*While my daughter is proving herself to be an excellent sleeper–by which I mean she’s only up 2-3 times a night versus her brother at that age who was up 5-274 times–my darling middle son is making up for all that sleep I’d be getting by refusing to sleep in.

*The plus side to sleep deprivation is that it makes me almost calm. No longer am I annoyed by the constant watching of Wow, Wow Wubzy DVD’s or my 7 year olds smart mouth (please tell me this is an age/stage thing? PLEASE?). No. Now I am downright placid. Serene, even.

*Just spent my kid’s college fund on buying a swing set for the backyard. One of those that will probably take up most of my backyard. My neighbors will thank me, I’m sure. It’ll make the party on APRIL 19th even cooler, right? (the keg will help, I’m sure)

*For the past week and a half, Alex has woken up from his nap hysterical (Back story: kid takes one 45 minute nap a day. Period) where even the promise of his beloved chocolate doesn’t help him get through it (because bribery = awesome parenting!). He screams and he cries and nothing helps and I feel just horrible for the hour or so that it goes on. I don’t know what to do.

*Rather than find someone to come to my house and watch Alex in the mornings for me so that I can listen to him whine for me from the other room, we started him in some in-home daycare for three hours a day. While he wasn’t thrilled initially, he now loves it.

*Thanks in no small part to the in-home daycare, we are all now sick with the first of many, many colds.

*Although I see a multitude of doctors (no, I do not have Munchausen’s. Just crap-matic genes**) my favorite waiting room is at my endocrinologist. There is no better place to people watch than this waiting room, I’m convinced. It’s like watching animals in the zoo. I’m also pretty sure that this means that people are probably looking at me while I sit there and thinking the same thing. Sweet ass.

*I’ve stopped swearing as much as I did before. This is kind of making me feel not only old, but lame. On the upside, though, Ben has stopped yelling “DAMNIT!” when he drops things.

*I spent some time yesterday in my garden for the first time since I was very slightly pregnant with Amelia and I have a special piece of advice for you: after tying up your climbing roses to a trellis and receiving more than a few pokes in the process, it is not wise to then go inside and douse your hands with alcohol-based hand sanitizer.

*If possible, tie up your climbing roses the winter BEFORE. I was too big to do so last year and I’m seriously paying for it now. Also: my roses can kick your roses ass. They’re unreal.

*Why yes, I do garden.

*Why no, I am not an old woman. I will be 29 in July. SHUT UP, THAT IS NOT OLD.

*Chalked up to the I’m So Suburban It Hurts category, The Daver and I are seriously considering buying a mini-van. Because yeah. Trying to cram 3 kids in my CR-V is laughable at best and futile at worst. Anything I should know (besides the fact that I am suddenly even lamer than lame when I buy one.)?

*How flipping cool would it be to put flames on my mini-van? Don’t answer that one.

*Another word to the wise: STEP AWAY FROM THE SCALE. IT WILL ONLY DEPRESS YOU. Also: I SO need to go on a diet.

*My daughter, oh she of the cradle cap and acne, will only fall asleep while someone holds her. Normal people might be annoyed by this as it takes a good long while and often makes your arms fall asleep. But after dealing with Alex’s sleep issues, this seems like a cinch. Perspective, it is invaluable.

——————-

So, Internet, what’s on YOUR mind today? Spill your beans.

**I initially spelled this jeans.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

54 Responses to Because I Am Too Tired For A Proper Post

  • Maria says:

    I’d totally get a minivan.

    Oh my mind? MJ just puked on my nursing tank so I either have to do laundry right now or go topless. Sigh.

  • Lola says:

    Not much! Too busy and tired to think. I got attacked by a rose bush Saturday, and I don’t even like that damn rose bush.

    We spent a fortune on one of those gigantic swingsets, but if it makes you feel any better, we got our money’s worth.

    That’s all I’ve got.

  • Ms. Moon says:

    I had a Mazda MPV and I loved that car. Seriously. I have no idea why but I did. The kids called it the Fischer Price car because all the dials were big and easy to use. Maybe that’s why I liked it. I used to burn incense in it. Yeah. I’m a hippie. And I put colorful pillows in it. And it took me and the kids to the beach a lot. Yep. I loved that car.

  • BB says:

    My 6 & 9 year olds both have a major smart mouth right now. I think it is the age, and what they are picking up at school, but it drives me crazy!

    I love my mini van. You cannot beat pressing a button and having all the doors open. My only advice is to get one that has the dual automatic sliding doors. It makes life so much easier, especially with a baby carrier. Oh, and make sure it has the dual zone heating and AC, otherwise the kids roast in the summer.

