A couple of weeks ago, Pranksters, I came here and dumped my thoughts all over your screen. In this case, my thoughts were not about SkyMall kitties or why John C. Mayer ruined my life, but about hate.

Specifically, hateful comments.

I took a comment I’d gotten in January of this year and explained that it had caused me to live a [redacted] life.

(sidebar: [redacted] means to edit out sensitive information)

It wasn’t a particularly good post, however, it was one of those things I had to write to get it out. By getting it out, I’d hoped to be able to move on to a non-[redacted] life. I don’t much appreciate having to shit rainbows and kittens when I’m in a shit ON rainbows and kittens kind of mood, and I knew it had impacted me. I also knew why.

But in the comments on that post, I was asked a question. A question that deserves more of an answer than a comment reply could offer. And a question that I’d welcome your opinion about.

The question was simple (pardon me for paraphrasing):

“Do you feel that the negative comments outweigh the positive?”

The answer? Not so simple.

While I haven’t been subject of numerous hateful comments from Internet Mole People (read: trolls), I have gotten a handful, although most about my dog, Auggie. Just FYI, Pranksters, the Internet is sensitive about dogs.

Most of the hateful comments have been of this ilk:

“You’re boring.”

“You’re not funny.”

“This was navel-grazing.”

“You have problems.”

“You should kill yourself.” (from The Twitter)

To which I would heartily agree with all but the last sentiment. After all, the world needs ditch-diggers too.

Not one of those bothered me, except for the “you’re not funny” bit. And that only bothered me because I never SAID I was funny. Funny LOOKING perhaps, but funny? Not so much.

(pointless sidebar too! Who SAYS “I’m funny” about themselves anyway? UN-funny people, that’s who.)(also: your mom)

Anyway. Those type of Internet Mole People comments are fine. Just because you leave them doesn’t mean I have to publish them and just because I publish them doesn’t mean I cry unicorn tears into my pillow at night. You are CERTAINLY welcome to your opinion. And we all know Anonymity + The Internet = Assjackets. The difference is, I don’t have to give you the platform to broadcast it. Sorry, ’bout that.

(also: I am NOT sorry)

But the comment in question, well, it called me an addict. That was not cool. Why? Well, if I didn’t have massive migraines or two alcoholic parents (note: I am not bashing my parents, simply stating the truth. They are recovering addicts)(see also: I am only as sick as my secrets), maybe I’d have laughed. After all, I was the dumbass who named my blog “Mommy Wants Vodka.” What can I expect?

However, it’s something I worry about. Becoming an addict myself, that is, not renaming my blog. I’m not sure how to avoid that one.

So to be called out like that by “someone who knows me, the REAL me,” well, ouch. Condescending + hitting a nerve = hurt. That sort of comment sticks with you.

Maybe it shouldn’t. Maybe I was in the wrong for allowing it to hurt me. Maybe I’ll get hit by a bus crossing the street. Who fucking knows?

The point is, though, that sometimes cruelish comments do hurt. I think, though, that they only hurt when they hit a little too close to home.

————–

So I hope that answers your question, oh wise commenter. And now it’s your turn, Pranksters. How would you answer this question?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

45 Responses to But Words Will Never Hurt Me. Unless They Do.

  • Ruth says:

    Eh, tell them to fuck off.

    Like you said: computer+ anonymity = asshats. People will say the cruelest things because they’re not standing in front of you. They feel like it’s ok, somehow, to be brutally honest and to treat the reader like a robot, instead of a human. It’s a complete lack of respect and understanding and I personally think, they need a virtual kick up the ass. Screw ‘em!!!

    And by the way, WHAT THE HELL?? Who tell’s someone to kill their self? That one really pisses me off. I think that person needs some time in a maximum security prison with a moral-less, muscular, horny murderer. How bout them apples, assclown!!!!??? That’s where you’ll end up if you keep up those thoughts.

  • LC Scotty says:

    AB, I think you’re funny. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me glad I have an internet connection.

    And you’re wicked hot, too.

