The great god Britney posited that there were two types of people in the world (the ones that entertained and the ones that observed), but Your Aunt Becky–a lesser deity–thinks that there are 6 types of blogs.

1) Entertainment Blogs: You have your Perez Hilton, your Cake Wrecks, your LOL Cats and FAIL blog. These types of blogs exist as fluff to make you happy in the pants. With the potential exception of the one time you might see yourself or your property FEATURED on these blogs, there are very few times you’d be pissed off while reading these blogs.

2) Business Blogs: Since blogging got all popular, Big Business took notice, especially since their advertising campaigns had started to lose popularity. Word of MOUTH was king AND cheaper, with the widespread availability of free blogging platforms. Now, most businesses have their own blogs, Twitter accounts, and Facebook pages.

3) Blogs That Teach You Something: I’m going all BROAD STROKES here and including all newspapers online (New York Times), magazines (Wired), cooking blogs (Pioneer Woman), photoblogs, blogs about how to get rich (I Will Teach You To Be Rich). There are even blogs to help you learn to blog better, although most of them are written by non-bloggers.

4) Blogs That GIVE You Something. These blogs are designed to give away something, like coupons ( or a product (The Bright Side Project), often given to the blogger by the company to promote said product.

5) Blogs That Sell You Something: Enough Said.

6) Personal Blogs: Clearly, this is the majority of the blogs I read and the majority of what YOU, my Pranksters, are. Occasionally we cross lines and dabble in one of the other types of blogs, but on the whole, we are all personal bloggers.

*clearly there are subcategories within each genre.


I do get enough people asking me for blogging advice, I figure that once in awhile, you guys probably do want to hear about blogging, even if it makes me feel like a douche to write about it.

So I want to tell you that I FINALLY figured out the secret of a successful blog.

Here it is, Pranksters!

Oh noes! That wily Mr. Sprinkles, my fake cat! He’s ruined everything!

Okay, so there is no secret magical formula for what makes one blog Full of The Awesome and another one Not So Full of The Awesome. If I knew what the formula was, I would probably be rolling in my vault of golden coins while being waited on hand and foot by my imaginary monkey butler Mr. Pinchy.

Sadly, I am not.

So, I’ve given some basic advice here, Blogging For Dummies and Blogging For Dummies deux, and this will be my third long-winded installment.

If you look at my VERY broad breakdown of blogs you will realize that most of the blogs you read fall into those categories. Some of the blogs I read very handily crossover genres (ABDPT does this very well), but most fall squarely into one or the other.

I run a personal blog, and while I occasionally offer advice, my blog isn’t set up to do much else besides offer the occasional boring story about my life.

So what is the secret to running a personal blog? I think it’s multi-faceted, Pranksters.

1) People connect with bloggers who they relate to and they’re only going to relate to if you reveal something about who you really are. Writing is all about connections, and nowhere is that more important than blogging. So be honest, let it all hang out, and be authentic.

2) Stop fucking trying to be someone else. We get it. You like xxxx (insert popular blogger here). We all know xxxx. Be YOURSELF, not someone else. No one likes a second-rate impostor.

3) Organize your posts so they make sense. Readers need to be able to dive in and understand what you’re talking about without needing a cast of characters. I’ll write about what makes a nice layout when I am feeling particularly annoyed by music on a blog (GAH!!) another time.

4) Over time, you’ll find your voice and when you do, there’s going to be no stopping you. Just keep plugging on until you do.

5) It’s okay if you’re not a writer. Not everyone is a writer. Don’t let that intimidate you out of wanting to spill your guts onto a blank WordPress document. I’d prefer to read the honest words of someone who ISN’T a writer than the overly stylized words of someone who KNOWS they are.

6) Blog for YOURSELF. I think I’ve said that in every single other post about blogging because it’s so true. If you’re seeking external validation from comments and emails and tweets, you may wait a long damn time. It may never come. If you’re writing for fame and fortune, you’re 7 years too late. Write because you love to. Write because you HAVE to. Write because if you don’t, your brains will explode from all of the words that are trapped inside, itching to get out.

But don’t blog because you think some comment is going to make you feel good about yourself. Readers, they come and go. They’re fickle. Feedburner counts go up and down. You can be on top of the blogging heap only to find yourself all alone the next day.

