My name is Becky Sherrick Harks, and this is my, blog Mommy Wants Vodka.  Not quite – but close – to the most boring blog on the Internet. This is 100 boring things about me; Your Aunt Becky.

Also: if you’re looking to buy an ad, email ads.mommywantsvodka.com.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Don’t Call It A Life List, Because Life Lists Are Bullshit.

1. Pants – like life-lists – are totally bullshit.

2. In July 2012, after being together nearly 10 years, my husband and I decided to get a divorce.

3. I guess Mommy Needs Vodka, but I think it’s mostly that Vodka Needs Mommy.

4. Orange Flavored Hostess cupcakes are the best food in the world.

5. I sell shirts here. My favorite says, “Shut Your Whore Mouth.”

6. When my kids get older, I am going back to school to pursue my dream: becoming a microbiologist. Or one of those people that directs planes.

7. I hate saying, “I have a dream,” because it makes me sound like I’m about twelve. Or about to say something REALLY important, which I’m never about to do.

8. Because I hate sick people, I make a terrible nurse, which is why I retired from the profession at age twenty-five.

9. Diamonds really ARE a girl’s best friend.

10. I’d happily start a PICC line of coffee just because.

11. I’m happily addicted to diet Coke.

12. For my fake thirtieth birthday, I went to Vegas. I did NOT, however, see Tom Jones. Instead, I saw Leonard Cohen.

13. Seeing Leonard Cohen at Cesar’s Palace in Las Vegas was probably the highlight of 2010 and a life-changing experience. Because obviously.

14. Ending sentences by explaining nothing is awesome.

15. If you want to mock my love of Rod Stewart, that’s okay. I can’t hear you. I’m too busy listening to “You’re In My Heart,” on repeat while crooning lovingly into my collection of Rod Stewart records.

16. I’m kinda Doctor Doolittle with animals, except not like Eddie Murphy, because that would be creepy.

17. What the fuck is a “life list?”

18. I hate raw meat.

19. Kids music is created by Satan himself.

20. I have 4 tattoos: one per foot and a gigantic phoenix on my back.

boring things about aunt becky

No, I do NOT have a foot-fetish.

aunt becky's boring things: phoenix tattoo

21. I’m planning out my next tattoo. On my arm. Which is one of those things I’d always wanted but was never sure I had the balls to do. You know what? I have the balls. Imma do it.

And I did:

aunt becky's boring things arm tattoo

22. In 2010, I changed my birthday because my REAL birthday is cursed. It’s now July 28, 1980. I am never going to celebrate my birthday again.

23. My eldest is autistic.

24. Thanks to this page, people are always finding my blog after searching for “boring things.” That makes me love the Internet so much more.

25. Purple should be a flavor, dammit.

26. When I was an wee thing, I downed a whole bottle of grape cough syrup when my parents weren’t looking. Then I had to drink Ipecac. Kids are stupid as hell.

27. I still shudder when I smell that damn fake grape flavor.

28. I grow orchids. My orchids are more than a hobby. They’re kind of an obsession.

29. I should probably be ashamed by how much I love to vacuum. Also: I am not one of those 50’s housewives, even though I’m starting to sound like it.

30. Gardening is one of those Old Lady hobbies I picked up in lieu of knitting, which I would totally suck at. Gardening runs in my blood and my orchids and roses could probably kick your ass.

31. I am allergic to bees, latex and shellfish. Oh, and mornings. Totally mornings. And honest work. I’m also allergic to that. And cooking. Totally allergic to cooking.

32. My daughter was born with an extremely rare neural tube defect called an encephalocele.

33. This means that while her neural tube was developing, something sinister happened, and her skull was malformed. Some brain tissue ended up growing outside of her brain from her malformed posterior fontanelle.

34. She had neurosurgery at 1 month of age and is being followed closely by the state to see if she’s suffered any ill-effects from this rare condition.

