So you’re thinking, Aunt Becky, it’s time to put up some REALLY BAD pictures of you as a kid. You know, shitty perm jobs and aqua-netted bangs and french rolled jeans and maybe some Blossom-style headbands, but I don’t have any of those.

I was a CHILD of the 80’s, but I wasn’t allowed a perm. Probably because my mother was actually smart and realized that I would look like a Koosh ball if I’d gotten one. I have thick hair. Instead, I had bangs that started at approximately the nape of my neck and teeth that stuck out like the claw end of a hammer.

But I don’t have those snaps either. It’s not because I’m trying to spare myself the pain and agony of showing The Internet that I am not perfect, because shit, I think I passed trying pretend to be perfect, uh, in 2004 when I started blogging about The Wet Spot.

So let’s start with what I DO have. Aunt Becky, circa 1985. It appears that it’s my birthday and that it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. Probably because no one is sitting with me.

Rando shots 3

Or maybe I am crying because my mother is forcing us to sit on lawn chairs in the house.

Rando shots 6

The obligatory “I am drunk and annoying on Halloween” shot. HELL, my undies are hanging out. This is probably why my 5 year old self is crying.

Rando shots 4

This was as close as I could get to “funny hair pictures” because, well, look at it. It’s my homecoming picture! My awesome tiara says it all. It says “I am awesome. Obviously.” But my dress is from Ann Taylor and it’s not embarrassing. Yet. But I could fucking smile, no?

Rando shots 5

Now THIS pictures says “I have a friend who is in Photography class” now doesn’t it? The black -n- white photography, the subject in the woods, it just SCREAMS ‘high school photography class’ to me.

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So I am challenging you to a duel, The Internet. OUTDO my sorry stash of embarrassing pictures. That isn’t hard. I will continue my hunt as I search for how to become certified as a disaster preparedness RN (I wanted to go to Haiti, but can’t seem to find a way to get there).

If you find something cringe-worthy, leave a link to it in the comments and we can have a fashion party of all of our awesome pictures. I’m certain that you can outdo me.

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At Skirt! I’m talking about how it takes a village. Even if it’s not the village I’d planned on.

Comments

comments

63 thoughts on “Because I Hear That Humiliation Is All The Rage

  1. I lost most photos of me in my divorce, so as far as the world is concerned I’ve pretty much looked like a gray-cum-balding 40-year-old guy for my entire life.
    Also, I have that same Indian princess costume. I say we score one for Sandi and the Daver and the four of us hit the town.

  2. I think the tiara snap shows just how fucking refined you are, doll face. That face says it all. “What, bitches? I wear tiaras every damn day. I’ll pose for your jenky as photo but this isn’t really a special occasion in my book. Where are the crumpets?”

  3. So sad, but it turns out I don’t have any pictures on my computer from before 2003. Next time I visit my parents, I will rectify this. I would love to challenge you to a duel, but as it turns out, I have looked roughly the same since Age 5, no joke, so it wouldn’t be that exciting. I’ll do this eventually though.

  4. I refuse to post it, b/c it still embarrasses me to this day, but when I was in the 6th grade I decided to wear red lipstick to school. Like, BRIGHT FUCKING RED. Apparently I didn’t realize it was picture day. I also didn’t realize that red lipstick doesn’t look good on acne-ridden preteens. Not only does the actual photo look horrendous but it became the yearbook picture. But the yearbook pics were in black and white, so I look like a crazy goth kid. My friends STILL make fun of me for it!

  5. @Bree Stone: American Airlines is NOT sending anyone to Haiti for free. That is actually a nasty hoax and the number you left is for the consulate- please don’t drown the phone lines in useless calls in the middle of this disaster.

    Okay, rant over. Embarrassing photos? Between my buck teeth, glasses and awkward social behavior, pictures weren’t even necessary.

  6. I destroyed every ackward early teen picture of me in a fit of rage, once I became “cool” in my later teens. I was full of the angst, and blamed my dorkiness on my mother. She has to have some photos stashed away somewhere, I’ll go searching. I know that I still have a very druken VHS home video, of myself and several friends from a weekend where my parents were away, now that is a classic. Too bad my 17 year old saw it. Good thing she didn’t see what else we had been doing besides drinking beers.

  7. You are SO fired.

    I thought I had taken all of the evidence of that night….You know there is a video, right? And about 300 pictures…. I’m sure Ness would love it if that were pasted on Facebook. I’m just saying…..

    XOXO

  8. The last pic is very pretty, not embarassing at all. Did you win homecoming queen? If you didn’t and wore a tiara anyway you are fucking awsome. I only have like two past pics of me in my house, one from elementary and one from 8th grade which was in like the early 90’s. I’ll try to scan and post them but they will not be able to rival any of the 80’s fashions.

  9. I had bangs that started at the nape of my neck and I had a child in the 80’s, we’re practically twins.

    Any photo of me on my site is embarassing enough without pulling out photos from 100 years ago.

