I have books. Plural.
(yeah, I know, it’s shocking to me, too!)
Now I have to show the publishers that I do, in fact, have a Band of Merry Pranksters who would BUY my book. So what is below is a pre-pre-order form. All you need to give me is your name, zip code, and a valid email address.
In return, I’ll send you a chapter (which is why I need a valid email address)! Really, there’s nothing about this that sucks.
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Aunt Becky Shirts!
Subscribe Y’All:
WHOO-HOO!!!!!! Go Aunt Becky! I will be one of the first in line to purchase said books. Plural. Congratulations, I cannot wait to read!!!
Done.
and done.
site looks great, cant wait to get my email of the chapter…. bring on the book!
Where’s my chapter?!
They’re comin’, they’re comin’. End of the week-ish, you’ll get it. It’s gonna be AWESOME.
OMG. THAT’S NOT MY AVATAR?!!!!
I need a plugin of sassy avatars. These are awful.
Dumb question – Why do some people have their actual avatar and I (and most folks) have these little monster dudes? I can’t figure out how to make my real avatar show up. I know I’m probably asking the wrong person, but…. yeah, can you help?
Gravatar. You need a gravatar.
http://en.gravatar.com/
Thanks Soup!!
I can’t wait!!!! DONE!
Done!
I’ve added my name! Also, added a jaunty message about how awesome you are!
Passing it along, yo. Thanks for the support. And I’ll share your link too.
Do I need to fill it out for all of my friends too? I know lots of names and zip codes! I mean, I could just ask them, but I’d be adding an extra step…
Just fill it out, baby. FILL it out. Doesn’t matter, really. Like I said, it’s numbers. All numbers.
I would totally hump I mean buy your book. Keep on keepin’ on!
Yo, I cant find the form
Try going to The Book. There’s a form imbedded.
Yeah….Me and my 3 alter egos and their emails did it!
OMG! An awesome book I can take everywhere! I want it NOW!!!!
I am so, so, so hoping it happens. Without, of course, having to go door to door with my book printed out as a PDF.
OMFG! I just read the sample!!! Freaking hilarious! You are a GOD! I might have to build an alter. Maybe have a sacrifice of some kind. Maybe not though, it could end up starting a cult the tries to destroy the world… or at least we could all swear to use deodorant, and brush our teeth…. LOL…-had huge visuals reading your sample!
fuck me running. i just sent my comment for here to the publishers. uh:
i’m sorry, i didn’t see the fuck yes button. guess the hell yes will have to do.
i’d buy it, read it, buy it for a few friends and proudly display said book on my coffee table.
This? This is fan-fucking-tastic! (And not in the sarcastic way I usually use that word in!)
Done. Lots of luck with the books! I would definitely buy and read them all.
Good luck! I see so much crap on the shelves, there’s a definite need for your sense of humour to be in print on paper
I choose Vodka and Aunt Becky’s new book. Cheers to you!
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Hells to the yeah, Bex!
done – and done again!
Ok, I think that worked. They didnt ask for my zip though. I put it in the comment.
I’m officially added to your numbers. New site design looks fabulous. I need to join as soon as I figure out a logo and how to upload it … I’m slowly but surely (?) learning how to navigate my way around this stuff.
oh, man, I’m stupid and forgot to include my zipcode…how do I fix that?
Done.
Can’t. Freaking. Wait.
So yeah. I told them I would buy the book and so would my drunk, rich friends, who btw, are neither drunk or rich. I also might have told them you hide your crack behind the pancake mix in the kitchen. Either way, I think they understand. Also, is their going to be a book tour? How much fun would that be people? Becky, you will get so much vodka. If someone brings you tequila, you can ship it on down to me. Werd.
FUCK YEAH!!!
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Dude. Can’t wait to have a drink with an umbrella, and plunk myself down and read your awesome-ass book.
buying it and reading it are two different things, but for you, I may actually do both and not just use it as a door jam or a coaster for my martinis.
xoxoxo
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I so checked Hell yeah! But then I realized I’m a dumbass and forgot to write down my zipcode. I suck.
Hells yeah. I’m buying whatever Aunt Becks is selling.
Holy crap, am I the only guy here?
Shockingly, NO. You’re not even CLOSE. I have male readers!
…and I forgot..Heck yeah, I’d buy your book.
Told your publisher that I’m looking forward to the Universal Theme Park plans. We need one for adults, especially Mommies. That would be awesome. Best of luck.
Can you imagine how much fun that would be? I’m picturing a ton of beds so we could nap for days.
can’t wait for the book to come out- i’m sure it will be full of the awesome!!!
I’m pretty sure it’s going to rule. Now, we just need to convince publishers of that.
I can’t wait to buy copies for all of my friends!
I love you.
Hell yeah, I’d buy your book. And that’s saying something, since a lot of times I won’t even buy juice.
I never even go to Starbucks. I totally feel you.
Hell yes, I would buy your book!
