here’s something I am AMAZED Aunt Becky did not suggest: Phone sex (real or fake, won’t matter) with your Significant Other. Noisy, drama-filled, embarassing phone sex. *grin* Just a thought.

When I had DD, my first holiday rule was that on Christmas morning, we spend it at home. No one comes to our house, we don’t leave. Our children deserve to play with their toys, and we get enough holidays screw up our schedules meltdowns as it is. We spend some time on Christmas eve with my parents, and since DH’s parents have opted not to be a part of our lives (trust me, no loss there) we are much happier. I want my kids to have good memories of Christmas, not of being dragged from stem to stern.

Our Christmases are peaceful and relaxing and we like it that way.

For the second question – I agree that receptionists are often treated like crap when they’re behind that big desk, and it’s very stressful on the best of days to get everything done and make even half of the people they come into contact with happy. When she’s on lunch, she probably just wants to decompress. Conference rooms are tricky; getting kicked out of the room in the middle of your egg salad sandwich sucks, especially when the people kicking you out are annoyed that you were in the room by yourself when they obviously needed it for IMPORTANT WORK. Is there a lunch room? An empty office? If this poor woman doesn’t have a place to eat other than her desk, then HR needs to come up with a solution for her. Not because you don’t want her in your office every day, but because she’s important and deserves a quiet spot of her own when she wants it. Approach the situation this way, not in frustration, and you’ll get better results for both of you.

The bottom line is you have to do what is best for your family because no one else will.

You could also become a JW who sells every impossible thing imaginable. Energy drinks. Vitamin supplements. Cruise packages. Purses. Body compression outfits. S&M supplies.

Or you could just close the door and hang a sign on the outside that says “This property is protected by a pit bull with AIDS.” It may not be YOUR office much longer, but at least you’ll have some quiet time ahead.