One of the big things I was going to do this year, besides my normal To Do list which consists of “Survive,” was to start to pull myself out from behind the diaper pail and figure out who the hell I was now. Thanks to various circumstances, I’ve been kind of trapped in the house for one reason or another for the past three years.

While I haven’t reached Howard Hughes levels of creepiness by keeping my urine in jars, or growing out my finger nails to freakish lengths, it’s not been easy for me. I wasn’t cut out for this stay-at-home life style, and if I could figure out what it IS that I was good at besides, you know, being independently wealthy and shopping all the time, I’d do it.

Luckily, thanks to a stroke of mad genius and a couple of things that couldn’t have possibly been coincidence, I found something that I could do. I started to write, thanks to The Daver, who insisted that I start telling stories to people besides him. Probably because he wanted me to stop pulling him out of meetings to tell him about purchasing castles* in the area.

Then, I was contacted by Mr. Toy With Me out of the clear blue sky, who asked me if I’d like to come write for his site. Which, I mean, a sex column? Kind of the job I was born to do. I’m crass and gross and I always take stuff to 11.

I realized that while I waited for my book stuff to happen, I could do something else besides write on my blog. The Internet is ripe for the writing, I determined, with fist pumped to the sky, 2010 would be The Year Of My Empire.

And? It’s been a good year so far. I’ve managed to not only get out of the house, but I’ve gotten away from my children for two whole nights in another state. The downside is that now I want to permanently live in another state where it’s not always Ass Hot or Ass Cold.

Ah, California, all that I can’t leave behind.

I’ve also managed to get my hairs cut and a super-villain streak dyed into it. Which means that I’m also looking for a litter of puppies to make into a coat, but you know, that’s probably just fumes talking here. For me, this is huge.

Because I tend to put off being good to myself until I FEEL better about myself. It’s dumb because it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. I’m still carrying some baby weight, so I should punish myself for some reason, even though that’s not quite fair. I’m not exactly rolling in free time, and really, my sanity has been more important than my waistline.

Speaking of waistlines, I’ve been adjusting that, too. At least, I think I have. I threw out my scale, because after years of being on WW, I got tired of having my week dictated by a half a pound variance. But, I’ve been on the Spark People and using that. It’s free and it’s awesome because you can use your MEASUREMENTS rather than your LBS.

And? I dropped one pants size already and am about to drop another (thank you, Topamax, for making me never want to eat again).

Probably the weirdest thing that I’ve done this year is to become a business owner, which makes me feel like I should invest in some power suits and some accordion folders for all the important documents that I barely have. Also, I should boss my cats around more since my kids just look at me like I’m stupid.

Yesterday, though, Stage Two, wherein I get shaded! Tattoo You! Or Me!

Here is Stage 1 (the BEFORE picture):

Phoenix Tattoo 2

Here is after:

Tattoo YOU 1!

And another angle:

Tattoo You 2!

And lastly, this is what I call a Twitter Bait and Switch. What I tweeted was “Naked Lady Boobie Pictures.” The link gave you this picture.

Naked Lady Boobie Picture

And that, my friends, is not naked. I am barely a lady (unless you are being sarcastic). Also, I am not annoyed at all. I am bemused by my tattoo-ness.

But I am freshly inked and very, very happy. Also, very, very sore. I will get the color finished in 2 months or so and then? I want the OTHER side done. With…something.

So how are YOU doing on getting YOUR groove back, my gnomies?

*Yes, there are castles out here. No, I don’t live in one. But I am 100% sure I’d be cooler if I did.

100 thoughts on “Aunt Becky Gets Her Groove Back: Clings To Former Vestiges Of Cool

  1. Lord knows I’m not going to get my groove back until I f’ing graduate from college. Although I have no complaints about living a lifestyle where chips are a food group and caffeine is a way of life… it doesn’t make for a “happy body or mind”. Okay, so I guess that means I have one complaint. Damn you and your ability to pull the truth out of me.

    Anybutt, I’m on Spark People. I signed up about a year ago and I’ve never used it. I think it’s because I’m not really sure how to. I know there’s that step by step thing… but I’m too lazy to read how to do things. I just want someone to do it for me.