I would honestly probably buy a set of Encyclopedia Brittanica from you if you came knocking at my door. This is because I’m a pushover that can’t say no. But the book? The book I will buy of my own volition.
And for Christmas? A little Aunt Becky for everyone.
Dude. I cannot resist ANYONE going door-to-door for stuff. I buy EVERYTHING. It’s a curse.
Just remember when you *make* it….you and I are supposed to get married!
I’m so excited for you Aunt Becky. Don’t think that I won’t move your books from the actual shelf the bookstore people put your book on……..to the front of the store (Right in the center by the doors) to get better traffic passing by your work.
Sent! It’d be a crime not to publish your books.
Y’all publishers out there ya hear?!
;p
Sent it. Good luck! Or break a leg. Or a pencil. Whatev.
I can’t wait for the book!
Done!
Done and done. HELL YES.
Done and DONE! If they don’t pick your book up I will go kick them in the bollocks (or ovaries if they are women)!
Greets from abroad (Finland) also sent!
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Dude, yes. Just … yes.
i just told the publishers that i firmly believe the world will be a better place when this book is published.
Done!
I told them I’d read it too!
Done!
I’ll buy anything you get published (doubles!) but I’m sending them to you for autographs.
I left a nice little message for the publishers. Don’t worry. It’s totally legit.
Now, awaiting chapterage. Send NOW!
Lol.
Done! I said I will stay up all night reading your book, laughing and crying, just like I did when I discovered your blog. I agree, the world will be a better place when this book is published, and we need a better place… THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
I’ll buy it on your whirlwind book tour. Autographed, for sure.
I’ll even pay the duty to have it shipped to Caaaanada. THAT’S how stoked I am about buying your book. And I don’t take paying duty lightly. Seriously – I route just about all my online purchases through a Seattle friend. That 17 per cent (on clothes, anyway) can really kill a good deal.
Hell to the yes
I will totally buy your book and force it upon my friends as well. Yours is the sarcastic and refreshing kinda refreshingness that I like in my literature. You’re like sprite.
Keep it real yo
Dude…of course I’d buy your book. I mean it, I really would. I wouldn’t just wait until the lie-berry got it and kept it for weeks over the due date racking up fines. Cuz I heart my Aunty Becky.
Done, Baby!
Done. And now where’s my GS cookies?!
I’m done too! I’m very excited for you!!! I think it will all work out.
Amy
I remember when we first talked about your writing a book – so so psyched for you!
I would totally buy your book. I am a book nerd, love reading, I do. And I would buy your book for friends, Mommy and non-Mommy alike. Because are SO full of the awesome that the awesomeness MUST be shared so you can dominate the world!
I don’t see my comment….but I am not trying to cheat here!
Sadie at heyMamas
It shows up on my nerdly spreadsheet. It’ll get forwarded to the proper people. I love you, dude. MAKIN’ ME TEAR UP.
Totally doing some distance voodoo on them right now!!!
I signed up. I want my chapter sent wrapped in chocolate chip cookies. Over the internet. Because I dream big and need glasses.
Umm…sent my comment to the publishers. OOPS. But it was all good! I let them know that I would give up sleep to read this book, and that is saying plenty because sleep is gold up in here.
Looking forward to checking out the chapter – thanks!
I am going to boycott all further reading until I receive my very own copy of your book. Please check this message for typos. My no-reading thing includes proofreading.
Thank you.
Yeah, I just email blasted 80 of my closest friends to shut their whore mouths and sign up for Aunt Becky’s book! They have all been warned!
Hmm, I sent in a thing under “tell publishers!” above, but it didn’t post here. I will assume it went through, but actually I wanted to edit it to say that I would like TWO BOOKS please. Because my own mommy wants vodka, too.
publishers suck. they don’t realize what hard core rabid book-readers are still out there, just waiting spend their hard earned monies, especially on books which are full of the awesome, because, obviously.
I have no idea if you got me in your count yesterday, my comment isn’t here now. If I can’t even figure out how to get a comment published, god knows I’ll never get a fucking book published, so you go girl. Can’t wait to see you on Amazon !
OK, I sent my Hell Yes!! to the publishers – how about if you include a bottle of vodka, with the book – does vodka do OK in plastic, because I sure don’t want it dripping on my porch when the book is delivered. And the poor postman with that broken glass, and he would get all my vodka fumes . . . .
Not just yes, but HELL YES!
Done… Since I am awesome you can just send me the whole book. I’ll send you a chapter back.
Thanks 
I think my comment from yesterday got eaten. Did you snarf it down with an Uncrustable?
Anyway, submitted again… xoxo
Woot! I get them in a spreadsheet, so I think I got them both! Loves you!
I filled out the form with all of my email addys and added you to my blogroll for good measure
Woot-woot! Yay! I’ll put you on mine too.
Done and done! Looking forward to reading it!
done
Loves you.
Done and Twittered!!
