When I was a wee Aunt Becky, there were many things I’d desperately pleaded, begged and bargained for in the hopes that my slightly boring parents might pull through.

When the EZ Bake Oven came out, I wanted one so badly I could almost taste the tiny, yet delicious cakes I’d create all by myself! My parents, being the dull-as-toast sort, informed me that I could, at any time, use the REGULAR oven, therefore I did NOT require an EZ Bake Oven of my own. Of course, I was never actually allowed to use the oven to make cakes or anything else for that matter. With my propensity for bizarre injuries, who can blame them?

Another time, I begged for a bunny rabbit, only to have to sit through a lecture (complete with pictures) about how our dogs would kill my bunny. They weren’t wrong, but I could have done without the the graphic images of dead bunnies forever seared into my brain.

Although my parents had plenty of money, I never managed to convince them to buy tasty and delicious movie popcorn, either. They’d claim it was too expensive; too fattening. Instead, we’d bring our own refreshments into the theater, stuffed handily into my mother’s huge purse. I’d munch on boring tasteless air-popped popcorn while the smells of fake butter intoxicated, taunted me.

My requests for a pony on roller skates and a wee sub-machine gun for my hamster were flat-out denied.

When the new mall opened up in my hometown, I noticed they had an fabulous place unlike anything I’ve ever seen; a place where I could wear a classy boa or rhinestone cowboy hat. A place where I could get fancy portraits done. This place even boasted Soap Opera Mood Lighting.

Glamor Shots.

Swoon!

Even the NAME had “glamor” in it. I was hooked. I wanted MY portraits done. My parents are sleek oak, teak, and fine china people, and even then, I knew that bedazzling anything made it classier.

I begged. I pleaded. I wrote page after page of letters to my parents, outlining all of the reasons I should be allowed to have my Glamor Shots done. “Why don’t you have me take portraits?” my father asked. “Have your father take your picture,” my mother said. Considering that I had 8 million pictures taken of me by my father – not a single one including pancake makeup or anything bedazzled – that was not what I had in mind.

Shortly after, Glamor Shots closed. I’d still see the portraits around; my friends got THEIR portraits done because their parents weren’t dull as beige paint, but eventually, I gave up. I thought the chain had gone out of business.

When I found Glamor Shots on The Twitter a couple of months ago, it was as though the heavens opened up and smiled down upon me. I could still be a model…or just look like one! All this time, I’d thought the chain had gone under, donating their extensive boa collection to the drag clubs in the city. And yet, THERE THEY WERE. OH HAPPY DAY.

Quickly, I followed Glamor Shots and PRAISE BE, Glamor Shots followed me back.

Visions of Soap Opera Portraits swirled in my head now that I had a new-found friend on The Twitter.

Glamor Shots just unfollowed me on The Twitter.

My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. How could the very chain that I’d so badly wanted my Glamorous Soap Opera Portraits from UNFOLLOW me?

Generally, when people unfollow me on The Twitter, I ignore it.

(pointless aside: Nothing makes me quite as stabby as when someone thinks they’re “calling me out” on The Twitter. Like this one time after I tweeted about Alex calling SNOMG a “wizard,” I made a remark about liking the phrase, “The Undertoad.” No less than twenty people got all high-and-mighty because, “The Undertoad,” is a phrase from a book called ‘The World According To Garp’ and I had the audacity to tweet about The Undertoad without mentioning that it wasn’t my phrase. Um. Okay.)

The Twitter can be a little weird. I mean, I just splat out whatever’s in my head (which is kinda scary) in 140-characters (or less). Twitter = a microblog.

Like this:

gift-for-four-year-old-boy

gifts-for-four-year-old-boy

mutant-fish-chicago-river

blog-spam

I’ll give you that some of my tweets can be marginally offensive but so am I. I’ve ALWAYS been marginally offensive. This is nothing new. And being marginally offensive does NOT cancel out my desire to have a Sparkly Boa Mood Lighting Soap Opera Portrait done. Why would they smite me like that, Pranksters? How could Glamor Shots DO this to me?