    Also, I fell prey to the ol’ bait and switch twitter photo. I suppose I’ll forgive you… this time…

    1. Oh, PS – your tattoo = awesome. I don’t know why I forgot to put that in the original comment. I think it has something to do with the fact that needles make me want to vomit.

  2. That’s a gorgeous tattoo. I don’t think I could stand that much pain, which means you’re a stronger woman than me.

    Sparkpeople is full of the awesome, isn’t it? Much better than good old WW. Oh, and if you find my groove, could you send it on home, please? Nothing I do seems to tempt it back into its proper place.

  3. You look so wise in your toque and glasses. You almost had me fooled for a minute. Love the ink, can’t wait to see it with color. That sucka must hurt like hell though.

  4. The tat really is emerging quite beautifully! And although I was in no way expecting “Naked Lady Boobie Pictures” when I clicked, I confess, I *did* click *hangs head in shame*

  5. I TOTALLY fell for your “naked boobie pic” ploy yesterday on Twitter! And when the link opened I was really confused.

    Did she forget the boobie part?
    Did she send the wrong pic?

    And then, I realized I’d been had by Aunt Becky!

    Well played Bex, well played!

  6. Getting my groove back is taking a lot of work. I think I am ready to start a “Grooveless Revolution”. But then again, starting a revolution seems like a lot of work too…

  7. I just completed my alcohol treatment program. Sixty plus days sober.

    If THAT ain’t gettin’ my groove back, I don’t know what the hell is.

    P.S. The phoenix shading looks gorgeous. I’m jealous all over again.

    P.P.S. (heh) You’re NOT supposed to keep your urine in jars? Um. I’ll BRB.

  8. Love the shading on the tat!

    I’ve decided for the time being to consider where I am a groove instead of a rut and go with it. Now I am going to go get my toilet cleaning groove on & then go tango with a mop for a bit.

  9. What a wonderful surprise on my birthday! Thank you Aunt Becky for the pic proving I’m not the only bad ass chick who can rock a beanie and sport some glasses

  10. Tattoo looks awesome. But ouch! And yes, measurements are always better than scales, especially if you’re working out at all because muscle weighs more than fat.

    Congrats, girlfriend.


  11. I love that tattoo. Almost makes me want to get one. Only I’m decidedly indecisive and if I got one I know that I would regret it in about 3 days and wish I had gotten XYZ instead.
    Anyway, I love YOUR tattoo and can’t wait to see it finished. 🙂

  12. Gorgeous. Makes me want to slice off the disgusting loose mess that used to be a sexy stomach tattoo and get something cool in it’s place. (Or, y’know, a different place where your body art isn’t subject to change.)

  13. Since my groove for today is the one where my husband calls me every 2 hours to pester me about doing something he is capable of doing himself, I’m totally looking for another groove.

    That tattoo still looks painful. Glad you’re still loving it!

  14. That tattoo is AMAZING. I cannot wait to see it with color, even though I’d be half tempted to leave it shaded like that. Gorgeous.

    As for the getting my groove back, I’m really new to the area in which I live, and I’ve actually made progress making friends and getting out of my apartment! Yay exciting!

  15. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!!!!

    That is huge! It is also very beautiful. I don’t know how you sat for it, but you are obviously WAY hardcore.

    I wrestled with the post-baby lack of awesomeness too. It drifted back slowly. Now I am fully in charge of my awesomeness and my own bad attitude (which I love) and I feel more badass then ever. It only gets better with age.

  16. I should get a tatt. I keep meaning to get one so I can feel 23 again. That’ll get my groove back. Right. I can’t believe I’m 23 and have already lost my groove.

  17. Groove? What is this “groove” of which you speak? I’ve been home with my kids for TEN years now and I’m not sure I’ve ever HAD a groove to begin with.

    Perhaps today will be the beginning of finding a groove? I’m beginning evaluations and treatment for my ADHD. Wish me luck!

  18. Do I have a groove to get back? I think I am doing well to consider that I once had a groove at all, and watching you get yours. Myabe if I wore a beanie I would have a groove. Let me get back to you.

