I’m going to go out on a limb here and use a word that almost always makes me shiver with disgust, but for purposes of this statement, I think it fits: sales make me moist.

The word moist, however, makes me sort of want to die, but that is neither here nor there.

But sales, man, SALES.

I’ve gotten back into coupon clipping, thanks to reading something about it on my friend TJ’s blog after a stint away from it because that does take a little more brain power than blearily stumbling to the store and throwing things into a cart requires. But I’ve also realized that holy shit, there’s a whole THING behind that and wow, I’m not THAT good or devoted (but please, pepper me with your tips, o! Internet my Internet).

Couponing, I think it’s called, seems sort of like a sport and I get that.

Sales, man, that’s where I get off.

Unless, of course, it’s the Black Friday sales, where you’ll find me cowering at my house, as far away from the stores as I humanly can be. Tonight, I’ll venture out to Target, My Home Away From Home and see if I can pick through what is left of the carnage left in the wake of this morning’s mayhem and destruction. I’ll smile knowingly at the glassy-eyed employees and pat them on the back if they don’t flinch when I get too close, and I’ll whisper, “I was a waitress, I GET IT.”

Because I do. Sort of.

I know that a lot of people turn it into a game, a hunt, carefully choosing their morning path, gathering up sleeping bags and going out the night before to camp out in front of the store so as to be the first in line for that $100 flat screen television. I’m sure that battle lines are drawn and should anyone dare cut in line or attempt to push ahead, there would be brawls and blows to the face.

But I wouldn’t know about that because my dimply butt was fast asleep in bed, dreaming of cheesecake and turkey and shopping the Black Friday deals online. I’ve never been out to a Black Friday sale in the wee hours of the morning and I have no intentions of ever doing so.

It’s not because I don’t like sales or because I don’t like competition, because, Internet, you know me and I like both. But I can see myself conforming to mob mentality and fighting some bearded 50-year old woman for a pair of 0.00000001 carat diamond earrings set in lead just because everyone else wanted them.

Or maybe getting into a heated fight between some bar owner over a set of naked lady bar glasses/popcorn maker not because I have ANY use for them, but because at $100, WHAT A STEAL! And what family with two boys and one small baby girl doesn’t need to see comically large nipples while they drink their juice every morning?

I could see myself filling up my truck with my junk, not thinking twice about plunking down for a Miley Cyrus Ultimate Dance Party Karaoke Revolution because I could, a cultured set of fresh water pearls even though I am not 97 years old, 483 DVD players for all of those DVD’s we’re switching over to Blu-Ray, and the Kate Gosslin cookbook JUST BECAUSE.

So it’s a good thing that my chubby self stays home and in bed, surfing for donkey porn and deals on Amazon.com. The Internet, it just got more beautiful than ever.

Except for that whole donkey porn thing.

*shudders*

———————

Since I never worked retail, I’m living vicariously through you, The Internet. I’m in dire need of some Black Friday stories from the retail side of it or the shopping side of it.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

168 Responses to Black Friday (I’m Not In Love)

  • I think more people are leaning this way, but there are still those diehards who HAVE TO GO SHOPPING. I’ve never gone and the older I get the less interested I am. To the point that this year, I really am shuddering. I won’t even shop online. The whole spirit of Black Friday is such a black mark on the beginning of the Christmas season.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      It seems like such a weird day to me to want to go shopping. Although it’s always been the day we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving, which makes it even LESS of a draw to go out and fight the crowds for a $3.00 toaster, you know?

  • I have never ventured out on black Friday. I just still shit the day after when everyone is exhausted. Fuck I need to get a karaoke machine.

  • MJ says:

    Today is the first time I’ve ever WANTED to venture out to explore the black friday sales, but only because I’m in desperate need of a laptop and well, basically BROKE… So I enlisted my wonderful younger brother to go scour some stores since the one on Amazon.com was sold out before I had a chance to click lol… Not likely that I’ll get it… but it’s worth a shot… and even better since I’m not the one dealing with the madness!

    On the retail side, I’m not sure I have any stories for you. My store is very small and I have had NO customers today… oh well.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I could use a laptop too, but I’m not brave enough to venture out, and unless Apple is selling them for like $50, I’m kinda screwed. Maybe if I wish really hard, the Laptop Fairy will bring us both new laptops for being special.