All I wanted was to look like THIS guy for a day:

unicorn-glamor-shot

Sighs.

Maybe it’s time to track down Barbizon. There I can be a model…or just look like one.

————-

So dish, Pranksters. Does anyone else get their feelers hurt when they’re unfollowed on The Twitter? What DOES hurt your feelers?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

85 Responses to Be A Model….Or Just Look Like One!

  • Andie
    Twitter: lilmscreant
    says:

    Twitter rejection is a harsh mistress. I launched a campaign a while back to have Joel Plaskett re-follow me after he followed and fled on me. To no avail, I might mention.

    It’s true.. I had woken up to a notification that Joel plaskett was following me, but by the time I logged into my twitter account, he was gone. I felt so used.

    http://andiegoddessofpickles.blogspot.com/2010/12/all-i-want-for-christmas-is-to-be.html

  • Elly Lou says:

    I totally did The Glamor Shots when I was wee. I still cringe when I see them. Why I paid someone to wrap me in a metallic teal bow is still a mystery to me.

  • Anna says:

    Those god-damned barberry shrubs in my front yard hurt my feelers AND my body every damn day. Twitter is like junior high when it comes to following and unfollowing and that sort of sucks.

  • The Twitter gives me bad self-esteem sometimes. People follow = I get all happy. People UN-follow = I don’t know HOW to feel cuz I don’t know WHO THE FUZZY HELL it was that UN-followed. I wish there was a way to see who it was that left, then I would know if my feelings were hurt or not.

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream
    says:

    How dare they unfollow the magnificence that is you!

  • The Twitter hurts my Feelers often. When I @ someone and they never answer I shed a little tear. Cause I am a little bitch like that. But whatever. I also say whatever is in my head. I have been told Twitter is a dangerous place for someone with a brain like mine whatever that means. And how DARE anyone call you out for stupid shit! I have created words that have been used on TV shows you don’t see me becoming all high and mighty. And I am not sure how they end up on said TV shows. Maybe my house is bugged? Hmm.

    And I never got Glamor Shots either. And hell I was shocked they were still around.

  • Pam says:

    It doesn’t bother me one bit if someone unfollows me on Twitter. To me, Twitter is a bit overstimulating—visually…too many tweets for me to read before a hundredmillionthousand pop up again. I also don’t care if people unfriend me on facebook. But when I get unfollowed on my blog, I admit I do wonder why.

    My SIL loved Glamor Shots too and had a blast when she went! She would do it again in a skinny minute!

  • Skinny Dip says:

    Glamor Shots shouldn’t be unfollowing people. Soap Opera mood lighting is one of the first things people decide to without whenever the economy is bad. They need all the friends they can get right now!

  • Deanna says:

    Oh man, the UNDERTOAD. I remember that particular bit of Twitter nonsense. It doesn’t annoy me when people unfollow me (I tweet about my morning sickness and needing a BLT) but I’ll unfollow people who are mention-whores and try to get internet-famous people to respond to them. Y’all, Dooce is not going to reply back. Just move on.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Bwahahahahaha! That’s hilarious. Because it’s true.

      Also, yeah, remember the Undertoad? As though I said, “I MADE THIS UP, THE TWITTER, I AM SO CLEVER.”

      Last night, someone pointed out after I made a joke about dudes with bleach blond tips looking like q-tips, that the joke was something from Me, Myself and Irene. I’ve never seen the movie. I can come up with my own idears.

  • Manda says:

    O.M.G. Me and my best girlfriend, about a year ago, went on a hunt for a Glamor Shots because we, too, felt left out. We couldn’t find one that was a reasonable day trip. Also? We were afraid we would get kicked out for not taking it Seriously.

    Some of the old people on my facebook page have 20 year old Glamor Shots as their profile photos. Like, for real, not “look how silly I was”. Like they’re fooling anybody.

    P.S. I want to lick unicorn boy.

  • I am still trying to get over the shock that your parents didn’t buy you the EZ Bake Oven. I felt like it was an integral part of my childhood, along with my Strawberry Shortcake doll and Cabbage Patch Kids. I am truly sorry.