  19. In awe of the tattoo. Seriously.

    And still working on my groove. Just when I think I’m getting there, someone gets sick or I get slammed at work. And things go to hell for a little bit.

    I’m a work in progress…

  20. Okay, this sounds like fifteen different types of stalker, but I was thinking to myself JUST THIS MORNING, “I wonder if Aunt Becky has had more work done on her tattoo.”

    Swear to God.

  21. Holy Crap! How bad did that hurt? Hope you find your groove – if you do, let me know, maybe mine is hiding out there too.

    I’ve decided that the new year started with February this year cause January just blowed!!!!!!

    Good for you for getting out there and being Becky – not just Mom or Mrs The Davers Wife.

  22. Clearly the reason that everyone wanted to click for “naked lady boobie pics” is because it is Aunt Becky, who is hawt.

    If it was me? Not so much. *SCARY!*

    Maybe part of getting your groove back was a strip-tease class. Which with your ink would be kick-ass. 🙂

  23. Yay for you!!! And yes, symmetry is everything.

    I am doing well, thank you. The blogging really keeps the old spirits up daily which is wonderful. I feel I have purpose other than cleaning the toilet.

  24. I am finding the real me this year too, although for kind of depressing reasons. I have been considering a tattoo, but I think it might send everyone Iknow into complete shock, and while I know CPR and First Aid, I’m not sure I can handle them all falling at once.

  25. your tat is gorgeous! I’m salivating for more ink, but my husband says I have to be “responsible” and not spend “money”. Whatev.

  26. I am so sick of winter, I could scream. Living in Iowa, we have the same climate as you. Fucking hot, and fucking cold. During a heat wave on Sunday, a whole 30 degrees, my Mea asked if she could ride her bike now, since it was summer again! Silly little girl, she also wanted to wear her flip flops.

    Love your ink, can’t wait to see the finished product!

  27. Your tattoo is awe inspiring. I love it! Good luck with unearthing the real you under the tons of baby wipes, school projects and general kid stuff. I am trying something similar, with less….determination (or direction) at this point. And I only work out because I consider it a free form of Prozac. (Which doesn’t mess up my mojo.) 🙂

  28. You don’t happen to be a member of a message board that talks about jeans on a plane, doll hands and breastfeeding in public do you? Because that tattoo looks extremely familiar.

  29. I so know what you mean. I made the decision in December that I’m going to take more efforts to improve my well being. I’m dressing smarter, wearing [better] makeup and so far, feeling fantastic about myself.

    Love the tat! Gorgeous.

  30. Wow Aunt Becky, you’re so on a roll. I can’t wait to see what amazing things happen to you this year. I’m not sure how my year is going to go. My groove is sorta slow in getting back, but then, I don’t think I totally lost it. I don’t know. I just know I’m really tired. I think I’ll work on finding my groove while napping. Peace out. 🙂

  31. I totally have to get a tattoo this year, I have one and have been meaning to get another forfeakingever – one thats more me. and just havent. so you just spurred me on… Now the only problem is what? And where? I’m thinking my wrist…. So I’m back to what…

    Oh. I’m rambling in your comment section.

  32. I think that you should probably get a tattoo of a baby bottle, or maybe a boob (you did breastfeed, right?) to symbolize the years you spent feeding your crotch fruit! Maybe some cherries around your crotch to symbolize the cherry that you once had……

  33. Seriously, how much xanax do you have to take to get through that? My tattoo is smaller than a silver dollar and I’m still too chicken to get another. Summabitch you are so bad ass.

  34. The pain in the ass is getting the husband to sign off on the castle idea and then when you move in and keep losing each other in there, they get all cranky again. At least that’s been my experience with castles…

  35. Like the ink…although I always thought you had your groove on. After I had my wee one, I went to the makeover king Jose Cowboy-Hat-Asshole-Bitch-Slap Eber. He told me I was going to leave looking like Kim Basinger. He then proceeded to give me a poodle dog perm and dye my hair orange. DAAAMMMNNN, I should have gotten inked!

  36. Hmmmmm…. getting my groove back. I try all of the time to groove out with the kids around but they tell me to stop. Who knew that a three and four year old would care about their mother dancing around in the laundry room?