  • Bluebird says:

    Sorry, couldn’t get past your use of the “m” word. While I appreciate that you *claim* it makes you want to die, you obviously don’t *really* mean that or you, like me, would agree that there is NEVER an acceptable or appropriate time to use it. ::Shudder::

  • Color me clueless (you won’t be the first), but why the hell is it called “black” Friday? That sounds all so doom-and-gloom ominous. It certainly doesn’t put me in the whole “Fa-la-la-la-la…” spirit. More like, “Let’s all drop Prozac and put our head in a vice.”

    Besides, come Monday the picked over crap that no one wanted will really be dirt cheap.

  • The one (and only) time I’ve ever gone shopping on Black Friday was when my boys were pretty small (6 and 3, maybe?) and it was because wally world had power wheels for way cheap. It was THE toy for my little guy, and I HAD to have it!

    I got to the store at about 5:30 am, stood in line for over an hour, and then I was finally close to the front of the line for the motorized toddler vehicle! Happy day! Then, the person two heads in front of me got the last one. Wah, wah, wah. I ended up buying the next model up and spending $40-50 more than I’d planned to. Ho-well, lesson learned. I will never do that again! Online shopping is my god.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      For a Powerwheels, that’s pretty awesome. But I could see myself getting irrationally upset at that person in front of me. Like maybe setting them on fire.

      What, ME unstable?

  • Karyn says:

    I went out this morning, for the first time EVER. I got there 2 hrs after open, and it was just normal busy, at target. I scored two scooters for half off, which means I’m practically done!I heard there were fist fightsat walmart though. yuck.

  • statia says:

    The only way I’d go shopping on Black Friday, is if Apple was selling iMac’s for 3.50.

    I worked one Black Friday in a toy store. That was enough of a war story for me to never want to go out again. It gives me time to do all of the shit around the house that I never get to do. Like clean.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      My bitch ass would happily be sitting RIGHT next to you for that iMac.

      I can’t imagine working retail on Black Friday in a toy store. Please tell me you got very drunk afterward.

  • Ms. Moon says:

    You will not get any shopping stories from me. Unless they’re of the Goodwill variety. Not only do I hate most retail stores (well, except for Target), they play CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND I CANNOT TOLERATE THAT.
    So no. I slept late.

  • swirl girl says:

    There were actually campers and tents in the parking lot at ToysRUs yesterday at 3:00. Not a.m. either. We thought it would be funny to go there and shout ~”wow…Simpsons Nativity scenes are 22% off at Hallmark Gold Crown stores . Doorbustersrock!” Just to see the madness that would ensue.

  • Elly Lou says:

    Oh Pooks, I’d love to share my tales o’ working retail on Black Friday but I’m not sure I can do it without a handful of roofies or (at the very least) a box of wine. I HAVE had to download donkey porn for a boss before, though. So believe me (for I can say with all certainty) when I say that the porn was easier to swallow (pun intended).

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I’ve done the serving thing on Black Friday, but not retail. It was hell, but not like retail. Never did do retail, but then again, serving is pretty close to it in terms of being treated like you’re a piece of dogshit.

      • Elly Lou says:

        I’m pretty sure I downloaded that video for my boss, too.

        I waitressed briefly in rural Virginia (8% was a good tip) and will resort to pornography before trying that profession again. I can’t imagine the hell it would be on Black Friday. On behalf of all non-cooks out there, I thank you for your noble years of service. You are a stronger woman than I.

  • melanie Kerton says:

    My sister went to toys r us last night at midnight, heard the very mob-like crowds, and decided to go home…. this morning she went back, all the stuff she wanted was gone, but an employee told her that the police had to taser a few people who really got out of line last night…..CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!

  • Wenchy says:

    I worked retail for 13 years. Each Black Friday that rolled around was worse than the last one.

    I’ve blocked most of the memories out simply because I have never seen so many people be so rude, and obnoxious and down right vengeful in order to get their spoiled brat a Wii or PlayStation 2, or anything. No sale is worth bruises and black eyes, broken bones and the possible threat of some crazed person flying at you for the new 2009 Holiday barbie.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      The holiday season has always tended to bring out the true colors in people, I’ve thought. When I was a server, it divided people down the middle. You had the people who were really nice to you because they knew you had a family too. And then the people who were HORRIBLE to you.

      It was really a good measure of human nature. Also, kind of depressing.

