One of the big things I was going to do this year, besides my normal To Do list which consists of “Survive,” was to start to pull myself out from behind the diaper pail and figure out who the hell I was now. Thanks to various circumstances, I’ve been kind of trapped in the house for one reason or another for the past three years.

While I haven’t reached Howard Hughes levels of creepiness by keeping my urine in jars, or growing out my finger nails to freakish lengths, it’s not been easy for me. I wasn’t cut out for this stay-at-home life style, and if I could figure out what it IS that I was good at besides, you know, being independently wealthy and shopping all the time, I’d do it.

Luckily, thanks to a stroke of mad genius and a couple of things that couldn’t have possibly been coincidence, I found something that I could do. I started to write, thanks to The Daver, who insisted that I start telling stories to people besides him. Probably because he wanted me to stop pulling him out of meetings to tell him about purchasing castles* in the area.

Then, I was contacted by Mr. Toy With Me out of the clear blue sky, who asked me if I’d like to come write for his site. Which, I mean, a sex column? Kind of the job I was born to do. I’m crass and gross and I always take stuff to 11.

I realized that while I waited for my book stuff to happen, I could do something else besides write on my blog. The Internet is ripe for the writing, I determined, with fist pumped to the sky, 2010 would be The Year Of My Empire.

And? It’s been a good year so far. I’ve managed to not only get out of the house, but I’ve gotten away from my children for two whole nights in another state. The downside is that now I want to permanently live in another state where it’s not always Ass Hot or Ass Cold.

Ah, California, all that I can’t leave behind.

I’ve also managed to get my hairs cut and a super-villain streak dyed into it. Which means that I’m also looking for a litter of puppies to make into a coat, but you know, that’s probably just fumes talking here. For me, this is huge.

Because I tend to put off being good to myself until I FEEL better about myself. It’s dumb because it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. I’m still carrying some baby weight, so I should punish myself for some reason, even though that’s not quite fair. I’m not exactly rolling in free time, and really, my sanity has been more important than my waistline.

Speaking of waistlines, I’ve been adjusting that, too. At least, I think I have. I threw out my scale, because after years of being on WW, I got tired of having my week dictated by a half a pound variance. But, I’ve been on the Spark People and using that. It’s free and it’s awesome because you can use your MEASUREMENTS rather than your LBS.

And? I dropped one pants size already and am about to drop another (thank you, Topamax, for making me never want to eat again).

Probably the weirdest thing that I’ve done this year is to become a business owner, which makes me feel like I should invest in some power suits and some accordion folders for all the important documents that I barely have. Also, I should boss my cats around more since my kids just look at me like I’m stupid.

Yesterday, though, Stage Two, wherein I get shaded! Tattoo You! Or Me!

Here is Stage 1 (the BEFORE picture):

Phoenix Tattoo 2

Here is after:

Tattoo YOU 1!

And another angle:

Tattoo You 2!

And lastly, this is what I call a Twitter Bait and Switch. What I tweeted was “Naked Lady Boobie Pictures.” The link gave you this picture.

Naked Lady Boobie Picture

And that, my friends, is not naked. I am barely a lady (unless you are being sarcastic). Also, I am not annoyed at all. I am bemused by my tattoo-ness.

But I am freshly inked and very, very happy. Also, very, very sore. I will get the color finished in 2 months or so and then? I want the OTHER side done. With…something.

So how are YOU doing on getting YOUR groove back, my gnomies?

*Yes, there are castles out here. No, I don’t live in one. But I am 100% sure I’d be cooler if I did.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

100 Responses to Aunt Becky Gets Her Groove Back: Clings To Former Vestiges Of Cool

  • Melanie says:

    Squee!! I love this ink on you. It’s absolutely perfect!!

  • Miss Grace says:

    I seriously love that tattoo. And you? You are the embodiment of cool, obvs.

  • ZOMG…LOVE. I just finished mine as well! We’re like…co-ordinated & shit.

    But I REALLY love yours!

  • Lauren says:

    I’m working on finding ME in the midst of the dirty diapers and tiny socks too. Holla!

  • You’re gorgeous.

    The tattoo is gorgeous.

  • Kadye says:

    Lord knows I’m not going to get my groove back until I f’ing graduate from college. Although I have no complaints about living a lifestyle where chips are a food group and caffeine is a way of life… it doesn’t make for a “happy body or mind”. Okay, so I guess that means I have one complaint. Damn you and your ability to pull the truth out of me.

