My name is Becky Sherrick Harks, and this is my blog. Not quite–but close–to the most boring blog on the Internet. Viewer discretion is advised.

(All written content on this site is the sole property of Becky Sherrick Harks; Copyright 2004-20010. Stealing gives you herpes.)

1. I currently have a book proposal circulating to publishers by a team of agents. This makes me sound impossibly more cool than I am. Don’t be jealous, I’ll be rejected for certain.

2. I’m also trying, in desperate vain, to freelance my ass off. BY WRITING ESSAYS, you Uncle Pervies. But, you know, I’m not very smart.

3. Despite my complexion, I am primarily Scottish and Swedish.

4. I think Orange Flavored Hostess cupcakes are the best food in the world.

5. No matter how much sleep I get, or how little salt I inject, I have chronic dark circles under my eyes.

6. When my kids get older, I am going back to school to pursue my dream: becoming a microbiologist.

7. Despite being a trained, registered nurse (bachelor’s, even!) I hate sick people.

8. Because I hate sick people, I make a terrible nurse.

9. Diamonds really ARE a girl’s best friend.

10. I don’t like weddings, which makes me the Anti-Bride and hideously (more) unpopular with my female friends who cannot believe that I do not like weddings.

11. I want desperately to be married in Vegas by Elvis.

12. I’ve never been to Vegas.

13. Some day I will go to Vegas and see Tom Jones. Because obviously.

14. Ending sentences by explaining nothing is awesome.

15. If you want to mock my love of Rod Stewart, that’s okay. I can’t hear you. I’m too busy listening to “You’re In My Heart” on repeat.

16. I’m kinda Doctor Doolittle with animals, except not like Eddie Murphy, because that would be creepy.

17. I spend a lot of time at the pet store oogling the salt water aquariums that I will one day own. Hopefully, by that point, my houseboy will maintain it for me while I sit back and drink Mai Tais.

18. I hate raw meat.

19. I’m addicted to nose spray. I figure that someday my nose will fall off like Michael Jackson’s because I love it so very much. At least, that’s what my mom tells me will happen, but she’s not all that reliable.

20. I have 3 tattoos: one per foot and a gigantic phoenix on my back.

21. I covet sleeve tattoos but I’m not sure I could get one.

22. I was born on July 15th, which makes me a Cancer. I’m not much of a Cancer. I was supposed to be a Leo and that fits much better, if you buy into that stuff.

23. My eldest is autistic.

24. Despite having been a mother for almost 9 years now, I eke through it just as everyone else does. This means that unless you’re obviously abusing your kids, I don’t think my way is any better than yours.

25. Purple should be a flavor, dammit.

26. When I was an ickle kid, I downed a whole bottle of grape cough syrup when my parents weren’t looking. Then I had to drink Ipecac. I still remember vomiting down my father’s back.

27. I still shudder when I smell that same damn fake grape flavor.

28. I hate chick flicks except for some Sex and the City, which I do not hate. It just makes me wish like crazy that I lived in NYC.

29. I also hate chick lit.

30. Gardening is one of those Old Lady hobbies I picked up in lieu of knitting, which I would totally suck at. Gardening runs in my blood and my orchids and roses could probably kick your ass.

31. I am allergic to bees, latex and shellfish. Oh, and mornings. Totally mornings. And honest work. I’m also allergic to that. And cooking. Totally allergic to cooking.

32. My daughter was born with an encephalocele.

33. This means that while her neural tube was developing, something sinister happened, and her skull was malformed. Some brain tissue ended up growing outside of her brain from her malformed posterior fontanelle.

34. She had neurosurgery at 1 month of age and is being followed closely by the state to see if she’s suffered any ill-effects from this rare condition.

35. I’ve never mastered fractions.

36. I’d prefer to have too much to do than not enough to do. And stuff that doesn’t involve cleaning up after someone else.

37. Cooking is bullshit.

38. I am so uncoordinated that I was afraid that neither of my kids could find their way out of the womb. Thankfully, they all did (with a bit of medical coaxing).

39. Here’s what I can tell you after many years of blogging.

40. If it weren’t for coffee, I’d probably never get out of bed.

41. My hair is so thick that I have to have my stylist thin it out. Otherwise, I might resemble the last white chick on the planet with an afro. I think the idea, while appealing in theory, would be quite ridiculous in execution.

42. As far as I’m concerned, no food is too spicy.

43. And I think McDonald’s is my favorite dinner.

44. I am a freak about candles. I love to burn them, but sometimes I get upset about “wasting” them so I’ll only light them a little bit for a little while a couple times a week. Issues much?

45. Sorting through and getting rid of stuff is one of my favorite past times.

46. I think I’m going to get a subscription to Playboy. Seriously for the articles.

47. I have three kids. I’m done for now except for the love child I’ll have one day. Because, obviously.

48. I couldn’t be more thrilled to have a daughter after having had 2 sons, but I admit, I’m hoping we don’t war too much when she becomes a teenager.