  • Badass Geek says:

    I’ve never braved the stores on Black Friday, either. I value my sleep way too much. I’ll do all my shopping online, thank you.

  • Mel says:

    I’m right with you on this one. I have never ventured out on Black Friday and I don’t plan to do it in the future. I can’t stand shopping November-December on ANY day of the week because of the crowds of rude and miserable shoppers. When I’m in a store and someone walks into me and then gives me a dirty look like I’M the moron, it makes me want to punch someone in the nose.

    I never worked retail, but I did work in a movie theater for a couple of years and oh.my.god. you can’t imagine how many people spend Thanksgiving and Black Friday evenings at the movies. It was insanity, and thank God I don’t do that anymore.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      The holidays tend to bring out the true colors in people, don’t they? I saw it a lot when I was a waitress. Some people were much kinder and some were more miserable and terrible to us.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I think I’d like to work in a movie theater for like a week just to see the weird shit that people do. Better yet, I just want to hear from YOU the weird shit that people do in movie theaters.

      • Mel says:

        The place I worked was actually pretty upper crust with only three screens and a cappuccino bar and small art gallery, so we didn’t see too many outrageous things. We had some local big name celebrities that came in a lot, and sometimes their drunk kids, but other than that it was just the usual for the most part. Overloads of popcorn and “butter” (which is actually a really nasty soy oil) and spilled sodas and ohmygod people are slobs. Since working there I’m always very careful when seeing a movie and never leave behind garbage.

      • Mel says:

        Ya know I haven’t thought about the theater I worked at in forever and then I told you about it and I had a dream about it last night. Funny how that works.

  • Delisha says:

    I haven’t been black friday shopping in forever. It’s pointless to me. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, because sometimes the deals really SUCK! I was on my way home from work last night (yes I worked thanksgiving night) and their were at least 50 people lined up outside of Best Buy at 3:00am for those stupid electronics. Morons I can’t believe them.

    However I do take a occasional peak at the online stuff. Managed to find some good deals worth something.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Online shopping is full of The Awesome because my nicely padded butt gets to stay on it’s nicely padded chair and doesn’t have to get into a fist fight over something like a Matlock DVD collection that I don’t even WANT.

  • pixielation says:

    I just do not do hand to hand combat with muffin topped chavs in order to fight over some second rate bit of marked down kit that’s still cheaper on Amazon.

    The Brits kinda suck at sales anyway.

  • Molly says:

    Kate Gosselin has a cookbook? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD? Lo! The Horror! THE HORROOOOOOORRRRRRRR!

    • Andrea says:

      I said the same thing. What has become of this world? What the F is that lady cooking other than a stew pot full of demands and bitchyness?

      • Your Aunt Becky
        Twitter: mommywantsvodka
        says:

        She is one of the most hideous people I’ve ever met. I cannot believe that anyone would look up to her.

        I mean, I feel bad for her now that her husband is Douchy-Mc-Doucherton, but still!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      It’s called something truly horrifying like “8 Smiling Faces.”

      *shudders*

      How much do you want to bet that her publishers are FURIOUS about backing THAT project?

  • Melanie says:

    I have never seen a sale that was attractive enough to get me out of the house for Black Friday. Ever.

    I do shop Amazon.com and Etsy for Christmas. It’s just the best way to go. :)

  • a says:

    We used to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. My mom liked the crowds and the atmosphere and deals, and my oldest sister went along with it too. I used to go to entertain my nephew.

    On my own, I went out 3 years ago to get my Christmas tree at JC Penney’s but that was about it. I won’t camp – I’m willing to get up early to shop, but I will not stay out overnight. I’m angry enough as it is, and I don’t know why the stores want to make me angrier!

  • Brooke says:

    I worked retail and Black Friday sucks the fat one. Not only does working that day just suck – it’s exhausting, people argue over pennies, the malls are full, etc., but where I worked I had to actually come in at midnight on Thursday night and work until 6am to put out new merchandise. Then I had to be back in the afternoon for my regular shift. Black Friday is the end of a retail workers’ life as they know it for the next 6 weeks until things calm down a little. It’s Brutal. And if you’re seasonal, it’s even worse – they hired you FOR the holiday, so don’t ever think you’ll get any time away from that fucking place.