    Anybutt, I’m on Spark People. I signed up about a year ago and I’ve never used it. I think it’s because I’m not really sure how to. I know there’s that step by step thing… but I’m too lazy to read how to do things. I just want someone to do it for me.

    Also, I fell prey to the ol’ bait and switch twitter photo. I suppose I’ll forgive you… this time…

    • Kadye says:

      Oh, PS – your tattoo = awesome. I don’t know why I forgot to put that in the original comment. I think it has something to do with the fact that needles make me want to vomit.

  • Donna says:

    Beautiful!! Go Aunt Becky!

  • amber says:

    That’s a gorgeous tattoo. I don’t think I could stand that much pain, which means you’re a stronger woman than me.

    Sparkpeople is full of the awesome, isn’t it? Much better than good old WW. Oh, and if you find my groove, could you send it on home, please? Nothing I do seems to tempt it back into its proper place.

  • toywithme says:

    You look so wise in your toque and glasses. You almost had me fooled for a minute. Love the ink, can’t wait to see it with color. That sucka must hurt like hell though.

  • Dana says:

    The tat really is emerging quite beautifully! And although I was in no way expecting “Naked Lady Boobie Pictures” when I clicked, I confess, I *did* click *hangs head in shame*

  • MK says:

    The year of Aunt Becky has arrived – and Hot Damn! It’s off to a good start.

    I hate the scale. In a big way.

  • amy d says:

    I TOTALLY fell for your “naked boobie pic” ploy yesterday on Twitter! And when the link opened I was really confused.

    Did she forget the boobie part?
    Did she send the wrong pic?

    And then, I realized I’d been had by Aunt Becky!

    Well played Bex, well played!

  • Lisa says:

    Getting my groove back is taking a lot of work. I think I am ready to start a “Grooveless Revolution”. But then again, starting a revolution seems like a lot of work too…

  • Chibi Jeebs says:

    Gorgeous! Love it (and you, of course). :)

  • Coco says:

    I just completed my alcohol treatment program. Sixty plus days sober.

    If THAT ain’t gettin’ my groove back, I don’t know what the hell is.

    P.S. The phoenix shading looks gorgeous. I’m jealous all over again.

    P.P.S. (heh) You’re NOT supposed to keep your urine in jars? Um. I’ll BRB.

  • Love the shading on the tat!

    I’ve decided for the time being to consider where I am a groove instead of a rut and go with it. Now I am going to go get my toilet cleaning groove on & then go tango with a mop for a bit.

  • MamaSkates says:

    the ink is bad ass!!!

  • Stephanie says:

    What a wonderful surprise on my birthday! Thank you Aunt Becky for the pic proving I’m not the only bad ass chick who can rock a beanie and sport some glasses

  • Nyx says:

    Lovely tat! :) I can’t wait until you get it all colored in – are you going with the original colors?

  • Tattoo looks awesome. But ouch! And yes, measurements are always better than scales, especially if you’re working out at all because muscle weighs more than fat.

    Congrats, girlfriend.

    Jayne

  • Jenn says:

    I love that tattoo. Almost makes me want to get one. Only I’m decidedly indecisive and if I got one I know that I would regret it in about 3 days and wish I had gotten XYZ instead.
    Anyway, I love YOUR tattoo and can’t wait to see it finished. :)

  • kbrients says:

    Love this post :) I am still buried in Ass cold and SNOW, SNOW, and more damn SNOW. Talk to me in three months when it is flooding!

  • Gorgeous. Makes me want to slice off the disgusting loose mess that used to be a sexy stomach tattoo and get something cool in it’s place. (Or, y’know, a different place where your body art isn’t subject to change.)

  • a says:

    Since my groove for today is the one where my husband calls me every 2 hours to pester me about doing something he is capable of doing himself, I’m totally looking for another groove.

    That tattoo still looks painful. Glad you’re still loving it!

  • Amy! says:

    That tattoo is AMAZING. I cannot wait to see it with color, even though I’d be half tempted to leave it shaded like that. Gorgeous.

    As for the getting my groove back, I’m really new to the area in which I live, and I’ve actually made progress making friends and getting out of my apartment! Yay exciting!

  • Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!!!!

    That is huge! It is also very beautiful. I don’t know how you sat for it, but you are obviously WAY hardcore.

    I wrestled with the post-baby lack of awesomeness too. It drifted back slowly. Now I am fully in charge of my awesomeness and my own bad attitude (which I love) and I feel more badass then ever. It only gets better with age.