49. I hate brass and wall paper. But I haven’t seen brass wallpaper, so I can’t be sure how I feel about it.

50. I need to be alone and in peace for the first half an hour after I wake up or I get really anxious and cranky.

51. I think if I could only have 2 foods for the rest of my life it would be Cherry Pez and Diet Coke.

52. If this were my diet, I’d be sure to have scurvy and rickets. But then I could talk like a pirate, which would totally make up for it.

53. If I don’t write something every day, I feel like my arm is hanging off.

54. Vodka is kinda awesome.

55. We don’t live in Redneck Country, but I love Miller High Life Lite. If you look up classy in the dictionary, my picture is probably there.

56. I was born here.

57. I grew up here and after a year away I’m back. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

58. I once fixed a toilet with a paper clip. It was awesome and I felt all MacGuyver-y for a whole hour!

59. If they manufactured a bleach-scented room spray, I would totally buy it in bulk. I love bleach (don’t give me this “bleach alternative” bullshit).

60. My favorite word of all time is “fuck.” And not because I can’t think of anything else smarter to say, but because I think it’s the world’s most perfect word.

61. I hate video games. Mainly because I currently have in my home, like 17 different systems.

62. I’m terrified to sell stuff on eBay. No idea why. Okay, I think it’s because of the grifters. And shipping stuff. I suck at that.

63. I’m still shocked that I have a blog that is read by people other than those I pay to read it.

64. I genuinely think laughter is the best medicine. Aside from whiskey.

65. I am colorblind. This should give me a pass for some of my worst fashion ensembles, for my kids and I both. But until I test them, I fear my children may have inherited it. Poor kids.

66. Everything should be bedazzled.

67. I missed my Junior prom because I was too wasted at a party and we all genuinely forgot about it. We were naked hottubbing instead.

68. I showed up blisteringly high to my ACT’s and still manage to spank it. The Gods were smiling merrily down upon me that day.

69. I hate the color orange partially because it was a school color, but mainly because it just sucks and should be banned.

70. I went to high school where the huge mold outbreak occurred.

71. I love cantaloupe, but I hate the texture. Makes me gag. Yogurt does the same thing, although I can’t say that I love it. I choke it down while dieting because it’s good for me. Or it better be.

72. Without a doubt, my favorite color has been and will likely always be pink.

73. I have a ridiculous obsession with expensive purses and diamonds.

74. Which is weird when you consider that I also do most of the manual work around the house.

75. I might have a wee obsession with Anthony Bourdain, even though I hate to cook.

76. The first two albums I bought when I was a kid were Pearl Jam’s Ten and The Red Hot Chili Peppers Blood Sugar Sex Magic. I still listen to them.

77. I am not to be trusted with CD’s or DVD’s. I ruin them.

78. I often have dreams that I’m being chased by the Mafia. Perhaps it’s the Chicago in me, or maybe I’m a reincarnated Mafia Princess. Or a princess of some sort.

79. I feel like New York City is where I’m destined to live, even though I’ve only been there once.

80. I’m completely terrified of earwigs. It’s like a phobia. I dread the time of year that they start coming out because I know I’m going to have to run into them and kill them and before that EWW.

81. Going to the gym and putting the hurt on myself is so incredibly satisfying to me.

82. Spaghetti Sauce makes me gag. Actually, anything in a can makes me gag.

83. I’m allergic to any metal except for platinum and gold.

84. I hate yellow gold.

85. I helped dissect a cadaver in my A and P class because I was Super Becky Overachiever.

86. I was a teacher’s assistant for Inorganic, Organic, and Biochemistry.

87. I made a terrible nurse and I’ve never regretted walking away from it.

88. I have nerve damage from lifting an obese patient.

89. In high school, I had a backpack that had “Slayer Rules” written on it.

90. I have a “Dresses for Amelia” line in my budget. Which means she’s going to grow up to be a tom-boy.

91. I traveled across Europe twice with my orchestra. As continental as this sounds, I don’t actually think we were very good.

92. I’m probably going to move to California to start a disco band.

93. I hate the color green, although many of the rooms in my house are painted that color.

94. When my kids are older, I’m going to get a Jeep Wrangler.

95. And a tummy-tuck.

96. I could drink vinegar by the bottle. I read somewhere on the Internet (so you know it’s true!) that craving vinegar means that you have liver problems. Or kidney problems. Or something.

97. I don’t often wear makeup but I always wear perfume.

98. I have a slight obsession with flip-flops.

99. I enjoy popping pimples so much that I’m often told I should have been a dermatologist. But I will never be one because they’re all so creepy. Dermatologists, not pimples.

100. I have a wicked sense of humor and laugh at just about everything you can think of.

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You deserve a cookie if you got to the bottom of this. Or bourbon. Or a cookie dipped in bourbon. So get one and come on back and tell Your Aunt Becky about YOU.

All written content on this site is the sole property of Becky Sherrick Harks. © Copyright 2004-2010.

Stealing causes herpes.