  • Kathy Miranda says:

    I would hope that all the love that you get from myself and my fellow pranksters will blow the negative comments clear the fuck to outer space. Just hit the delete button on that shit. Life sucks hard enough without people that you KNOW pissing on your rainbow. Fuck them and just keep coming back to us. WE LOVE YOU!

  • Erin says:

    My kindergarten teacher said “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart.” Sometimes unkind words are just heavier than kind words. Loving actions usually mean more than kind words, but the Internet is, for the most part, a bunch of words. Just know you are loved… and you are funny, too. Even if you don’t say so yourself.

  • I totally purged in a snippy troll targeting way on my second to last post.
    I consider it like farting.
    Releasing something small that smells bad…but takes away internal pressure.
    Troll farts. Xoxo

  • Anon says:

    The haters can bite your ass. Mine too. Are you perfect? No, and that’s one of the things that makes you so much fun! So keep on doing what you’re doing and remember to rename your key to !

  • Anon says:

    Crap. That should have read rename your “delete’ key to ‘fuck off and die’.

  • Yeah, I agree that they sting more when they come from someone who’s had closer exposure to you. If a stranger is all, I hate you, I can be all, oh, that’s nice, you don’t know me…asshat. But if, say, an old friend were to say, I hate you, well then I’m all, hmm, someone who knows me well enough has assessed the wealth of information she has about me and decided that I’m unlovable, and now I should probably obsess over this for two years.

    Of course those comments are going to hit close to home. Oprah once said that people send her mail all the time about how much she’s changed their lives for the better, and she’s all, that’s nice. But then she gets one piece of hate mail and she’s all, OH MY GOD LIFE IS TERRIBLE NOBODY LOVES ME.

    So, some of this is human nature. Fear of the lash can move us more than the dangling carrot at times. But you should pay more attention to our carrots, Aunt Becky! Carrots are awesomer than lashes! FUCK THE LASH ONLY CARROTS FOR AUNT BECKY CARROTS FOR AUNT BECKY CHANT WITH ME FOLKS, CARROTS FOR AUNT BECKY, CARROTS FOR AUNT BECKY!

    I’ve just gone back and reread this comment and it appears that I may have had a minor stroke. Carry on.

    (We love you.)

    Bad Mama Genny

  • Amy says:

    As someone with a fledgling blog (in the grand scheme of things) and a minuscule readership (in the grand scheme of everyone on the planet) the negative comments do bother me because I’m just getting going. Still trying to find my voice and still trying to figure out if my blog even has purpose or meaning. So from that end, the negative comments do get to be because I’m just trying to figure this whole thing out. The ridiculously negative ones… Like ones that did not get the concept of pulling a John C. Meyer and told me I was just a horrible person and why on earth should I think that Russell I. Crowe should care what I think at all?? Well those just make me laugh. And weep… that person could be operating on me someday for all I know.

    Amy
    my last post – I am… Penn State…

  • I feel for you with this. I had a psychopathic ex-babysitter of my kids when they were little who found me when I was posting with the NYCMoms group blog, and she left nasty personal comments on two posts there in the middle of the night. I was new to the group blog and didn’t know if I had permission to remove them, and was relieved to find out in the morning “yes.”

    They were of the order of “you are a terrible mother and you parents are lovely people and I don’t know how they produced a worthless piece of shit like you” variety. Like I said, she was a total psycho, used to make up lies about me to people, do things to make me seem like the meanie and her seem like the good one to my kids, etc. but wow, that was painful. Mole people is bad enough but a person troll sucks!

  • Sooz says:

    Didn’t someone once say “for every negative comment you need to give 10 positive comments” sort of like to balance out the negative comment? If so, my answer is that the negative comments probably outweigh the positive. unless your gettin’ a bazillion positive comments. which it doesn’t sound like you are getting. but who cares. i love your blog. i think your funny. keep your chin up, baby! :)

  • HumorSmith says:

    Screw ‘em. Or not, your call, but with those attitudes, they’re already pretty much screwed.
    I luvs ya AB!

