As a squee! of things to come this week, I would like to announce that I am guest posting over at Canadian Family Magazine’s blog this week. And yes, in case you’re wondering, they DO know that I am not Canadian. Their blog is called the Family Jewels Blog (which, hahahaha!) and I’m very proud of what I wrote, so please come visit me.
Also, because they are better people than I am, they have given me some subscriptions to their magazine to give to you. I have some other things to give to you this week, too that I made my friend give you. See, I AM a giver.
Of other people’s stuff.
Dear Aunt Becky,
I have an older, grandmotherly next door neighbor, who recently discovered the wonderful world of the internet and has my email address. I am bombarded daily with at least half a dozen forwards. Half of those are praise Jesus and the other half are anti-Obama. Is there a way to politely tell her to cut the crap or should I just suck it up and keep deleting?
Oh, Gentle Reader, I laugh, not AT you, but WITH you, because there is a reason that my in-laws do not have access to my email address and this would be it. They appear to have just gotten email like, last week (although The Daver assures me that this is not true) and Dave is inundated with these emails as well.
Recently, he got one that they wanted to make sure that I saw about breast cancer, “prions” and plastic water bottles, which he quickly found the link to the hoax on snopes.com and sent back with a gentle note chastising them for blindly forwarding it on.
But my favorite story, Dear Reader, has to be the one that Daver received last Christmas and I only repeat the story because it is so funny that I have the whole thing saved on my desktop to pull up whenever I am having a bad day. It’s so bad that Dave wouldn’t let me see it on Christmas morning when we got it because he thought it would make me too mad.
It’s a Power Point presentation that someone put together, you see, and you open it up, this lovely winter scene, and oh, isn’t that nice! A rustic wagon! How…QUAINT! Adorable. So words flicker across the screen….
“If you have food in your refrigerator, a roof overhead and a place to sleep…”
it trails off…
“you are richer than 75% of the world.”
Well. Now. Doesn’t that make you feel good about yourself? Just a small side of guilt there?
The next slide, a rustic fireplace scene. Crackling log. Homey. Nice.
“If you woke up this morning with more health than illness….”
it trails off again.
“you are more blessed than the million that will not survive the week.”
Well sweet JESUS. That’s not making me feel very Christmas-y. I’m sort of feeling depressed now. Okay, the slide is changing, maybe those were flukes.
Ah, some nice pine trees and a beautiful winter sunset. Enchanting.
The words flicker…“If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, the pangs of starvation…”
….“you’re ahead of 500 million people in the world.”
Now I’m searching for something to slit my wrists with because, wow.
Also, where are they getting these numbers?
Another winter scene flashes through my tears, a winter scene, untouched by man.
“If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful…”
(pause for dramatic effect)
“you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.”
Just wow. Wow. Now I am supposed to be thankful and not depressed beyond belief?
This was sent, I should add, by my father-in-law, whom I adore, but who came into the labor room after I’d pushed out Alex and said, “another child born into this crazy, messed up world.” I would have kicked him if I could have.
So, Gentle Reader, I think you probably should make a folder for your sweet old lady’s emails to go right into and then just empty it. And pray she never asks you about them.
Also, I can TOTALLY forward you this Power Point if you want a good laugh because it’s really, really funny.
Dear Aunt Becky,
I worked hard. I stayed in school. It took me eight long years to graduate college with a B.S. in Elementary Education. The job market for elementary education is TOUGH. I ended up not finding a teaching job. I got married. I had children and now I have no desire to teach in the classroom. Ever. I am so happy being mommy and dream of being in the PTA/PTO and classroom mom, etc. What’s wrong with me and what do you suggest for treatment?
Gentle Reader, I think you should count your lucky stars that you’ve found what you’re good at, happy doing and pat yourself on the back and start running for the PTO board NOW! Wait, is that an elected position? Because, girl, I would totally vote for you.
Get your campaign buttons ready, start baking some cupcakes and let’s get this party started!
As someone who fought her way through nursing school, hating every single second of it and knowing I’d make a terrible nurse, I spent a full four years drifting around, stupidly searching for what I could do next to make myself happy.
I think I’ve finally found it.
So, cheers to you, my friend. Tonight, I will drink my glass of water on the rocks to the pursuit of happyness.
As always, The Internet, please fill in any gaps where I have failed, and please, submit your most burning-est questions to the form on the sidebar.