I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. And I don’t even mean because I’ve spent the better part of two nights “on the lam” (that’s prison speak for HIDING FROM THE POLICE) in my fake mustache and floppy hat.

Because I am not a “planner” and in fact my five-year plan still really is “don’t die” and if pressed is more like “don’t get scurvy and die,” I’ve been in the middle of several gigantic projects. Normal people might have let some of them slip so that they could focus more effectively on one, but since no one has ever accused me of being normal, smart, pretty, cool, awesome, or anything else that might be considered a compliment, I, instead, decided to plow through them. I’m happier when I’m in the middle of a zillion things anyway.

But in the middle of all of this, I realized that I’ve been sort of, well, frustrated.

My normal emotional range looks like this:

I want a nap <-> I want a cheeseburger <-> I really want a nap <-> OOOOH! SHINY

So when I feel anything beyond that, I’m never quite sure what to do. I’m going to therapy now, so I suppose I should start working on this “feelings” bullshit everyone is telling me about. Apparently not having feelings makes you a serial killer. WHATEVER.

But I’ve been feeling pulled in a zillion directions. More than that, I’ve been feeling kind of…used. And not in the dirty sex kind of way.

It’s hard to explain.

It’s like there are three kinds of Internet People: My Pranksters, Not My Pranksters and The Internet Mole People.

Pranksters = You = Awesome.

Not Pranksters = Not You = I don’t know you = could be awesome.

Internet Mole People = Creepy Forum People = trolls who occasionally pop up to say horrible things that are usually misspelled and cruel like, “PEOPL LIK U SHUD NOT HAV KIDZ” or “YOU AER FAT N UGLY N SHUD DIE.” Clearly you cannot take them seriously.

And my Pranksters, you know that I love you all hard. Internet Mole People, you know that I love you (most of you, except the ones I hate) because you remind me that no matter what, I could always be a mouth-breathing knuckled-dragging person who has nothing better to do than anonymously bully people on the internet.

It’s the Non-Pranksters that have been giving me feelings (barf). It’s not one thing, like they all came to my Target store and bought up all the Uncrustables and Diet Coke or something. It’s the pressure of trying to get to all of the projects + the issues that I have going on behind the scenes (what, me have issues?) that = actual feelings.

I got my feelers hurt because some Non-Pranksters were being assholes. That’s what it boils down to. I got my feelers hurt when I was in the middle of doing something I thought was awesome and worthwhile while going through some personal shit of my own and Non-Pranksters were all grabby and shit.

No, of COURSE it wasn’t any of you.

But I’ve been kinda upset about it for awhile. I’ve been working around the clock on Band Back Together and I couldn’t shake my anger, no matter how many videos of laughing babies I watched.

Last night, I was sent a message by a Twitter Prankster telling me another Prankster was being trolled by an Internet Mole Person. I assumed this was probably another case of being called a “fatty-fat-fat stupit hed” or something stupid, which Pranksters, IGNORE THOSE MOLE PEOPLE, or pretend they are calling you beautiful.

I was wrong.

This person was absolutely right. An Internet Mole Person (who could spell) was trolling the mourning mother who had recently lost a child so that this Mole Person could use his death as a means to show the world the evils of circumcision.

I don’t care what you think about cutting the penis, bullying a mourning family and saying, “YOU CAUSED THIS” to prove your own hysterical point is the lowest of the low. I’m beyond horrified to know that while wonderful healing is going on at Band Back Together, this horrible hatred and vitriol is being spewed at a family in mourning. I’m disgusted and appalled.

I woke up even more pissed off at people than I had been. I took to the Twitter and fired off a few tweets at the Mole Person. Then I stormed around the house, furious.

When I came back to the computer to find some dancing cat videos, I saw something. My Pranksters, you’d joined in. All of you were chewing this nasty bitch out and supporting this family who had just suffered an unimaginable tragedy.

And right then, suddenly, the anger I’d been feeling towards all of the people who’d been shitting on me was gone.

I’ve always believed in the inherent good of (most) people and I realized that’s it’s precisely that goodness that’s been missing from most of my interactions with people lately. To see it again, it made my heart smile. People are good. My Pranksters are good. I’m sure the Non-Pranksters are good people, too. They’re just not my people. Maybe they will be some day. Maybe they won’t.

And Internet Mole People can suck it.

Finally, I wrote about autism.

