*No, really, how do you do that without sounding a) overly deep? or b) callous? I don’t know quite what line to walk there.

*Because when I was on Twitter tweeting about #yellowballoons and #suicideprevention the rest of the day I was all, “um, can I tweet about anything normal like MY VAGINA ever again?”

*Most people probably wouldn’t call that NORMAL, but then again, most people don’t have the absurd kind of assumed familiarity of calling themselves Aunt Becky on The Internet so really, who is to say what is normal in that instance?

*At least I don’t call myself “Mrs. Justin Beaver” because that would be creepy. He’s like 12 and with the exception of his flippy hair I DO NOT understand the appeal.

*Thank you to all who took the time to tweet, comment, or send love yesterday or today. Unlike most of the causes, suicide and depression are two of the ones that people ACTUALLY can feel the support and effects from the the effort. I got probably 20 messages from people (not spammers!) who had been affected by this and really appreciated people talking about it.

*It solidified even further my feeling that people are almost entirely good.

*My luck with scales, however, is almost entirely bad. Not like you’d imagine, though. Somehow I’ve managed to encounter two SEPARATELY broken scales that registered my weight at….(wait for it)….0.0 pounds.

*I’m pretty sure that makes me VERY skinny and I should probably gorge on donuts.

*Except that filthy scale lies because it also informed me that chubby Amelia weighs 0.0 pounds and according to my back, that is a LYING LIE.

*But 2 broken scales (one brand new!) would give me a complex if the top weight on the newest one wasn’t 400 pounds and I hadn’t recently been to a doctor to determine that I weighed NOWHERE NEAR 400 pounds.

*Do you guys REALLY want me to talk about dieting and the Diabetic Diet any more? I feel like kind of a stooge blogging about dieting, but when I read about OTHER bloggers dieting I get all inspired, so I’m ASKING you if that’s inspiring or interesting or if it makes you want to stab out your eardrums out of boredom.

(I can always make it a separate series of pages at the top, I guess.)

*Tomorrow I’ll have the page up for the votes for the camera contest (today will be the last day to enter).

*Solidifying my desire to move down south, I found an energy drink called “Whoop-Ass.” I require this to live and I cannot find it up here. I could ORDER it from The Internet, but it’s not the same, you see.

*I just want to be able to say, “Imma open up a can of (sugar-free) WHOOP-ASS on you!”

What’s randomly on YOUR mind today, Pranksters?

49 thoughts on “Because How Do You Follow Up A Post About Suicide?

  1. I think people would pay good money for a scale that says you weigh 0.0 lbs or kilos even. Auction them off and then give the money to the suicide hotline then everything will fit into place. Saw my first bone blister yesterday. How were you ever a nurse?? Scary stuff.

  2. Let ‘er rip, I say. The best homage to those no longer w/ us is to live life fully. As a token of respect for all lost this year, I’m going to have a piece of pie.

    O.K. fine. I’m gonna have a pie. That’s O.K. though, ‘cuz I’m gonna work out later today. O.K. I’m gonna take a nap, but that’s something, right? Right? (sigh) I’ll be going now.

  3. I vote for more anti-Justin Beaver! Seriously, the kid must have sold his soul to the devil. My girls LOVE HIM and I stupidly bought the evil-“Baby” song from itunes a month ago. It is on repeat all FING DAY! They beg for it. The 4yr old is going to “mawwy him” and plays “mommy-daddy” with their kids (4 babies and counting). The 19m old woke up this morning, ran for the ipod and cried “Baby Baby OHHHHH” until I turned it on – AGAIN!

    Poking sharp objects in my ears while I type this.

  4. I too find it inspiring when bloggers talk about diet and exercise. So even discounting the fact that this is your freakin’ blog and you can write whatever you want…I say go to it! (And you have never been boring.)

  5. Um, Justin Beaver is just a major PIA and he should go away, and his awful hairstyle too. I work in a high school, see, and these kids… they just TRY way too f-ing hard to look stupid like that. I mean, really? You want to look like you forgot to cut your hair for a year and then someone flushed you down the toilet and your hair stayed that way? Really? Ew. His music isn’t as awful as the way he looks, as long as you think that a girl is singing, which I did until I found out who Justin Beaver was. Doh!

    Random stuff on my mind today… My son is in love with the Glee video of Bad Romance. We are currently on the 973rd playing of said video. It’s good, really. But I’m about done with it now. And why does it have to be so ass hot that it hurts to be outside??

  6. R: Ridiculous amount of attention that Justin Bibshit gets
    A: Another Awesome post from Aunt Becky
    N: Nine – # of toes that got painted without any do-overs
    D: Diet updates are fine by me – keep me inspired, too, please
    O: OMG, there are only 5 days of school left
    M: Million – # of Wii bowling games Cenzo has played in the last week

    Ok, now I’m tired and need an energy drink. If I find some Whoop-Ass around here, I will ship it to you.

  7. My bewbs keep itching. I got in a tanning bed and they always make me itch. I know, it’s bad for you and I am going to get cancer, but it keeps me from having S.A.D from season changes and it makes me all brownish and less fat looking. That’s what’s on my mind. My itchy tatas.

  8. Luckily my son wants to look like Justin Beaver but couldn’t care less about his music.

    Today I am thinking my guts hurt and maybe I should go home sick and take a long nap.

    Also thinking “stealing gives you herpes” is really funny.

    1. It seems a better “don’t steal my crap” line than “don’t steal my crap,” right? I mean, I could be mad at the feed scrapers, or I could wish VD on them. VD wins every time.