    I do not get my feelings hurt when people stop following me on Twitter because I am still trying to figure out how to make myself post more often. I’m sort of lame on twitter. I don’t know that I would follow me.

    You are very entertaining on Twitter. Keep tweeting.

    It does hurt my feelings when someone comments on my blog post to tell me that a bad mom, have a bad marriage, am ungrateful, am not cute (because that’s just weird to tell someone online,) etc. I’m getting better at thickening my skin and silently telling them to suck it, but geez people it’s my blog so be mean elsewhere.

    That unicorn photo scares me. Really scares me.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I’m used to being picked at, although it always hurts. No way around that. I can’t stand the people who smugly comment to point out my terrible grammar or misspellings. It makes me stabby.

  • I don’t care about being followed or un-followed because I’m too ADD to notice when the numbers change. A “friend” un-friended me on Facebook for something one of our mutual friends did, and I didn’t know it until the mutual friend told me about it some 8 months later. I fail at social media.

    My cousin had her senior portraits done at Glamour Shots. I thought she was sooo cool. And then when I was finally a senior there wasn’t a studio around with sparkly boas and wind machines! Very depressing.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      You know what hurt my feelers? A good friend – a really good one – put me on her “restricted access” FB page. I know that because she tagged me in a post and I couldn’t access it.

      Um.

      Okay.

  • Johi says:

    That man (manicorn) is actually my avatar for a site I follow. love.

  • VEG says:

    Here I thought I was the only person to call it The Twitter and The Facebook and The Interwebs. It makes me feel as though I might contain a scintilla of the awesomeness that is your blog and The Twitter feed. And I never check my follower numbers because I then want to stalk people who unfollow me and hand them a Troll Face picture asking “Why u unfollow? U no likey me?”

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Bwahahaha. I try not to take it personally especially if it’s someone I’ve known a long time. Clearly, Twitter unfollowed me WITHOUT them knowing it.

      Sighs.

  • I had a Soap Opera Mood Lighting Portrait done when I was 16. I had somehow managed to convince my parents that I NEEDED it. No idea how I did it. The big hair. Tons of make up. All that effort and I can’t find a single picture from that session.

  • Penbleth says:

    Internet feelers are more touchy than real feelers, I think. Then again some people are incredibly rude and personal online and I can’t imagine, or would hope, they aren’t like that in real life.

    I would only get my Twitter feelers hurt if it was someone who had followed me for a long time and with whom I had conversed, otherwise, no. I’m not as funny as I was since I was sick so I sort of expect it.

  • If By Yes says:

    You are clearly too glamorous for Glamor Shots.

  • Rebecca says:

    Just about everything hurts my feelings but what gets my panties all in a bunch and makes me feel like someone peed in my cheerios? Our care coordinator who said to me “I’ve seen worse cases than your son wait a lot longer for surgery” What?!?!!! That biotzh is goin’ down! (x-ray image somewhere on my blog…the field trip post)

  • andygirl says:

    I was 12 when my mom took me to get glamor shots. pretty sure it was her idea too. and those photos are so insanely inappropriate, CPS should have probably stepped in.

    and yet? I think you should still go get glamor shots done, even if the bastards unfollowed you on the twitter. bastards.

  • Rancher Mom says:

    Unicorn boy scares me a little as well, but I think it’s the chiffon hooves.
    When I was little I wanted little clothes for my hamsters, my parents gave me the look. They truly are dream-crushers aren’t they!?

  • Kathy says:

    Twitter h8.

    And when we do our epic road trip, I will TOTALLY Glamour Shot you. The best part of it is the “styling” that they do. It’s always fabulous!

  • aubrey says:

    I had Glamour Shots done at 16. My mother still has mine sitting on her desk at work! She does have my sisters up too but come on it’s been like 15 years!
    I get my feelers all hurt when someone is mad at me or talks crap about me and I can’t figure out what exactly I did to deserve it. Right now someone is hating me and I have NEVER met her! She is talking all sorts of crap. Which makes me want to punch her but she is getting her info from somewhere which means one of my “friends” isn’t really a friend and I can’t figure out who it is.
    I never had an ez bake oven either. We were clearly deprived! I wanted bunnies too..I just got told they smelled too bad.

