Dear Aunt Becky,
After your piece on Meat and Mushrooms… why do they call a beaver a “beaver”? Is it a “piece of tail”? Will it “chew your wood off”? I’m trying to put together a “dam” reference but failing.
I’ve asked nearly every straight man I know and you may finally be the source of enlightenment.
The first time, Gentle Reader, that I heard a vagina referred to as a “beaver” was in the Primus song “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver.” Probably because I was 14 when the song came out and hadn’t developed QUITE the repository of awesome slang terms for vagina that you see before you today.
Now, I believe what a beaver refers to is a hairy vagina. I googled the term to be sure and pretty much all I could come up with was a bunch of people going, “why the fuck do people call the vagina a beaver?” and everyone else responding with “I have no fucking clue.” (aside, Internet, do you know?)
So yes. A beaver = a full bush = a hairy vagina = a PIZZA slice vag.
You’re so welcome for that image.
I saw this, Aunt Becky, and I thought of you! Would you ever consider getting “vajazzled”?
If so, what design would you have done?
Oh Sara, girl you know that I would! Making my ladybits as sparkly as a discoball? Now, there is NOTHING not full of the awesome about that. My biggest gripe with the whole thing is that it lasts only a couple of days. Which, to me, seems kind of…sad. I kind of want a permanently sparkly crotch. Because OBVIOUSLY.
But if I were going to do it, I’d probably get a gigantic pink cursive B. Because I am so often called B. Or AB. Or maybe, if I was feeling daring, an ACTUAL bee. Because, OBVIOUSLY.
So I turn the tables, ladies (or gentlemen), would YOU get your dangly bits sparkly? What design?
Dear Aunt Becky,
I recently found out that both my sister and my best friend are pretty anti the blowjob… where as I would be referred to as something of a fan. The real issue that we seem to disagree on is whether giving/receiving oral is more or less intimate than actually having sex. I’ve always considered third base a much less intimate place than rounding home plate if you know what I mean… but apparently there is disagreement in this area.
What are your thoughts, opinions… shinning dollops of wisdom oh wise one (okay I may be laying it on a little thick in an attempt to elicit a response from you )
Well, my sweet friend, I can see it from both sides.
On the one hand, having sex is more intimate because it’s THE SEX, MAN and it’s very emotional and you’re all up in each other’s face and then there’s the EYE contact and the breathing onto one and other and then you know, it’s SEX and of course it’s intimate.
But on the other, oral sex involves organs that, well, do things BESIDES provide sexual pleasure. Namely, they evacuate waste from the body. Plus, as we learned from Go Ask Aunt Becky Question 1, sometimes there’s a whole MESS of pubes there. Which can lend to some…unruliness and unpleasantness down below. You can get awfully up close and personal with something that doesn’t smell like roses really quickly, so on that hand, it’s pretty damn intimate.
Either way, there’s an exchange of bodily fluids into orifices, and anytime there’s bodily fluids, you’re pretty intimate.
What do you think, The Internet?