  • Mystern says:

    I should get a tatt. I keep meaning to get one so I can feel 23 again. That’ll get my groove back. Right. I can’t believe I’m 23 and have already lost my groove.

  • MamaCas says:

    Groove? What is this “groove” of which you speak? I’ve been home with my kids for TEN years now and I’m not sure I’ve ever HAD a groove to begin with.

    Perhaps today will be the beginning of finding a groove? I’m beginning evaluations and treatment for my ADHD. Wish me luck!

  • Tracy says:

    That tattoo kicks serious ass. ***jealous***

  • Mrs Soup says:

    The shading looks gorgeous! Loves it!

    And dude, you need to get suit jackets with shoulder pads. That will totally mean you are a business owner.

    <3

  • GingerB says:

    Do I have a groove to get back? I think I am doing well to consider that I once had a groove at all, and watching you get yours. Myabe if I wore a beanie I would have a groove. Let me get back to you.

  • leanne says:

    In awe of the tattoo. Seriously.

    And still working on my groove. Just when I think I’m getting there, someone gets sick or I get slammed at work. And things go to hell for a little bit.

    I’m a work in progress…

  • Miss Spoken says:

    My cup is still half empty (but mostly because I drank the first half)

  • Minnie says:

    WOW, what a difference with the shading. Too cool!

  • Nancy C says:

    Okay, this sounds like fifteen different types of stalker, but I was thinking to myself JUST THIS MORNING, “I wonder if Aunt Becky has had more work done on her tattoo.”

    Swear to God.

  • Patty Punker says:

    your ink and super-villain streak are rad! can’t wait to see the tatt colored in. btw, we only have two temps here in philly, too: cold as balls and hot as balls.

  • Zakary says:

    I’m way proud of you. Disappointed that I didn’t get to see Naked Lady Boobies though.

  • Clair Jordan says:

    Holy Crap! How bad did that hurt? Hope you find your groove – if you do, let me know, maybe mine is hiding out there too.

    I’ve decided that the new year started with February this year cause January just blowed!!!!!!

    Good for you for getting out there and being Becky – not just Mom or Mrs The Davers Wife.

  • Clearly the reason that everyone wanted to click for “naked lady boobie pics” is because it is Aunt Becky, who is hawt.

    If it was me? Not so much. *SCARY!*

    Maybe part of getting your groove back was a strip-tease class. Which with your ink would be kick-ass. :)

  • Laura says:

    Yay for you!!! And yes, symmetry is everything.

    I am doing well, thank you. The blogging really keeps the old spirits up daily which is wonderful. I feel I have purpose other than cleaning the toilet.

  • Kristine says:

    I am finding the real me this year too, although for kind of depressing reasons. I have been considering a tattoo, but I think it might send everyone Iknow into complete shock, and while I know CPR and First Aid, I’m not sure I can handle them all falling at once.

  • Christina says:

    your tat is gorgeous! I’m salivating for more ink, but my husband says I have to be “responsible” and not spend “money”. Whatev.

  • Kelly says:

    I am so sick of winter, I could scream. Living in Iowa, we have the same climate as you. Fucking hot, and fucking cold. During a heat wave on Sunday, a whole 30 degrees, my Mea asked if she could ride her bike now, since it was summer again! Silly little girl, she also wanted to wear her flip flops.

    Love your ink, can’t wait to see the finished product!

  • Sam says:

    Your tattoo is awe inspiring. I love it! Good luck with unearthing the real you under the tons of baby wipes, school projects and general kid stuff. I am trying something similar, with less….determination (or direction) at this point. And I only work out because I consider it a free form of Prozac. (Which doesn’t mess up my mojo.) :)

  • Elizabeth says:

    You don’t happen to be a member of a message board that talks about jeans on a plane, doll hands and breastfeeding in public do you? Because that tattoo looks extremely familiar.

  • Melme says:

    I so know what you mean. I made the decision in December that I’m going to take more efforts to improve my well being. I’m dressing smarter, wearing [better] makeup and so far, feeling fantastic about myself.

    Love the tat! Gorgeous.

  • Wendi says:

    Well, I guess that’s slightly more cool than my temporary tattoo of a tooth I got at the pediatric dentist. But not by much.

  • Suzy Voices says:

    The tattoo looks beautiful! So glad that you’re getting your groove back!!!