Comments

comments

84 thoughts on “Feelings Are Kinda Bullshit

  1. I saw your tweet and made the mistake of clicking through to that woman’s website. What a big mistake. To say she is going beyond the pale is such an understatement. People have a lot of balls that hide behind their web pages and spit their vitrol. The good thing is that there seems to be many more good than bad people. And you are one of them.

  2. Um, you are all normal, smart, pretty, cool AND awesome. If I weren’t getting married this month, and you weren’t ALREADY married, I may or may not hit on you.

    I may do it anyway.

    Anyway, you’re full of The Awesome.

    Also, I found that “doctor’s” post on the whole circumcision thing, unrelated to anything you said, incidentally, and I left a comment on her blog (that probably won’t be posted) saying something to the effect of, “Um, do those parents KNOW you’re posting their son’s picture and name all over the Internet? Isn’t there some kind of ETHICS thing here?”

    I hate people, generally.

  3. I read this on Mama B’s blog and I just couldn’t believe it. I cried for this woman and her family. How horrible to lose your child. But then to be accused and humiliated, and abused for a choice that had nothing at all to do with this little angel’s passing just broke my heart and I started ranting and raving to my husband. I hate people like that. Its hard to imagine someone taking the piss out of someone over their stupid propaganda. Who *ucking cares if they circumcised their child? Why does motherhood have to be a damn war?

  4. Why do some people have to suck SO FUCKING MUCH?

    I totally get the whole “feeling used” (and not in a good way) thing, too…I hate feeling like I’m being pulled in so many directions that, at any given point in time, I could just crumble into a zillion pieces.

    Stay tough…love you lots!

  5. Some people should not be allowed near a computer, a pen & paper or other people. Fuckers. (And I don’t mean Aunt Becky, The Pranksters or other NORMAL fucking people.) I mean: bigots, racists, haters, Glenn Beck fans. Those people. Hope you feel better soon Aunt Becky…because you are absolutely amazing and doing AWESOME things in this big ole’ moron filled world. Thank you.

    1. fuck the Nerf bat…club her like a baby seal while screaming BARK BITCH! BARK!
      I am just so filled with impotent fury over her complete ignorance and utter lack of any feelings of sympathy or empathy for what that family went through and still has to go through………..

  6. I’m sort of stunned by this woman. I’m just speechless — which doesn’t often happen. But why don’t I talk a little bit ANYWAY. I’ve recently been succumbing to the anxiety provided by the hysteria that seems to surround parenthood — how every choice I make as a Mom has some profound and irreversible impact on my children. And more importantly, there’s a good chance every choice I’m making is WRONG. It’s hard not to succumb to it because it is everyfuckingwhere. Everywhere I turn, there are people telling me I’m fucking up. I can imagine that the parents who recently lost their child are doing enough soul-searching and self-blaming without this stranger intervening where she is just not needed and the level of cruelty that it takes to be so self-serving at such a dark time in another human being’s life is abominable. I’m disgusted.

  7. Feelings are bullshit … well at least most of mine are but anyway. This is the first I’ve heard about any of this and WOW. Some people have nothing better to do with their time.

    I don’t have a twitter but maybe should since I love to call assholes out.

  8. But it’s for the babies!!!

    There is a fairly large collection of Mole People out there – I think I saw about 3 of about 50+ comments that I looked through that said what should have been said “I am so sorry for your loss.” Blame, denial, how could you…can I have your address, so that when one of your loved ones dies, I can put that kind of stuff in the sympathy card? Gotta love when “activists” of any sort use someone’s personal tragedy as their leaping-off point. That’s what makes the activists look unbalanced, in case they were unaware.

    Well, at least the Pranksters, crazy as they may sometimes be, know how to rally around someone who’s having a rough time.

  9. I will never understand trolls. Is their life that fucking pathetic that they have to go fuck with other people and hurt them just to have something to do. FUCK! These bitches need a hobby. I have one for them. I’ll even pay them. Come clean my fucking house!!!!!

  10. When I read your tweets and visited that poor mommy’s blog…well, it’s a good thing I couldn’t bust through my computer and cause physical harm to that damn troll, because she would be missing limbs (or at least a boob).

    There’s a special place in hell for bullies like her.

  11. I never felt a sense of community with others, and I thougth I was destined to be a lone wolf. And then blogging came into my lift, and I realize being a part of something and feeling supported is an incredible feeling.

    Taking a tragedy like that to show boat her own personal vendetta is unspeakable.