  • Heather says:

    I think in general, although the bad does not usually out number the good, we, as humans, possibly women, tend to place more weight with the bad comments than the good. Both online and in the real world. If you get 20 comments about your new hair that are positive but one person says, hmm… not my thing, that one comment will resonate in the back of your mind for the rest of the day. It shouldn’t. It is one person’s opinion, but for some reason it does.

    It is similar with the blog. I think your blog is amazing and I hope that you are serious about no longer sensoring yourself. What one person says about you is just their opinion. It only hurts if you let it and it only has weight if you let it.

    {{Hugs}} to you!!

  • Receiving a negative comment does hurt, even if only a little. Of course one negative can’t outweigh multiple positives, right? The reason they stand out is that the author of a negative comment went out of their way to be hurtful.

    I don’t always comment even if I find a blog to be humorous or helpful, but unless I am incredibly offended by the contents… I certainly don’t go out of my way to be insulting.

  • Courtney P says:

    Because I was not there to defend you when the comment was posted… I’ll say that they can kindly fuck off. It was probably one of your more bitchy SIL’s or something. Basically, nobody worth caring about.

    Also… I will happily beat this troll’s ass for you, if their identity is ever discovered. Because you are amazing, and they suck donkey balls.

  • Joules says:

    The one that weighs the heaviest is the one that we let affect us. It’s so easy to getting bogged down by the hurtful stuff, the mean stuff. Those comments slide right into our insecurity cracks and grab hold and echo. And the people that know and love us know exactly where those cracks are located and how to best infiltrate them.

    And we can’t make those comments not hurt, without numbing ourselves in unhealthy ways. But we can push them out of our minds when they pop up instead of ruminating on them. And we can focus on the good things like – hey, Sooz and Erin think I’m funny, LC Scotty thinks I’m wicked hot and Joules thinks I’m compassionate and inclusive and spit take funny.

    • Karen Ingle says:

      This is a great post, worthy of printing and sticking on my bathroom mirror to repeat every morning for inspiration when dodging the spite and meanness of the many douche bags I run into. Thanks!

  • E says:

    I’ve lurked for months, and some day I will write a real comment on an article. But today I wanted to leave a comment to simply let you know that I think you are amazing. It has helped me immensely to read the words of another human being who has weathered a shitstorm and survived. Your words make me feel less alone. And I feel certain that for every stupid troll who leaves a hateful comment, there are 1000 of us lurkers who rely on your candor. There’s a lot more I could say about what your writing has meant to me, but for now, please know that you are appreciated.

  • Gadgerson says:

    Sorry that people are so dumb sometimes. :( Makes me sad. Very happy that it didn’t make you stop writing though because I am a fan :)

  • Carol says:

    I always wonder a little about the quality of life those trolls have. I mean really, you have nothing better to do than say mean shit to someone you don’t even know? if I don’t like a blog I read, I move on, that’s it. People pour their hearts out in their blogs, they don’t need to be filtering shit from assholes. Having said that I must share with you my favorite comment, my blog doesn’t have a huge following so I get excited when I see a comment. I wrote a post about stupid signs and labels and recieved the following comment: (all misspellings are original)

    You are and idot. Who tolled you that you could right? Your stupid and ugly. I bet you suck in bed two.

    That comment pissed me off, only because I laughed so hard I spit wine every where and had to clean it up. Seriously, I suck in bed? That’s all you got? What ever twatwaffle.

    Aunt Becky, fuck ‘em. As my sister and I say, don’t hate me cause you ain’t me!

  • a says:

    Anyone who hits your darkest fears is going to have an effect. There are two things you can do – you can write it off to a lucky shot, and move on. Or you can track down the person who left the comment and evaluate the validity of the feelings behind the comment. Then you can confront the person.

    I know you won’t be able to let it go, but I hope you can move on and feel free enough to write what’s important to you again.

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream
    says:

    Honestly, every now and then, negative comments and words do outweigh the good ones. It could be a day when you are feeling vulnerable or a day when someone is just a little meaner than normal. But, on those days, those words the asshats fling do hurt. On the other days, the majority of the days, I say fuck them and the horse they rode in on.