The words are the one thing that will stay. So let those be what nourishes you.

Write hard, Pranksters.


Every time (and by “every time,” I mean the other two times) I write about blogging, I get a couple of people who are like, “WOW, those are a lot of RULES and I don’t LIKE rules,” which means that they missed the part where I say explicitly that you should probably never, ever listen to anything I say, ever.

Plus, “rules” for blogging are about as laughable as the notion that any of us are ever going to be “famous bloggers” so please, if you’re going to yell at me about not wanting to follow the rules, know that I don’t even follow my own advice.

Ignore my advice, don’t ignore it, cross stitch it on a pillow, burn it on an Aunt Becky-shaped effigy while singing “Joy To The World,” I don’t particularly care. No skin off MY teeth, Pranksters.


Last day to vote for me for Best Humor Blog. I love you madly, Pranksters.

109 thoughts on “Blogging For Dummies Number C

  1. I think you’re pretty friggin brave putting yourself out there like you do; you’re a part of why I finally started a blog.

    If nothing else, you gotta love the Hard Harry shout-out…

      1. I have no shame. Except for open mouthed kissing. Y can attest. You can lick whipped cream off my boobs, but open mouthed kissing.

        Eh, fuck it. I’ll totally make out with you.

  2. Whoo boy, that effigy burning would be a lot of work. I just don’t have that much energy. At any rate, these “rules” are loose enough that I think even the most ardent anarchist could abide by them. But I am rule-follower, so what do I know.

  3. great post, Aunt Becky. Especially the last paragraph which some people will invariably miss. Maybe because you went over the number of words allowed on a successful blog. Oh no. What will you do.

    BTW I’m pretty sure that the placid look on your face with the cat flying in behind you MADE that photo. Well done, fake cat.

    I’ve voted, I hope everybody else did too. Keep us in the aisles when you can, dear Aunt Becky. I totally heart you.

    1. Oh, they’re totally going to miss that and then they’re going to rail on me about how my rules suck. Just wait.

      Mr. Sprinkles, my fake cat, well, he ruins EVERYTHING.

  4. I can’t be first to comment, can I?

    I think you speak the truth. The Good Ones are a combination of a lot of hard work and plenty of luck. At the end of the day, you have to write for yourself.

    1. Luck is very important. Also, it’s not one of those things you can just bottle up…unless you are magic, in which case GIMMIE SOME LUCK. I want to look like that chick from Mad Men immediately, if not sooner.

      1. Ha! Consider it done.

        The Julie/Julia blogger, for example: she was in the right place at the right time with a clever idea. Other bloggers have sold books, but never got a movie (or a torrid affair) out of it.

  5. So I’m reading your post and as I continue to scroll down, I see your copyright footer: Stealing gives you herpes.
    1. I did not know that – I must have missed that day in medical school. AND
    2. I guess I have a bunch of patients who are kleptomaniacs.

    Write hard my friend!

  6. And most importantly, I think the key to a blog full of awesome is coining the term ‘crotch parasites’. Because c’mon – you totally had me at crotch.

  7. THANK YOU! I’ve seen others post “rules” to blogging in a sense that we are supposed always “entertain” our readers like a dancing monkey. Rules like: “be positive”, “don’t complain”, “nobody likes a Debbie Downer”… Granted I don’t want to read someone bitch and moan EVERY day, but I also don’t want to read about someone shitting rainbows and glitter everyday either. And guess what? If I don’t like what the post is, I don’t read it. Why should I care? It’s not my blog. I think people have lost the initial focus/point of blogging. It is a place to be real, be honest and write for yourself. I get a plethora of emails and comments from readers thanking me for being real whether it be about postpartum depression, money issues or weight problems. Granted I post sickly cute photos of my children and outfit posts too, but I do it all for myself. Not so I can brag about how many “followers” I have.


    1. Bwahahaha! Those rules were clearly written by someone from the 1950’s who always has dinner waiting for her husband and perfectly behaved children. When this person comes back to reality, I will give her a large bitch slap for the rest of us.

