So, I can’t respond to your answers to my last post in email like I normally do because it adds comments, but you guys are FUNNY. And also, most of you corrected my typo from question 4 “your” should have been “you’re” and yes, that was TOTALLY my bad. But you guys are full of THE FUNNY and I recommend that you read all of the answers that everyone is giving because, well, they’re awesome and it proves that I have the best people in the blog-o-sphere, SO THERE.
Next week, I’m going to see if I can get that bitch Mr. Linky to work so we can play that way.
Be sure to enter and play along because it’s fun. And, no, FTC Guidelines Person, I didn’t get paid a cent or get a thing for promoting my friend’s book. I am just a Special Person.
It may shock and dismay some of you to learn that I have friends. Well, I do. Like Sci-Fi Dad, from Tales From The Dad Side, for example. I overlook his Canadian-ness and like him anyway because I am a VERY special person. Well, my friend Sci-Fi got stood up for an interview, which I thought was actually kind of funny, but after I stopped laughing, I did what any friend who had already badgered her way into an interview with him would do: I graciously offered to be his interviewer.
I cannot believe he accepted, but he did.
Aunt Becky (only 29 minutes late to our scheduled interview time. A personal record!): dude. LOOKIT ME BEING HERE AND STUFF. I’m sorry I am late. I am a very bad friend.
Aunt Becky: So, Sci-Fi, my friend, for the first of my VERY IMPORTANT questions, on your ice cream, do you like sprinkles?
SciFi: No, I do not. I am more of a caramel sauce and whipped cream kind of guy. Oh, and bacon.
Aunt Becky (amazed): Would you put bacon on your ice cream?
SciFi: I would just eat bacon. Why cool it down with frozen dairy?
Aunt Becky: Really, everything is better with bacon.
Aunt Becky: Do you have bacon in Canada?
SciFi: We do. We have strip bacon AND back bacon (which I believe you call “Canadian bacon”)
Aunt Becky: I thought Canadian bacon was just more polite bacon. Because, you know, you guys are all polite and adorable. Bwahahahahahaha! Seriously, can I just follow you around for awhile so that I may revel in your niceness?
Aunt Becky: Is that a bomb?
SciFi: No, it’s a 7 minute youtube about bacon making everything better. But I’m more concerned with this misnomer that I am nice. Where did that vicious rumour start?
Aunt Becky: I think it’s just the general belief that Canadians say “ya” a lot and stand around being polite and nice to each other. It’s okay. I’m from the Midwest. Everyone assumes I have thick ankles.
SciFi: Also, I know about Midwest girls and their cankles
Aunt Becky: My ankles are quite prim, thank you.
Aunt Becky: And your cigarette packs have diseased lungs on them.
SciFi: When I was smoking, they had warnings… Now they have gross pictures.
Aunt Becky: ‘SMOKING WILL KILL YOU DEAD.’ Here they just say that smoking may cause low birthweight. Which, uh, okay. If you’re not pregnant or a fetus, that’s okay.
SciFi: People sold imitation stickers that went over the warnings that said stuff like “Smoking makes your penis bigger” or “Smoking is for the cool kids”
Aunt Becky: That’s it. I’m packing up and moving to Canada AND taking up smoking again.
(SciFi is very, very quiet at this proclamation)
Aunt Becky: Okay, so at some point in your life you lived above a strip joint, which had to have been kind of awesome. Was it as debaucherous as it sounded? And did I spell debaucherous right?
SciFi: Your spelling is accurate. It actually was as debaucherous as it sounds, but not for the reasons one would assume. I actually only went to that particular club once; it was overpriced and geared to the rich businessman set.
SciFi: HOWEVER, from my door, it was a five minute walk to seven other (more economical) strip joints and three sex shops
SciFi: I was 23, single, and made more money than I knew what to do with Also, it was Montreal, so the lines are a little more blurry.
Aunt Becky: Please tell me that you bought a large black fist from one of the sex toy shops and allowed someone to beat you about the head with it. Because I really need that mental picture.
SciFi: No, I did not. I never bought anything from the sex shops, and the one time I ventured into one, I was drunk. So I remember little.
Aunt Becky: Okay, so I’m going to pretend that the answer is yes. Because you don’t remember.
Aunt Becky: You’re stuck on a desert island with a choice of either listening to Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears and you have to choose one. Who is it?
SciFi: I drown myself in the water.
Aunt Becky: ….
SciFi: OK fine, if I have to choose, I’d choose Britney, because she looks more slutty in her CD liners.
Aunt Becky: Okay, same desert island. 5 artists that you can have all of their works. Who?
SciFi: The Beatles (because a) they have a HUGE catalog and 2) they are full of awesome)
Aunt Becky: Oh totally.
SciFi: U2 (because I have listened to them since I was in the third grade and love them)
Led Zeppelin (at this point people want to know if I’ll choose something from outside the British Isles)
Nine Inch Nails (and there you go, because I am the god of fuck)
Aunt Becky: Britney Spears?
SciFi: close, but no. Charlie Parker. I play alto sax. For the record, if their catalog was larger, Screaming Trees, Nirvana and Pearl Jam would be there.
Aunt Becky: I had no idea that you could play the sax. Rock the fuck on, yo. How long have you played?
SciFi: http://www.imeem.com/scifidad/playlist/-AeLN7A2/high_school_stage_band_music_playlist/ I started playing when I was 12, so 23 years
Aunt Becky: That would mean you are counts on fingers
Aunt Becky: (math is hard)
Aunt Becky: 7463?
Aunt Becky: I mean, 35? YAY! I was RIGHT!
SciFi: (claps sarcastically)
Aunt Becky: So, with the help of The Daver, I have a Lightening Round for YOU. Transformers or Go-Bots?
Aunt Becky: Transformers or Voltron?
Aunt Becky: Which Thundercat is your favorite?
Aunt Becky: Star Trek or Star Wars?
SciFi: Star Wars
Aunt Becky: Jar Jar Binks: awesome or full of the awful?
Aunt Becky: (duh)
SciFi: more egregious than Ewoks in terms of marketing to kids
Aunt Becky: Yeah, but less midgets were harmed (says the Daver)
SciFi: true, WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE MIDGETS?
Aunt Becky: *wrings hands*
Aunt Becky: Lego Star Wars? Amazing?
SciFi: Beyond amazing.
Aunt Becky: How did you come up with your tattoo? The large one on the top of your blog.
SciFi: it’s actually a western zodiac calendar that I designed myself using AutoCAD (a computer aided drawing program typically used in drafting) and the Wingdings font. I used AutoCAD to make a perfectly spaced 12-point sun and the font has the 12 symbols of the zodiac.
Aunt Becky (looks around nervously): Is it because YOU are the Zodiac Killer?
SciFi: I believe you have something called the fifth amendment in the US?
Aunt Becky: Uh, yes. Let’s pretend I DO NOT KNOW YOU THEN. Because this is the second interview that I might end up dead if I fuck up. How do *I* end up interviewing all of the badasses?
(frantically signs off)
In a case of mistaken identity, I’m sure, I was sent a copy of the new show Men of a Certain Age, and let me tell you, in addition to having a Letter To My Newest Television Husband, Dexter, coming on Monday, this show is my boyfriend. It’s awesome.