  • Ina Jones says:

    I had my senior pics done at Glamor shots….I was awesomeness in my Blossom hat and boa!! My hubby found a pic in a shoe box shortly after we were married and carries it in his wallet so others can awe at how spiffy I am with soap opera lighting! At least my mother finally took my photo off the wall!!

  • Kelly says:

    I wanted all the glamour of Glamour Shots, too. I’m surprized my mom said no, it might have gotten me out of my “scary” black make-up for a day…

    I have had 2 of my husband’s family members and my cousin attack me on Facebook, and they have promptly gotten blocked. I could only imagine if they knew about my blog or Twitter.

  • Marian Allen
    Twitter: MarianAllen
    says:

    I never had Glamor Shots, but back in the day people came around the neighborhood with ponies and you could get your child’s picture taken on the back of that pony. So I have a picture of myself dressed as a wee cowgirl on the back of a pony. Neither of us, however, on roller skates.

    If I follow you on The Twitter, will you follow me back? @MarianAllen If you don’t, it won’t hurt my feelers. But I might put you in a story. Under another name. Sister Sue Wants A Pony On Roller Skates.

  • mumma boo says:

    I’ve got enough problems trying to remember to keep it clean on FB now that my son’s preschool teacher has friended me. I couldn’t imagine NOT offending someone if I got on the Twitter. Glamor Shots are clearly destined for obscurity now for their treatment of you. How dare they? Don’t they know about the purple unicorn t-shirt?

  • Dana says:

    The twitter hurts my feelers quite frequently – especially when someone who follows you and BB2G decides to unfollow me. Personally? I want and unfollower exit survey – a mandatory one – that would say:

    I unfollowed @Dana_Lu because:
    (a) She shows her boobies on #BoobieWed
    (b) She never talks to me
    (c) She is HIGHLY offensive
    (d) I just don’t know excellent tweeters so am an idiot for unfollowing

    Then I’ll know why I suck … or if it’s the other person who sucks!

  • Beth
    Twitter: star_momma
    says:

    I think the only time I’ve been offended by someone unfollowing me on Twitter is when it’s on my art/craft/promo account and it’s someone who I’ve chatted with a lot, know somewhat, and have promoted heavily for. I end up feeling like I just got used for some free RT’s to the couple thousand followers I have. It’s one of those things where I know logically that it’s silly to care, but it *does* bug me. Cuz I’m awesome and my stuff’s awesome, and they should be thrilled to know me virtually. So there! :P

  • triplezmom
    Twitter: triplezmom
    says:

    You know what hurts more than the Twitter? Burning your finger . . .until it blisters. . .on your EZ Bake oven. Well, kinda.
    But while Glamor Shots is missing a golden opportunity to have you become their spokesmodel, you have to remember it’s their loss. We should all be feeling sorr for them.

  • Melissa says:

    UGH – I got my feelers hurt in a big way on the Twitter (its also someone you follow so you may know the 411). I said something that was straight out of a movie, he became offended and stopped talking to me. I DM’d him how sorry I was even though I was kinda miffed about doing that as it really WASNT that big of a deal. I kept on tweeting back to him when he would tweet hoping he would just get the hell over it. Then one night I MAY have tweeted something slightly passive agressive. Then before he BLOCKED my ass he made sure he told everyone that I was stalking him. I was NOT! In fact I was kind of thinking what a douche he was for being so damn touchy. But I was still really embarrassed.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Dude, that SUCKS. I don’t know who you’re talking about but I HATE the fucking “stealing tweets” bullshit. Really? You think no one has thought of it before?

  • I don’t pay too much attention to when I get unfollowed. I guess I should. Twitter makes me feel like I’m shouting into a room full of noisy ass people and no one is listening.

    I’m all talking about my day and stuff… telling people funny crap like how I bit into a PB&J except it wasn’t a PB&J it was SALAMI. That was freaking funny. I mean, think about it, if YOU bit into a PB&J and it was actually Salami that would be FUNNY. But no one responds.