    My aunt & uncle actually have a mini van with flames on the sides, and it is pretty cool.

    My 4 year old is the same way with her naps. If she does not get a full 2 hour nap, she wakes up hysterical. Normally she is a very calm and sweet little girl, but all bets are off if she gets woken up from a nap early. She does not take many naps anymore, so fortunately this is a rare occurance. I am not sure what to do for Alex though. If he is waking up on his own after the 45 minutes, there is not much you can do. Good Luck!

  • fidget says:

    you can have my minivan, we are upgrading to a limo.. or a tram.. or an old bus. Only if we do the bus thing we have to paint it all psychedelic and learn to play the guitar.. ok strike the bus idea, i suck at the guitar

  • Rachel says:

    What’s on my mind? Still reeling from the pastor’s revelations that if we were in the 1600′s, I’d be burnt at the stake.
    Other that that, just eating my french fries.

  • Betts says:

    That seemed like a proper post to me.

    I have wimpy roses and they will bow to your roses anyday.

    Pipsqueak (6 yrs old) gets a smart mouth too sometimes, but my stink eye is usually enough to turn it around. She knows yelling comes after stink eye. She hates the yelling.

    She also wouldn’t fall asleep without being held. I don’t want to scare you, but I think she was almost 2 years old before that stopped.

  • Nity says:

    The scale freaks me out too. Like the list.

  • Perspective indeed . . . keep up your sense of humor!

  • Meghan says:

    I curently own three mini-vans (don’t ask) and love them now that I have them. Buy the bigger one as you will hate the small ones. I’ll send you a cup cake in July for your birfday;)

  • michelle says:

    Taking kids to McD’s for shamrock shakes tonight. Staying away from teh scale. It gives me nightmares. Babyfat has been on my ass for 5 years now. Making peace with it.

    Had a minivan for exactly 8 months. Couldn’t wait to get rid of the fricking thing. I was so not a mini-van-mom. Got a big-ass-SUV. Working on Global Warming. Don’t like winter anyway.

    Envy people that garden. Send me some flowers, please. I like yellow roses.

    Babies sleep where they want. You can’t do anything about it. Big kids, you can beat. I mean bribe. I mean send to the sitters. I wish someone would bribe the mommies. “If you behave and care for the children nicely all day, I will give you chocolate, wine, a xanex and a massage.” I could deal with that.

    The swing set is worth it. They will spend countless hours out there over the next 12 years. While they are out there, lock all the doors. It gets you about 20 minutes of sanity before they figure it out and start running to the neighbors. The first several times it happens, you can claim it was a mistake.

  • Miss Grace says:

    1. Bullet points are awesome.
    2. Swing sets are awesome.
    3. Minivans? ALSO AWESOME.
    4. 29 is not old.
    5. Does this mean YOU are awesome? I THINK IT MIGHT!

  • Amy says:

    @ the hand sanitizer… been there, done that. Except mine was a papercut. :( And I’ve been 29 since February. So whoever calls you old has ME to deal with! :)

  • Anjali says:

    You’re absolutely right on perspective, girlfriend.

    You’re doing awesome. Keep up the good work!

  • Life in Eden says:

    I am not a minivan-type mom. Oh wait, I am. Three kids doesn’t give you much choice. We bought a Kia cause we’re poor. No automatic sliders. But I actually love it. We are little people so we liked it better than the Toyota or Honda cause it’s just a little less gargantuan. Plus it’s #1 in safety! ooh, ahh.

    No house = no garden. But you just wait til next year roses! I’m getting me a house.

    My 5yr-old has smart mouth. Maybe it’s in the water.

    I vote we send all the kids to daycare and sleep. Germs be damned.

  • Badass Geek says:

    Can I come over and swing for a little while?

  • Karen says:

    29 is not old at all. Dude, I am 33 and that is not old!

    A mini-van. Well, yeah. You have the 3 kids and all. Not much you can do about it – you a car that fits the family. You can’t have two of the kids running along side the 2 seater.

    I feel for you with Alex’s sleep stuff. My advice is to drug him, but that is why I don’t procreate.

  • g says:

    29 is totally not old, you young wench.

    We just had snow, so I can’t imagine roses and swingsets. Drool.

    xoxo

  • Eva says:

    We have some nice climbing roses. I don’t do much to them. I do have a lot of other yardwork I need to get to. Too busy being tired. Plus it was raining, so now it’s muddy. Fun backyards are worth the work, though. Good idea on the playset.