    And you are awesome!

  12. I hadn’t heard about any of this till I saw your tweets. Heaping blame on a grieving family is inappropriate in the extreme however strongly you feel on a topic. If you have a campaign then campaign and use examples of people who have allowed you to use their story don’t go trolling. I have always followed a “don’t feed the troll” philosophy though and ignore the attention seekers otherwise you end up in a battle of opposing lynch mobs and it ain’t pretty. Sometimes the Internet is shit.

  13. This post had me all over the place. Laughing. Feeling vulnerable. Wanting to spit in the eye of mean internet moles who troll a woman ON THE SAME DAY her son has died. Thank you for speaking up for her, and for yourself. You are right, the issue is not with people’s stance on circ, it’s on peoples stance on decency and humanity and when someone abuses a BLM that way… there is no excuse for them – it is just being cruel.

    I would say that your post eliciting so many feelings in me, means it was a successful post on feelings. 🙂 As a total side note, if you ever need a laugh, Youtube “Marcel the shell with shoes on.” That always lifts my spirits.

  14. Who DOES that shit?! I agree with Amber – there’s a special place for asshats like that. I’ll happily throw on my boots and start kicking said asshats in that direction. Aunt Becky, we love you and you’re the for-real shit.

  15. I was stunned when I saw that shit on Twitter. I offered my support on her blog but didn’t do it on Twitter because I wanted to make sure she saw it.

  16. *quietly hugs Aunt Becky ’til a tiny tear trickles from Becky’s eye*

    I always knew you had feelings. Don’t worry. You’ll figure out what to do with them. And we’re here. Pranksters and fiends.

    (A dear friend of the Internets, Terri, coined that phrase. To her, we were all her loved fiends, and we loved her too. She died suddenly at the age of almost 55 just two weeks ago)

  17. I saw the particular tweet that preempted all of this mess. It was actually RT’d by someone else. When I saw it I thought ” oh fuck-that right there is a hot button issue for sure” and dropped it like it was hot. I SO wish I would have paid attention, because I LOVE nothing more than to fuck with stupid mole/troll people.

  18. It’s moments like this I wish I either lived closer or could afford a private jet, just so I could give you a hug. You fucking rock, Aunt Becky. (and I don’t drop the f-bomb unless I’m really emotional)

  19. The world is filled with morons- the net just makes it easier for the weasels to piss on others. Karma will kick her in the butt. Such an awful and ridiculous thing to say to someone in mourning.

  20. It is so unbelievable to me what unsensitive crack heads people can be. Why can’t people who are assholes like this, just stay in their own little hidey holes where they belong?

  21. I do not want to give this asshat any publicity by asking who she is, but I would love it if a little birdie told me that she is actually somewhere close to me because my family and I would like to spend our vacation on her front lawn telling her what an idiot she is.

      1. If I wasn’t a white-had, I’d get this chick’s information and post it on 4chan to let the REAL trolls go to town on her. Believe me, she’d be bleeding from the eyeballs in no time.

  22. i can’t believe people can be so fucking cruel to another human being, and especially when they are grievingthe death of a child…??!! it is horrific, and unforgivable! if i believed in hell, i’d say “i hope she burns in hell”. but may the kharma gods give back to her, here in this life, the pain and misery she is intentionally inflicting on that family.

  23. I retweeted that and then some A-hole with a f’d up twitter handle like stopchildrapeny – and they are talking about circumsision NOT ACTUAL RAPE (ugh and eww and ick) told me it was not real – but then I SEE IT WITH MY OWN EYES on the FB. I blocked that a-hole. they can all fuck off and leave this family be.

  24. I probably count as a Non-Prankster since I mostly lurk here – but I’d love to be counted as one of Your Peple since some of the moles seem to suck so much. I’m truly sorry there are such lousy, creepy trolls out there – not because I don’t think you can deal, but because you shouldn’t have to. The woman who lost her child… anyone trying to add to her burden by trolling should burn, simple as that.
    And I really hope that not having feelings (most of the time) doesn’t make one a serial killer – because then I’d have to seriously reevaluate most of the deaths around me for the last decade or so. :-/

  25. Aunt Becky,

    We’ve got you’re back, and the back of all the decent folks on the interwebz. Internet Mole People LOOKOUT! We’re armed and dangerous! OK, drunk, slightly unbalanced, and dangerous, but that’s almost the same thing.

