As I’d assumed would be the case, because everything requires that it be turned to Maximum Humiliation Factor, it turns out that after a visual and fluid check of my privates, I have merely peed myself. And then taken myself to the hospital in order to pay someone to tell me so.

I couldn’t be happier to be incontinent. There’s a phrase, along with My Bowel Prep, or visiting my father in the ICU I never thought I’d use. And yet, here I am. Happy to be pissing my pants.

30 thoughts on “Dx: Idiot

  1. It looks as though my previous comment left others to think you were actually doing the L&D part of L&D. So ugh … congratulations on not being in labor and merely pissing yourself. Or something

  2. Ha ha! I totally did the same thing. I paged my midwives at like 2am and told them my water had broken. Of course, it did turn out, after a ferning test, pH test and an NST that I had, in fact, just peed my pants. Fortunately it seems to happen so often that they don’t seem think twice about it.

  3. I couldn’t cough, sneeze, laugh or fart at the end without peeing my pants. If all women were told about this stuff ahead of time, no one would have babies.

  4. It’s okay, I sometimes feel like peeing myself just to stay warm on a cold morning.

    And kegels don’t help, so don’t bother.

  5. So I did something akin to this (they told me it was my plug? But some people’s are watery? Or somesuch?) and 48 hours later I had a baby. that’s all I’m saying.

  6. I once waited so long to see my OB (you know, naked from the waist down with a paper sheet over me) that I was sweating enough “down there” that they had to check to make sure my water hadn’t broken. You decide…more or less humiliating?

  7. I was told that if it smelled like semen, it was prolly amniotic fluid. How’s that for “full circle”?

    PS: I did that with all 3 kids. Luckily for me, it was 3 different birth attendants so no one person thought I was bat shit crazy.

  8. When I was pregnant with number 1 I did that at 38 weeks. I sat in my OB’s office for 2 hours just so they could tell me I peed myself.

    Then, when I was pregnant with number 2, I coughed in Target and peed myself. I left my full cart, grabbed number 1, and ran out so I could go home and change.

    My bladder still isn’t the same.

  9. oh, holy hell.

    so this is what i have to look foward to? i swear, i’m going to start wearing depends. this is horrible!!!

    meanwhile, i’m happy to hear it was “just piss” considering the circumstances.

  10. Ha! No worries on your part. Hell, when I was laying on a triage table, in labor with my second, my water burst forth like a dam break, and the nurse helping me looked down at me and then over to my husband and said, “What’s that noise?” and I was all, “Um, hi! I’M SOAKING WET DOWN HERE!!”

    So I say bill them!

  11. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry…
    that I am laughing so hard!

    Glad almost all is well. As as a woman who has had 6 vaginal births, I so feel your pain:)

  12. The whole time I was pregnant with #2 I peed myself every time I puked (and I puked at least 3-4 times a day for 23 weeks). It happened once when I was watching my 10 year old niece…and as I walked out of the bathroom to change my clothes she says to me while trying to hold back her laughter “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you peed your pants, it will be OUR secret”. *sigh*

  13. All I’m saying is, honest mistake. And I agree with @Ms. Moon, I think everybody’s happy you got it checked out.

    We all know that by the time the baby gets that big, there is really no such thing as a pee-free existence. The only question is, do you buy Depends and if not – how many times a day do you change, and are you or are you not ashamed to tell your husband why the hamper is so full of undies. Ahh, the joys of pregnancy.

  14. See, it was just the excitement of getting that carseat delivered. Glad all is well and I missed the peeing of the pants. 😉

    We made it home faster then we made it to your house. Tell Daver big hugs and kisses from Marjorie and Me for the directions. I would still be driving around northern Illinois if it wasn’t for him.

  15. Ha! I just peed myself in sympathy. Just think of it as doing all your peeing now, because you know once the baby arrives, you’ll only have time to pee once a day. Hang in there – you’re almost done!

  16. Better than pooping on the table with a cadre of medical professionals standing in perfect visual range. Yep, did that. Also, when they broke my water with baby #2 it blew like an amniotic tsunami & soaked an intern from the neck down. The advantage, of course, is that children demolish your embarrassment factor.

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