    Love you muchly.

  • Lynda M O
    Twitter: Lynda M Otvos
    says:

    thanks, all you bloggesses, for your input. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

  • KYouell says:

    Aw, AB, haters are hateful. We love you & have your back & you know it. That doesn’t mean you don’t need to hear it & *that* means it’s totally cool to say, “Hey, I need to hear you love me cuz that bitch cut me.” :-) Also smooches.

    I worry a lot about seeming troll-like because I don’t let the R-word slide anywhere I see it, which usually means every other day on FB. Unless I know the person well (and who do I know well that would say that when I have a son with Down syndrome??!??!) I send them a private message. I never let it slide because that would be betraying my son to me, but I don’t have to get in some random person’s face in public either. In my mind that is what keeps me from being a troll. The people I take to task may have a differing opinion.

    All that is because I wonder: what issues did that commenter have that they needed to do that little bit of litter-box-business in public? When someone is rude and inconsiderate it says more about them than it does about the person they attack.

    Mwah!

  • Allison says:

    Basically Trolls are people who get their jollies out of thinking they screwed someone’s day up. They are probably small people who get pushed around all day and take their mean pettiness out on someone else.
    sorry their rude comments had you living a [redacted] life for a while.
    p.s. Carol’s post with the troll comment made me laugh so hard! i bet it was a teenager.

  • Elizabeth says:

    A troll will always be a troll.
    That said – tell em to suck it!
    Your house – Your rules.

  • Pete In Az says:

    “I was in the wrong for allowing it to hurt me.”

    Allowing? Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s something you have control over.

    Sometimes, you don’t know a button exists until someone pushes it. I think you found one and it Hurt.

    And SHAME on the other person for pushing it in public.

    Life should not be about hurting each other.

  • John says:

    I’d answer the comment with “you know what? I am addicted…to your mom.”

    Because, really, there is nothing else to say.

    I hate the troll comments that “hit home.” I truly do.

  • The Mommy says:

    I can’t figure it out. Truly. There are what, THOUSANDS of blogs? Why would someone take the time to read one that they hate and then take the time to type out a mean comment? It absolutely BAFFLES me. I figure that they must be SO STINKIN’ UGLY that the ugly comes out through their fingers and into their words. I guess they just can’t help it.

    I have found it even more amazing that there are entire groups of bloggers who write a blog dedicated to hating and slandering another. (I’m not sure if you have ever heard of MckMama but she’s the prime example of the blogger being hated on of those that I read. Seriously. An entire blog updated sometimes multiple times a day by people who hate her. {SIGH}).

  • Michelle says:

    I was running last week, preparing for a race. And some douchebag DROVE by in a car and screamed something about me being FAT out the window. I didn’t hear his exact words because I was trying not to DIE since I was running, and my ipod was up too loud. I thought about it the rest of the time I was running. Then I decided “Hey, I AM FAT. I know this. I’m 37 fucking years old. The days of people calling me fat should be over.” And then I let it go. Because the words only have power if you give them power. This person knew nothing about me. He doesn’t what obstacles I have overcome to be able to run. I am proud of my FAT self and my running abilities. I’d like to see him try to run a race, because he’s probably too busy judging fat people to see how out of shape he is himself. So fuck off fatty hater. People look for your sensitive spots and go right for them. Take the power back!!

  • Barb Annino says:

    People who leave anonymous comments are, well, anonymous. Vacant. Empty. Vacuous. Void of substance. I give them as much importance as a fly I can’t catch. And they will always target the BRAVE, such as yourself. Brave people scare Anonymous because Anonymous will never know what it feels like to bitch slap Fear in the face.
    Rock on, Becks.

  • martinmunson says:

    I’m new to this blog, but don’t let negative comments get you down. People are jealous, bitter, spiteful, hateful, and a lot of other bad things. I’m glad I found this blog, I did a search for blog awards and saw you won something (I forget what.) Congrats!