  8. Thanks for the great blogging advice. As a writing teacher, I always tell my kids “Write about what you know, and if you don’t know anything, then go learn something and then write about it.” When the real “you” comes out, most writing is fun to read because it’s like talking to that other person. Write On!

  9. Be yourself is always a good piece of advice. Although there should be an addendum: be yourself, unless you’re annoying then you can go ahead and try to be someone else.

  10. Love the advice & your blog! Now I’m off to read the first two posts! I just started my blog not that long ago ….. a month if I’m lucky! It’s been fun and challenging at times, but I like it.

  11. Aunt Becky, you are the bestest. I don’t know that I would have had the courage to start my blog without having read yours everyday for two years +. It’s so therapeutic to me, just to get shit out that I may or may not talk to anyone else about. I needed that. I need it.

  12. So…I should refocus my “Getting Famous” efforts on seeing how many domestic pets I can fit in my mouth at one time?

    Seriously, you’re like our own personal Obi-wan-ka-becky. I like it.

  13. While I’m really not a blogger that intends much to come of it (I’m mostly only doing it for a place to put the pictures for a picture-a-day project), this entry was helpful for me. If nothing else, your mention of feedburner made me curious enough to look that up, and now I’m using it. Definitely helpful!

  14. Only thing that could have made this post better would have been to use a REAL cat in the picture. Throwing it into the tornado. That would have been full of The Awesome. Or not. Guess it depends whether or not you like cats. 🙂

  15. No way. You’re famous. I like, have doodles & puffy hearts and Me + Aunt Becky=4Ever all over my math folder and everything!!

    PLUS I totally want to steal your copyright warning and put “stealing gives you diaper rash” on my blog, but I don’t want the herpes. But imitation is the sincerest…blah blah blah, right? P.S. I didn’t do it so keep your herp to yourself. 😉

    1. You can totally steal that line. I don’t care. Just, you know, THINK to yourself when you write it that “Aunt Becky Made This” and then do it. I think that cancels out stealing then.

      1. You’re in my brain every day, ‘yo. Breasticles, chesticles, crotch parasites…my vocab has exponentially expanded since I started reading your blog. 😉

  16. Hi Becky! I’m back from your land of Chicago and boy was it ever hot up there. I think hotter than my Florida!

    Great rules, especially the one about write for yourself. One of the very first great and real pieces of advice I got was from your blog when you had the little sidebar of blogging tips. Each and every one of them was functional and made exacting sense. Lending a hand to others along the way, you rock at that. May we all learn from your example.

  17. I’m thinking your best kept secret is that you make everyone feel like you’re their super bestie….even if you think they, as a person, blow massive goat chunks…

    IMHO. 😉

    1. There’s a part of that, too, although it’s overrated. I genuinely like most people I meet. Except the ones who think that I owe them something. Because I am not your bitch. Not YOU, but you know the GENERAL you.

  18. successful blogs are interesting blogs, but what is interesting to me may not be interesting to others so you have that whole ‘personal taste’ thing going on.

    LOATHE music on blogs. LOATHE it. I never have my speakers on so I never hear it, but I know it’s there because it drags down the page load time.


    My last post has a youtube video embedded. I suck so hard hookers run in shame from me.


    (also I would like to add something to this list and that would be directed directly at me…a good thing to do when having a blog is to post. Yes writing a post is very very helpful.)

      1. They make me want to hurt people. Sure, if you have a playlist and someone WANTS to hear it make it so they can click on it to listen. Not furiously scroll down to MAKE IT STOP!

  20. I love to visit all kinds of blogs, but i agree that I mostly read the ones that I can connect with or that make me laugh so hard i piss my pants.

    I would love to fix my page to be easier but honestly I am challenged and dont have much free time. sad but true.

  21. Shit! More priceless bits of wisdom I gotta start cross stitching on M.Fing pillows! I may never get caught up!
    Now, can you just tell me who I have to kill er, I mean pay to get my blog site cleaned of the malware some dickwad infected me with?

  22. i don’t know shit about blogging, but i do love words…….all kinds of words…and the power that words can have. You, Aunt Becky, know how to turn a phrase! It is so true that the words are what stay, and if they nourish you, chances are that they will nourish others as well. Awesome picture— is Mr. Sprinkles wearing your whore pants?