  9. No diet blogs!! I’m finally at a healthy weight (after years of being underweight and food issues) and all diet blogs do is make me feel guilty about the choccy biscuit I had with my cuppa tea earlier! more bitching about the weird school mums please- that I can seriously relate (and contribute if the need called) to

  10. my wife is being a PIA about Arizona’s immigration law. On Sunday we’ll be at Four Corners, so I’m going to push her into the Arizona square and call the INS folks to have her deported.

  11. I may have ingested too much coffee this morning as I’m currently having trouble focusing and maybe even seeing spots. Am procrastinating, while at work, like nobody’s business. And, finally, I need gum.

    Diet posts are okay by me. I want the scale that reads 0.0.

    1. a friend of mine’s FB status said she made her coffee with red Bull instead of water… and now she sees sounds! Kinda makes me want to try it actually…

  12. I can’t stop craving corn dogs. Plus I think I could make a bazillion dollars if I designed a corn dog vibrator. What color should I paint my toes?

  13. Japan just won its first World Cup match outside of the 2002 WC that was held in Japan. So, awesome. And also, the World Cup should last way longer than one month. Two at the very least, I say.

  14. I’m excited today because after entering kabillions of blog giveaways, I finally won one today. Granted, there were 16 entries, but WHATEVER! I WON!

    Also, Justin Bieber needs to go back to wherever he came from. One of the best facebook groups I’ve ever seen was something like, “I used to be able to sing like Justin Bieber. . .but then I turned 4.” Hi-larious.

  15. 1. How do you follow up a post about suicide? Just like you just did.

    2. I lived in the South for 6 years. You’re not missing much and frankly, I don’t know if they’re ready for you. They certainly weren’t ready for this Jersey Girl/Yankee Bitch and I’m back to the motherland now ; )

  16. I am wondering how my file unzipped and who is going to kick my ass for sending them a 60MG file.

    And also wondering what they are calling me in their heads. I sent it to like 40 people. I know what I would be calling me. That kind of makes me laugh though.

  17. I’m going to start referring to my smart phone as a stupid phone because really…it has no common sense at all. If I have to tell it every little thing to do and not do, then it is a stupid phone, not a smart phone.

    Other than that nothing much is on my mind, which is probably good because I am in a testy mood for some reason.

  18. Going to weigh in on the diet blog issue (hee. hee.), not because said blogs are boring (Insert gushy sucking up here) but because we need to stop talking/thinking/obsessing about our weight and realize that every ounce of us is fucking awesome. And that goes for you too, Auntie.

      1. Why thank you! I may ROCK somewhat from time to time. I bet you do too. But my browser claims not to find your server so I can’t read your blog. I’m not giving up.

  19. they sell that here. I could be your supplier. kinda like a drug dealer. I wonder what the shipping charges are on a case of whoop-ass…

  20. if i want an all white room does this mean i am one step away from the sanatorium?

    i would like to see “one flew over the cuckoo’s nest” again.

    i miss jack nicholson. where has he been?

  21. I had a similar problem blogging today – wanted to write about making a fool of myself with a historian, but without sounding callous because he was writing about war and atrocities. Tough line to walk. I think we can all see the difference though – do resume your vaginaspeak.

  22. ok, aunt becky. i’ll just use your little website here for a little bitch about my mother in law, who i love.

    her father died via suicide 2 springs ago. we heard a suicide awareness ad on the radio and she called the company and complained. told them it was callus to talk about suicide on the radio, that it is hurting people.

    uh, hey woman. it’s there to help people. maybe if your father had heard the same ad he would have gotten some help before eating the sawed off shot gun.

    damn, we miss him.

    looking forward to hearing about vaginas soon.

  23. You are the cutest thing ever, with your sweet face and foul mouth. I think I just turned gay a little bit. I don’t like vaginas though. Too fussy.

  24. 1) Four days until vacation.
    2) Skinny jeans don’t fit.
    3) Kennel/puppy keeper is raping my bank account.
    4) Bacon flavored vodka is wrong…and so right.
    5) Alcohol infused whipped cream is assurance that I will die happy, plump and sticky.

    Blog about whatever you want dear. No judgement from those who truly love you.

  25. I think a vagina post is the way to go! I know suicide and depression is no joke…going threw some issues myself lately…my lovely and awesomely funny blog friends are what keeps me going a lot of days.

  26. 1. My Flex spending account is holding my money hostage. I’m going to have to call those fuckers and waste countless hours of my time on hold with my evil insurance company! I’m supposed to fax in a form, and they’re supposed to give me my money back. I did MY part!

    2. I’m finally down to a new tens place in my weight loss. This is exciting to me! I’ve lost 45 lbs since starting to lose weight at a very eye opening dr’s appt about 3 years ago where I basically stepped on a scale and went, “Oh shit I weigh HOW MUCH?” it’s been up and down since then, but over all trending down. My friend topomax has been responsible for a fairly steady 20 lb loss over the past 6 months, and I’m the smallest I’ve been since…probably college graduation in 2001. Still have about 55-60 more lbs to go, but I’m happy as long as I’m trending down.

  27. I saw a picture of Justin Beaver on the Interweb yesterday, and the first thought that went through my mind was, “Now why would Parker Posey go and get a shitty haircut like that?” Maybe it was just his facial expression or the fact that his mouth was open, but I really thought it was her, with a Dumb and Dumber haircut.

  28. And I’d love the diabetic diet. I’m not even diabetic. I love to read about diets. Not necessarily act on them. But it’s always good information to know. I just found your blog. (I’m slow). So, you’re always getting new readers! Can’t wait to pour myself a vodka tonic, send the kids over to the neighbor’s house to play and read your blog!

  29. I think cupcakes is a good way to follow up a suicidal blog. What better thing than cupcakes to come back from the dead for? Oh and Justin Bieber is the cutest booger EVER! He’s sixteen, not twelve. Okay, I just sounded like a complete and utter pedophile. I’ll stop now.

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