The God Britney postured that there were two types of people in the world:

1) the ones that entertained

and

2) the ones that observed

but I’m adding another one.

What about those who are not clever enough to come up with their own costume for Halloween so that they’re merely forced to turn into someone else? Because I am not.

I’ll never be smart enough to put a bunch of pictures of Dick Cheney in a box so that I can be “Dicks in a Box.”

You won’t catch me dressing as a giant tampon or a smurf or an olive or any of the awesome things that you guys had dressed up as for Halloween in years past.

Instead, you’ll catch me painting on bruises and black-eyes, drinking can after can of PBR teasing my hair into a huge cloud and beating a doll (a stand-in for a child), ass cheeks hanging out of short-shorts, going as white trash.

(I am very classy)

The year I was pregnant with Alex, I wanted to get a pink wig and go as Britney and Kevin, but Dave wouldn’t play along. Party pooper.

But this year, I decided to do something different, and as reward for voting for me for this:

I am showing you pictures.

Also, if you haven’t voted, vote, yo.

PLEASE? THINK OF THE CHILDREN, INTERNET, THINK OF THE CHILDREN AND THE SCADS OF HUMILIATING PICTURES YOU CAN THEN COAX OUT OF ME IN EXCHANGE FOR VOTING. Go ahead, BLACKMAIL ME.

This is Your Aunt Becky as (aunt) Becky From The Block. A good portion of the party had no idea I was dressed up.

Humilate Me 1

Come on, baby blue EYELINER? How was anyone going to believe that I was serious?

Humilate Me 2


Humilate Me 4

Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, Internet, I’m still, I’m still (aunt) Becky from the Block. I know the heart wreath behind me may say otherwise, it may say “Aunt Becky is Country Chic” but don’t be fooled. Also, that is not my house. And no, you cannot borrow my sweet ass eyeliner.

—————–

On a TOTALLY unrelated note, I am spreading my writing wings and FLYYYYYING, so if anyone knows someone who needs an Aunt Becky to write for them, drop me an email to becky@dwink.net.

Comments

comments

113 thoughts on “(aunt) Becky From The Block

  1. Embarrassing??? You actually look pretty damn good! Like, as in “you are only a year younger than I am you whore have the decency to look old enough to buy cigarettes, would you?” good. I may have to stop liking you now.

  2. whats up, chica?!

    you look all chola-ish with your blue eyeliner and hoop earrings. LMAO

    ooh and when are you guest posting for me?

  3. I don’t know what to say that carefully toes the line between offensive to those from said block and truly expressing my horrified disapproval.

  4. The glare…it burns my eyes!!! I can’t decide if it’s the shine from the lips or the glare of the blue eyeliner (which I totally need to borrow)!

    Actually, you look hot. But I would never have gotten it either.

  5. Look, daddy. Teacher says every time a coochie’s eyeliner twinkles and angel gets its wings!

    Also you and the Daver need a tabloid-friendly amalgam name, like Benifer or Bradjolina or Gyllenspoon.
    Aunt Daver? ky?

  6. Oh so hot!!! – Next thing you know that Paparazzi will be hanging outside your door and Perez Hilton will be drawing phallic images on your face.

  7. I had a pregnant friend go as Britney a few years back (circa Jaden I think).

    Now Jenny from the Block is stuck in my head. Except it keeps turning into Independent Women at the chorus. My brain is mashin’ it up, Glee style.

  8. What you needed there was brown lipstick and gallons of Imposters perfume. Then it would have been totally obvious – at least to me – that you were (Aunt) Becky from the Block.

  9. You look so pretty and all, I’d have no idea whatsoever that you were doing a Halloween thing. See, when I go out, any day of the year, people think I’M still wearing a Halloween costume. When, sadly, it’s just me. Just the way that I am. Scary. Oh well. At least I don’t frighten my kids…yet.

  10. becks, i am SO GLAD you’re not LAME like those ASSHATS also in the top 3 for hottest mommy blogger that don’t even have a SINGLE PICTURE of themselves on the web.

    and one of them isn’t even a MOMMY for christ’s sake.

    i’ve already voted for you, but as a show of good faith i will vote a SECOND TIME! 🙂

    ken

  11. Hot stuff!

    A friend loaned me her Halloween costume from last year. A nun’s habit. But ya know, at 7.5 months (I was nearly 34 weeks on Halloween), I’m carrying small. I’d have just looked like a chubby nun. And that’s just not so funny. :-/

  12. haha i used to dress just like that at nineteen. i swear i wish i had this pic to show you. i had on THICK black eyeliner with all this white glitter bullshit and those nudy sparkly lips. you should have put brown lipliner on though with the lipstick. haha this is a throwback.

  13. Maybe not the eyeliner, but could I borrow the bandana? Totally cool addition to any outfit, right? Not just Halloween ones? Also, tell me you stuffed your panties to make your butt bigger?

  14. no dear. embarassiing is going to an all-girls party in a FAIRY COSTUME, weighing in at 160 pounds with a 42 inch hip measurement. I have a massive hiney.

    When asked what I was, I was the older, bitter sister of Tinkerbell. Tink can KMA.

  15. You totally look like you are trying to be one of my coworkers. All you’d have to do is pull the rest of your hair back into the do-rag and change into a pair of scrubs, and you’re her. Except cuter, and thinner.

  16. Doood! That is pretty lame lol. You look like a teenager. They are all wearing that kind of makeup. The 80’s are back in case you havent noticed. Were you trying to be a teenager? Because then the costume rocks.

    And yes, I agree with everyone else. You are totally really really pretty.