Done and done. I’ll do you more if you want. Shut up. Big loves to you.
Seriously… I can’t believe they don’t just already know you have a full Merry Band.
I added my name…sort of. Friggin’ paranoia…I couldn’t post my real name on the Net…but hopefully it’ll count, anyway, ’cause I’m all for you havin’ a real book published on real paper in the real world so I can prove you aren’t just a paper doll I made up for entertainment purposes.
Go, Mizz Aunty Becky!!
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Of course I did it.
Hopefully they hurry up so I can sell your e-mails on eBay for a bajillion dollars. Nothin’ says lovin’ like cold hard cash, baby.
*smooch*
oh hells yeah!!! can’t wait to read it! ♥
Book! Book! Book! BOOK!
I want your damn book NOW!!
Delurking after finding you a couple of weeks ago. I am entranced and enthralled! Looking forward to the sneak peek!
Yes!!
Looks like a hoot! Always want to try to help a fellow blogger person out. I added you to my site under “People I Read, Most Make Me Giggle”.
DUDE! I haven’t been commenting recently so I didn’t see your new layout! It’s pretty!
I would buy your book! And not just to prop up that wobbly table, either.
Becky….
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
Did you take my advice and write that book or have you been writing that book long before I came along???? I know you will kick-ass on book sales! I want mine signed please, to your BFF, Shannon, your inspiration!(kidding), Congrats! Now, that you have all this free time…get your ass over to my blog, now that I got the URL working and comment away! Love you girl!!! Shannon
Becky…
In case the URL doesn’t show up correctly on the wbsite section it is :
http://www.google.com/profiles/keepingupwiththekietas
Thanks Love!
Mission accomplished! =)
Ground control to Major Tom. Mission accomplished
LOL Cats has a book??? *giggle snort*
I am so very excited for the book.
Done…can’t wait!!
oooohhhh yeah, baby, I voted Hell Yeah!
Oh my! I just realized that when I sent my Hell Yes off, I may have inadvertantly offered some sexual favors to the publishers in exchange for chapters…
Oh well, most action I’ve seen all year, and they didn’t even answer me!
Mwah!
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do you need a real name???
yippee!! congrats!
I ‘voted’. Momma Kiss sent me. You don’t need to flash your boobs….really!
Bwahaha! I’ll leave my boobs covered.
Voted too! Congrats!! The new site is snazzy as hell! I am going to look around now. Just don’t mind me. Keep on scrubbing that floor. I’ll help myself.
LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!!!!!! Do we get chapter 2?
paaaaawwwwwwweeeeeeeessssssseeeeeeee!!!!
that was an awesome chapter cant wait to read more
loved it! more please!!
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done!
I did it!
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I can’t wait to read it! Yay! (And I was sure I did this before, but really, who knows?)
I want both you books…plural…BOOKS!!
Bring it on!!
Megan
Crap. I thought that went here too… ok so my name was not my name (like without my last name). should i do it again? wow, way to be lame me.
Ha, that’s okay. Did you get the chapter? If you didn’t, email me: becky@dwink.net
Where’s my chapter? Just kidding, I only submitted like a minute ago. I just didn’t want to feel left out.
Can I choose the chapter? Cuz I only read stuff about crackwhores and, uh, sometimes, puppies.
Just sent my beseeching epistle to the money dudes at the printing house, swearing to buy a gross of your books and proselytize them to the masses. May Santa gift them with reason, and you with a hefty book deal (and if they screw up, may the Fat Man’s reindeer bomb their houses with turds the size of manhole covers…)
Cheers!
- RS -
BWAHAHA! I sent your plea (which cracked my shit up) to my agents. Hopefully they’ll get a kick out of it. I did.
Why have I not filled this out before? Hells yeah!
This is awesome! I just voted and I can’t wait to read your first chapter.
Why the hell was there not an Aunt Becky book in my stocking? What’s the story on this?
Hey – I tried this yesterday but tried to comment at the top of this post and it went all flukey. Perhaps I’m doing this incorrectly? Won’t be the first or the last time.
You answered my who is dooce question – I thought The Pioneer Woman was the queen of the bloggers! Now her, I love, love, love.
I also wrote contact dermatitis and mangled the spelling so horribly I am ashamed.
Your blog is very funny. I found it via Bloggess (another funny site).
I’m a wanna be published author myself – good luck with the writing.
Robin
Would love to get the book! Love the way you “tell it like it is”!!
I tried to submit to the publishers, but it just kept spinning and spinning. So, although I am a little late, I would be excited to buy your book!!!!!!
Ditto what Kristen said on May 13, 2011
What kind of book is it?
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Uh..Just noticed the book tab…but does a small bottle of vodka come tied around the book? That would be awesome! I was reading the other comments and noticed the avatars..hope mine doesn’t look like a penis… =)
Well, it just was spinning…so I guess it won’t work but at least I didn’t get a penis avatar…..hee hee =)
I get the spinning, too! Hmmph!