  26. I’ve also only been dropping into the Internets with half focus lately so I don’t know the particulars but just wanted to say you do awesome things for many people. And, well, thank you.

  27. I’m sorry, let me just see if I understand the situation correctly:

    Was someone being mean to my Aunt Becky?

    BRING THEM TO ME. AND FETCH MY SWORD.

    Beyond that…

    I missed the tweetage that was part of the situation you’re describing, but it sounds awful. Why someone would torment a family who’s just lost someone, particularly to further some whacked-out agenda… well, there’s a cozy little corner of hell for someone like that.

  28. I haven’t tweeted yet, but I went to the mother’s website. I can’t imagine what she must be going through right now.
    It breaks my heart that on top of losing her son she is being victimized in this way. It just isn’t right or fair.

  29. Feeling do suck the big one. I hate having them myself.

    And I love people who can’t spell they make me feel better about me. I can’t always spell but I don’t spell like a Mole person those are the spellers I’m talking about.

    And I saw your tweets this morning and I am still composing what I want to say to that wretched bitch who is tormenting that poor family. Besides Fuck Off and Die. I have anger issues.

  30. I mean it when I say I really missed you! I have been living under a rock for months now, but I’m back bitches!! Also, UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!! I fucking hate trolls, but that is the lowest of the low. That person(s) should be throttled!! Also, I fucking LOVE YOU!! I am one of the many who read chapter one of your book and is anxiously waiting for the rest. xoxoxo

  31. I usually stay pretty quiet when the shit is flying. Today, I watched as my very small twitter stream was flooded with tweets and retweets of folks wrapping this woman up in blankets to protect she and her family from flying debris. There is good out there. Hope your world settles down some.

    1. I’m always fine. That’s the good thing. I’m made of Teflon.

      I don’t usually join into this crap either, but today, I couldn’t stay quiet. It simply couldn’t be done. It’s one thing to be mad about toothpaste. It’s another when there is someone being cruel to another person.

  32. I think we should all call therapy “There-A-Pee” or something like that. Or maybe just Uncomfortable Couch Time. I don’t know, I’m not that creative. But someone should come up with something. My point is… therapy sucks hard, but if you find the right therapist and really commit yourself to it, it also really works. Hang in there, ‘cuz you are AWESOME!! and you totally have the feelings, sounds like you’re just overwhelmed right now (always?)

  33. are you m-effing kidding me?! i dont care what your beliefs are there’s no excuse to belittling a grieving family. that lady/man/shrek can suck it. i hope enough tweeters (i’m not one…is that what you call them) made sure she knew just how many people are on her side. eff the mole people…

    (refer to scene from austin powers)…MMOOOOLEY MOLE MOLE!

  34. I allow myself to have one feeling a day. Yesterday it was for that mom who lost her child. Those that attack her should be strung on a rotisserie stick and put in my yard as a Halloween display.

  35. Wow. What an asshole (internet troll, not Aunt Becky obviously). How can that person feel that they are “right” doing something like that. People are generally very compassionate but then you get someone that is just a douchebag who decides to loudly throw in their two cents just when it is needed the least.

  36. scurvey can be avoided and trolls ignored with liberal use of lime (and tequila). Of course, you’ll still want to beat the crap outta the troll, but will be too relaxed to do so

  37. i’m not usually one to chime in when things are tense, but this is just one of the saddest things i’ve ever seen. who does that?!
    the loss of a child is one of the MOST devistating ordeals to go through in life. and for someone to take that and use it to promote their own agenda is just wrong on so many levels. thank you for being an advocate for this mother! my heart goes out to her and her family <3

  38. Seriously, people, get some fucking humanity. My heart goes out to those parents. That’s all, I’m off to go hug my kids now, and jump up and down in joy, because I’ve been so blessed in this life.

  39. I guess that’s the advantage and disadvantage of having access to the Internet and instant publishing of every living thought… at least, when my husband and daughter died, a troll really had to work at running me down before they could spout their vitriol… What you need to do is locate the source of their posting and report it to the Blogger/WordPress folks and they’ll shut them down… But, you sure didn’t need this woman in your life — none of us do… come visit when you can…

  40. Allow me to chime with an accusation of you being awesome. And not just because of some juvenile internet crush thing. Did I just say that out loud? Oops.