  10. What and ruin your girl crush on me…brahhahahahaha. I’ll post the awesome later. I was aloud to get the perm and I drank Sun Cuntry Koolers out of the 2 liter bottle.

  11. Came here from “Maybe If You Just Relax” and the phrase “koosh ball” brought the LOLz because it’s been AWHILE since anybody mentioned a koosh ball.

    Also, my middle school nickname was “Water Buffalo” what with my awesome cow-licked bangs.

  12. I have massive amounts of hair, and I did get the 80’s perm…in the 80’s (thought I’d better specify). It was awful. Thank your mother. Right now. Seriously…call her and tell her thank you.
    I thought that permy bitch would never grow out. I looked like the missing red headed stepchild from The Jackson 5.
    I would love to compete is a hideous picture stand off but, er, I think my scanners broken. And all of my childhood pictures were lost in a house fire. Tragic really.

  13. I like your attitude…I just found your blog through Long Daze Short Years (which I found through a different blog…anyway), and I am highly entertained. I especially dig your blogging for dummies post. Made me laugh! Thanks!

  14. No fun! I want truly embarassing pics!

    Hubs just got me a scanner yesterday, so when I have time to get out some pics, I’ll definitely have some worse than that!

  15. Oh, Honey you’ve got nothin on me. Scroll down to the end of this post and check out my goddess picture. I’m telling you, I win, And don’t knock the photo class pic, it’s really gorgeous. I’ve also cried on a few birthdays, but I think I was a little older…and drunk, probably with a tiara on.

    Here’s my Goddess. http://laundryhurtsmyfeelings.blogspot.com/2009/12/pictorial.html

    My hyperlink has been on the fritz, lately, so hopefully this works.

  16. Um…Aunt Becky? It’s not the underwear that are embarrassing in that photo. It’s the fact that you thought nobody would notice that the shorts on your control top pantyhose are actually LONGER than your outfit.

    Now, don’t get me wrong…control top pantyhose are my BESTEST friend. But you gotta get the variety without the shorts or you cant rock the short skirt.

    Trust me. I know.

  17. You might want to put a link to all the photo links on the sidebar with something that would allow others to add their own photos….I need to get on this and find something of me from back in the day…I’m afraid I’ll forget if not reminded daily on a sidebar thingie

  18. Humiliating? Girl you’re hot. Even if that does feel a bit lecherous to think that about High-School- photography-class-photo-shoot-in-the-woods Aunt Becky.

    Thankfully, I do not have childhood photos in my house, but I am already recalling the side ponytail, chipmunk cheeked, horrible glasses yearbook photos of yesteryear. *shudders*

  19. Shit, Aunt Becky! My brother just did a post ON MY BLOG, a while back when I was out of commission during a hurricane and he took full advantage of me and posted tons of horrible shots of me as a younger… me. Rat bastard.

  20. If I could get my mom or sister to scan all my terrible photos I would totally do this. All my old photos are at my mom’s. I just have one from my Senior prom, and dude, I was hot, and so was my date. Haha. I’m getting on the phone. I want to embarrass myself now.

  21. Yay Aunt Becks. I’m continually impressed by your posts and am relieved that your blog is good in the midst of all the crap out there.
    Good job at Skirt today.

  22. My mom has all the best pix and I can’t deal with getting those.

    So I leave you with this idea: tube top.

    I think that is enough, don’t you?

    Maybe I can find my early punk rock period (83-86) and post that. Oh, if my sixteen year old self could see me now!!

  23. Hey, I really like the high school photography class picture. It’s really pretty, and I like the way you have your hair. 🙂

  24. I am not sucking up jus to keep on being your BFF or anything, but you were beautiful back then and you are beautiful now.!!! The only difference is that now, you are a kick ass writer, who is as funny as shit! You got it goin’ on girl. Yep, you got it goin’ on!!!!

  25. Incredibly fortunate- my scanner is broken. Whew! The world really really doesn’t need to see my bad formal pics. All 200 lbs of myself back then. ouch.

    But, lady, you looked good! I’m impressed!!

  26. I was also a child of the 80’s… I remember a girl at school getting a perm and that was ALL I wanted! My mother went out and purchased a crimping iron and said that was as close as I was going to get 🙂 I don’t have any awesomely crimped photos of myself… Wish I did!

  27. I love the black undies…pretty hawt. I am still wondering how you think the B&W screams high school photography. I was thinking more old school Harper’s Bazaar, chic, retro. I dig it. Oh and luck you no perm…I had a perm, braces, bad skin and that AWESOME disgusting fashion of french rolled jeans and 2 pairs of colored socks.

  28. Now you got me all depressed than ever: your embarrassing pictures are all better looking than my normal pictures! Even the one with your undie showing. I just assumed you were channeling Madonna and you were FOX-Y!

  29. Pingback: KeepingYouAwake » Blog Archive » Self-Humiliation and Pictures

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