  17. In college I went to a Halloween party as a condom. Because I like to practice safe sex, I neglected to punch little holes in the giant plastic bag I wore. Yeah. Smart. Also hotter than hell and potentially lethal. I do this for my craft, you see…

    😉

    Also? You? Beautiful.

    The lead of this post? So damn awesome!

  18. Um, I think that’s a picture of my friend L from a few years ago. How did you get your hands on it and why are you saying it’s you? Yes, she wore that makeup, yes, she rocked the curl and the hoops, yes I love her anyway.

    I thought for sure you’d be dressed as a dude, by the way!

  19. How cute are you?! I think that the problem may have been that there was not enough ho-in-your-J.Lo . . . if only The Daver was a scrawny Mexican with bad skin.

  20. Sorry, AB! That curl is waaaaaay to big and NOT gelled enough. And where are your baby hairs? They should be pasted to your head! Your eyeliner is kickin’ though.

  21. Sweet baby Jesus! Not sure whether you have ever mentioned your age, but somehow I always picture you as in the early 30s. No matter. You look about 23 esp. because you don’t have crow’s feet. What brand of eye cream do you use? Please do share with us. (I am sure you are going to say, moi? I don’t use any eye cream. I just put butter on them and they turn out wonderful. Or something along that line…) The blue thingy (eyeliner? eyeshadow?) looks wonderful on you. I am going to hold out until you post nekkid pictures as one of the PPs suggested. Bawhahaha.

  22. You are The Hotness, Aunt Becky. Even in ghetto white trash chic. Yeah, baby.

    Also, I’m totally stealing your sweet ass eyeliner. Guard it well, yo. I be comin’ fot it.

  23. At least you attempted to dress up for Halloween. It’s more than I did! I absolutely refuse to do so because Halloween also happens to be my birthday & I am sick of sharing it with this day! LOL! Or as I generally say, “This is the face I was born with on Halloween. Deal with it!” Love the blue eye liner!

  24. I was rockin the backless gown and spinal block this halloween, while I went ahead and had a c-section to kick out the baby… lol, saved me trouble coming up with a costume!

  25. It’s not pretty being easy..er,..I mean to say it’s not easy being pretty, unless you’re Aunt Becky, that is.

  26. I’m really not too sure I get it….”Becky From The Block” can someone please explain it to me.

    And, how old are you in that picture? You look really young.

  27. Your eyeliner makes me think of the eighth grade. But I know what you mean about the hubby not wanting to play along with the costumes. Every year I ask if we can be salt and pepper (I’m black and he’s white) and he always nixes it. You can imagine my surprise we he agreed to be Bubble Boy to my Octo Mom this year.

  28. A) I already voted
    B) I already spanked it to your picture.
    C) Apparently I have a cock.
    D) You are a fetus.
    E) Respect your elders and write a guest blog for me but I have few readers and I can only pay you in sex toys.

  29. Gorgeous eyeliner. I think it removes a decade from your actual age. Please tell me that you also had on flip-flops with something large attached at the toe.

    I actually had a sari on hand so I cheated and wore it this year. Nerdy husband wore his authentic Star Trek uniform from the 2nd through 5th movies. He wanted me to wear my Star Trek dress. That baby can’t come out to play until I lose a solid 50 lbs.

      1. Oh sure, try to distract me by giving me a compliment. Wait, I think it worked. Shoot. (Even though you’d be swimming in my hot pants, but that’s another story. Which sounds dirty. I’m going to stop now. *smirk*)

  30. You forgot to shave your eyebrows and draw them in with brown eyeliner three shades lighter than your natural hair color.

    I’m just sayin’.

    And where’s the ridiculously dark lipstick that’s half-worn-off with unmatching lip liner?

    You really need to research your characters better, Aunt Becky. Gah.

    Then again, I work in a hospital with a predominantly hispanic patient demographic. I’m still holding you to higher standards.

    :-p

    1. I really needed to outline my lips better. I actually WAS wearing lip liner, but the white lip gloss covered it up pretty well. And there was no way in HELL I was shaving my eyebrows 😉

      I did okay, tho, right?

  31. dude, I think if you had had the girls up and out, then people would have totally gotten it…truthfully, I wouldn’t have. Then, when you told me, I would’ve been like oooooooohhhhhh, that’s way more creative than my, “i forgot my costume” look.

    thanks for the laugh (or snort). it’s been a long morning already.

  32. Where did you get that eyeliner?? I must know so I can incorporate immedi..I mean,next halloween….I don’t think I can rock it as hard as you did, but I’d like to try :p (think of the sparkles!)

  33. K, is it werid that I think you look adorable? Seriously, I wouldn’t have known you were dressed up. I would have been all,”who’s that pretty bitch who thinks she’s too good to dress up???”

  34. OH. MY. GAWD. You can seriously rock the blue eyeliner! And you’re a freakin’ baby! I pictured you much older and… I don’t know, OLDER!
    You’re a cutie!

  35. i would like to see photograph “humiliate me 3” ~ call it my mad critical thinking skillz i acquired in nursing school, but if there is a 1, 2 and a 4…there MUST be a 3.

    oh. and you’re hawt in that blue eyeliner!

  36. PS… i have lime green eye shadow (bare minerals) that can be “foiled” and looks as rockin as your blue eyeliner. 🙂

  37. The eyeliner is awesome! Maybe if I start wearing bright blue sparkly eyeliner, no one will notice that I barely combed my hair and this bra doesn’t fit right.

  38. Pingback: Rob Zombie’s Halloween » Blog Archive » (Aunt) Becky From the Block At Mommy Wants Vodka

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