    I went out with my mom last year to get a computer. She got a great deal, but never again. I stayed in bed today. There’s nothing I need that badly to subject myself to that shit ever again.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I don’t think there’s a whole lot that I would venture out during the middle of the night for. UNLESS it was a sure thing. Which, hahahaha, RIGHT.

      And I always feel so badly for the employees. Because if I’m getting shoved around, I can only imagine what the poor clerk is getting subjected to.

  • Betty M says:

    We dont have a day quite like Black Friday here although Boxing Day sales are pretty rank. I only worked retail at Xmas sales time once – I was on mens underwear in a fancy dept store. It was vile beyond belief. And pretty embarrassing.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I cannot imagine. Seriously, I can’t. I was a server for long enough that I’ve seen some pretty deplorable behaviors (grown women on the floor tantruming because they didn’t get the table they wanted) but retail…*shudders*

  • maya says:

    Does Kate Gosselin really have a cookbook?

  • I gave it some serious thought this year because our big ticket item was a DS for Mayhem & Wal Mart had them for $30 off, which is significant for a $129 item that never ever goes on sale anywhere. And here at my folks’ the WM is just a couple miles away. But there are a gagillion more people here too & probably all of them have been lined up since noon wanting to get that cheap DS too. And probably WM had like 7 in the whole store & they’d be long gone by the time I fought my way back to electronics when the door open. In such circumstances I know I’d have no problem stomping on people’s feet or elbowing them in the face to get the DS, but the guilt would linger every time I saw it in the house forever after.

    Damn catholic upbringing.

  • Tawnia says:

    I do not partake in Black Friday either. I would get arrested if some crazy stole something out of my hand. I think they call it Black Friday because so many crazy competitive shopping bitches get black-n-blue that day:)
    Love Tawnia

  • Rebecca says:

    Never worked in retail. Worked at movie theater and hoards of people came to watch movies on Thanksgiving day and hoards of people came to watch movies on Christmas day. Worked in fast food. One store was open 24/7 on Thanksgiving and opened at noon on Christmas. Meanest people I’ve ever met in my entire life came to that fast food joint on those days.

    Coupons….just because I like to brag….When my daughter was about 12 or 13 months old we had about 10 of those $5 off gift checks from Similac. At that time, Similac had also issued $1 off coupons in the Sunday paper…..EVERYONE I know got that coupon and gave it to me. The little quart ready to use liquids were sold for about $5 at the time. Soooo, we went to the store and used up all 10 gift checks along with the coupons…….and got diapers (which we had some smoking good coupons for). Anyway, our first total was about $100. After gift checks and coupons…..our total was under $40. I was so proud.

  • Becca says:

    I worked Venture in Dallas (sadly out of business now) on Black Friday in 1995, holy mother of god what a mess! I worked from 6am until Midnight. I am not kidding. I saw a woman pull another woman’s hair because she cut in the line in front of her. I then decided that retail was not for me, and never worked another black friday again. I have gone shopping on Black Friday in Atlanta, and I had a really good time.

  • erikagwen says:

    I stupidly went to Macy’s on Wednesday after work. It was only about 2:30 was already a rat-fuck. I had to go to the linen department which was a pretty close approximation of the 5th circle of hell. I got out unscathed, only purchasing a bottom sheet I do not need for a bed I do not have….I think they put some sort of narcotic in the air filtration system.

  • I refuse to involve myself in this retail mass hysteria. I stay home and enjoy my day off. It scares me that people are so into material shit that they will TRAMPLE other people to get a cheap dvd player. And I blame retailers for fostering this mentality. Toy stores around here opened at midnight. Cops got called to one of them, it was unreal. Why do people do this to themselves?

  • excavator says:

    I wouldn’t even drive on a highway that passes adjacent to a shopping mall on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

    Last night on the 10:00 news we saw that one of the shopping malls was open and crowded, so I guess it’s now Black Thursday.

    I can’t imagine wanting to put myself through that in order to spare a couple dollars for something. My peaceful time is certainly worth it.

    Just not a shopper I guess.

  • Amanda says:

    I went to Kohls last Black Friday.
    I will never do it again. There was no reason to touch everything*in*the*store but alas she did.

    I sent her with her soon to be stepmother this year.

    It was bliss.

  • Why hasn’t Kevin Smith made a movie about Black Friday? You’d think if anyone could pull it off, it’d be him.