35. I’ve never mastered fractions.

36. I’d prefer to have too much to do than not enough to do. And stuff that doesn’t involve cleaning up after someone else.

37. Cooking is bullshit.

38. I am so uncoordinated that I was afraid that neither of my kids could find their way out of the womb. Thankfully, they all did (with a bit of medical coaxing).

39. Here’s what I can tell you after many years of blogging.

40. If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d probably never get out of bed.

41. My hair is so thick that I have to have my stylist thin it out. Otherwise, I might resemble the last white chick on the planet with an afro. I think the idea, while appealing in theory, would be quite ridiculous in execution.

42. As far as I’m concerned, no food is too spicy.

43. And I think McDonald’s is my favorite dinner.

44. People should spend more time allowing their kids to BE kids.

45. Purging my closet is the best thing ever. One time, I found diamonds.

46. Turns out that if you get a subscription to Playboy “for the articles?” You’ll probably never read it.

47. I have three kids. I’m done for now until I have a Love Child some day. Because, obviously.

48. I couldn’t be more thrilled to have a daughter after having had two sons, but I admit, I’m hoping we don’t war too much when she becomes a teenager.

49. I hate brass and wallpaper. I haven’t seen brass wallpaper, so I can’t be sure how I feel about it.

50. I’m a beast in the mornings.

51. I think if I could only have two foods for the rest of my life it would be Cherry Pez, Orange Hostess Cupcakes and Diet Coke. Oh wait. That’s three.

52. If this were my diet, I’d be sure to have scurvy and rickets. But then I could talk like a pirate, which would totally make up for it.

53. If I don’t write something on my blog most days of the week, I feel like my arm is hanging off.

54. Vodka is kinda awesome.

55. We don’t live in Redneck Country, but I love Miller High Life Lite. If you look up classy in the dictionary, my picture is probably there.

56. I was born here.

57. I grew up here and after a year away I’m back. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

58. I once fixed a toilet with a paper clip. It was awesome and I felt all MacGuyver-y for a whole hour!

59. If they manufactured a bleach-scented room spray, I would totally buy it in bulk. I love bleach (don’t give me this “bleach alternative” bullshit).

60. My favorite word of all time is “fuck.” And not because I can’t think of anything else smarter to say, but because I think it’s the world’s most perfect word.

61. I hate video games. Mainly because I currently have in my home like seventeen different systems.

62. I’m terrified to sell stuff on eBay. I think it’s because of the grifters. And shipping stuff. I suck at that.

63. I call my blog a “blob,” because I think it sounds way awesomer than, “I am totally the world’s best person because I write a blog about my cats.”

64. I genuinely think laughter is the best medicine. Aside from whiskey. And Vicodin. And Vicodin Chip Cookies.

65. I am colorblind. This should give me a pass for some of my worst fashion ensembles, for my kids and I both. But until I test them, I fear my children may have inherited it. Poor kids.

66. Everything should be bedazzled.

67. I missed my Junior prom because I was too wasted at a party and we all genuinely forgot about it. We were naked hottubbing.

68. I showed up blisteringly high to my ACT’s and still manage to spank it. The Gods were smiling merrily down upon me that day.

69. I hate the color orange partially because it was a school color, but mainly because it just sucks and should be banned.

70. I went to high school where that huge mold outbreak occurred.

71. I love cantaloupe, but I hate the texture. Makes me gag. Yogurt does the same thing, although I can’t say that I love it. I choke it down while dieting because it’s good for me. Or it better be.

72. Without a doubt, my favorite color has been and will likely always be pink.

73. I have a ridiculous obsession with expensive purses and diamonds.

74. Which is weird when you consider that I also do most of the manual work around the house.

75. My obsession with Anthony Bourdain has NOTHING to do with eating or cooking – I’m just impressed he managed to work the word “pube” into his show.

76. The first two albums I bought when I was a kid were Pearl Jam’s Ten and The Red Hot Chili Peppers Blood Sugar Sex Magic. I still listen to them.