  • Jennifer B says:

    Wow Aunt Becky, you’re so on a roll. I can’t wait to see what amazing things happen to you this year. I’m not sure how my year is going to go. My groove is sorta slow in getting back, but then, I don’t think I totally lost it. I don’t know. I just know I’m really tired. I think I’ll work on finding my groove while napping. Peace out. :)

  • Wow! You vixen…you don’t look like you have a tatoo like that on your back!! I love it. Someday I will get a TAT..Someday.

    Sadie at heyMamas

  • I totally have to get a tattoo this year, I have one and have been meaning to get another forfeakingever – one thats more me. and just havent. so you just spurred me on… Now the only problem is what? And where? I’m thinking my wrist…. So I’m back to what…

    Oh. I’m rambling in your comment section.

  • Andrea says:

    Beautifully inked! I’m going in for my fourth tattoo this month — so excited! And addicted.

  • Mad Woman says:

    I’m slowly shedding the poundage and getting my life back. And thinking of my own ink design that I can add to the canvas after I’ve lost the pounds.

  • Titanium says:

    This week, I’m setting ‘me’ aside in favor of helping my sister get HER groove back.

    Mine ‘groove’ is dedicated to my sister, today. A candle in the window of life.

  • Rebecca says:

    I think that you should probably get a tattoo of a baby bottle, or maybe a boob (you did breastfeed, right?) to symbolize the years you spent feeding your crotch fruit! Maybe some cherries around your crotch to symbolize the cherry that you once had……

  • I never had a groove. So I’m trying to find the first one. It’s not going well.

  • Elly Lou says:

    Seriously, how much xanax do you have to take to get through that? My tattoo is smaller than a silver dollar and I’m still too chicken to get another. Summabitch you are so bad ass.

  • Ms. Moon says:

    I was just thinking about that awesome tattoo of yours yesterday. I am SO proud of you for all your accomplishments. You are making it happen!

  • Krissa says:

    The pain in the ass is getting the husband to sign off on the castle idea and then when you move in and keep losing each other in there, they get all cranky again. At least that’s been my experience with castles…

  • bashtree says:

    Awesome. Progress! And *colorful* progress. sweeeeeeeet

  • I am not doing very well at all getting back my groove! In fact, I emailed you about this very thing before I saw your post.

    Your tat looks great!

  • MinD says:

    That tattoo is so very beautiful. It looks awesome shaded in.

  • Angie says:

    “Vestiges”, Aunt Becky, dear. Vestiges.
    But enough with the copy-editing nitpicking: thank you again for a wonderful read.
    Love,
    Eat Here

  • SciFi Dad says:

    That is some fine ink work. If you let your eyes relax you can totally see the man in a rowboat.

  • Like the ink…although I always thought you had your groove on. After I had my wee one, I went to the makeover king Jose Cowboy-Hat-Asshole-Bitch-Slap Eber. He told me I was going to leave looking like Kim Basinger. He then proceeded to give me a poodle dog perm and dye my hair orange. DAAAMMMNNN, I should have gotten inked!

  • Quiet Dreams says:

    It looks amazing! I have tattoo-envy…

  • moonspun says:

    The tattoo looks great! Me? I am slogging through this graduate school thing…getting my advanced degree groove on…

  • Alex says:

    Hmmmmm…. getting my groove back. I try all of the time to groove out with the kids around but they tell me to stop. Who knew that a three and four year old would care about their mother dancing around in the laundry room?

    Just trying to breathe. I find that when I breathe, I actually have oxygen, which allows me to move and groove.

    Sure would like to rock a pair of jeans, though. Might have to go check that spark people shit out.

    Nice tattoo- I’m too afraid of my own wishy washyness to ever put anything permanent on myself.

  • Tara says:

    WOW! Your 2010 sounds awesome already…a business owner and newly tattooed (two mutually exclusive of course). I need to catch up!

  • Wicked Shawn says:

    I love this post. It is full of things you can never get too much of: hats (twitter bait and switch pic), self affirming acts (waistline shrinkage), groove getting. Way to get wicked with your bad self. Respectable ink, too girl. Can’t wait to see the next step.

  • mrs ellenoy says:

    I don’t think that a grad student with two children is permitted to have a groove. When your day is made better because you have had a Dissertation Idea, you are in a sad state.

    Thus, no groove. Unless you count wearing new motorcycle boots to teach in because they need to be broken in. Maybe that’s a bit groovetastic. Although I’ll bet it’s cancelled out by the Diss.

  • I’m 30 pounds lighter than I was in October. Not bad for a midwestern winter. Only 80-90 more to go…

  • I am getting my groove back by agreeing to be my husband’s retirement plan…

    This is how he refers to me going to med school… He figures once I’m a doctor I can support HIM for a change… heh.