  23. I don’t really know if I am doing it right…In fact, I can’t say I really care lol. I wanted to blog so people would have some idea of what being a TRUE active duty wife was like (hint: It’s not like that show Army Wives. AT ALL.) The fact that people even read it makes me feel good.

    And *I* in turn, read you! To let me know that there are awesome moms like me, who curse like sailors- like me, and are still normal (er…normal?) Like me!

    Keep up the awesome work!!

  24. And checking Google Analytics makes people like me want to fold up the blog and go home.

    Don’t check it every day. If at all. It’s the deveeel. 😛

    1. Bwahahaha! It told me, when I signed up for it a couple of months ago, that I had 0 visits to my site, EVER. Which was funny, because I’d been to my site, so apparently I am a non-person.

  25. I used to think everything I wrote had to be funny. No one would read if the posts weren’t funny, dammit! Then I realized that no one was reading anyway. So I said screw it and started writing whatever the hell I felt like writing. It’s too hard to be amusing on a regular basis.

    1. That’s what I like to call the “Dance, Monkey, Dance!” Syndrome, that we humor bloggers get into. We all feel like we can’t POSSIBLY write unless we’re HILARIOUS, and that’s such bullshit.

      There’s no heart in most of the “hilarious” blogs out there. So fuck that.

  26. Hallelujah!!!!! Someone saying to write for yourself. That’s why YOU’RE the Aunty Becky 🙂 🙂

  27. By “Joy to the World,” I hope you meant Jeremiah was a Bullfrog and not the Lord has Come.

    I mean, it’s fine if you were excited about the Lord coming (hee!), but I pictured you with sunglasses and a piano just now.

    1. Three Dog Night, natch! I should have specified. Although, I guess you could probably imagine it either way, and it would be an equally amusing picture.

      I mean, the people who get mad at me when I write these posts tend to get REALLY mad, so you know, there’s that. They’d probably be singing the religious version, actually.

    1. Yes, but your blog makes SENSE. I totally understand your blog. Cast of characters is fine–and helpful!–so long as people can understand what the hell is going on, you know?

  28. I remember everyone said find a niche in the beginning. I was like what if my mind doesn’t think in a niche? So your advice about writing for yourself is the best advice. Everyone has to do what comes naturally to them.

    1. I think the whole niche concept is totally overrated. I don’t think ANYONE I read is entirely one niche, because I don’t know anyone who is JUST a mother or a father or a woman, or whatever, you know?

  29. Pingback: Blogging – blogging for money | SEO Mixer Blog
  30. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.
    My dad used to sing that song to me.

    You’re the best blogger in the WORLD, Aunt Becky. Everyone adores you!
    (All right, I SAID IT. Where’s my lollipop?)

    I really do adore you and your bloggy (bloggity?) advice, just so you know.

    1. That song is awesome. And you didn’t have to be nice to me, although I might have blushed some. You made me all gooey inside. In a nice way, tho, not creepy.

      Here, have a lolly.

      1. It’s hard not to be nice to you, you know. Not that I ever tried to be un-nice or anything. But I imagine that, if I DID try, it would be hard.

        I hate music in blogs that plays automatically. It’s okay with me as long as I get to choose whether I hear it or not. I stopped reading one person’s blog JUST BECAUSE it had background music and there was no way to turn it off. Drove me NUTS.

  31. Thanks for the tips Aunt Becky. As for famous blogs, I am under no delusion that my blog will ever “make it”. In fact, I would sooner start whistling the star spangled banner out of my hoo-ha (im working on it). I think that your point about blogging for yourself is kinda the key message. Besides, I love to semi-narrate my ridiculous life. Dont we all do that in our heads anyway? (or am i just crazy)

  32. Music on blogs. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. I find myself saying “full of the awesome” or simply “the awesome” all the time thanks to you. it is one of my favorite phrases. don’t worry. I always give you credit.

  34. you mean just posting a picture and making a comment about it isn’t blogging? kidding. for fuck’s sake, tho, I can’t string together a decent post to save my life. I have so much to say and so little time to actually think about the words I need to say “it.”

    cest la vie. it’ll come to me. and then y’all will be STFU, MommaKiss!

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