77. I am not to be trusted with CD’s or DVD’s. I ruin them.

78. I often have dreams that I’m being chased by the Mafia. Perhaps it’s the Chicago in me, or maybe I’m a reincarnated Mafia Princess. Or a princess of some sort.

79. Sparkly is totally a color.

80. I’m completely terrified of earwigs. It’s like a phobia. I dread the time of year that they start coming out because I know I’m going to have to run into them and kill them and before that EWW.

81. Going to the gym and putting the hurt on myself is so incredibly satisfying to me.

82. Spaghetti Sauce makes me gag. Actually, anything in a can makes me gag.

83. I’m allergic to any metal except for platinum and gold.

84. I loathe yellow gold; but am starting to warm to rose gold.

85. I helped dissect a cadaver in my A and P class because I was Super Becky Overachiever.

86. I was a teacher’s assistant for Inorganic, Organic, and Biochemistry.

87. I made a terrible nurse and I’ve never regretted walking away from it.

88. I have nerve damage from lifting an obese patient.

89. In high school, I had a backpack that had “Slayer Rules” written on it.

90. I have a “Dresses for Amelia” line in my budget. Which means she’s going to grow up to be a tom-boy.

91. I traveled across Europe twice with my orchestra. As Continental as this sounds, I don’t actually think we were very good.

92. I’m probably going to move to California to start a disco band.

93. I hate the color green, although many of the rooms in my house are painted that color.

94. When my kids are older, I’m going to get a Jeep Wrangler.

95. I got a full abdominoplasty in November of 2010. I’m thrilled by this.

96. I could drink vinegar by the bottle. I read somewhere on the Internet (so you know it’s true!) that craving vinegar means that you have liver problems. Or kidney problems. Or something.

97. I don’t often wear makeup but I always wear perfume.

98. I have a slight obsession with flip-flops.

99. I enjoy popping pimples so much that I’m often told I should have been a dermatologist. But I will never be one because they’re all so creepy. Dermatologists, not pimples.

100. I have a wicked sense of humor and laugh at just about everything you can think of.

———-

You deserve a cookie if you got to the bottom of this. Or bourbon. Or a cookie dipped in bourbon. So get one and come on back and tell Your Aunt Becky about YOU.

All written content on this site is the sole property of Mommy Wants Vodka and Becky Sherrick Harks. © Copyright 2004-2012.

Stealing causes the clap.

Comments are love, or some bullshit like that. Either way, they make my heart happy. leaving a comment and SUBSCRIBE to my RSS feed or I will send my Chicago "friends" after you, yo.

93 Responses to 100 Boring Things

  • birdpress says:

    My mom is also allergic to all metal except gold and platinum. I never met anyone else who was.

  • andria says:

    I could steal a few of those, but damn, my favorite color is green. What’s up with you? LOL

  • Melissa C says:

    I’m not the only freak who loves vinegar!!! YAY!!!!

    I used to bite the end off cherry tomatoes, suck the middle out and fill them with vinegar! YUM!! (I also eat lemons… just like an orange!)

    But I love green…

  • Pauline says:

    These are great! I love vinegar, too!

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  • melanie awe says:

    How do you choke down the orange cupcakes, what with the orange thing?
    And do you have to blow the Daver if he cleans the litter box?
    You are one of my idols.
    If only I could figure out the computer stuff, like how do you get all those little boxes at the bottom of what you write, I would be everso happy.
    thanks for the inspiration, dollface.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I haven’t had an orange cupcake in ages, thanks to trying to remove the perpetual baby weight, but damns, I want to form a secret society of orange cupcake eaters. I’d be the only member, but it would be worth it.

      I have had to get Ben to do the litter boxes, thanks to Daver’s refusal to do said chore.

      Which boxes? I have a Site Guy who is SMART and he does it. Explain which ones you mean and I’ll see if I can ask him.

      • mecarol says:

        Nope. I’m down with the orange cupcakes. And I thought I was the only one – my local grocer didn’t start carrying them until I moved in.