  41. aunt becky, i didn’t read the other comments, i have no idea what they say (sorry other pranksters!!) i’m slightly intoxicated (my sister’s getting married in 2 days, drunk starts NOW!!) BUT i love ya bunches. i comment occasionally and never know how to check back to see if you’ve responded. i tend to forget (girl scouts/pto/full time job/boyfriend who is IN-FUCKING-CAPABLE of preparing a meal that isn’t noodles or calling papa johns). anywhoo, love ya bunches. i read you EVERY FRIGGIN DAY and check toy with me too. um…forgot my point. what does one say when maid of honor at her sister’s wedding thats 8 years older and never particularily close? yeah. nevermind. LOVE YA!

    this has been your stream of consciousness post of the day.

  42. OMFG! I had not heard this had happened, until tonight. I went to Jill`s blog, read, and cried my eyes out. No parent should ever have to watch their child die. It is horrifying enough that this family is suffering such grief, and guilt (you cant stop that, no mater how you try, no matter what happened). WHAT gives that troll the right to say a single fucking word? About anything? Internet Mole people suck ass. I hope that Jill`s family is able to drown out the words of the troll, with all of the love from the rest of us.

    And, Aunt Becky, you are awesome, What you have created at BBT has given so many people hope, comfort, and solace. And, a place to feel a part of something. The internet is a warmer, happier, way funner, maybe more intoxicated :), place having you in it! Hugs to you!

    1. You just made me cry. I’d punch you, but I’m learning that tears are actually supposed to be (blech) a GOOD thing. WHO KNEW?

      I’m beyond proud of Band Back Together. The community over there is something that inspires me. There is so much good in the world. We cannot ever forget that.

  43. Aunt Becky, I don’t know how you do it… but you do. You create a feeling of team (for lack of better word) among your pranksters. You are a lot of the reason that we all go into “attack mode” when someone does something as super lame as that dumb internet mole person.

    This is a good thing.

  44. First of all I love your blog, SO ROCK ON! Secondly I guess you would call me a non-prankster because I just found you recently although we have tweeted a few times. I have been accused of being “walled off” or a cool fish when it comes to feelings… I find it is easier to be numb and NOT feel anything at all. I am working on changing (I am sure you can imagine my family doesn’t like me acting like a zombie or a robot). I have issues….don’t we all, but I am trying. Anyway I am so glad you got involved and rallied the troops, I missed it but I would have supported you and the family. Some people (moles)are like a virus or cancer, they attack you when you are down for the best result. It is sick and twisted to attack a family after such a tragedy. Disgusting is not a strong enough word. Everyone makes choices and tries to do the best for their children. I am sure the family that lost their child is already feeling extreme guilt over the situation. These mole people are like parasites, they feel better and probable get a high from making others feel worst. I try to ignore a lot, like the old saying “Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.” MOLES ARE PIGS… They just want the fight! I really don’t like to fight with words, I would rather hit them in the back of the head with a shovel and bury them in the woods…who has the lye? LOL!

  45. Aunt Becky, I’m so fucking glad I’m a prankster I could just spit! And I’m headed over to twitterland RIGHT FUCKING NOW to see what the hell is up and get on in this shit! HOW DARE someone bully up on a mourning family??? Not on OUR twitter they don’t!

  46. What that bitch said is NOT RIGHT.

    I may not comment often, you may not know me (except, we did bump into each other the first evening of BlogHer while you were puzzling over how to stuff a free coffee mug into your bag and before my friend offered to take it for you, I may have mouth breathed “It’s Aunt Becky!” Sorry. Star struck. Did she ever find you again to return that mug? Hope so. Or now you hate me. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that story. Gah! Side tracked. I take Topamax, too…) but I totally consider myself one of yer Pranksters.

    xo

    1. Bwahahahaha! I remember you! And the coffee cup quandary! SO MUCH STUFF. Your friend DID try to return it and I was all, “it’s all good.” Because I still didn’t have any room. Guess I need a bigger purse.

      Also: you’re TOTALLY a Prankster.

  47. Just keep staying the AWESOME person you are. I could say to let go the harsh, hateful words of trollers, but I am suck at it myself. IF you find the magic answer to letting it go…let me know.

  48. Hey AB,
    I’ve been MIA from the blog world of late, but happened to catch this post. You know I am a huge AB fan and this post reminds and reaffirms why.
    Sometimes it only takes one voice to change the tides.
    You have that voice Becky.
    Don’t ever let anyone silence it.
    Rock on my friend, the world needs you.
    xxoo

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