  • Krissa says:

    I never have. I never will. I agree with you completely.
    However, I am dying to know how many hits you get on your blog from google looking for “donkey porn”. ;-)

  • 3xE says:

    I once worked at a place that sold 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, and go-karts. I was one of three cashiers for the whole store, and was the only cashier who worked that day (4 am to 10 pm): No, it has to be notarized before you leave the store. That rebate only applies to that model. I do know the difference between my ass and a hole in the ground, so, yes, the sales tax applies to the product price before the discount. No, we cannot and will not hold that item for you, you knew your were buying it; you should have brought a truck.

    But in the holiday spirit, my husband decided to put a sleeping disorder to good use this morning. Since he was up at 4 anyway, he headed to Target and called me from the line. He wanted to know what were the “hot ticket items” this season. He did it for no other reason than to put them into his cart and walk around for 3 hours and not buy them. He likes to bother and annoy people. Be happy you stayed in bed.

  • Heather says:

    Hell no.
    I hate crowds. I hate shopping. I hate waking up early. I really can’t imagine what amount of money I would have to save in order to justify doing all of that to myself.
    To be fair though, I have done it twice. Once with some other military wives in California, and once with my husband (he loves it). Not worth it.

  • Liz says:

    My aunt and mother left at 3:30 this am. My aunt left her 9 week-old preemie (home 2 weeks) in my charge in order to get the deals. She had to go get her free snow globe from JC-Penny’s. Some folks are just crazy.

    I enjoyed getting up at 7:30 and watching cartoons until the baby needed a bottle. :)

  • Mama Cas says:

    Sorry…no Black Friday shopping tales here. And most certainly not this year. The Husband and I are both home with strep throat.

    Worst fucking Thanksgiving weekend EVER.

  • SciFi Dad says:

    I don’t shop when the square footage to shopper ratio is below 100:1.

  • Kyddryn says:

    The only time I worked retail on a Black Friday (and the only job that I had in retail, ever) was when I worked as a framer at a large arts and crafts supply store. The therapist told me I might one day recover the memories, but that I shouldn’t push it – our minds block things out for a reason.

    I stay home on this day and do arts and crafts, write grocery lists for the upcoming cookie-baking frenzy, and plan which gifts I’m making for whom if I haven’t already.

    In case no one else mentioned, it’s called “Black Friday” because it’s a day for record profit, the one day retailers can rely on to get in the black. I think it should be called “Bitch, let go of the last toaster or I’ll cut you” Friday. Or “Don’t cut in line or sneeze or look at me funny or I’ll start a riot and crush you and your whole family to get at the ridiculously low priced gadget that this store only has four of” Friday. “Black Friday” is just easier to say, though. Sigh.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who DID leave her house long enough to get some photos printed, and made it home alive)

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I went out last night to get something for Mimi and it wasn’t really busy, but it was obvious that it had been. The store looked as though it had been run through by a pack of beasts and all of the sale stuff was GONE.

  • I can’t regale you with tales of fisticufs over the last cloisonne boible as I as AVOID.

  • mrsblogalot says:

    I hate Black Friday but I love awards and they won’t increase my debt!
    I have an award waiting for you at my bloghouse (-: Melyssa

    http://mrsblogalot.blogspot.com/2009/11/rosie-award.html

  • The Mommy says:

    I just posted about this. Sort of. We always go on Saturday. I think it’s because we’re a little slow, but whatever.

    When I WORKED retail, now that was a different story. People are nuts. I can remember working in the lingerie department at JCPenney (SHUT UP!) when I was in college. Men would shop there and say, “I don’t know what size my wife is. I think she’s about your size…” And then Dec 26th I would see the wife returning the purchase and she would be like, a 3X woman. Or worse, a DD! Ah, memories!

  • mumma boo says:

    Ergh, no Bladk Friday nonsense for this gal. I spent the entire day in my jammies. Bliss. Any memories of the time I spent working retail on that day have been successfully erased by years of ingesting margaritas.

  • mumma boo says:

    Ok, that SHOULD read “Ergh, no BLACK Friday nonsense for this gal.” Perhaps I should NOT have had that last margarita.

  • Melissa says:

    Totally didnt do Thanksgiving. I have a cousin who has HIV and she was there with her son. Since I am recovering from the pig flu (yes Benner, I didnt wash my hands enough lol)

    I totally dont do black Friday either, plus today was my 41st birthday. Went to the Rents house for the leftovers and donchya know that my brothers and sisters and cousins totally took ALMOST all of them. Jackass jerkwads took all of my favorire stuff!

