Three years ago today, on arguably one of the most disgusting days of the summer, my lungs so full of phlegm and on a day in which I infected half of the people whose dinner I was paying for, thereby earning the nickname Typhoid Becky, I got married.

I’d never been one for romanticizing weddings, I never had an idea for a signature cocktail or monogrammed napkins, I never really even wanted to get married. I’d rather have imagined my future life as an Army NINJA Commando or as The Crazy Cat Lady than as a wife. I wasn’t anti-marriage or anything, but it was something that only happened to Other People. Like children.


People who tell me that they Just Knew about someone or something like the Perfect House, The Right Man, or Which Flavor Baby They Were Carrying always annoy me. Really, they do. Not because I don’t believe that they MIGHT have known something ahead of time, but because seriously, how many of them confess to Knowing something that didn’t happen. Plus, they always say it with this I’m More Of A Creature Of Mother Earth Than You and blow a raspberry in my direction when I confess to not knowing I was even pregnant when I was. Or maybe it’s all in my head.

Sure it annoys me, but you know what? I Just Knew when I met Daver, after spending the night at his apartment for the first time, that this is the man I would marry. Like it or not, he and I were going to be together for a very, VERY long time. While I’ve never asked him if he had the same sort of revelation, which even if he did, I doubt very much that he would tell me, I think he had a pretty good idea of the same thing.

The day of my wedding was not the best day of my life. Honestly, it was probably one of the worst days, although I won’t get into my reasons there, and I wanted nothing more than to leave the party and hang out with my new husband. But every day since then has been one of the best days of my life.

Even on our worst days, when we can barely tolerate the sight of each other, when his throat clearing and my incessant use of nose spray annoys us both so very much that we could each scream, I know how lucky I am. I have never, and will likely never take him for granted.

He’s the man I didn’t know I was lucky enough to marry.

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

48 thoughts on “Crazy. Love.

  1. Happy Anniversary-
    however you got here, you did. Whether you knew it or not…

    lovely quote

    (ps – with both my kids, I never ‘knew’ what they were even with genetic testing…I begged the docs to take ‘the thing’ out of me to make sure it was human. Earth mother I am not.)

  2. Happy Anniversary. Such a small “blog” world, but my good friend at is also celebrating their anniversary.

    I also “knew” that my husband was the one the very first time he kissed me. Of course, I blamed it on the booze, but it turned out I was right!

    And HE had been to a psychic the year before and she told him he would marry someone who looked like Cindy Crawford. What can I say? When you’ve got it you’ve got it 😉

  3. many, many, more years with your one and only…may you both always have lozenges and nasal spray, oh and great sex too, that always helps.

  4. Happy Anniversary to Aunt Becky and The Daver! The sonet at the end of your post was beautiful. I hope you have a great day with your love today, and many many more…

  5. I liked that post. I also knew I’d be with my wife after our first date, but I had to convince her of it for months.

    And I know what you mean about the wedding hassle and just wanting to spend time with your new spouse. My back was giving me fits and MJ was having a flare-up of her Crohn’s Disease on our wedding day. We were both so tired and sore and miserable we couldn’t even manage Wedding Night Nookie!

    Thanks for the nice post, I’m passing it onto my wife.

  6. I totally understand what you mean about the wedding hassles. That’s why hub and I eloped and got married at the court house. On odd days I kinda kick myself because we don’t have wedding pics nor did we have a wedding cake….but I got him..and that means more to me than anything…

    Happy Anniversary !

  7. Happy Anniversary!

    I once shared an office with a man whose wife called him 3 times a day in the months before his wedding at least and she was often in tears over the napkins not matching the favours not matching the menu cards etc. I had to listen to this crap and the bastards didn’t even bloody invite me. Unsurprisingly I had a totally different kind of wedding myself.

  8. Happy Anniversary.

    I think that I heard that in a wedding toast once….that the wedding should be the worst day of your life together….so that the rest of you life together would be perfect.

  9. Uh, I’m actually one of those girls who “just knew” about two men in my life, neither of which I actually married, and both of which kicked my arse to the curb.

    Oh, and then there was the house I made an offer on in Austin TX that I “just knew” was going to be my Forever House. The owners accepted another offer & now I’m not even moving to Austin, I’m moving to Seattle. Huh. Is it possible that it wasn’t “My House” b/c I was “supposed” to move to Seattle a year later? I have no idea… man, I sure hope so.


    Anyway, I’m totally willing to admit that most of the time I thought I “knew” something, I didn’t know sh*t.

    In your case, I’m SO glad you “knew” about Dave. Oh, and Pablo Neruda KICKS BUTT. Seriously. How romantic can ya get?

    Happy Anniversary!

  10. I won’t say anything about the poem (but really? a poem? hehe, I’m just teasing you!) but you are too cute sometimes. For all your big talk I know you’re just a big ol’ softie on the inside. Hahah. 🙂

    Seriously, though. This was sweet. And it’s very very much how I feel about my husband. We’re a couple of lucky ladies, yeah?

    Happy anniversary!

  11. I think you know how I feel about marriage. If you can tolerate the throat clearing and the nose spray, it’s meant to be. Hearts and flowers mean nothing! It’s surviving the ugliness that matters.

    Happy A!

  12. ok, only because you are my BBFF am i not mad at your for writing something that has left me in tears and missing the sweetgirl. dude, that poem is amazing…

    happy anniversary to you and the daver!!! wishing you many many multiples of 3 years together…


  13. Well, happy anniversayry! See now, THIS is how I feel about my husband. If only I could express it and he could accept it wihout lawyers and shit involved. Anyhow, what you said is awesome…it’s full of love without fear that something else coult taint the feeling.

    Happy anniversary to Becky and The Daver!

  14. While wiping that little tear that just formed in the corner of my eye, I wish you and the Daver a fantastic anniversary.

    BTW I so KNEW it was a girl…jk..but I kind of thought it was.

  15. Congratulations.

    Just to clarify, I got married because I was spending a fortune on a holiday and could get a free upgrade if I could prove I was on “honeymoon”.

    Knew I was pregnant early, cause I was sick as a dog and I hadn’t eaten any dodgy curries.

    Thought I was having a boy and had a girl.

    And I just know every week I’m going to win the lottery and I’m still waiting. Seriously, it’s all about waiting your turn.

    It’s my turn next week………I just know it ;]

  16. Awwww!!! I think I knew that Dave and I would be together for a long time, too. And when we’re driving each other crazy, at least we can make each other laugh. I think THAT will be our saving grace.

  17. Congratulations. It’s all such a good feeling to know you’re with the right person.

    I feel comforted a bit to hear that you didn’t enjoy your wedding either. I thought I was the only weirdo out there who didn’t have, like, THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!

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