    Just trying to breathe. I find that when I breathe, I actually have oxygen, which allows me to move and groove.

    Sure would like to rock a pair of jeans, though. Might have to go check that spark people shit out.

    Nice tattoo- I’m too afraid of my own wishy washyness to ever put anything permanent on myself.

  37. I love this post. It is full of things you can never get too much of: hats (twitter bait and switch pic), self affirming acts (waistline shrinkage), groove getting. Way to get wicked with your bad self. Respectable ink, too girl. Can’t wait to see the next step.

  38. I don’t think that a grad student with two children is permitted to have a groove. When your day is made better because you have had a Dissertation Idea, you are in a sad state.

    Thus, no groove. Unless you count wearing new motorcycle boots to teach in because they need to be broken in. Maybe that’s a bit groovetastic. Although I’ll bet it’s cancelled out by the Diss.

  39. I am getting my groove back by agreeing to be my husband’s retirement plan…

    This is how he refers to me going to med school… He figures once I’m a doctor I can support HIM for a change… heh.

  40. My son is 3.5 and I’m getting into having a life of my own as well as being a mom. Of course, I’m expecting another little one in May, so hopefully it won’t all go out the window! One of the ways I got my groove back was finding a way to earn a (very little) bit of money writing online. I ghostwrite articles and it gives me a chance to exercise my brain and create something!

    BTW, that tattoo is GORGEOUS! I don’t have any that big, but it kind of makes me want one!

  41. There’s something about an awesome tattoo which dictates that I call it “sick”. Sick tat, yo. Looking.. sicker, by the day. Yeah. That.

    I keep waffling on whether or not to expand on my own tattoo.

    I’m sorely tempted to rock a full backpiece with knotwork going everywheeeere, coming out symmetrically from around the knot I already have. I’m deliberately sitting on the idea for a good long while since I’m unsure.

  42. Lovin’ that tat. I must get more ink… and post the pics of what I’ve got.
    I *heart* SparkPeople, just bought The Spark (haven’t read it yet, but next week looks promising.)
    Find me in that world and we can be each other’s kick-in-the-ass/cheerleader. Just look for Poosemommy!

    That goes for any other SparkPeople too!

  43. I too need to find my lost groove. I would love to go back to school but the boys aren’t old enough. It’s funny how the longer you stay out the more you forget what you were good at in the first place. I swear, 3 years easily erased 15. I think once my kids become independant and I can use your brain again it will all magically come back.

    The tatt looks awsome, it’s coming along great. I am super excited to see it with color. I have been sanctioned to find something for my husband to put on his leg and all I can think of is a diaper. I think I’ll keep that suggestion to myself.

  44. Aunt Becky, I love you! And you are getting your groove back in the most awesomest way.

    I am getting my groove back by being pregnant again, and being sick and … WTF? No, I don’t have a plan just now.

  45. I fracking love Spark People. A couple months there and I dropped 15 pounds. SO NICE TO HAVE A FREE SITE THAT ISNT BULLSHIT. kinda like Aunt Becky. The laughs are free (but she’s charges with tears for the advice).

  46. Gorgeous.

    I was just working on a 101 in 1001 list today, where I put my own inky plans down.

    Spark People. Interesting… I’ve been using Fitday, but I will have to check out Spark Poeople.

  47. Wow, you phrased that in a way that really hit me- I’m the same way, I “punish” myself for being overweight by not going out, not taking risks…
    Love the tat!

  48. Baby is 11 months old, though I’m 3 years into stay-at-home if you count migraine-based disability. And I am nowhere NEAR getting my groove back at this point, so it’s beyond therapeutic to read about your successes.

    Though why did I manage to have every Topamax site effect EXCEPT the weight loss? Highly unfair.

  49. The tattoo is spectacular. Totally one-of-a-kind, as are you.

    My groove? Lost somewhere in the swamps from “A Neverending Story” where the horse died. Remember that? Scared me so much, and I cried and cried. Anyway, that may be where my groove is hiding. On the other hand, if anyone ever says to me, “Come on, you use to be cool,” I’ll know they don’t really know me, because no, I wasn’t. But maybe this will be my chance to “grow into myself.” Right? Maybe?

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