        • L.A. says:

          I LOVE LOVE LOVE hostess orange cupcakes.. and have been known to buy every package in our vending machine at work, and hoard them in my desk so no one else can have them… somoene is obviously on to me, because they have not been in the machine for months, not to mention that our president offered to pay for half of the weightwatchers membership fee if we “some” of us would join… I did but ended up gaining 5 lbs…

          Cheers to the HoHo OJ Cupcakes…

      • Phyllis P. says:

        OMG! I know I am late to the party but I am FUCKIN’ OBSESSED with Hostess Orange cupcakes!!!!!! Count me in girl!

  • melanie awe says:

    First of all, you were too cool to respond to me right off the bat. It made me really happy, so thanks for that. Have you read Maureen Johnson’s Manifesto? I am wrangling with this very conundrum at the moment. Second of all, if you are colorblind, are you sure you’re not giving green a bad rap? And C) I think all those little boxes are search engine links and here’s where I get all flustered because I am technologically challenged, yet not stupid, and also happen to be broke,so I am trying to learn an internet marketing business, which brings me back to my struggle with the truth and clarity and aha moment of the Manifesto. Don’t let the chicklit associated with Miss Johnson put you off. I can tell you will like it.
    Thanks again, so much.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      1) No, I have never read this book, but I may have to, because I like books even though I am illiterate.

      12) I think I do not see green the way that you do. To me, it looks ugly. To you, it does not. I genuinely think it looks hideous. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_blindness

      There are some examples of pictures of what colorblind people see. I have Deuteranopia. Hot, right?

      C) So where do these boxes mythical boxes appear on my bloggity blog?

      • Bourbon Should be a food group... says:

        OK, I too checked Wikipedia and saw what green looks like to you. Why in the name of god do you live in house with any green in it? Do you must have masochistic tendencies. I say paint everything purple!

        Just found and book ,marked your blog site today..thanks for the humor! I totally need this.

        Bourbie…

  • my daughter’s name is Amelia, which I’ve never actually written out there on the interwebz, and I didn’t buy one single dress when she was born and she’s the queen of barbies, I’ll send you some of lincoln logs. If there’s a two fer deal going on the tummy tucks, call me.

    In my next life, I’d say that I’d like to come back as you , but I think I might have already come back as half of you already. Alas, the less funny and talented half.

  • Sara says:

    You are freakin hillarious, like “lol when no one is in the room to share it funny” – do you have a facebook page so I can plug your website

  • Lotta says:

    Mmmm bleach. Almost as good as a fresh bar of yellow dial soap or an over chlorinated hotel pool. Almost.

    And my parent’s motto was “brass is class” and we had brass lamps everywhere.

    And I am going to apply to nursing school this fall. Maybe you will talk me out of it?

  • Jen says:

    You are hilarious! I found your site at work today and have spent several hours reading it. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship….

  • I’ll take my cookie now.. Oh wait you suck at shipping. TEASE!

  • Mandolin says:

    So I checked out what green looks like to you – GROSS – I get why you hate it. It looks like baby shit…I wonder what baby shit looks like to you…they didn’t have an example for that on wikipedia. Fucking useless!

  • Loretta says:

    Saline sinus rinses are a really good alternative to nose sprays. I use one in the shower everyday, Neil Med squeeze bottle, gives a great flush and it cured my recurring sinus problems, not that you give a f—. ha, ha, your list made me laugh.

  • Rusty Brown says:

    “(All written content on this site is the sole property of Becky Sherrick Harks; Copyright 2004-20010. Stealing gives you herpes.)”

    Damn. Gonna be writing this after your release from the cryoblock, are you?

    You really, really rock!
    RB

  • YayaJersey says:

    If you can believe it, (though I suspect you were using sarcasm) I did read through all 100 boring things. Loved it. I love vodka or anything that has alcohol in it (except for those things that taste like soda and have 1% alcohol in them) oh yeah, they’re called wine coolers.

    Why I really wanted to reply was because I think it’s hilarious as to how I found your blog. I don’t read blogs. I was googling “how to make your kids read boring stuff” and it came up. I’m a grad student who is reading some article that is just too boring to read. so yeah. you’ve got one more fan ;)

  • Simi says:

    I’ve tried writing a blog. Started 3 different ones. Abandoned the 1st 2. Hoping 3rd times’ a charm (joint blogging with my sister–hoping that keeps me in check)

  • Sarah says:

    My friend on FB “shared” your blog. Too funny! If we ever met I know we would be friends. So hilarious and you say the things that I am thinking…well now I say them. In the past I didn’t, but now I don’t care what people think…I’m guessing you don’t either. I’ll be visiting your blog daily. So much better than other Mommy blogs. Don’t want to hear about another great organic cleaning product or organizational tip. I don’t clean. I pay people to do that. And organization is crap.

  • Katie says:

    Hey Aunt Becky! I hate orange too! Though purple is my favorite color. But I have a daughter with special needs as well. She’s deaf and just recently had surgery to give her a cochlear implant. Have you read the Welcome to Holland article? It’s about having a child with special needs. Really honest and touching I thought.

    I hate cooking too. That’s why I have boys (my brother and my boyfriend who live with me) to do the cooking for me!!!

  • Sandy says:

    Well, Aunt Becky, I’d love to go grab a cookie dipped in bourbon. However, that’s frowned upon here at the place I go every day to make money. Once I get home, tho, all bets are off. And if you ever crave Chik-fil-a too much, Indy isn’t that far away! Just don’t forget your disguise.

  • Karen says:

    Hi Aunt Becky!

    Just discovered your blog-I find you absolutely hilarious! BTW-I am also colorblind and don’t live far from you (Oak Park).

  • Cyndi says:

    i totally relate… super funny… I cuss like a sailor (my husband hates it) and my 3-yr old son’s newest words were OH SHIT when Thomas the train fell off the track! The other half was PISSED! Couldn’t have been a more proud parenting moment… ugh… Love your blog! KEEP IT COMING!

  • Jessica says:

    YES!! A writer that says it like it is!! I love your 100 Boring Things. We have MUCH in common and I will be reading your blog on a regular basis from now on. Thanks for the breath of the freshest fucking air I’ve had in a long time!

  • Sarah says:

    One of my friends posted your “life with autism” on her fb page, so I was looking at your blog. Not to sound too stalkerish – if you are still in St. Charles, I live fairly close to you. I also think McDonalds is my favorite meal, and TEN by Pearl Jam is the best album ever. Now I will stop comparing how alike we seem to be, and go back to reading your blog. ;) Mainly to read more about your son with autism, because I have a sneaking suspicion that one of my kids might be diagnosed with it some day.

  • Becky says:

    Fuck is truly the greatest word in the English language. I can not go more than say five minutes without using it. Seriously though it can be used in so many ways, a noun, an adjective, a verb, etc. you catch my fucking drift.

  • UDntNo/Jill says:

    HA! You ROCK!
    Not to sound stalky/freaky, this is my kidfree weekend and I have spend a good part of the (ok, honestly, damn near the entire) day reading your blog…. was reading when my oldest called this morning and still reading when she called again a little over 4 hrs later, ~Ha! and look where I am again, lol~ her response, “OMG! Like, u’r not rite! U need a life” (she is 14yo, so that is how she would said it)I said, “I have a life, I’m a Mama, but today, I am Jill, so step off!” (no I don’t talk to her like that all the time, just when she taps my “smartassness”)
    Cheers…

  • Danielle says:

    Yes, fuck is one of the best words ever. It can end a sentence so much better then punctuation sometimes. I have to watch myself, or my three year old will pick it up. I had to learn to make up a work to replace it in my vocabulary so that I don’t have a toddler running around using it.

    And the smell of bleach makes me a very happy mommy.

  • Marie says:

    HEY! You totally need a new #95!! WAY TO GO!!!!!

  • The Faux Trixie says:

    This is creepy for two reasons: You essentially just described me, but that makes sense because I’m from Dekalb, and that’s like 20 minutes away (and an even bigger shit hole than St. Charles, which is actually kind of nice.)

    Two, because you are from St. Charles and I know people from St. Charles, we may know the same people, which is creepy because you were suggested as a friend on twitter and that is how I found your blog. THE WORLD IS SO SMALL, apparently.

  • Jennifer says:

    I do the same thing with candles…I am “saving” them for special moments. I also do the same with shower gel and body scrub. I use them only for “special” days. Stupid!

  • Britt says:

    Hi Becky,

    I was wondering if you’d like to review a product of ours! Give me a shout if you’re interested :)

    Thank you,

    Britt

  • LOVE this list!!!

  • Vanessa says:

    It is official I have a new obsession … I have years of reading to catch up here … you are my new favorite website. Hell I might even have to make you my home page! I have 5 kids & often get told by my husband I say fuck way too much when I have had a few beers … and when I haven’t … my mother tells me she raised me to be a young lady & I shouldn’t use that word … I tell her its me mamma bear get past it. Although I try not to say it around her it still happens when I drink … but then she just laughs at me. So maybe I should drink more beer & call my mom & just say fuck because I love to hear her laugh.

    Anway I love reading your blog … thanks for the awesome reads!

  • Kristen says:

    Hey Aunt Becky. I just wanted to drop you a line to say: you fucking rock. I love your blog. I have a two year that says, “fuckinshitdammit” when he is angry. I will be here often.

    Found you on Dooce when she replied to your tweet. ;)

  • nicole says:

    well, miss aunt becky lady ma’am, you called me a merry prankster, so there’s that. For the first year of my son’s life, i was the mother of a supposed special needs baby (little to no oxygen during his birth, bad stuff. bad doctors. bad day). And then one day he woke up and hit ALL the milestones. Every motherfucking one. And now he’s 9, and kind of a dick but very smart and I love him to death. And I knit, sew, bake, cook, collect poison bottles, yell at the dog, and generally fuck around ’cause I read somewhere that’s what you do when you’re an Army spouse housewife. Oh, and I can read. And maybe I love you? but not if its creepy

  • Heather says:

    I.love.you. I found you randomly and I laughed for an hour straight reading your shit. You are hysterical and I truly appreciate your usage of the word fuck and the way you end sentences with, Because obviously. I hope when people read my shiz they get all girl crush on me like I just did with you. Except I’m not a lesbo, I just think we could drink vodka together. So high five to you and thanks for the laughs.

  • beth says:

    #37 – Cooking is bullshit

    A-fucking-men! Thank you for that statement. If it weren’t for the ready made meals and frozen section at Costco my family would never eat.

  • Anthony Bourdain is a dirty, sexy man. I love him.

  • L says:

    You remind me of so many women in my life. Never realized just how awesome they were until I read this. Can’t remember exactly how I found your website, but by damn, I’m glad I did!

  • lizzard72 says:

    The F word is genius, dresses for girls amazing, and I wish I had the brain power to start a band. You rock, because obviously!

    LIZ

  • In reference to #25, I strongly believe “purple” IS in fact a flavor. And a smell. We have iris’ that bloom yearly – huge clumps and when y9ou put your face in them – they SMELL of purple. :)

  • In reference to #25, I strongly believe “purple” IS in fact a flavor. And a smell. We have iris’ that bloom yearly – huge clumps and when you put your face in them – they SMELL of purple. :)

  • If I really could LMAO you’d have me to a size 6… I am sooo far from it now… that’s how funny this shit it.

  • Um.. Apparently I deserve a cookie.. :)

    I’m totally allergic to mornings as well.. Like highly allergic. And have a mild cooking allergy.. But cooking gives me panic attacks (when I have to do it for other people, that is).

    Oh, and I have an afro.. And I’m white. I swear there is some black in me somewhere down the line, because I have to use “afro” products for my hair to look anything other than a retarded frizzy poofy mess…

    Stopped over from Twitter, where I will now go back to so I can follow you!

  • Frankie says:

    Found you randomly, thanks so much for sucking up my entire afternoon, oh and thanks for the laughs. I am sorry you see green as puce, I would hate it too! I will be back often, I like the way you brain!

  • Sara says:

    Oh my GOD!!! We could totally be bestest friends. Except I live in Germany and that’s a little far from Illinois. Fuck is also my favorite word, although my son thinks it should be a flavor. He’s 9, what does he know? I do NOT say it in front of him, he heard it on the radio (Germany doesn’t sensor) Oh sparkly is TOTALLY a color and it is my favorite color!!
    Great blob by the way!! TTFN!

  • Dani says:

    Seeing Leonard Cohen in 2010 was the highlight of my year too! Because, obviously indeed! Mind you, I saw him in Melbourne, Australia, it probably wasn’t quite up to seeing him in Las Vegas.

  • Lisa says:

    Aunt Becky… I emailed you an “Ask Aunt Becky” anywho, reading through this 100 things and coming to the things pertaining to your daughter and her neural tube defect… I had a son 8 (and a son two months ago with the same neural tube defect who also did not survive) years ago that had an encephalocele he did not survive, I feel your pain and rejoice in the fact that your daughter is doing well :) Lots of love to you guys!

  • Cheryl says:

    Aunt Becky, I actually have to debunk #41 for you….I’m a white girl….And had an afro. No more thanks to having an ex-sister-in-law who opened my eyes to the world of ‘relaxers.’ I do think it’s possible that I’m the only white girl out there that actually buys relaxers (Dark & Lovely, Soft & Beautiful, Africa’s Pride, etc.) to ‘loosen’ my afro curls. And by god, it works wonders!

  • FMLPrincessFury says:

    Dearest Aunt Becky~

    I fucking love you. Serious. From the oh so controversial “FUCK” to everything in my life being pink (except for in my daughters bedroom…cause her favorite color is now BLUE. WTF is that?) to the avoidance of cooking to my 2 bedazzlers I bought of a damned infomercial when I was on maternity leave (NO ONE should have access to their credit card at 3am when they are so tired they cant even mix a proper drink & just start swigging from the bottle!

    I SHOULD be doing laundry. Or cleaning. Or getting my drink on…but NO, I am all consumed with catching up on your blog…ok, so I am drinking too, but i should be OUT drinking!)

    So the next time you hear a “fuck this shit! and see pink hair, its probably me. On a tirade. In public. Because thats where I seem to get the most annoyed…imagine.

    PS~my spelling sucks. Get the fuck over it. I cant be great at EVERYTHING!

  • Becki says:

    I changed the spelling of my name from Becky to Becki in 6th grade. I’m 58 years old now so you do the math (unless there are fractions involved) so I’ve been Becki for a long time. I can’t even remember why I changed it.

    My 25 year old daughter is pregnant with a girl due in January and I want to name her Amelia. Love, love, love that name. My daughter wants some celeb-sounding name like Apple or Harlow. WTF!

    Anyway, just came across your blog and it’s a hoot. I have a wicked sense of humor myself. I guess it doesn’t matter which way we spell our names . . . Beckis (or Beckys) rock.

  • Christine says:

    Where have you been all my life? You blog is a breathy of fresh air. I am just starting out and have been having issues saying what I feel.

    I too LOVE to use “bullshit” but this is my favorite!
    64. I genuinely think laughter is the best medicine. Aside from whiskey.

    Awesome. Thanks for the laughs

  • liz says:

    I finished reading the very non boring list of boring things but I have neither bourbon nor biscuits!#$#%#^!

  • Cheryl says:

    I completely understand #1.

    Pants are bullshit.
    In uni I took a Public Speaking course and did an entire speech dedicated to why the human race should not wear pants. The gist was something like this:

    1. Think Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini,… George W. Bush – they all wear pants. Now think of Buddha, Jesus, Dali Lama… Barney. No pants! Coincidence?
    2. Scotland has much lower incidences of male infertility issues. Is the fact they wear kilts just coincidence?
    (Note: I may have made that last fact up)
    2.

  • Jen says:

    Okay, so I’m really on the late freight here…But I too, want a Jeep wrangler once the kids are grown. I really wanted one in my early 20s. Thought they were sexy. Thought it would make me sexier (I didn’t need to be…being in my early 20s was all the sexy I needed…miss my 20s a little). I wonder if by the time I get a Jeep Wrangler it’ll fly or something…Aren’t we approaching the age of Back to the Future II? Yup.

  • Alison says:

    LOVE this list because it makes me feel normal !! ” Fuck” has always been my fave swear word. It just cover’s SO much , with SO much feeling ( not great when your 3
    year old tells you “don’t say fuck, it’s bad ! ” ) oooopsy, I try…I really do. My husband was in Iraq for a year and I was home with an infant (his) , a son in 6th grade and a daughter in 8th grade ( from previous marriage to a fucking dick ! ) so that explains alot. Vaccuuming is like crack to me, INSTANT gratification ! Getting my Dyson was like the biggest deal of my life…Now have withdrawls and it sucks balls, moved to house with hardwood floors…FUCK ! Love anthony Bourdain AND Ree ( Pioneer Woman) She is still wantin’ to jump Marlboro Man’s bones after years of marriage and 4 kids : ) Love your blog, glad I eneded up here by way of The Stir ( Cafe’ Mom) somehow. I swear we would drive each other nuts, drink too much Miller High Life , laugh so hard there is NO sound then pee our pant’s if we were friends in “real life” . By the way, John Denver could kick Rod’s ass if he wasn’t dead : (

  • Kate Major says:

    Rod Stewart sucks (IMO, ppl) except for “If U want my body” or whatever the hell that song was. My eldest is also autistic. Parents that do not have autistic children should never EVER complain about their children. Not unless they want me to tell them to fuck off and stick my foot in their ass.

    I am also not fucking Lindsay Lohan’s dad, fyi. Thats some other stupid bitch.

  • Dotlife says:

    I have just come accross your blog and think that you and it are just the cats miew, or the dogs bolloks, or the top banana, delete as you see appropriate. they do all mean awesome.

    I read your about page to, bout the “other becky” may I just point out that I have terrible grammer and awful spelling but I have an excuse i really do. I type to fast, and am relatively as intelligent as a wasp flying backwards and therefore to lazy to click spell check or re-read what i wrote. (just saying incase you pop by my new blog) feel free to call me on it.

  • Roxanne says:

    I had such a laugh at this people in the office think that I am crazy. I can tell that we are going to get on swell.

  • Lance says:

    so sorry about #2

    Slayer rules

  • Good but a little too long I adore 25,2,6,10,89,99

  • Amber says:

    I found your blob blog after googling “Sweater Kittens.” Which makes it the best way to find a blog ever.

    Also I got to the bottom of your list by actually reading. So I’m going to find cookies and booze now.

  • I totally got to the bottom of your list. Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure how I got to your blog. I think I spaced out before this because finding your blog was way more awesome than whatever I was doing before I found it. Unfortunately I can’t have a cookie dipped in booze because I’m at work. Which of course is all the more reason to have them.

  • WHERE DO YOU GET AN ORANGE HOSTESS CUPCAKE?????!!!!

  • barry says:

    it was tooo interesting I really was loking for boring things but I enjoyed the time you put into it

  • Pingback: 42 Boring Things About Me | Butterfly Crossing

  • Horam Nielsen says:

    Wow, if I would be in love with a gorgeous woman like you, I would surely love your feet at first sight first then I go from there lol… Goooorgeous OMG!

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