    On my mind is my child’s bottom. It is giving me a lot of trouble.

  • Kyddryn says:

    Chevy Astro Van, if you can get one – they are awesome, take a beating, are reliable, easy to maintain, and they’ll hold a full-sized mattress/bed when the rear seats are out. You know, for camping. Shut up.

    Does Alex dig stories? If you like, I’ll send you rough drafts of some stories I wrote for the Evil Genius so he wouldn’t have bad dreams. They might be awful, but the kid loves them…and he doesn’t have bad dreams…

    I wish I could garden. Alas, my skills are more of the “throw the seeds at the ground and walk away” variety, so I only plant trees and things that don’t need care more than once or twice a decade.

    Nope, mouthing off isn’t a phase…I’m certain I never did it, and my darling angel baby son would never, ever…uh…you know what? Never mind…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  • charmedgirl says:

    oh lordy, the mini-van. i had three right fucking off, and i REFUSED to get a mini-van. got a wagon instead (traded in my 2-door accord for it, and i swear, had i been preg with one, i woulda kept that car, fuck my back!). i finally got the mini-van last spring and i…i…love it. goddamnit, i love that stupid thing. i shoulda done it right from the start. i’m a vain jackass.

    thanks for being around.

  • heather says:

    Sigh. We purchased one of those mammoth “swingsets” two weeks ago (I figured if we didn’t actually do it soon, the kids would be moved out by the time I unclutched the dollars to pay the people) which, by the way, was packaged with delightful phrases like “build and play in ONE day.” Bastards. One week, two weekends, and two moonlight hammering sessions and that bitch is finally up — it’s rained the past three days straight, but it sure looks purty in the yard.

    Maybe I should follow your lead and clean up my verbage. The boy has never repeated my atrocities. Beans? Looked at the husband and said, “eat shit” after hearing me tell him I’d rather “eat shit” than eat his mother’s food. Niiiiiice on all accounts, no?

    Becky’s gettin’ a minivan! Becky’s gettin’ a minivan!

  • Melanie says:

    I broke down and got the honda odyssey, I only have two kids of my own, but I have my niece (who is 7) before and after school daily (and I am her ride) and on Monday’s I have my cousins kid……and there was no way 4 kids in booster/car seats could legally fit in my BELOVED blazer……..that said, I am so NOT minivan material…….while I love the convenience of dual sliding doors (and rear heat and A/C)…..I flat out HATE that I am REDUCED TO A FREAKING MINIVAN…….. I think I need a support group. The bottom line is that they are very practical and have lots of great feature…..I however steered clear of built in DVD players, I do not need to add “WHINE FOR EVERY 5 MINUTE CAR TRIP FOR A FREAKING DVD” to my list of daily annoyances (and yes my friends kid does just that…) When the kids are older than can haul their own personal dvd players with them for long trips, otherwise they need to deal the fuck without them….. they do not need to be “plugged in” for everything (what are the chances the kidlets will want to watch the same movie anyhow)!

    (yeah i have no issues at all right?)

  • swirl girl says:

    The only mini-van I would get WOULD have flames on it. Real ones, not painted on. Cram them in.

    -and I garden too. I love flowers and greenery! Don’t be a hater – but it’s a year round thing in California. Tell you what – you bring the swingset , I’ll supply the wine -and we can watch the kids together !!

  • Kristine says:

    I prefer killing every plant I own with neglect in the winter and starting completely over in the spring with NEW plants to kill. So yeah, your roses totally would kick my newborn roses asses, if I had them.

  • Stacey says:

    We need a new car and with our tax refund money we are only 8-12 more months of savings away from having an only mildly crappy downpayment. So naturally DH insisted on car shopping last weekend. I don’t want a mini van or an SUV. We’ll probably end up with one of those ‘crossover’ things.

    What is on my mind is cabbage and my extreme dislike of it & my gag reflex to it. It’s freaking everywhere I go today! If they have it at bunco tonight I am going to have to leave. I can’t spend 2 hours in a house that reeks of cooked cabbage.

  • Kendra says:

    I love my minivan. I admit it. I was never that attached to my cars; my first car, purchased in 1998, was a 1986 Subaru. So I have relatively low standards. But our minivan was the first actually new car either of us has ever owned: A Hyundai Entourage, and I adore it. We don’t have the remote sliding doors or the built in DVD player, and I would probably like it if someone offered to buy and install the remote doors for us for free, but that’s all. I can get three kids in and out in one piece, with a minum of shouting. Plus my 80-year-old father-in-law lives with us, and now all 6 of us can go places together without anyone nearly dying. I don’t care that I’m now a minivan mom; I always knew it was just a matter of time. I already have the mom haircut and am only a couple of years, max, away from the mom pants. The mom car was a natural.