    I did have a ham sammich with stuffing and cranberries. Which I do generally eat on T-Day cuz I hate Turkey that my mom makes. She tends to overcook stuff.

    Anyhooooo. My reason for posting is because I dont have a blog. I laughed at a kid today. In front of his face. Not a little kid. But an EMO teenager. He was wearing pants that were belted right above his knees and they were super tight. And bright purple shorts for everyone to see. Plus he had on eyeliner.

    Was I mean to laugh? I did dress like Madonna with the lace gloves and shit when I was his age, I mostly got gasps though from people of my advanced age lol.

    I seriously wanted to ask him what he would do if he had to run for one reason or other.

    Am I evil?

    • Maria says:

      I can’t help but chuckle, then blink wide eyed, following by furrowed brow, narrowed eyes & deep thought when I see those kids. Plus, I thought the Zac Efron hair was bad…now it is actually brushed forward in 3 directions, over ears & face, then shellacked, ala Justin Beiber.

      • Melissa says:

        I SO wish I didnt know what the hell you were talking about. But since I have 8 year old niece and nephew (twins) I do.

        And shamefully admit that I really loved High School Musical.

        Not as much as Mr. Hollands Opus mind you. But when I try to get them to watch that they say its boring.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      You are totally not evil at all.

      Happy Birthday a day late (sorry about that, I am totally sick AGAIN)(I guess I didn’t wash my hands enough)!

      I hear STIRRUP pants are coming back and I am sort of dying inside. Like a lot.

  • Kristin says:

    No Black Friday shopping here. I did home renovation today.

  • Clair Jordan says:

    Went to Target at noon cause I was out of deoderant. It wasn’t really busy. I don’t normally do Black Friday anyway cause I agree with SciFi Dad and I refuse to get up that early unless someone gives me money.

    I really don’t think the deals were all that great anyway. Much better deals online and I don’t have to schlep it to my car. Think of all the jobs I am helping to save: Packer/shipper at amazon, UPS guy, FedEx guy….

  • joann Mannix says:

    I’m with you Momma, no black Friday for me. I really, really hate the crowd thing and the getting up early thing. Spent time with my sisters before they left my Florida to go back to Chi town.

    Here’s my shudder word-Creamy. Kind of along the same lines as moist.

  • linzm0 says:

    My Black Friday consisted of putting on black eyeliner and wearing a black shirt.

    …and celebrating the fact that I bought myself a Zhu Zhu pet weeks before and can play with it NOW (much to the dismay of my mother-in-law and her brand new tile floor! Muahahahhahaha).

  • linlah says:

    I don’t like when people honk at me in the car so I don’t leave the house on Black Friday.

  • Leslee says:

    I’m scurred of Black Friday sales, too. But I think it’s more to do with the fact that I don’t like shopping with massive crowds of people. Hell, my mommy looked at me like I was on crack the other night when she took me to the grocery store and I damned near broke the handle on the shopping cart to keep from freaking out.

    Also. Moist? I fucking HATE that word and I wish it a horrible, painful, puss-filled death.

    The End. :-)

  • Maria says:

    The closest I’ve gotten to BF shopping is CVS ON Thanksgiving, $66 in free stuff in my bag & $13 increase in ECBs. If you don’t shop CVS, I highly suggest you start, I’ve done it for 2 yrs & haven’t paidd for shampoo, body wash, deodorant, razors etc etc since then.

  • Angie says:

    I worked retail through college and I hated black Friday. It brings out the worst in people fighting over a sale item bah! I do have to admit that I am a reformed BF shopper though. After years of working it I wanted to be on the other side of it. This was great until the first year we had kids. Here I go with my 5mo thinking I am so stinkin great and it was beyond hell. Never in the 10 years that she has been alive have I done it since. Last year as lame as it sounds was the first year I found internet shopping(deals) and boy am I hooked. Trying to figure out how I can get everything like that this year although I know I will have to venture out at some point.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I was totally slack-jawed and all mouth-breathy on Amazon Friday morning. Got a pretty sweet ass deal, I might add. Thanks, Mimi, for getting me up at the butt of dawn!