    I did realize that one person I literally had an entire twitter conversation with over the course of more than one day wasn’t even following me. And that made me feel sort of crappy. I feel like I’ve just revealed my twitter dork status.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      The most asinine tweets get all the replies. It’s like a blog. You work on one post and it’s awesome and perfect and you know, you’re in love with it. But then you post about like earwigs or something and you get a zillion replies.

      *shrugs*

  • Kadye says:

    My Senior pictures looked like I was a drunkhigh Farrah Fawcett with crooked glasses. For serious. So, I got Glamour Shots for ones to hand out to family. Boy do I love the powers of photoshop!

  • katrina says:

    I agree you are much too glamorous and awesome for Glamour Shots. You need something more like Extravagantly Sparkly Glamour Shots!!

    I don’t tweet, i have enough in my ‘real world’ to hurt my feelers.

  • Kristin says:

    Not the answer to your question but I never really wanted the glamor shots. Ok that’s a lie; I did but I would never admit it aloud. I was an ugly child and I was smart enough to know that if the GS came out bad, I would be devastated. But…as it turns out MY mother and my aunt had them done. I found these photos not too long ago and it was weird. There was my mom, all dolled up in sequins and satin and loads if makeup, smiling all sexy into the camera while she held the edge if the shirt collar up. Oh and the breeze in her hair. Weird, I tell ya.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not laughing at you, but at the mental image you gave me. It rules.

      (I’m sure you weren’t an ugly child. ALL kids feel ugly sometimes)

  • badbadwebbis says:

    The Twitter has no power to hurt MY feelers. *I* hurt The Twitter’s feelers on a DAILY BASIS by forgetting to use it for anything but Echo Bazaar.

    The Twitter is controlled by me and my fabulous mind, so I shall just instruct it to make anyone you please be your follower.

  • Erin says:

    I think your parents and my parents are boring twins separated at birth. They refused to buy me a cabbage patch kid or cereal that actually tasted good. I was allowed one candy bar per week as a treat, but the rest of the time it was bologna sandwiches and sliced apples. I CERTAINLY never had my glamour shot taken, although strangely, my mother did!

  • John says:

    Am I the only one who thinks we, The Twitterati, should gather up & start a collection to get Aunt Becky to get her Glamor Shots done?

    Is that Rufio in that picture?

    I’ll never understand being offended at being unfollowed or calling someone out for unfollowing…unless I’ve actually sat down & had a glass of wine with that someone, which is like a group of 12 followers, so it would never happen.

  • Louise says:

    Someone unfollowed me on The Twitter recently and I suspect it was due to my snarky comments re: The Bachelor. I had the audacity to say it was misogynistic. As if this is completely new information.

  • Robin Hillyer Miles says:

    The other day Twitter send me a massage that someone (I forget who) had followed me. This tweeter had 12K followers but only followed one person. ME. Weird. I figured they were trying to get followers so I didn’t follow them. Now I can’t remember their damn twitter name to see if they’ve unfollowed me yet. The bastards. It’s all a scam really. Except when it’s not.

    @rhillyermiles (we are followers … hugs!)

  • Sarah says:

    Twitter reminds me a lot of a high school cafeteria. Every one seems to be talking except me. And I only go there if I’m on a mission.

  • You know what hurts my feelers? People who pick on other people for comments. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen someone say something completely innocuous and 10 people jump all over them and then unfollow like it’s some sort of war. We have 140 characters, people, we shouldn’t have to explain ourselves for every little tweet. If our followers take the time to get to know us, they would know what kind of person we are.

    I try to get to know the people I follow. Yes, it’s hard to know hundreds of people, but I try. Everyone has a different purpose on the Twitters. But that purpose should never be to prove other people’s opinions wrong. Nor should it be to judge what people say by one little tweet.

    It doesn’t bother me if people unfollow me. If it’s someone I’m not that interested in, I unfollow. If it’s someone I like, I still follow them. It’s not worth getting upset about to me. I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve said. I thought the whole point of the Twitter was to splat out whatever was in our heads.

    *steps off soapbox*

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