    On my mind today? Whether any or all of my kids need trips to the dr. Maybe I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but I’m always sure they’re ill. The oldest has been crying off and on since he walked in the door from kindergarten; the middle one is just crabby; and the youngest has a slight fever and is sticking her finger in her ear. (And right now, they’re watching Spongebob because I need a minute, dammit!)

    I also forgot to cancel an appt to have my broken wrist X-rayed. I wonder how much time and money that’s going to cost me. My life revolves around doctors. Ugh.

    But congrats on the good sleeper and on the swing set. I’d give my (broken) right arm for either!

  • birdpress says:

    I like mini vans. I always think how convenient they must be. I also never give a thought to what people think of what I drive. Do people care about that sort of thing? Like, other than teenagers and balding middle-age men? They do? Ah well. Guess I’m a geek.

  • lady lemon says:

    You are only one month older than me! I will be 29 in August. What day is your b-day?

  • a says:

    29 is sooo not old. Wait until you’re 39.

    I read somewhere that if your child is extremely cranky when they wake up from a nap, they may just have low blood sugar and need a snack. If you can’t get them to eat because they’re hysterical, just make sure they have a snack before they go to take their nap. Works for my little one…

    7 year old with a smart mouth? You’re lucky. My 2 year old ordered me out of her room the other day for having the nerve to turn off the TV in the next room (because she was obviously watching it) and then refusing to put it back on. I see pleasant days ahead for me….

  • Susan says:

    If I spilled my jeans, you’d be smothered in the equivalent of raw biscuit dough. Just sayin’.

  • Michelle says:

    Oh to be 29 again…..I will soon be 41, now that is old! I loved my minivan, and I second getting one with dual sliding doors. Plus get the DVD player. You will never regret it. My kids don’t make a peep in the car now.
    My daughter was also a horrible sleeper. Only would sleep in my arms or my bed. She would wake the minute I put her in her crib, so to save my sanity, she slept with us.
    What’s on my mind? The fact my husband took both kids to the golf course and Spongbob is still on the TV.

  • SciFi Dad says:

    My son has the cradle cap that will not go away, even with peanut oil and steroid based creams. He’s all flaky and itchy.

    Also? My house is really quiet when it’s empty.

  • I’m a long way from 29, but I wish I could garden, hell, I wish I could get a flowering plant to bloom in a pot! They look so pretty when I drive to the garden center (in my minivan – oh, yes, get one, get one soon!) and admire them!

  • Madame Yu See says:

    A true not proper post would have included a new picture of Amelia – they change almost daily at her age.
    Gardening? That’s a young woman’s sport, I’m too old to garden.

  • I had a mini-van when I was 23…yes, I was THAT COOL!

  • Big's Other Half says:

    I miss my minivan. I needed the 4WD for the 9 months of yuck though, and Big didn’t fit into the one minivan that had the AWD option so now I’ve got the Toyota Sequoia. Seats 8, three (Britax) carseats across in the second row and a decent sized third row. It’s very mom-friendly, but alas I miss my sliding doors.

    We love the play system. The girls spend hours out there. You’ll be happy you did it once you stop thinking about the cost and focus on the happy faces.

  • honeywine says:

    Thorns are to hand sanitizer what jalapeno soaked hands are to boogers: a bad, bad combination!

    I won’t say what is on my mind…my beans are too raw and stinging. :(

  • Io says:

    Of course you should get flames on your minivan! You big suburban minivan

  • 1. They outgrow the smart mouth sometime around the same time they get a “real” job.
    2. The dogs are digging my roses up from the other side of the fence so it looks like there is a gian sinkhole in my yard. Also? The puppy is eating them.
    3. If you do the flame-job on a minivan you must post pictures!
    4. Where can I get another Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! DVD? We only have one and if I have to watch the same episodes one.more.time. I will be needing the rest of your Ativan.
    Mwah.

  • Jenn says:

    I completely understand the sleep issues you had with Alex (I believe we were serving up insanity at about the same time). I’m super glad Amelia sleeps for you!

    When Monkey was about the same age as Alex he started having night terrors – what Alex is going through sounds similar. We just had to let him scream, he didn’t even want anyone near him. It passed after awhile. And hey, at least Alex isn’t doing it in the middle of the night!