  • We went out to Kohls one year. And even though the experience (especially since there was a small child involved) scared me off EVER wanting to go out of my house again, we landed deals galore. GeoTrax (You have boys need I say more?) That stuff’s expensive! When I can get it half price, wahoo, I’m there.

    But this year I hid pleasantly in bed, listening to the wind whirling about, cup of coffee and internet in hand. Happy to be oblivious to the madness that is America on Too Much Stuff.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I saw the GeoTrax deals AFTER I realized that they had them and you know what? I’m cool with that. Full price is cool with me. There’s always cyber Monday, right?

  • Jenn says:

    I went out. I’m not sure how my mom convinced me since I pretty much have to be dragged out to shop even on a regular old Tuesday. But it really wasn’t that crazy this year (except Old Navy – I’m skipping that place next year – 3 hours in line for clothing? Nothankyouverymuch.) and we got some super awesome deals. Things that are usually $50 or more for $10 or less. Worth it when you are super ass poor like we are, I guess. :)

    I used to work retail and one year on Black Friday our registers broke (all TWO of them, haha). Talk about a nightmare!!

  • You know Becky…
    I told you about that donkey porn thing in confidence. I’m deeply hurt.

  • Shin Ae says:

    I hate mobs of people. I’m pretty sure I won’t go anywhere crowded this whole shopping season. I hate all those people BREATHING on me. I work retail, but thankfully my little store is pretty quiet all the time, so I can tolerate working there.

    I went Black Friday shopping with friends when I was a girl. There were awful crowds, and an old man ran his shopping cart up the back of my ankles, which hurt me and made me furious. There was NO NEED.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Mobs of people make me stabby and mean and I’d do a whole lot to avoid them. I know, it makes me sound like I’m a creepy troll, but I’m not. Just scared of mobs of people all vying for Precious Moments *shudders* figurines.

  • Katie G says:

    I work retail in a home electronics department (in a store that also has grocery, apparel, home & garden…). We got a mad rush into our department for cheap digital frames and MP3 players but the best is watching all the women running through the store towards the half-off socks. All socks are 50% off and they just HAVE to buy them all. I will never ring up as many socks ever again as I do on Black Friday. Don’t think any elbows were thrown this year, though, and no babies trampled. Yay for that at least.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      It’s funny, I swear people buy the shit just because it’s on sale, not because they actually need it. I mean, I guess everyone needs socks, but wow. WOW. Socks.

      Too freaking funny.

  • Hey, thanks for the best wishes. The Spouse is having a tough time here. I feel bad I can’t spend more time in the hospital with him. It’s all a miracle we caught it in time, but that doesn’t make the treatment any easier.

    We’re looking at him being in the hospital until Wednesday.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I was in the hospital for days before I had Mimi, after I had Mimi and after her neurosurgery and I can attest to how awful it is. I’m so sorry for all of you. It’s scary and awful and it’s just terrible. I’m so glad that they caught it in time. It’s a miracle.

      Does he do crossword puzzles or word searches? That’s about the only thing I could stand to do. It’s so BORING.

  • Belle says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that wants to go shopping on Black Friday, so I’m confused about whooooo those people are you see on TV.

  • Beth says:

    Every year, I don’t want to go shopping. I prefer Slack Friday over Black Friday. But every year, I let my mother guilt me into going with her again. She always buys me something cool (not that I ask… I don’t…. I swear…) and this year I got a Dyson vacuum cleaner!

    It is probably sad that a vacuum can make me so excited.

  • Miss Spoken says:

    Dear Aunt Becky,

    I am just now recovering from Black Friday (which I’ve dubbed Take Your Gun to the Mall Day). Hell must smell like Old Navy fleece because it – was – awful. I hope to have learned my lesson … but you never know.

    Your Retail Whore-Monger,

    Miss Spoken

  • maddy says:

    I never have, and never will shop on black Friday. I work in grocery management, and black Friday is one of the slowest days of the year. I got a TON of paperwork and date checks done that I haven’t had time to do in weeks (because the build-up to Thanksgiving is horrendous). I hate crowds, hate picking through crap that’s been flung every which way, and ABHOR waiting in long lines. I’ll shop online and at the gift card mall in my own store. Way less stressful.

  • slouchy says:

    There is nothing — NOTHING — about Black Friday that I understand.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      FIRST, I need to tell you that I did a victory dance around my ENTIRE house when I read your comment because you are like my hero.