  • DiatribesAndOvations
    Twitter: DiatribesAndOs
    says:

    I can’t always tell the Troll from SPAM (what’s the difference, really?) but I can ALWAYS tell that you’re full of the awesome. http://wp.me/p1se8R-1Jk Fuck the haters … this is your internet, too!

  • Becky says:

    Words hurt, and they can never be taken back. Unfortunatly, it is easier for most people to believe the negative about themselves much more than the positive. If I had (2) comments and one said “You rock my world” and the other said “You should kill yourself” I would TOTALLY obsesse over why someone would be that mean and nasty.
    People who have nothing better to do than purposely bring others down have bigger issues than all of us pranksters put together.
    And, as for “if you are funny” HELL to the YEAH! You have made me giggle on some very craptastic days. You are a genuine person, and by default that makes you a target for the fakes. *The Other Becky hands Aunt Becky a box of Wine and some cookies* “Fuck em”…

  • Mercurial says:

    I’d say that the hurtful comments outweigh the positive when the weight of the words feels like a punch in the throat. In those instances I see no problem with a little wound licking and taking the time to get a big wind up going before you punch back.

  • Chrisinphx says:

    Since I have the maturity level of a 12 year old on my best of days Id trace that IP address and then post it in the response and call them out for being such a pussy and not just saying to your face. There is no excuse for that sort of shit, makes it even workse that its coming from someone close. Fuck em!

  • Caffer says:

    I have read your blog forwards and backwards many times in the last 2 months. (Creepy, right?!) I have read every made up word, and , every, mis,placed, comma and have realized new things about myself in the process. Having a bad day? See Aunt Becky. She’ll make you laugh til you pee your pants. Need to feel human again? Go read about her kids and then go give your kids a big sloppy kiss. Want to see what love is? Take a verbal trip with AB and Dave and then go start inside jokes with your other half.

    Bex, you’re pretty awesome and I’m glad the one that bothered you was “You’re not funny” becaise “Go kill yourself” would be too much for some to handle, as the words themselves instantly put the image in their heads.

    Thanks for making us smile and laugh and cry and get full of the angry with you. You do way more good than the ugly people like to admit.

  • Caroline says:

    I <3 you!

  • Teri
    Twitter: OkieLlama
    says:

    Ummm Aunt Becky? The troll is right! You aren’t funny! Sometimes you are so unfunny that I shed tears for all that you have gone through, all the people you reach out to and help, and because I wish I could grow up to be like you.

    You DO have problems! And when you share them with us we feel a little less alone while we live with our own problems.

    And if you have a boring moment…I think you deserve some nice boredom, peace and quiet!

    I have no idea what naval grazing means but anyone who tells someone they should kill themselves SERIOUSLY needs to check themselves in for treatment!

    So keep on being unfunny, boring and problematic…it’s why we love you.

  • Ewokmama
    Twitter: ewokmama
    says:

    If you ever figure out who it was who left that comment, let me know. I’ll join you in pulling the John C. Mayer on them.

  • SharleneT
    Twitter: SolarChief
    says:

    My Mother used to say, “Some people can’t be jealous without showing it.” They HAVE to say or do something mean to validate their own sense of worthlessness. But, if it’s someone close, I would definitely figure out how to find out who it was, and then I’d let them know they weren’t as anonymous as they thought. Poisonous people should be given a dose of their own spewing.

  • lostrack621 says:

    Aunt Becky,

    I have two responses. The first is more serious and there’s science to back it up (let me just find the reference on Wikipedia…oh wait, I meant googlescholar). This first is that it is easier for people with problems to complain or comment than people who have a positive experience. Although I try to give positive feedback on things (amazon purchases, service experiences, blogs), I have limited time – so if I like your post, I may or may not comment. BUT, if you say something that I disagree with, I *might* take the extra few minutes to comment with a response. I would never call you an asshat though (I mean, who does that?). I was taught that constructive criticism is the only kind to give and that negativity has no place.

    Second thing, as Bette Midler is fond of saying, “Kiss my tuchus and plant a tree for Israel!” and “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke” (both are my favorites). …so yeah, I subscribe to the second in this case!

    xx

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