It’s been kind of a heavy week here, on Mommy Wants Cocaine Vodka, and I was going to peck out the story of how The Daver and I met, but I think that’s better suited to a day when I don’t have to be up and down and around and out like a chimp on meth. (notice I said CHIMP, not CHUMP)
No, I think today is a day for fluff. So I am going to bring out an old favorite: Love Songs That Make Me…A Little Gushy.
Dave Matthews Band, “Crush”
Now, I’ve always mocked DMB, not because they didn’t have talent, because they do, but because it was always the favorite choice of rich hippie frat boys who wore pukka shell necklaces and deliberately distressed Abercrombie and Fitch shorts. And they’d always call their band “Dave” as in “have you seen the new DAVE album?”
See, now, that sense of imposed familiarity has always annoyed Your Aunt Becky*, but undeniably the song “Crush” is one of the best love songs ever written. Somehow, the guy who looks like a middle-school teacher that routinely got all sorts of panties thrown at him, somehow he captured that feeling of falling in love.
“It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round.
And here, I’m dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down, and is this real, or am I dreaming?”
I’m deeply resentful of the fact that not only do I love, love, love this song, I would probably marry it. I exact my revenge upon him by imagining him as the retarded savant he played on House, MD.
I’m sure he’s weeping into his millions of dollars and teenage panty pile.
Ray Charles & Van Morrison “Crazy Love”
Several weeks before my wedding, I begged Dave to change Our Song from Louis Armstrong’s “Wonderful World” to this song, which combined two of my favorite voices. Van Morrison has one of those voices that seems to coat me in honey and make me warm and fuzzy inside, no matter how shitty a mood I’m in.
(this is also how Johnny Cash makes me feel)
If you like him I beg, no, I INSIST that you go to iTunes and download his version of “Comfortably Numb” with Roger Waters. It’s.breathtaking. No, I mean, it, like you’ll be unable to breathe, it’s so good.
When he sings, “And the Heavens open every time she smiles,” in “Crazy Love” it never feels to give me pee shivers and goosebumps. In a GOOD way, not like an “I’m scared for my life of this clown with an Uzi in front of me.”
Elton John, “The Way You Look Tonight.”
Now, he’s made his career out of singing sappy love songs, and his catalog either makes me swoon or roll my eyes depending on which one I’m listening to (“butterflies are free to fly, FLY AWAY, HIGH AWAY?” BLECH). But this one, this one makes me just melty inside.
(unrelatedly, I think “The Bitch Is Back” is exquisite)
The one you can mock me mercilessly for, because the song is seriously Full of The Lame and The Corny:
Bon Jovi’s “Always.”
This song came out when I was dating my first boyfriend, back sometime around 1994, and I was entranced.
This was uncharacteristically bad taste for me, whose first albums purchased from Columbia Record Company (buy 4, get like 13 free) included, The Red Hot Chili Peppers album Blood Sugar Sex Magik (arguably their best album, um, EVER), Pearl Jam’s Ten and Sex Pistols Anarchy in the UK.
All albums I still listen to.
But there it was, cheesy ass-rock from a guy who spent more time in front of the mirror than a 14 year old girl, and I loved it. I STILL love it, although not because it’s the kind of song that gets a girl in the mood or anything, but because it’s just…awesomely bad.
SUPER BONUS OVERACHIEVER SONG!!
Rod Stewart’s “You’re In My Heart.”
Okay, I know, I KNOW, you’re snickering, I can hear it, people. I have bionic hearing and I can hear your snorts from even here. Rod Stewart is The King of Cheese, I know, and his songs mostly suck, and he’s like eleventy-niner hundred years old.
I DON’T CARE.
“You’re In My Heart” is one of the awesomest love songs ever written. And when I told Daver as much, I swear he looked around for my Depends and my Geritol and then insisted upon seeing my driver’s license. Perhaps he was making sure my AARP card wasn’t expired or something.
Your turn. What love songs make you swoon and get mushy inside? The more shameful, the better.
OH! And I’m going to try and respond to you in the comments, because I’m not awesome about emailing everyone as they comment. So yeah, I’ll be IN THE COMMENTS. STALKING YOU.