The good news: Alex is nearly potty trained.
The bad news: Amelia decided that she, too, needed a potty chair.
You’re all, “AUNT BECKY, THAT’S A GOOD THING,” and that’s where you’d be right…sort of. Because my daughter isn’t one of those kids who will just DO as she’s ASKED. Oh no. That would be too simple.
On Sunday, I marched wobbled my happy ass to Target to get her her Very Own Potty Chair. Awesome! It’s sitting in my kitchen. It makes noises and cheers sometimes. I’ve decided that I need a cheering section for the bathroom. It would make peeing a lot more exciting.
Alas, I digress.
Monday, Amelia took off her diaper and streaked no less than three times. Cute, right? ADORABLE. She’s a mini-frat boy.
THEN, as she was eluding my shuffly arms, she took a gigantic pee in the hallway. She was probably holding her bladder for 12 hours just to do that. As I screamed “AMELIA, NO!” she began to tap dance IN HER PEE as she laughed. Mouth open, head tilted back, uproariously laughing as she splashed around in her pee puddle. It was like Singing In The Rain…but with pee.
She was so proud of herself.
I aged 20 years.
The teenage years are going to be incredible.
————–
When my friend Jimmy from Shui Teas sent me some tea, I was pretty excited. Mail makes me happy in the pants because normally all I get is bills and anytime I get something that’s not a bill, I do a Snoopy HAPPY Dance.
Jimmy from Shui Teas, who is also one of my advertisers, sent me the Vodka Tea Infusion Pack to try out because, well, obviously, and suggested that I give one away to my Pranksters as well. He’s also given you a 10% off code: MOMMYVODKA for any orders from his site through December 12.
So to enter the Vodka Tea Infusion Pack from Shui Teas, you must leave me a comment telling me if you were a flavor, what flavor tea you’d be.
For additional entries (up to four total), you can follow me on The Twitter, follow Band Back Together on The Twitter, follow Mushroom Printing on The Twitter or become my Facebook Friend. Just leave a separate comment for each of the things you do.
The contest will end at midnight on December 14 and a winner will be randomly selected on the 15th of December.
In the meantime, I’ll be engaged in a battle of the wills with my daughter.
Send help.
What holiday would be complete without a discussion of my colon?
THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS: NONE.
Somewhere along my Mars Cheese Castled Journey (I’m thinking we Midwestern Bloggers need to field trip it up there, yo. It’s a CASTLE of motherhumping CHEESE) to Wisconsin, I seemed to have picked up a Ghost in my Colon, which effectively means that I’ve been crapping out the lining of my digestive tract for the past 12 hours. It’s pretty rad.
But this weekend has been FULL of awesome post ideas and excellent happenings. Most full of the awesome is that The Daver completed the new navigation for Band Back Together:
Full of The Awesome PICTURE Navigation
This matters to a whole three of you, but this means that you can simply click a picture and it will take you to the page with all of the subcategories. You can access it from the main page or the browse posts option at the top of the site.
ALSO, and probably most importantly, there’s a READ ALL POSTS option at the top of the screen on Band Back Together, too. Like any normal blog feed, it’ll take you to the most recent posts. Sweet ass in the mornin’! Just not *ahem* MY sweet ass. Not today.
Anyway.
ONTO THE DISPATCHES.
The moment my son saw his sister get dressed up for Thanksgiving, he wanted to bring his, you guessed it, AWESOME COSTUME. Who could blame him? I’m still stuck wearing happy pants and my binder. I’d totally have worn a butterfly costume if I could have.
And next year, he wants to be SATURN. The planet, not the car. I think I need to start searching for that costume, uh, NOW.
Thanksgiving Flutterby
While my son fluttered, his sister made my ovaries melt with her Hello Kitty dress. This was one of the first things I bought for her when she was a wee fetus and when she saw it, she was all, “KITTTTTYYYYY!” because she loves Hello Kitty. Just like her momma.
In this picture, it appears as though she is plotting world domination. She probably is. Just like her momma.
Hello, Kitty!
I have a third son but no Thanksgiving picture of him because he was staring gape-jawed at the television and all of the pictures made him look like he may have been catching flies rather than watching the game.
This is my first family portrait and proof that I am an artistic genius. I think I must’ve drawn this when I was 12 or maybe 20.
The picture is only funny when you notice one thing…
SMILE!
Look at the smiles on my mom and I. Then look at the smiles on my brother and my father. Could they LOOK any meaner?
HILARIOUS.
And this is only the best thing ever:
Notice, it does NOT say, “Aunt Becky, Mediocre Blogger.” Ah, how the (not-so) mighty have fallen.
—————–
How was your holiday, Pranksters?
Because Pottery Barn is an asshole and I cannot possibly resist their tempting overpriced wares, every time they come out with their Halloween Issue, I tear into it like it’s a brand new issue of Maxim magazine. Eagerly, I examine the overpriced costumes and figure out which ones my kids MIGHT allow me to dress their very particular bodies in before the inevitable day when they say, “Mom, I want to be a ghost” and beg for a simple sheet.
This year, I managed to grab the magazine as I was headed out with Alex, who was highly INTERESTED in what I was looking at.
I’ve been TRYING to get one of my children to be the Land Shark for years, and no, every year they deny me. Which means that I need a costume party to be the Land Shark and be all ‘CANDYGRAM’ and then no one will laugh but me, but I will laugh enough for everyone else.
Well, anyway, I’m in the car with Alex and I’m all, “you could be popcorn! or rootbeer! or a carton of milk!”
And Alex, my miniature clone, said, simply, emphatically, with his mind made up, “No.”
Perhaps he is paying me back for these costumes.
The Halloweenier.
Or this:
The Hedgehog of DOOOOOOM.
Because he said, “I’m going to be a beautiful butterfly. But be careful, Mom, don’t step on my wings!”
The butterfly costume is this, Pranksters:
Pottery Barn, you win again. My son will be the most beautiful, manly butterfly in a dress, ever.
And I will never, ever stop hearing the end of it from his father, grandfather, my brother and every other male he comes into contact with. But I don’t fucking care. If my kid wants to be a beautiful butterfly, he can be a beautiful fracking butterfly.
I just might buy him some wee combat boots to go along with it. And maybe a spike collar. He will be the most beautiful butterfly on the block.
And I will punch anyone who looks at him funny. Because it’s a MANLY TUTU and he’s just a little boy who likes butterflies and flowers and light and for GOD’S SAKE his first word was PENIS and he can throw a ball better than most 20-year old’s I know, and really, Alex is composed primarily of sweetness and light and snips and snails and puppy dog tails and I have never met anyone more wholly good than him.
So yes. A butterfly. My son, Mister Butterfly. Spike The Butterfly.
Sounds kinda manly.
Right…?
Aunt Becky Shirts!
Subscribe Y’All:
