The God Britney postured that there were two types of people in the world:
1) the ones that entertained
2) the ones that observed
but I’m adding another one.
What about those who are not clever enough to come up with their own costume for Halloween so that they’re merely forced to turn into someone else? Because I am not.
I’ll never be smart enough to put a bunch of pictures of Dick Cheney in a box so that I can be “Dicks in a Box.”
You won’t catch me dressing as a giant tampon or a smurf or an olive or any of the awesome things that you guys had dressed up as for Halloween in years past.
Instead, you’ll catch me painting on bruises and black-eyes, drinking can after can of PBR teasing my hair into a huge cloud and beating a doll (a stand-in for a child), ass cheeks hanging out of short-shorts, going as white trash.
(I am very classy)
The year I was pregnant with Alex, I wanted to get a pink wig and go as Britney and Kevin, but Dave wouldn’t play along. Party pooper.
But this year, I decided to do something different, and as reward for voting for me for this:
I am showing you pictures.
Also, if you haven’t voted, vote, yo.
PLEASE? THINK OF THE CHILDREN, INTERNET, THINK OF THE CHILDREN AND THE SCADS OF HUMILIATING PICTURES YOU CAN THEN COAX OUT OF ME IN EXCHANGE FOR VOTING. Go ahead, BLACKMAIL ME.
This is Your Aunt Becky as (aunt) Becky From The Block. A good portion of the party had no idea I was dressed up.
Come on, baby blue EYELINER? How was anyone going to believe that I was serious?
Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, Internet, I’m still, I’m still (aunt) Becky from the Block. I know the heart wreath behind me may say otherwise, it may say “Aunt Becky is Country Chic” but don’t be fooled. Also, that is not my house. And no, you cannot borrow my sweet ass eyeliner.
On a TOTALLY unrelated note, I am spreading my writing wings and FLYYYYYING, so if anyone knows someone who needs an Aunt Becky to write for them, drop me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.