    We are looking for a mini-van too (since the last one was wrecked, argh!). I love them and I’m not afraid to say it. I had one before I even had kids! I hate only having dinky little cars, haha.

    You just had a baby. You are not fat. Yes, you DO need to step away from the scale. (I think everyone should.) Numbers are evil when you are looking down at them, you know.

    You should come here (and fix my flower bed) and I will go there (and play on the big swing set). xoxo

  • Heather says:

    I will be 29 in May so if I’m not old than you certianly can’t be old!! :-)

    Wanna join our 30th year birthday party in October? (I know it’s a bit early… think of it as a just over 29 party…) I’m sure we could fit in one more. Girl’s only… Tybee Island, GA…

  • Amanda says:

    Totally wanting a swingset right now. That would be awesome. A hammock in the lab would be awesome, too. I’m really torn.

  • Trina says:

    I love holding the baby while he sleeps!! It gives me a great excuse as to why I didn’t get to the dusting.
    Try out one of the smaller SUV’s, you get the same room as a minivan and you get to keep some of your cool!!
    Have a great day!!

  • Lisa says:

    1) Mini Vans-so not cool but really they are great for throwing everything in and going…as soon as the kiddo is in high school that puppy is gone! The problem is she is only 6. We took a 12hour trip last summer and I don’t know what I would have done with out it. Plus we are always hauling someone else’s kids someplace. Definitley get the DVD player but set the expectations early.

    2) My daughter is approaching 7…she is the ultimate smart ass…the great news…I can out do her anytime, any place! Needless to say we won’t be seeing her much this next year since she will probably be in permanent time out!

  • kalakly says:

    I haven’t outgrown my smartmouth so I have little hope that my kids will either….damn it.
    Cason has what our doc called the worst cradle cap he has seen. I tried everything I could to stay with natural remedies but then finally relented and did the cortisone with a huge heaping slather of Aquaphor on top of that and Wowza! He’s like a shiny new toy. Unbelievable!
    I almost got a minivan…the husband went out this weekend committed to a sie.nna or an odyss.y and brought me back a Volvo xc90 which I love! Doesn’t have sliding doors but my kids all have opposable thumbs so it really isn’t an issue:)
    xxoo

  • Fiddle1 says:

    I demand pictures of your garden. Like you have the time. Well anyway if you can. I hate gardening. I am a hand-me-down gardener in that I benefit from the old lady that lived here before me who loved camellias, blueberries, figs and the like. But this spring I am going to venture into vegetables. I just checked out “gardening for dummies” from the library. Wish me luck.

  • Karen says:

    I refused to drive a minivan without flames. They are on by my headlights – they are little, they are magnetic, but I like them a whole lot more than a soccer ball in the back window. Just check PT Cruiser fansites – that’s were you can get a whole selection of them.

  • carrie says:

    daycare is a good thing!!

  • Emily says:

    We had to trade in our cute, small SUV (bmw X3) for a minivan with the arrival of our third baby in November. I was bummed, but it really does make life easier getting all of the kiddos in and out. We bought a Honda Odyssey. We still have very little extra room due to having three carseats (our kids are 3, 18 mo, and 4 mo), but fitting everyone and their gear would have been impossible in anything else. Good luck!

  • Sarah says:

    29 = not even kind of old, and gardening beats destroying furniture as a happy distraction/stress reliever. Go you.

    But the minivan will add a solid 5 years to your perceived age. Flames or otherwise. Be advised.

  • Dreamybee says:

    Bummer about Alex’s hysterical post-napping. If he is pretty consistent about the 45-minute nap, would waking him at 40 minutes be an option? Maybe that would curtail whatever is happening at the 45-minute mark.

  • mumma boo says:

    I’m sending my kids to your house to play on your new swingset. Hubby refuses to get one, even though it would make life soooooo much easier around here. *sigh* No mini-vans, though. We’re done procreating and they both fit in the Vibe. :) Sorry to hear that Alex is having a tough time post-nap. Cenzo went through that for a while. It will end. As will Ben’s sassy mouth – when he’s 22. Sorry.

  • I moved to a minivan at three kids, auto doors are a godsend as long as you train them to buckle the d*** carseats themselves and am jealous of the neighbor with the little purple school bus that they take for triathalon trips. We live just about 5 blocks from school – too close to ride a bus but too far to send the kids out thru the dark Alaskan winters by themselves. I hate driving so carpool is a godsend but then again my neighbor downsized and I realized that she can’t take more kids on if she wanted to. She may be onto something.

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