      And Black Friday seems to kind of be for yeah, I don’t know either.

  • Melme says:

    Me and my husband camped out for our first ever Black Friday sale thingy. I know, sounds stupid, but we actually got a really good deal on an great TV. We got there at 2AM and we were 10th and 11th in line respectively. It was only 55 degrees and we brought blankets to sit on, snacks and water. The only reason I was willing to do it was because it was at Kmart and nobody goes to the Kmart here. I mean NOBODY! (At least on a normal shopping day) When we told people where we were going most replied with, “Isn’t Kmart closed down?”

    It was a pretty boring night until around 4 or 5 when people started showing up. We stood back and watched the fun as the “Hyenas” as I started calling the latecomers that were meandering around the doors like they were going to sneak in before everyone that had waited for hours toed off with these two sleep-deprived ladies that took it upon themselves to speak up for the line. One lady actually told one of the Hyenas: “You’re a cutter. I’m not talking to you anymore.” No punching, just lots of dirty looks.

    Anywho, about ten minutes they came out and gave vouchers to the people in line, starting with the front of course, for the big items like the TV we wanted. All we had to do was wait in yet another line to get our TV and pay and then we went home to bed. Wouldn’t do it again but I’m happy to be able to say I’ve done it once in my life. :)

  • Jay says:

    In the UK we don’t have Black Friday (which sounds like a day of mourning) — because we don’t have Thanksgiving, so it follows. Although we have sales, like Boxing Day, that’s about the closest we come to one specific day of sales — the rest is just spread out over January. Do people camp outside the night before? I know they do for Harrods, but I don’t know about anywhere else.

    I worked in retail one Christmas, a few years ago. I was working in a large chain bookshop and I kind of enjoyed the buzz of a store full of people. Less so the occasional requests from the manager to bring stacks of 20 hardback cookery books up the stairs to the first floor, or the inability to help one customer on the shop floor without 20 others wanting to ask you stupid questions.

    Despite mostly enjoying working in a busy shop, I tend to avoid sales — I hate them when they are crowded and too hot and you can’t find anything you want, if you can even remember what you came for.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      No Black Friday, but do you have Cyber Monday? That sounds just so…DIRTY. All of the emails I’ve been getting I’m just like, OH you naughty THING, you! And then I realize it’s an ad.

  • Mwa says:

    No Black Friday over here. But both sales and a good coupon shop leave me moist, so I get that completely. Sales in Belgium have been notoriously regulated, so there are two days in the year when everyone wants to shop, and I always avoid these days as well. They tend to only take 20% off or so, and I like my bargains at least half price.

  • bashtree says:

    I only have two Black Friday shopping experiences. One was about 15 years ago, I was in high school, and my grandmother bought me a maroon button-up shiney shirt with a velvet collar and cuffs and little mirrors embroidered all over the front, including in two very ‘strategic’ locations. The second was this past week – I went to BloodBath and Beyond to pick up a Spot Bot. We got a puppy. My house smells like poo, but at least it doesn’t have skid marks all over it anymore…

  • Melissa says:

    You must move to NC ’cause now I wanna be your new BFF. :) I’m with you, getting a great deal on something, especially something I need and would have bought anyway, gives me a proverbial hard on. But hell no I’m not doing black Friday sales. Though admitedly, I used to enjoy going with my mom as a kid. Yes, my mom taught me early on how to marathon shop. These days I clip my internet coupons, and try to get all the Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving.
    Melissa in Durham, NC

  • Kendra says:

    I’ve worked every Black Friday as long as I can remember. But never retail, just various jobs. I’m not much of a “that’s how they get you” person, but that totally is how they get you! I keep seeing these commercials announcing that I can get a free Blackberry! Oh, I must run out and get one! They’re free! And Blackberries! Oh, except that they require a 2-year contract. I don’t know about that. Oh, and also, I don’t want a Blackberry, because I hardly use the cell phone or the organizer I already have. But they wave low prices in your face, and you’re suddenly convinced that you need the most random things. All electric rabbit sharpeners on sale? I’ll be there, waiting for the doors to open!

    (I’ll just do my shopping online the week before Christmas, thank you!)

  • Fizzle says:

    Too long to post here, but do read. It will change your life/make you spit out your coffee.

    http://fizzlemed.blogspot.com/2009/11/ladies-and-gentlemen-step-right-up.html

    End.

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