  • Vinomom says:

    I’m not into the ink but I have to say I’m very impressed by the tattoo – it is quite beautiful. Keep groovin’ Aunt Becky.

  • Holy shit…I am getting more inked up on saturday! Rock on!

  • dr yogurtry says:

    With a tatoo like that? Who needs a castle?

  • dr yogurtry says:

    Oh, and your guest post on cheeseburger crotches? rocked.

  • Rachael says:

    My son is 3.5 and I’m getting into having a life of my own as well as being a mom. Of course, I’m expecting another little one in May, so hopefully it won’t all go out the window! One of the ways I got my groove back was finding a way to earn a (very little) bit of money writing online. I ghostwrite articles and it gives me a chance to exercise my brain and create something!

    BTW, that tattoo is GORGEOUS! I don’t have any that big, but it kind of makes me want one!

  • MLorraine says:

    There’s something about an awesome tattoo which dictates that I call it “sick”. Sick tat, yo. Looking.. sicker, by the day. Yeah. That.

    I keep waffling on whether or not to expand on my own tattoo.
    Seeee? http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v182/202/74/1514220135/n1514220135_30139976_60.jpg

    I’m sorely tempted to rock a full backpiece with knotwork going everywheeeere, coming out symmetrically from around the knot I already have. I’m deliberately sitting on the idea for a good long while since I’m unsure.

  • Awesome tattoo! I still wanna do it. Maybe that will help me get my groove back.

  • Lovin’ that tat. I must get more ink… and post the pics of what I’ve got.
    I *heart* SparkPeople, just bought The Spark (haven’t read it yet, but next week looks promising.)
    Find me in that world and we can be each other’s kick-in-the-ass/cheerleader. Just look for Poosemommy!

    That goes for any other SparkPeople too!

  • Cara says:

    The tat looks great. I can’t wait to see the finished product…and what you decide to get on the other side.

  • Sabreena says:

    I too need to find my lost groove. I would love to go back to school but the boys aren’t old enough. It’s funny how the longer you stay out the more you forget what you were good at in the first place. I swear, 3 years easily erased 15. I think once my kids become independant and I can use your brain again it will all magically come back.

    The tatt looks awsome, it’s coming along great. I am super excited to see it with color. I have been sanctioned to find something for my husband to put on his leg and all I can think of is a diaper. I think I’ll keep that suggestion to myself.

  • Dot says:

    Huge tattoo — you’re either very brave or very numb. ;-) It’s beautifully done. Glad to hear you’re getting your Stella back.

  • That tattoo is made of the hotness!

  • Mwa says:

    Aunt Becky, I love you! And you are getting your groove back in the most awesomest way.

    I am getting my groove back by being pregnant again, and being sick and … WTF? No, I don’t have a plan just now.

  • Kate says:

    I fracking love Spark People. A couple months there and I dropped 15 pounds. SO NICE TO HAVE A FREE SITE THAT ISNT BULLSHIT. kinda like Aunt Becky. The laughs are free (but she’s charges with tears for the advice).

  • Gorgeous.

    I was just working on a 101 in 1001 list today, where I put my own inky plans down.

    Spark People. Interesting… I’ve been using Fitday, but I will have to check out Spark Poeople.

  • Cat says:

    Wow, you phrased that in a way that really hit me- I’m the same way, I “punish” myself for being overweight by not going out, not taking risks…
    Love the tat!

  • Baby is 11 months old, though I’m 3 years into stay-at-home if you count migraine-based disability. And I am nowhere NEAR getting my groove back at this point, so it’s beyond therapeutic to read about your successes.

    Though why did I manage to have every Topamax site effect EXCEPT the weight loss? Highly unfair.

  • Kendra says:

    The tattoo is spectacular. Totally one-of-a-kind, as are you.

    My groove? Lost somewhere in the swamps from “A Neverending Story” where the horse died. Remember that? Scared me so much, and I cried and cried. Anyway, that may be where my groove is hiding. On the other hand, if anyone ever says to me, “Come on, you use to be cool,” I’ll know they don’t really know me, because no, I wasn’t. But maybe this will be my chance to “grow into myself.” Right? Maybe?

  • trish says:

    So will 2011 be The Year Aunt Becky Rules the World? :)

    Totally love you. Glad things are going well! I love following your success.

  • mumma boo says:

    Love that ink! I could never do it, so I now officially have tattoo envy.

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